A/N: Just a one-shot, an idea I found humorous. Along with all those
quizzes that get sent to my e-mail. Hope you like it.
Severus Snape did not have a favorite color. There was no animal he would care to be if he wasn't a wizard. He didn't favor any day of the week above the others, prefer a particular type of music over any other (though there were a couple he preferred less), and he had a few equal contenders for his favorite book, song, and food.
The thing that arrested his burning the piece of parchment to a crisp was the last item:
What is your Secret Dream?
He had found the paper after one of his classes, obviously fallen on the floor unnoticed in some student's rush to get to her next class. There was no doubt that it had come from a girl's collection of trivial frou-frou. They were always taking and giving out some sort of quiz or another.
And, he knew there had to be a spell on the page, so the respondent's answers would generate some sort of personality quotient. It was all silliness, but he had nothing better to do. So he dipped his quill and began to answer.
1. What is your favorite color?
Snape was stumped. He always wore black, but it was appropriate to his setting and position. He of course wasn't adverse to green, or to silver, his House colors. Though there was a time directly out of school, when he had been heartily sick of them.
Orange wasn't his style. It had its place; there were one or two potions that looked amazingly attractive in their orangeness against the dark woods of the shelves. Yellow fit more into that category.
Red was a Gryffindor color. Hardly what he might be expected to choose. But, red was a perfectly acceptable color. The same went for blue.
Purple. A somewhat trendy color these days. Why not purple?
Which shade of purple?
That was the problem. Which shade of any of these colors? Or their terciary hues? At last, he decided on 'garnet', based on a ring he had seen many years before. His one ambition for months thereafter had been to create a potion of the same grapey-burgundy tint. The problem of garnets being of many shades would have meant sitting there for another ten minutes, so he just scribbled the word and went on to the next question.
2. If you could be any animal, which would it be?
He thought about writing 'human', then changed his mind to 'Muggle' before settling on 'Thestral'. Being invisible had its advantages.
3. Which day of the week is your favorite?
Most students would write 'Friday'. Severus Snape was not a student. He wrote 'Monday', changed his mind, spelled the page and wrote 'Tuesday'. It didn't do to have an opposite reaction just for the sake of being opposite. By Tuesday both he and the students were accustomed to classes having started up again, but they were not yet looking forward to Friday.
4. Which style of music do you prefer?
How many styles were there to choose from? Jazz, Classical, Rock, Rock-n-Roll, Swing, Big Band (though wouldn't Swing and Big Band be subheaded under Jazz?), Folk Songs, Chants...
Chants. Anything but Rap or Progressive Deconstructionist Jazz.
5. What is your favorite book of all time?
'All Time' encompassed much. According to the question, he could go back to the Egyptian Book of the Dead. Instead, he opted for an obscure treatise by Sir Isaac Newton concerning alchemy.
6. What is your favorite song?
Again, too many to choose only one. Deciding on a style of music had been much simpler. So, taking from his choice there, he wrote 'Non Nobis'.
7. What is your favorite food?
What did that matter? Some foods were more palatable than others, but all foods nourished in some way. All foods would at least keep a man from starving. Impatiently, he scribbled 'Beef Roast' and moved on.
8. What is your Secret Dream?
There were so many areas of life which this question might address! These girls were insidious. He could write down 'a family', since he didn't have one and didn't consider what he'd had as a child to be much of an example. Or he could write down 'a challet in Switzerland', much like one he'd admired on Sabbatical. In the end, he wrote:
I would like all students to behave in class, be diligent about their work, accept constructive criticism with grace.
Then he sat back to wait. In a moment, a crudely sketched picture of the Sorting Hat appeared. In another second or two (these girls really needed to tweak their spells!) words appeared:
You're academically minded and practical~
You're a Ravenclaw!
Snape raised both brows in surprise. The test was biased toward Houses other than Slytherin. In fact, it was biased against Hufflepuff as well. The brows descended until they hooded his eyes. He took a parchment and charmed it, then began his own little test.
~*~
1. What is the proper use of wolf's bane?
No, it would be obvious that Snape, or some nameless Ravenclaw, he thought in a sarcastic aside, had written the test. He scribbled that out on his practice sheet and began again:
1. Which of these is your favorite color?
Black
Red
Blue
Yellow
2. If you saw someone drop a galleon on the street, you would
Pick it up and pocket it
Run after the person who had dropped it and return it
Try to find the person who had dropped it, but on failing,
keep it
Contribute to charity
3. Someone makes a spill in Potions class. You
Clean it up
Tell them to clean it up before the Professor sees
Tell the Professor
Pretend you didn't see it
Snape frowned down at his practice sheet. It would be too fair a test. He got another sheet and started again:
1. You have unwittingly broken school rules. You
Confess
Wait to see if anyone noticed
Ask your friends what you should do
Go on about your business
2. You find a galleon on the street. No one is around. You
Keep it
Donate to charity
Check in the shops to find the person who dropped it
Give it to the nearest shopkeeper
3. What is your favorite color?
4. Which of these musical styles would you prefer?
Deconstructionist Jazz
Rap
Classical Fugues
Baroque
5. You have been bested in a match. You
Congratulate the winner
Determine to do better the next time
Feel badly
Suspect that perhaps your opponent cheated
6. You find that you forgot to turn in an assignment. You
Sneak back into class and put it with the others from your
hour
Wait until the next day and take the resulting lowering of
your grade
Inform the Professor privately and hand it in then
Ask a friend with a later class to hand it in with his or
her own
7. What is your Secret Dream?
Snape looked over the list, then took his charmed parchment and began to write. He spelled the words so no one would recognize his script, then set a charm on each multiple-choice answer. In the end, he had a reasonable facsimile of the sorts of tests the girls would pass around. He duplicated it onto several parchments, being careful to transfer the charms, then waited until the students were in bed and began to place the sheets around in places where the girls might find them.
~*~
Snape arrived at his room early and opened the door. He wanted to see at least some of the results of his handiwork.
It was the first time in years that so many girls showed up early for their first hour Potions class. Each of them had their test, and each one immediately set to working on it. Snape wished they would do their work with as much alacrity. But he watched to see their reactions.
Eagerness was replaced by anticipation, and then by shock. Only one girl didn't look surprised, and she was a Hufflepuff. The others began to compare their tests, chattering like little magpies over the results.
Snape suppressed a laugh. He ought to say something about their
noise, but it was still early, so he just glared. When the other
students, mainly boys, began arriving, he put short work to the babble
and started the lesson.
By lunch time, the entire female population of the school, with very few exceptions, were discussing the tests. Despite their modernity, they were scanalized. Snape watched the proceedings from the staff table with some pleasure. Albus Dumbledore leaned over to mention something about it.
"A new test for the girls, I see."
It was no use trying to hide anything from Dumbledore. Snape had learned that back in his own student days. "I thought it might be interesting to advance a slightly different test."
"There certainly is some interest."
The headmaster chuckled and straightened up, watching the proceedings as avidly as Snape.
The results caused a few actual cases of distress. Snape noted Miss Granger's reaction. Her eyes were glassy, she sat dumbly at the table while everyone around her chattered. Weasley and Potter tried to get her to speak, but she would only shake her head. She finished her meal hurriedly, then rushed out of the room. Snape imagined that she would go to the library and try to figure it out.
Lavender Brown was another one. She kept looking around her guiltily, obviously hoping no one noticed her. She had her parchment folded up and sitting on her lap underneath the table. Every so often, she would unfold as little as she could and check her answer again. Then she would begin the process all over.
Snape was enjoying all of this. He even considered making another of the tests, but decided against it. The ploy might lose its sparkle if used too often. He would save one of the unanswered pages back and do it again a few years down the road, when most of these girls had either forgotten or had graduated.
"I take it they don't like the results of their quiz," Professor McGonagall remarked. She looked highly disapproving. Snape grunted some agreement and continued to watch.
By the end of the lunch hour, the girls had shared their results with the people they cared to share them with, and things were beginning to quiet down. Snape rose, preparing to go back to his dungeons.
"I'm very curious," said the headmaster, "to see what is on those sheets. I'd fancy a little test myself right now. May I?"
Since he'd kept three or four back, including the original, Snape invited Dumbledore down to his office to try his hand.
Dumbledore did the test twice, erasing his answers the first time to put new ones in their place. He chuckled at his first answer, then laughed at his second.
"Should I do it again, or is that it?"
"That's it."
"What prompted you to make such a test?"
Snape retrieved the test he had taken and showed it to the headmaster.
"I see. And, I see that there are only two possible answers to this test, too." Dumbledore made a copy, erasing all of Snape's answers. "Ingenious things, these little tests. The girls do seem to like them!"
"Yes. I noticed that only one or two boys had done one."
Laughing and shaking his head, Dumbledore got up, Snape's copy of his test still in his hand. "Might I keep this?"
Snape bowed his head, and the headmaster left.
~*~
'What is your Secret Dream?'
Snape poured himself a firedraught and sat comfortably by his fire. The students were all in bed, the bustle of the day forgotten, along with some bit of homework or other, he was sure. The excuses would come pouring in on the morrow, everything but 'my dog ate it'.
Dogs were not encouraged as animal companions at Hogwarts.
It had been fun to make that test and charm it so the students could receive only one of two answers. Idly, he reached for one of the copies he had kept. Taking up his quill, he filled it out, then added for his Secret Dream:
To play practical jokes on the students when the need arises.
Letters began to appear. A look of surprise grew on his face. Instead of 'You are cunning and devious~ You're a Slytherin!', he saw 'You are honest and hard-working~You're a Hufflepuff!'
A/N: Let me know what you think. Read and Review, please!