A/n: Once again, thanks to Onisius.....i never could have come this far without you

Chapter 9

Later SL-27

The days blurred into weeks. Jarod performed whatever sim was requested of him, usually without complaint or reservation. At first, the sims were innocuous, Lyle did not want Jarod to balk at anything too ambiguous. But as time passed, they became more complex and more controversial. Lyle's fears seemed to have been groundless. Jarod appeared to have abandoned his crusade for the little guy, and if he did hesitate, a session or two with Cox usually remedied the situation. Jarod's primary concern now seemed exclusively focused on his own well-being. Sydney slipped easily into his old role as Jarod's handler, and for the most part, things seemed to be going along smoothly. It was almost as if Jarod had never been gone. Lyle and Raines could not have been more pleased. But Jarod no longer spoke to Sydney, or anyone for that matter, unless he was directed to. And when he was questioned, he responded in brief, terse replies. He avoided eye contact completely by keeping his eyes lowered to the floor. The only times he ever looked up were when the simulations required it.

Jarod had gained a little weight, although he was still very thin. He was now fully healed, and the majority of the physical abuse had stopped. Jarod was careful to do as he was told, and discipline was rarely required anymore. His days were made up of the simulations in the lab and he threw himself into them with abandon. They were all that he had left anymore, and he would certainly have gone insane without them. They occupied his days fully. The nights however were very difficult. Left alone in his cell with nothing to do but think. He would stare at the hateful red blinking lights of the cameras, and sometimes he would think that the cameras were actually touching him, he thought he could feel their filthy hands roaming over his body, violating him. He knew of course that this was ridiculous, insane even, but the feeling persisted.

Sleep proved evasive. He could not help but laugh wryly at the irony. He had all the time in the world to sleep now, and he was no longer plagued by dreams of any kind. But he had gone with almost no sleep his entire life and his body stubbornly refused the change. So he would sit in the cold, on the bare concrete floor, wishing that they would turn the lights out, even for just one moment. It was easier to pretend in the dark. But the lights never went out. He would try and conjure memories of all the wonderful things he had discovered. That first taste of ice-cream. The feel of the sun and the wind when riding in a convertible. The sound of laughter. The warmth of a touch that was gentle, and did not want to inflict pain. The decadent pleasure of a hot shower, and the sheer luxury of lying on a soft bed, snuggling in the warmth of pillows and quilts.

His captivity was so much harder to bear this time, for he now understood what it meant to be free, it was not just a vague abstracted idea. To be able to make choices, even small, seemingly insignificant ones. But each day it got harder to recall these things. They were becoming vague and indistinct, and he sometimes wondered if he had made them up. It was almost as if the years he had been free were just a dream, delusional fantasies of a man driven insane. He tried desperately to hold on to them, to recall the faces of the people he had come across. The people he had helped. Where were they now? He had helped so many, was there not even a single one of them that would step forward to help him now? As his memories of all the good things that he took so much pleasure in faded, they were being replaced by fresher memories. Memories of pain and betrayal, torture and abuse. Each day his despair deepened and his resentment grew.

As the weeks rolled by, Sydney could see Jarod recovering physically. Since he had started cooperating, the mistreatment had stopped for the most part. Sydney was enormously relieved, but he was being eaten alive by guilt. Jarod had developed a sickly looking pallor, and his eyes held a haunted look. Work progressed in the labs and Jarod seemed out of imminent danger of termination. But Sydney was deeply concerned. Jarod had spurned any attempts Sydney had made at personal contact. Sydney could not really blame Jarod, but was deeply hurt nonetheless. Jarod no longer initiated any kind of conversation and always responded with "Sir" or "Dr". In all the years Sydney had known Jarod, he had never felt a gulf this deep between them. It was as if each day the old Jarod was being replaced by a bitter and twisted new one. Sydney began to wonder if he they had traded Jarod's physical well-being for his soul.

Parker was occasionally present in the sim labs. She did this only at Lyle and Raines insistence. She had no desire to go down there. It broke her heart to look at Jarod now, and every day it got harder, as she watched Jarod disappear a little more, a piece at a time. She was terrified that one day she would look and Jarod would be completely gone. She now dreamt of him constantly and she felt completely helpless. She was haunted by him, and haunted by what she had done. She would give her life if she could just take it all back. Parker, Broots and Sydney had examined every possible thing they could think of to try and get him out. But they kept coming up with dead ends. Sydney was depressed and listless, the guilt seemed to be withering him. Each day she watched both Jarod and Sydney slip further away. She was determined to do something, but short of killing half the people at The Centre, she had no idea about what to do. She was afraid that if they couldn't get him out of there soon, there wouldn't be enough of Jarod left to rescue.

Sim lab SL-27

The weeks had turned into months. Jarod was growing more sullen and resentful and had to be disciplined far more often. Mr Cox was always happy and willing to show the wayward Pretender the error of his ways. Jarod was always escorted by at least one sweeper when he was out of his cell, usually two. But today Sam was by himself and had just escorted Jarod to the sim lab where he was waiting for Sydney to arrive.

Jarod wandered listlessly around the lab under the watchful eye of Sam. Jarod hated Sam with an intensity that was almost frightening. Over the last few months Sam and Jarod had come to an understanding: Jarod did as Sam told him, or there was hell to pay. As Jarod idly picked up items that he assumed would be used for the upcoming sim, he was thinking about how likely it would be that he could kill Sam with one of them. But Jarod knew that he was no longer any match for the sweeper. Even when he had been in top condition, it would have been even money. But the months of torture, hunger and inactivity had reduced Jarod's once impressive physique and strength, and he doubted that he would even have been able to overcome Parker.

When the door opened, Sam looked up to see Miss Parker. She was dressed in a black skirt-suit with a deep violet silk blouse. Parker had been given strict instructions about her attire. She was to wear grey pant- suits only when visiting the sublevel, nothing provocative. Sam thought that there was going to be trouble when Mr Lyle or Mr Cox found out. But she had not anticipated seeing Jarod today, and had been called in by Sydney, who was going to be running late. Parker feared these sessions with Jarod. She could not look at him without wanting to cry, and the coldness that he showed to her just made it worse. Throughout all of Jarod's life he had been abused and exploited, but somehow he had managed to hold onto his sense of humour and his sense of compassion, his ability to love and look for the best in people. He had somehow even found the best in her. It was his humanity that set him apart from others. But as Parker watched him now, there was no evidence of any of that left in him. It was as if every good thing that had made Jarod "Jarod" had been burnt out of him and all that was left was this bitter and twisted creature. Lyle had done his job well.

As much as Jarod had driven her crazy, she would have given anything for a glimpse of that old Jarod, just a hint that he was somewhere still in there. She kept hoping the he was pretending, lulling them into a false sense of security, preparing for his inevitable escape. But if he was, he had certainly taken it to extremes. She took a deep breath and slipped into her role as the Centre's implacable Miss Parker and strode across the room. She knew that Lyle was watching and that he only sent her down here so that he could enjoy her discomfort, but she was damned if she was going to give him the satisfaction.

Jarod smelled her before he saw her. The Chanel was unmistakable. When he looked up, he sucked in a shocked breath. But it wasn't Parker that had caught his attention. It was the colour of her blouse. Jarod could remember seeing that exact colour once, a life-time ago, in young girl's ravaged face. The silk was so beautiful, so vibrant that it made his heart ache. His whole world was now made up of grey. Grey cell walls, grey cell floor, grey hallways, grey suited-sweepers and his own grey clothing. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes and he desperately wanted to touch it. He knew it would be soft, and it had been so very long since he had touched something soft and beautiful. And as Parker haughtily strode across the floor without so much as a glance at him, and perched herself on the edge of Sydney's desk, an unreasoning certainty seized the Pretender. She had come down here to flaunt that beautiful colour at him, to make sure that he knew his proper place. It was an affront.

Parker noticed Jarod looking at her. It was the first time in a long time that he had looked at her without being told to. She was frightened by the emotions that were chasing across his face, the look of cold hunger that was in his eyes. When he started to approach her, with one hand outstretched, his lips curled in some demented smile, she backed around the desk nervously and shot a worried look at Sam.

Sam was watching Jarod stare at Miss Parker with amusement.

"That's as close as you are going to get to a woman ever again buddy- boy" Sam was thinking to himself. But when Jarod made a move towards her and Parker backed away, Sam moved towards Jarod. There was no way Jarod was going to lay one finger on her, Sam would see hell freeze over before he let him touch her.

"Jarod." Sam's voice was conversational, no hint of threat just yet.

Jarod froze in place, never taking his eyes off that colour. Parker was incredibly surprised when Jarod stopped dead in his tracks, she had never seen him so compliant. She stood there, eyes darting from Jarod to Sam. She could see that Sam was ready to pounce on Jarod, and she could also see Jarod wanting to move forward, but resisting the urge. In another situation, it would have been comical.

"Sit down Jarod." Sam's voice was stern, but still calm. "Now."

Jarod took another step towards Parker.

As Parker was looking at him, his eyes were dark and glittering, she realised that she could see none of the old Jarod, there was nothing playful in this at all. And it really scared her.

"Don't defy me Jarod." Sam's voice now carried the implicit threat of violence.

With an enormous effort Jarod tore his gaze from the blouse and looked at Sam. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. His mouth was working to form soundless words. Humiliation raged through him as he finally moved towards the chair and sat.

Parker let out a small nervous giggle and smiled in relief. Jarod misinterpreted her smile and his humiliation quickly fanned to anger.

"I'm glad you enjoyed that. It must please you no end to finally have me obedient, submissive, at your beck and call. Ready to perform at your bidding." He spat out at her. "Does it titillate you to see me so subservient?"

"Jarod, I. No. That's not true Jarod." Parker shrank back under the verbal assault. But she had always been quick to anger, and was soon on the defensive. "How dare you? Do you believe that this has been easy for me, that I am enjoying this?"

Jarod remained sitting in the chair. He was massaging the scars that now encircled his wrists. He did not meet her gaze. He had done so much for her, had given her so much. The secrets to her past, the momentos from her mother, his trust. He was such a fool! He had trusted her Inner Sense and look what it had gotten him. She had shot him in the back, imprisoned and tortured him and now she was laughing at him. It was too much and resentment was building in him each second, eating through him like acid.

"You were right. I am just as much a prisoner of The Centre as......." She was trying to make him understand.

But he did not allow her to continue. With a quiet, but deadly voice he started. He was unable to help himself.

"Is that so? Tell me, would you like to swap accommodations for a while?" The sarcasm in his voice was dripping, thick like honey. "You can spend a week enjoying time in Cox's chamber of horrors and then sleep on a concrete floor in a freezing cell so small you can reach out and touch both walls and while you are enjoying your time here, I will sit on your sofa, sipping 12 year old scotch and suffer the torments of an agonizing evening watching the fire while I relax and eat whatever food I choose and then, after a long hot shower, sleep in that warm soft bed of yours......" Jarod's voice was steadily increasing in volume. He was breathing heavily as got to his feet and made a move toward Parker.

Parker backed up against the wall. She had never seen Jarod like this before and she was deadly afraid that she might have to shoot him in self- defence. But then Sam was there. Sam captured one of Jarod's arms and twisted it cruelly up behind his back. Jarod stopped in mid-rant and let out a startled cry of pain. He started struggling madly as Sam tried to drag him away from Parker. Sam produced a small device from his pocket. It was a popular item that women carried for self-defence, but it also came in mighty handy in the controlling of recalcitrant pretenders. Sam zapped Jarod with it and he wailed in pain and stopped struggling long enough for Sam to get a handcuff locked around Jarod's trapped wrist. But then Jarod started again and was fighting like a lunatic. Sam zapped him again and finally managed to get Jarod's other hand and he snapped the second cuff on, trapping Jarod's hands behind his back. He dragged the indignant Pretender across to the wall where he then unlocked one of the cuffs, looped it through a railing that was fixed to the wall at waist height, and then resecured it around Jarod's freed wrist, locking Jarod to the railing with his hands still behind his back. Jarod howled in frustration as he found himself chained to the wall.

Sam stepped back and was panting. But he had a grim smile on his face.

"You never learn do you?"

Jarod lunged forward with murder in his eyes, only to be pulled up sharply by the handcuffs. Jarod howled again, and started screaming his fury at Sam.

Sam took a casual step back, ensuring he was out of harms way and threw Jarod a taunting smile. Satisfied that Miss Parker was no longer in danger, he returned to his post at the door.

All reason had fled. Jarod was pulling insanely against the restraints, trying to rip the railing from the wall. Blood started dripping down his hands, pooling on the floor, as the metal ripped into his wrists. He turned his attention back to Parker. This was all her fault. That bitch had put him here.

"You did this! This is your legacy! This is what you wanted! You win! You hunt me, and then shoot me like some kind of animal! And then you throw me in a cage!" Jarod was screaming at her. "And now you come down to watch your pet perform! Well I hope you're enjoying the show!"

Parker was horrified. And she tried to calm Jarod down.

"Please Jarod! My god stop it, you're hurting yourself!"

Jarod froze and shot a venomous look at Parker.

"And should I reserve that privilege just for you?"

At that moment Sydney entered. Parker nearly fainted with relief.

"What is going on here?" He immediately went over to Jarod. But Jarod shrank away and screamed at him.

"Don't you touch me!"

"Parker, what happened here?"

But she was at a loss to explain. "Syd, I don't know. I came in and your boy went off the deep end."

"What did you say to him?"

Jarod stopped his struggling enough to watch the exchange between Parker and Sydney.

"Well, he is obviously not himself, what set him off?" Sydney was angry with Parker, he knew how mean she could be.

"Not myself? And how would you know, Syd?" Jarod interrupted. He spat the last word out like it was something that tasted bad. Jarod had never before used the shortened version of Sydney's name.

"How can you tell? Who am I?" he was straining forward again, staring at Sydney as if by sheer force of will he could make the old man tell him. "How can you live with yourself? What you've done to me!"

"Jarod, please. I am just trying to help."

"Help! You want to help?" Jarod was beyond incredulous. He turned his fury on Sydney. "Can you help me out of my cell? Out of The Centre? Can you help me to get a hot shower? Can you give me my freedom? Can you give me the sun on my face? Can you help me find my mother? Can you help me get back all the years you stole? Can you give me back my family? Can you give me back everything that has been taken from me? Can you give me back that life that should have been mine......thirty years, Sydney. More than thirty years.......What did I ever do to deserve this? What you did to ME! You.......I......." All the pent up rage and frustration, years in the making, a lifetime's worth, came bursting forth. Jarod didn't know how to stop. All the things he had been denied, all the things that had been inflicted upon him, all the things taken from him, the colossal injustice of it all was just too much to bear any longer. He started screaming, the words were unintelligible. Jarod screamed at Sydney until he had no voice left to scream with. Parker and Sydney stood in mute horror as they watched him finally drop to his knees, his arms, still secured to the railing, stretched awkwardly up behind him. He slumped forward, blood now running down his arms, soaking into his clothes, heaving in enormous sobs, "Why me?.....It's not fair......."

Sydney and Parker both knelt beside him.

"Jarod, what can I do to help? Please?" Sydney was desperate.

Jarod looked up at Sydney with such bitterness in his eyes that Sydney's heart almost broke in half.

"All of my life you've been 'helping' me, but I don't think I could survive any more of your help, Herr Docktor. Just leave me alone." Jarod's voice was laced with anger and spite.

Sydney recoiled in horror, falling backwards in shock. For a brief moment he was a child again, in Dachau with Jacob, trying to survive the nightmare, trying to survive Docktor Kreig. Sydney shook his head, struggling to shake off the memory and looked at Jarod. "You're not a monster Sydney" Jarod had told him one time. But now, as Sydney looked at the bleeding and broken form before him, Sydney knew in his heart that he had become that monster. Sydney saw himself the way that he imagined that Jarod must be seeing him.

Sydney reached out to comfort Jarod, trying one last time, trying perhaps to deny what he knew was true, Jarod was not beyond his reach anymore. But the Pretender tried to twist away, putting even more strain on his arms and he cried out in pain. Sydney finally gave up. Sydney got up and approached Sam.

"Unlock those cuffs now." He demanded.

But Sam just stood there. There was no way he was doing anything until Mr Lyle or Mr Cox showed up.

Lyle and Cox had been watching all this on the monitors, as they did all Jarod's sims with Sydney. Lyle was ecstatic. Things couldn't have gone any better if he had scripted it himself. He had been about to chew Parker out over her choice of wardrobe, but things had turned out rather splendidly he thought. There was no doubt that the Pretender had belonged to The Centre for a while now, but Lyle wanted more. Jarod would belong to him now, completely. In the past months, Lyle had watched Jarod become more and more isolated from his friends as he gave into despair. They had very carefully and painstakingly removed every positive emotion from Jarod's life and immersed him in negative ones. Jarod had no friends now, no allies. He was consumed by self-pity, jealously, bitterness and despair. But it was time to change all that. Lyle had shown remarkable self- restraint, never allowing himself to join in on the fun with Cox at Jarod's 'discipline' sessions. How he had yearned to be a part of that. But he had instead, satisfied himself by watching on the monitors. And he had been dying to tell Jarod about his L, but it would make it things awkward between them if Jarod found out what he had done, and he was determined that Jarod would be his friend. So it would have to remain his guilty little secret. Just knowing it was there was enough to bring a smile to his face. His time was finally here. After a quick look at Cox, he stood and made his way to the lab.

When the doors opened, Sam breathed a sigh of relief as Mr Lyle walked in, followed by Willie. Jarod was practically hanging by his bloody and mangled wrists and Sydney and Parker were on the floor near him trying to offer comfort. Lyle bit back his smile. It was time to seal the deal.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Both Parker's and Sydney's heads swung up to look at Lyle. Sydney climbed to his feet and tried to block his path to Jarod.

"Don't you touch him you bastard!"

"Out of my way old man." Lyle effortlessly pushed Sydney out of his way. He knelt beside the sobbing Pretender.

"Jarod, what have they done to you?"

As Jarod hung there, some tiny part of him knew that none of this was Sydney or Parker's fault. But he had locked that part of himself away in order to survive. And he stubbornly refused to allow it to surface now, for if he did, that was surely the path to madness. Jarod made his decision, without even realising that he had done so.

Jarod looked up into Lyle's face and begged "Please Lyle, please get me out of here. Please, I'll do anything."

"Shh Jarod. Of course you will." It took a massive force of will to suppress the smile. "It's alright. No-one will hurt you now, I promise." He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small key. He unlocked one of the cuffs and caught Jarod as he collapsed forward. He unlocked the second cuff and gently cradled Jarod, rocking him back and forth. When the worst of Jarod's emotions were spent, he called Sam and Willie over. Between the two of them, they carried Jarod off to the infirmary.

Sydney and Parker watched in shock as Jarod was taken from the room.

"Syd, what the hell just happened?" Parker could not believe what had just taken place, Jarod's reaction to Lyle the most astonishing thing of all.

"I don't know. I don't know." Sydney sat at the desk, holding his head in his hands. "I think Jarod has just had a nervous breakdown."

Lyle strode over to the two of them. His clothes were soaked with Jarod's blood.

"I just want to thank the two of you. I couldn't have done it without you. Really." He was grinning from ear to ear. "But it looks like I ruined my suit."

He sauntered to the door and paused, "Oh, and by the way, I don't think your services will be required any longer on the Jarod Project. We can take it from here."

Parker looked at him with hatred and for the thousandth time she wondered how she could be related to this monster. But before either of them could respond, Lyle had left.

Sydney's Office

When Parker and Sydney returned to Sydney's office, it was to find Angelo curled on the floor.

"Jarod gone" he was chanting over and over.

Parker knelt down and gently grabbed the empath.

"Angelo, what do you know about Jarod?" she asked in a surprisingly gentle voice.

But Angelo just kept repeating the same thing over and over.

Parker sighed and got up and moved over to Sydney, who was sitting at his desk, staring at nothing.

"What do we do now Syd?" Parker hated being this out of control, but she could scarcely believe what she had just witnessed. Jarod had completely flipped out. Had he gone insane? Guilt ate at her. She had sentenced him to this. They had to do something. But what?

SL-27

After Jarod had been treated in the infirmary, he had been sedated and returned to his cell. When he awoke the next day, he claimed that he remembered little of what had happened, but Lyle suspected he was lying about this. When he returned to the sim lab for the first time, he looked around anxiously, but relaxed when he realised that neither Sydney nor Parker were there. When Cox walked in, Jarod stiffened.

"Are you ready to get back to work Jarod?" Cox asked in that urbane voice that Jarod had come to hate. There was a sour look on Jarod's face. Jarod looked down at his wrists. They were wrapped in fresh bandages and they both ached terribly, they had not given him any painkillers.

Cox noticed Jarod's look, and was not pleased when Jarod finally responded "Yes Mr Cox."

"I hear a 'but' in there Jarod." Cox sat down behind the desk and tented his fingers in front of his face.

Jarod shifted uncomfortably, looking at his feet.

"Surely you don't think that you can dictate terms to me? That would be very foolish."

Jarod mumbled something under his breath that Cox couldn't quite get. Jarod was very afraid of Cox, but even so, it was worth risking his wrath.

Lyle had joined them. "What seems to be the problem here?"

Jarod breathed a sigh of relief when Lyle walked in. This did not go unnoticed by either Lyle or Cox.

"Jarod here, seems to want to add an addendum to his work contract. We are just about to begin negotiations. But I fear I have the upper hand."

Lyle stepped between the mumbling Pretender and Mr Cox. He turned to face Jarod.

"Jarod, what's wrong? Why don't you want to work?" he grabbed Jarod's hands gently and leaned in, with a low voice continued. "You know what it means if you refuse to cooperate. Even I can't protect you completely from Raines and Cox. Now what is the problem?"

"It's just that" Jarod was clearly very nervous. When he looked up a Lyle, Lyle nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I can't work with him anymore. Please. I'll do the sims, but....."

"Who Jarod?" Lyle knew full well who Jarod was talking about, but he wanted him to say it.

After some more muttering and feet shuffling Jarod spoke the name, it was barely a whisper.

"Sydney."

Lyle turned around and beamed at Cox.

"I'm sure we can arrange that, can't we Mr Cox?"

"Well, yes of course." Cox was always happy to oblige.

When Jarod was escorted back to his cell that night, Lyle was waiting outside the cell.

"I can take it from here." He dismissed the sweeper. As he keyed the code into the lock to open the door to Jarod's cell, he silently handed Jarod a tiny item, carefully avoiding the ever-watchful eyes of the cameras. As Lyle gently pushed Jarod forward into the cell, Jarod surreptitiously looked at the tiny package in his hand. Tears sprang to his eyes as he heaved in a surprised breath. He turned to look at Lyle, but the door had already banged shut.

It seemed a gift of astonishing generosity. Jarod was completely undone by it. He clutched his tiny treasure to his chest, careful not to crush it. He sighed with pleasure, a single tear tracking down his cheek. It did not bother him that this is what he had been reduced to. He knew that he had sold his soul and had allied himself with the devil, but the most amazing thing of all was that he didn't care. Lofty matters such as these no longer concerned him. Ethics and morality were best left to those who had choices.

Lyle caressed the closed cell door and whispered.

"You belong to me now Jarod, and you always will."

As Lyle walked away, he smiled to himself. He had just purchased himself a Pretender for the bargain basement price of a packet of Pez refills. He had always known that he and Jarod could do great things together. He had been determined that they would be friends. Too bad Jarod hadn't been smarter enough to figure that out for himself any earlier. Jarod might have saved himself a lot of grief, but then again, would have denied Lyle the sweet pleasure of breaking him.

The End