"I bet nobody else got his steward pregnant that night." Legolas replied, "Or, in my case, fellow lord of Ithilien."

Aragorn slumped into the chair beside the bed Faramir lay on, "The hard part will be in making Faramir believe it."

Legolas nodded then tilted his head questioningly, "If we cannot believe it ourselves, Estel, how can we make him?"

Aragorn half sighed, half groaned this time as he glanced at the man unconscious on the bed, "I do not know that either, Legolas.  We just have to wait until he wakes up."

"He is already awake." Legolas said, "He has been for this whole conversation."

Aragorn sat straight in his chair, "Faramir?"

Opening his eyes the steward of Gondor turned his head to meet his king's gaze and simply asked, "How?"

Aragorn winced and shifted his gaze to his boots.  Legolas stepped up to the bed and sat down on the edge beside his friend, "We're not exactly sure about that."

Aragorn suddenly stood up, "Elrond and Gandalf have not yet sailed west.  Maybe they will know."

"They are in Rivendell." Legolas pointed out, "At least Elrond is."

Aragorn faced the elf, "I've known how to write for many years now, Legolas.  I can send a message."

Legolas hid a small grin as Faramir asked, nervously, "I beg your pardon, my lord..."

Aragorn ran a hand through his hair, "Please, Faramir, you may be having my child.  Call me Aragorn."

Legolas had to cough to cover a chuckle as Faramir blushed before saying, "Aragorn...do you really think it's a good idea to ask your wife's father how it's possible that you may have gotten..."

Faramir paused there to clear his throat then finished, "Me...pregnant?"

Aragorn slowly retook his seat, "You may have a point."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Three Months)

Faramir moaned as he leaned back, having just thrown up in a wash basin for the third time inside a few minutes.  He closed his eyes, waiting for the next wave of nausea, and sighed when he felt a cool wet cloth run over his forehead.

Eowyn's voice was soft when she whispered comforting nonsense to him.  Eowyn and Arwen had taken it surprisingly well when Aragorn, being the king (and taking into consideration that Legolas had conveniently been nowhere to be found at the time), had explained that Faramir was pregnant.  Both women had taken Faramir under their wings to help him through this trying time considering, as women, they had instincts about these types of things.

Faramir suddenly felt a warm cup get forced into his hand and Arwen's soft voice whispered, "Drink this.  It will help settle your stomach."

Faramir opened his eyes and met the queen's gaze, "Thank you, my lady."

Arwen smiled, "Of course, Lord Faramir, you're welcome."

Faramir tentatively sipped at the tea while Eowyn and Arwen talked.  He sighed when the tea seemed to settle his stomach somewhat almost immediately.  He held up the cup and looked at the queen.

"I want a whole pot of this beside my bed every morning from now on.  Is that possible?"

Arwen smiled, "I'm sure it can be arranged, Lord Faramir."

Faramir gave a small nod before settling back against his pillows, lovingly cradling the cup of tea in his hands as he continued to take small sips.  Tea was good.  Tea was his friend.  As were Arwen and Eowyn.  Aragorn and Legolas were evil.  One of them had done this to him.

Faramir poked out his bottom lip in a little pout.  To bad it was considered treason to murder one's king.  And he figured murdering Legolas would start a war with newly named Eryn Lasgalen.

Sometimes life just sucked!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Four Months)

Aragorn looked up when Faramir led Gandalf into his study.  Smiling he got to his feet, "Gandalf!  You got my message."

"Yes, it tracked me down in the Shire a couple weeks ago," the wizard said, "Now tell me...what is the emergency you needed my help with?"

Both Faramir and Aragorn hesitated and met each other's gaze.  Finally Faramir said, "Perhaps we should wait for Legolas to get here.  I believe he went for a ride into the woods.  He should be back shortly."

There was a pause before the steward added in a mumble, "Hopefully.  I think I might have spooked him a little with my latest mood swing."

Aragorn chuckled, "Why is it he always gets the bad moods?"

Faramir grinned, "I really don't know.  He's just lucky I guess."

Gandalf lifted his brows, "Mood swings?  What's going on here?  I think you should tell me now."

There was another, longer pause, then Aragorn spoke, "At the anniversary celebration for the end of the War, you remember, we all got a little drunk..."

"And things happened that led to...other things..." Faramir added.

Aragorn nodded, "And those other things are what we need your help with..."

"Your help to understand that is..." Faramir continued.

"Because we're all a little confused as to how those..." Aragorn paused.

"Other things," Faramir put in helpfully.

"Thank you," Aragorn said to Faramir before facing Gandalf again and finishing with, "Are possible."

Gandalf looked back and forth between the two men for a moment before asking, "And what are these...other things?"

"Well..." Faramir started, looking at Aragorn, knowing he'd already explained it once so he had a better idea of how to break the news to the wizard.

Aragorn released a sigh and glared at Faramir a moment before turning to Gandalf again, "Faramir's kind of...pregnant."

Gandalf's eyebrows shot up, "That's...unexpected."

"You could say that." Aragorn and Faramir mumbled at the same time.

"And who is the...sire?" Gandalf asked.

Faramir ducked his head, hoping to hide a blush that insisted on uselessly coloring his face.  Aragorn opened his mouth to answer but no words came forth.  Gandalf titled his head, "You do know who the sire is don't you?

"Well...sort of." Faramir whispered, still not meeting wizard's gaze.

"Sort of?" Gandalf asked, "You either do or you don't."

Faramir sighed, "We were drunk."

"We?  Who is we?  Tell me that and you know who..." Gandalf started.

"We being me, Faramir and Legolas, Gandalf." Aragorn interrupted, "Either Legolas or I could be the sire.  We are not sure which one."

Gandalf was silent as that sank in.  Finally he met Aragorn's gaze, "You're in big trouble when Elrond finds out about this."

Aragorn winced, "I already know that, Gandalf.  What we need you to tell us is how it's possible for Faramir to be pregnant."

Gandalf thoughtfully stroked his beard, mumbling to himself and completely ignoring the two men, "Perhaps it has something to do with the Elven blood of Numenor.  I cannot be positive of course; this sort of thing has not been heard of since early in the second age.  But his blood is almost pure...and the last one to be in this situation was a young elf named Belethir."

Aragorn and Faramir met each other's gazes, both thinking the same thing.  'Damn Elven blood.'

"Bele...who?" Faramir asked, turning his gaze back to Gandalf.

"Ah, see," Gandalf said, "He didn't even make it into the history books so no one knows about him.  That's how uncommon this is."

Faramir's mood suddenly took a downward, depressed swing and he plopped himself down into Aragorn's desk chair, "And I just happen to be the lucky one."

Legolas chose then to walk into the room.  He smiled at Gandalf before looking at Aragorn and Faramir, "Sorry I'm late.  I went for a ride.  Hello, Gandalf.  What have you figured out thus far?"

Faramir threw a cool glare at the elf and snapped, "My life sucks!"

Legolas, surprisingly, released a little squeak and took a step back mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, "I thought you'd be in a better mood when I got back."

Gandalf chuckled at the elf's dismayed look while Aragorn, trying to hide his own smirk, faced Gandalf and asked, "So does this mean I may be able to..."  He motioned toward Faramir, "You know.  Do that?"

Legolas released another squeak and his eyes got huge at that thought, his gaze flipping back and forth between Faramir and Aragorn, his thoughts clear.  No way could he handle another pregnant male...especially not if that male was Aragorn, who was known for his slow but hot temper.

"Oh, no, Aragorn.  If you could conceive you would have done so already." Gandalf replied.  At Aragorn's blank look he added, "Your relationship with Legolas is not as secret as you think it is, Son of Arathorn.  The only reason Elrond never found out is because he was too preoccupied with your relationship with Arwen."

Faramir narrowed his gaze on the elf and his king.  Relationship?   They had a relationship already?  Whether he was mad about that or the fact that they hadn't dragged him in sooner he couldn't be sure.  All he knew was that he didn't want to see either of them for the rest of his life. 

He knew he should feel guilty about that, but he was pregnant, any feelings he had right now were totally rational.  Well...at least they were to his hormone ridden thinking.

Suddenly getting to his feet he stalked out of the room mumbling something about 'stupid beautiful elf'.

Legolas' incredulous gaze went to Aragorn as he motioned toward the retreating steward, "Why do I always get blamed for everything?!"

The only reactions he got were a muffled chuckle from Gandalf and a somewhat guilty shrug from Aragorn.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Five Months)

Faramir made his way through the palace toward the king's library.  At five months his stomach was already sporting a curve that was fairly visible under his tunic and made sleeping difficult.  Add that to the mood swings and Faramir tended to react like a warg with a hangnail when someone annoyed him...which, coincidentally, was Legolas more often than not.

Not that the elf purposely tried to annoy Faramir, he actually went out of his way to keep the steward happy.  It was just the innate grace of the Eldar race that Legolas exuded everywhere he went.  The graceful swagger...yes, swagger...the elf had become somewhat cocky since learning he might have managed the impossible.  Though to be fair, Aragorn had become a little cockier as well.  Faramir was not amused.

Shaking his head Faramir stepped into the library and paused in the doorway.  He smiled when he saw Aragorn and Legolas sitting at a table on the far side of the room.  Or rather, Aragorn sat at the table with his feet propped up on it.  Legolas was perched on the table, in the center, his legs folded pretzel style, elbows propped on his knees, frowning down at Aragorn, who was flipping through a book.

Faramir sighed, right where he'd told them to meet him after his latest check up with Gandalf.  He'd forbidden both of them to accompany him to his checkups since they'd peppered Gandalf with so many questions that it had taken twice as long as needed to get through the actual examination.

Stepping into the library Faramir let the door swing closed on silent hinges and made his way toward his two lovers.  He got close enough to hear their conversation just in time to catch Aragorn's words as he read from the book.

"It says here early labor can last up to ten hours."

Faramir stopped and must have let out a squeak of dismay because both Aragorn and Legolas jumped.  Aragorn's feet hit the floor with a thud and Legolas spun around so fast he toppled off the other side of the narrow table, for once misplacing his innate grace.  The sight of the elf sprawling on the floor almost made Faramir laugh, but the horror of what he'd just heard stayed the mirth.

"T...t...t..."

Legolas got to his feet and approached the young mortal, gently pulling him into a comforting embrace, "It will be alright, meleth.  We'll be with you the whole way."

"But...ten..." Faramir paled, "I feel sick."

Aragorn got to his feet and walked around the table to join his two lovers, hugging Faramir from behind while Legolas hugged him from the front.  He and Legolas snuggled Faramir between them, doing their best to comfort the younger man.

"I hate you both," Faramir pouted.

"We know." Aragorn whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Faramir's temple.

Nothing more was said until Legolas grunted and stepped back, looking down at Faramir's stomach in awe, "Was that...Did the baby..."

While Aragorn looked on in confusion Faramir grinned at the elf, running a hand over his belly, "You felt her kick."

"She's kicking?" Aragorn gasped, lightly pressing his hand to the younger man's belly.

Faramir nodded, "I've been feeling it for a while now, but up until now it wasn't hard enough to feel from the outside."

Legolas absently rubbed his own stomach where the baby had given him a not so gentle kick, "She?  Are you sure it's not a boy with a kick like that?"

Faramir scowled at Legolas, making his point quite clear.  He thought it was a girl and that was that.

Legolas backed away, hands held up in surrender, "Alright.  It's a girl."

Aragorn merely grinned as the baby finally gave his hand a hard kick, making Faramir wince.  Gently rubbing the spot the king said, "Legolas may have a point.  That was a pretty hard kick."

Faramir turned his scowl on Aragorn.  Taking a breath the older man cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject, "So, what did Gandalf say during your check up?"

Faramir made his way to the chair Aragorn had been sitting in and plopped down (as well as he could plop anyway) and picked up the book, "He said things are going normal...considering I'm male that is.  He doesn't think it will be much different from a woman's pregnancy since he hasn't noticed anything wrong."

"And was he able to answer your...other question?" Aragorn asked, slowly sitting down in a chair across the table from his steward.

Faramir sighed as he leaned back in his chair, absently rubbing his belly, "He said the only way to know for sure is to wait for the birth.  But...he also said that, since I've been known to experience visions, he believes I already know in my heart which of you is the sire."

"Who?" Legolas asked, stepping up behind Aragorn and placing his hands on the king's shoulders.

"I don't know." Faramir whispered, "My heart isn't speaking very loudly if it does, indeed, know."

"Mi annan pan innas na isto."  Legolas whispered, "My Naneth always told me that before she left for Valinor when I was young."

Faramir gave Aragorn a questioning look.  He knew a little Elvish but that phrase was a new one to him.  Aragorn smiled and translated, "In time all will be known."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Six Months)

"I told Faramir he should be resting!"

"Where could he have gone?!"

Aragorn and Legolas weren't the only ones worried about Faramir.  All of Minas Tirith, including Gandalf was out looking for Faramir.  And just outside Minas Tirith, heading toward Rohan on his horse, Faramir was chuckling to himself.

'Thank the Valar I finally got away from those mother hens,' Faramir thought.  And right on the heels of that thought came another.  'Aragorn and Legolas are gonna kill me when they find me.'

Amazingly that thought brought a grin to Faramir's face.  He had been forbidden from riding a horse by the healers, Gandalf, Legolas and of course...Aragorn.  Which was why Faramir was doing it anyway. 

His swollen stomach was covered by his ranger's cloak and currently the little bump wasn't giving him any trouble.  Which was a miracle in itself lately considering the fact that his stomach had been contracting quite a bit lately.

Faramir wasn't sure how it happened.  But somehow the horse was spooked.  Normally he would have been able to ride it out, but with the pregnancy so far advanced, his balance was off.

He didn't even remember what happened from then on.  But he did know that when he woke up he was being carried back to Minas Tirith on another horse...by Eomer.

"Eomer!  Wha...?"

"Faramir, what happened to you?" Eomer asked, "I've never seen you faint off your horse.  And what in Mordor is wrong with your stomach?!"

"Where's...my...horse?" Faramir asked, then hissed in a breath when his stomach contracted painfully.

"One of my men is taking care of him," Eomer answered, "He got a stone imbedded in his hoof."

"Faramir, are you insane?!"

"You could have hurt yourself!"

"If you ever do this again I'll kill you!"

"If I have to tie you to the bed next time, you'll stay in bed!"

Faramir groaned as he heard the voices of Arwen, Eowyn, Legolas and Aragorn.  He saw Gandalf of to the side, shaking his head.

Faramir groaned again.  Whether it was from the oncoming lecture or the pain in his stomach he wasn't sure.

"Faramir!" Legolas said suddenly, "Were you or were you not ordered to stay in bed!"

"Go jump in Mount Doom," Faramir mumbled before he unceremoniously slid from the horse.  Aragorn and Gandalf had to run forward to catch him.

"What's wrong with him?" Eomer asked.

Gandalf sighed as Legolas growled, "He's pregnant...from the end of the War celebration!"

Eomer's eyes widened, and then he breathed a sigh of relief, "Well...thank the Valar I passed out that night before I could play husband to anyone.  Otherwise I might ask if it was mine."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Seven Months)

Faramir was settled on his bed with Eowyn helping him to stay in a sitting position.  "And I thought the nausea was bad," he moaned, "But at least I felt better during the evenings then."

Eowyn smiled as she gently massaged Faramir's aching lower back while Arwen shook her head, "Once my ada finds out about all of this, you'll find backaches to be a comfort."

Faramir groaned in response, "I got pregnant.  Haven't I been punished enough?!"  He then hissed in a breath as Eowyn unintentionally rubbed a sensitive muscle in his back, "And I swear this kid is trying to come out my back!"

Arwen and Eowyn both stared at Faramir in sympathy.  The backaches had started almost immediately after he had taken the fall from his horse.  At first everyone had assumed that he'd pulled a muscle as he'd fallen, but a month had passed and the back pains had gradually grown worse.

Gandalf had been able to determine that the baby had moved into an unusual position that was putting a lot of strain on Faramir's back.  But at the same time, Faramir's stomach was already big enough to make it look like he was in his ninth month.

About that time Eomer, who had decided to stay until the baby was born, walked in, "How's he doing?"

Faramir glared at him, "I hope you, Aragorn and Legolas like playing wife, because I'm never getting myself into that position again."

As Eomer raised an eyebrow at Faramir, Eowyn stared sweetly at Faramir, "You never mentioned that Eomer was a part of your little 'celebration' that night."

Faramir returned her look with one of his own, "And you never bothered to mention that my cousin Lothiriel, Eomer's wife, was with you and Arwen that night."

Arwen and Eowyn suddenly avoided Faramir's gaze just as Aragorn walked in, having heard the last part of the conversation, "And if I'm going down, Undomiel, you're going down with me."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

Aragorn smiled sweetly at his wife, "Don't think Elrond is going to just be hearing about what I was doing."

With nothing to say Arwen's mouth dropped open as Gandalf came in chuckling, "You're being terribly vindictive, Aragorn."

Aragorn glared at Gandalf, "Why should I be the only one who gets blamed for this situation?"

"Excuse me!" Faramir shouted.  Everyone looked at him.  "I hate to break up this little debate," he continued, "But I thought Gandalf was mixing something for my back!"

"No," a voice from the door spoke up as Legolas walked in holding up a vial, "Legolas mixed something for your back."

"You!" Faramir growled at the blond elf.

Legolas' mouth dropped open in astonishment, "I do something for you...and I still get the bad moods!"

Faramir continued to glare at Legolas as a chuckling Aragorn took the vial from a distraught Legolas.  He handed the vial to Faramir, who ripped the cap off and proceeded to down the contents.

"Faramir!  You only needed to take a small sip!" Legolas spoke up, "It's not like you need to gain anymore weight."

Faramir narrowed his eyes at Legolas and everyone in the room held their breath as they waited for the explosion to come.  It never came.  Instead Faramir burst into tears.

"You think I'm fat!!!!!!!"

"Ai Valar help me!" Legolas groaned as he turned and stalked out of the room.

Gandalf, Aragorn and Eomer all breathed a sigh of relief as Legolas left the room.  Throwing deadly scowls at the retreating elf's back, Arwen and Eowyn tried to comfort a sobbing Faramir.

"Well," Aragorn started, "If this pattern keeps up, Faramir might just cause Legolas to pull his pretty blond hair out."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Eight Months)

Arwen walked into Aragorn's study without knocking, figuring she was his wife so she didn't have to.  She stopped inside the door and cocked a brow at Legolas who appeared to be extremely comfortable sitting in Eomer's lap, leaning back so his head was pillowed on the young king's shoulder.  Aragorn was slumped in his desk chair balancing a mug of ale on his stomach.  Faramir was sprawled on the couch off to the side fast asleep.

The other three, awake yet not entirely sober, looked up at Arwen with smiles on their faces and Aragorn waved her over, "Ah, my beautiful queen.  To what do we owe the honor of your presence?"

Aragorn's words were somewhat slurred due to the ale he'd obviously been sharing with his two friends, and neither Eomer, nor Legolas seemed to be any more sober than him.  Arwen shook her head at the inherent lunacy of the male gender and sighed.

"I've got news, beloved," she said, "A messenger just arrived."

"Does he bring good news?" Aragorn asked, "If not I don't want to hear it."

"I'm afraid you have to hear it, Estel." Arwen replied, "My father and brothers are less than a day's ride from the city."

Aragorn sat upright abruptly, "Elrond is less than a day away?"

"Is that bad?" Eomer asked as Legolas got to his feet, amazingly steady on his feet considering the amount of ale he'd recently imbibed.

"Very," the blond elf said, "If Lord Elrond finds out that Aragorn has a 'relationship' with you, me and Faramir, not to mention may have gotten Faramir pregnant, while married to Arwen, he will not be happy.  Elrond was originally somewhat hesitant to allow Aragorn and Arwen to marry..."

"Now is not the time for a history lesson, Legolas," Aragorn growled, getting to his feet, "We must hide Faramir.  Elrond can not see him."

At those words the four of them (Aragorn, Legolas, Arwen and Eomer) all rushed over to the couch where Faramir remained blessedly asleep.

Aragorn gently shook his steward seeing as Legolas didn't dare for fear that Faramir would be in a bad mood and Eomer had learned quickly that a half asleep Faramir had trouble telling him and Legolas apart, seeing only the blond hair.  Faramir gave a half moan, half growl and tried to bury his head under a pillow.

"Faramir, you must wake up." Aragorn pleaded.

Sighing Arwen pushed Aragorn aside and knelt down, "Faramir, if you get up now I just may be able to sneak that last peace of chocolate cake away from Estel."

Faramir's eyes flew open, "For me?"

Arwen nodded and Faramir struggled to sit up, with Aragorn's help.

By the time Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir arrived at the throne room to meet with Aragorn and Arwen Faramir had had his cake and eaten it too.  And now he was in dreamland once again.

'Thank the Valar that he's so heavily pregnant that he spends half his time sleeping,' Legolas thought as he watched the entrance to the throne room.  At least that was what was running through his mind until he saw Faramir slowly waddling toward him.

"Hey, Legolas!  Do I get to meet Elrond now?  I don't think I've ever met an elf." Faramir said still looking drowsy.

Legolas ran up to Faramir and gently tried to lead the man away (he was in a delicate condition after all) while at the same time making shushing noises and conveniently ignoring Faramir's last comment.

"Come, Faramir," the elf said both urgently and quietly, "Aragorn is in an important meeting at the moment and he won't take kindly to anyone being noisy."

Faramir yanked his arm away from Legolas.   "You're always telling me what to do!" Faramir pouted, not trying to be quiet at all.

Legolas rolled his eyes because once again the man's mood had spiraled downward just at the sight of the elf.  'Ai Valar, help me!' Legolas thought.

Well, the Valar didn't help him.  But Eowyn suddenly rounded the corner looking frantic then relieved once she spotted her husband in the care of his Elven lover.

"Faramir, there you are!" Eowyn called running up to him, "Why did you go off without telling me?!"

Faramir grinned innocently at his wife, "Am I not to meet Lord Elrond?"

Eowyn smiled tenderly at Faramir as she reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from his face, "Of course you are.  But you can't go before Lord Elrond like you are can you?"  She motioned toward his rumpled tunic and breeches, his messy hair and, of course, his insanely huge stomach.

But Faramir, in his giddy state, didn't see the problem with his pregnancy.  Only his appearance.  "No, I guess I can't," he answered Eowyn as she led him away.

Eowyn shot Legolas a sympathetic look over her shoulder once she'd turned Faramir away so her husband couldn't see.  She was really beginning to feel bad for the elf, who always seemed to upset Faramir with just his presence.  Legolas mouthed a thank you as he followed behind the pair to make sure Faramir didn't escape.

Although, Faramir was so hugely pregnant, even for eight months, that he currently wasn't able to do anything more than waddle.  He was still a ranger and was well experienced in the art of stealth.

Legolas and Eowyn had just managed to get Faramir back to the doorway of his room when the man suddenly gasped and hunched over, clutching his stomach.

"Faramir!" Eowyn yelled.

"What's wrong?!" Legolas asked.

Faramir lifted his head to glare at Legolas through strands of hair that had once again fallen in his face.  He was only able to speak in a hiss, "My stomach...is...contracting!"

"Contracting!" Eowyn squeaked.

"Here!  Now!" Legolas practically screamed, "You cannot have that baby now!"

Faramir opened his mouth to speak then clamped it shut again once the pain reached it's peak.  "No, it's okay." Eowyn said quickly, "We'll just go get Gandalf."

"He's in Ithilien." Faramir said, breathing heavily once the pain had passed, "And neither of you has to worry.  It's probably false labor.  Gandalf said this could happen toward the end of the pregnancy."

Both Eowyn and Legolas visibly relaxed.  "Thank the Valar," Legolas muttered, "Because neither of us would have known what to do."

Faramir glared at Legolas, his mood taking a sharp turn toward pissed, "Well do you think either of you two dumb blondes could help me to the bed!"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After Faramir had another false contraction he slumped down on the bed and fell into an exhausted slumber.  Relieved, Eowyn and Legolas both sat down at the table to watch Faramir and make sure he stayed put this time.  However, after an hour of sitting around and doing nothing Eowyn then Legolas nodded off.

And this is when Faramir decided to go and wake up.

'I'm hungry,' Faramir thought as he slowly struggled to get up, 'And my belly is entirely too huge!  Stupid elf!'

Anyone else would have told Faramir that he wasn't thinking rationally.  But in Faramir's pregnancy crazed mind anything he thought he was rational.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Eomer was just putting a spoonful of soup into his mouth when the door to the kitchen opened and Faramir waddled in stomach first.  Heaving a sigh he dropped his spoon back into the bowl and intercepted the steward of Gondor halfway to the cupboard.

"Faramir, what are you doing?  You're supposed to be resting." Eomer said, trying to steer the older man out of the kitchen.

"Hungry." Faramir grumbled, pushing Eomer away, "Where's the lembas?  And the chocolate."

"Lembas and chocolate?" Eomer asked, "Are you sure..."

Faramir turned on Eomer, "Don't argue with me.  The baby wants lembas and chocolate and she'll get it!"

Eomer held up his hands in surrender, "I'm sorry.  It's just...you are a little..."

He stopped, holding his hand far enough away from his stomach to represent Faramir's non-existent waist line.  Faramir narrowed his eyes.

"You think I'm fat too," he growled before turning his back on the king of Rohan grumbling, "Dumb blond.  You're all the same."

"Du...Wait a minute!" Eomer said, "What gives you the right..."

Faramir turned a glare on Eomer and the younger man changed his mind, saying instead, "Right.  Dumb blond.  How could I forget."

"Hmm." Faramir grunted turning back to the cupboard and reaching in for the lembas.  Cradling it lovingly he faced Eomer, "Where's the chocolate?"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Later that evening Aragorn and Arwen breathed a sigh of relief when Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir left Minas Tirith.  They would still be in Ithilien for another month though, so they weren't out of the woods yet.

"Well," Aragorn said as he and Arwen headed off to find Faramir, "That went well."

Arwen gave a slight laugh, "Don't be so sure, Estel.  Ada suspected something."

"He is very hard to hide things from," Aragorn agreed as the two entered Faramir and Eowyn's bedchamber.

They stopped short at the sight of Eowyn, Eomer and Legolas all sprawled on the floor, completely exhausted.  Faramir was asleep in the bed, oblivious to what was going on.

"What happened to you guys?" Aragorn asked.

Eowyn raised her head from the floor, "He hates all blondes now."

"He eats bricks of lembas and chocolate," Eomer said without lifting his head.

"Which, by the way, we're out of," Legolas added.

"His mood swings are draining..." Eowyn continued.

"He's really sensitive about how big he is..." was Eomer's next addition.

"He's been having false labor pains all day..." Eowyn added again.

"Just the smell of mushrooms makes him vomit..." Eomer sighed.

"And he can waddle extremely fast for a man that big!" Legolas shouted cutting Eomer and Eowyn off.