Muggle Relations
Summary: Dumbledore has planned an excursion for the seventh years to improve Muggle/Wizard Relations. Results: Multiple Pairings
Warning: this is the result of three hours filled with pizza, coke, Orange Bacardi Breezers (sadly all that was available) and one computer.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: you'd think we own them by the way we use them, but alas we do not (much tears are shed), buuut, it doesn't stop us from having fun! (rubs hands together, cackling evilly).
A/N : we are very sorry to inform you that this is the final chapter of Muggle Relations. We know we know, we've already packed our bags to flee for our lives (ESP- as long as I have my Goodluck Care Bear, my Flash Drive and my Linkin Park CD's Discman goes without saying, I'll survive!!). And so here it is, a rather LENGTHY chapter, we present the final instalment. Be Grateful, little Anya!!!!!!!!!! (ESP - Saw Anastasia the other day. Don't worry u'll understand!!)
Chapter 10: ????So long and thanks for all the fish?????
It was very reluctantly that the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry packed their belongings in preparation to return to the UK.
Seamus and Dean had to extricate themselves from their room-turned-"Hug Club", and they're pretty sure that they didn't get everything. Seamus was most depressed about not regaining his chocolate flavoured lubricant. Dean had to forcibly drag him out of the room instead of continuing his search. Seamus' most predominant line of reasoning was "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO GET THAT STUFF IN BY OWL ORDER?????"
"Come on Seamus," Dean coaxed. Dean however was actually dragging him out of the room, leaving no room for argument.
Poor Seamus was hanging onto the room for dear life. Ten claw marks could be found all the way around the room as Seamus was being dragged out of the room while Dean was remarkably refraining from using any magic to resolve the problem.
Down a few levels of Hotel 69, Miss Granger and Professor Snape were finally returning to the land of the living. They quickly left too.
When Hermione next woke up, she was in a completely empty room. There was nothing remaining of the professor's belongings, and his side of the bed was immaculately made.
"Bastard," Hermione muttered vehemently as she rolled out of bed, dressed and returned to her own room.
Said Professor was already on a plane back to London with an interesting string of words flowing through his mind!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu(breathe)uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was good, but still . . . ffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu(another breath)uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!
'Well, now you've done it Snape! She's probably got this crush-like obsession staring one very stupid bat-like potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!'
Oh shut up! Where the fuck did you come from anyway!?!?!?!?
'The back of your sadistic mind!'
Ah. Kindly tell me WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING HERE!!!!!!
'Here to torment you until whenever suits me just fine!'
Leave me alone! I'm trying to get back to Hogwarts without little annoyances!
'Awwwww!!! Don't talk about your latest great fuck like that!!!!'
Shut the fuck up!!!
'Why?'
Because I fucking said so that's why!!! I control this mind! Not you!!!
'I beg to differ! It's a fantastic bang-up job you've done in controlling this mind so far! And I am preparing to take over!'
Snape suddenly has a panic attack on the plane, getting strange looks from all occupants, You wouldn't dare!!!!!!
'Oh yes we would! Spoilin nice fish! Oh shit! Sorry, Sev, been invading Smeagol's mind before I came here, got kicked out by Gollum though. But I say, the scenery is much better from all the way up here! Anyways! I would dare to take over your mind! Mwahahahahahahahaaaa!'
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Get him away from me! Get him away!!!!" Snape screamed.
The flight attendants all looked at Snape, freaked out, and each one scrambled for the restraint jacket and the tranquillisers.
It took all four of them to pin Snape down enough to stick the needle in his arm. They held him down until the tranquillisers kicked in. They spent the next ten minutes trying to get the jacket securely on him.
Once the task was complete, the Purser turned to one of the crew, "Inform the captain that the psych hospital needs to meet us at the airport. Tell him that we have a live one, and that he's been temporarily sedated."
The other flight attendant nodded and could be seen rushing to the cockpit.
S.N.M: Is this the point where we tell the readers that we've gotten hold of some strong white wine?
E.S.P: nahh. Leave 'em in the dark!!!!
S.N.M: Right-o.
Anyways, back in Ibiza, the Seventh years prepared to leave. Not one word was spoken in the dismal and depressed silence.
Dean and Seamus were directing EVERYONE out of the 'Hug Club', the hotel manager staring at the door in shock at the continuing string of hordes of people coming out of the tiny room. Last to exit were Dean and Seamus and they closed the door, confirming the closure of the 'Hug Club'. They walked passed the still shocked manager and handed him the room key.
Heads bowed low, they slowly made their way to the lift. The manager's stunned gaze followed them until the elevator doors were closed. Bringing himself out of his Non-With-It state, he turned his attention to the room door. Slowly and shakily he slid the card key down the slot and opened the door.
He promptly fainted.
Nuff said.
Our not so favourite gossip duo extraordinaires, Lav and Pav, were currently packing all their bzillions and trillions of make up items. We could be here for a while. How much is it to re-book a flight after missing one???
No one had seen or heard anything of Ron Weasley since he was last spotted flying through the hotel at warp speed 10.0 (apparently that's fast).
Well, aside from that 'Neville' incident regarding Harry and Draco's interesting concoction of a Room Service order. Ahem!
Blaise. Well. At the present time, he had his arm in bandages. Apparently acid did wonders for the removal of unwanted kooties. But as for skin, muscle and ligaments . . . not so fortunate. So, understandably Blaise was rather morose.
He was slowly trudging (To trudge: The slow depressing walk of a man who has nothing. Not even the clothes on his back. – sorry. Watched Knight's Tale the other day. SNM: Mmmmm Heath Ledger! Prefer Orli, but still, NICE!!!!!!!!!!) around his room when suddenly a little poof of pink smoke and a small crack sounded in the room.
"Blaise!" a high girly voice came from the recently apparated pink shoulder fairy that looked remarkably like Draco.
Blaise realised: Drake looks good in a pink tutu, "What the fuck!?"
"Language, dear Slytherin. I have a gift for you!" the shoulder fairy presented a silver hip flask, "Take this. And use it unwisely. GO. And CAUSE CHAOS!!!!" shrill laughter filled the room until another crack sounded and 'Tutu-Draco' disappeared in another pink puff of smoke.
"Okay….." Blaise took the flask and held it up to see, "What a Mysterious Silver Flask," opening the lid he took a swig, "GREAT MORGIANA!! Nuclear Firewhiskey!!"
Back in the club that had witnessed soo much, Remus finally had the guts to see 'Anna' again.
"Hello, You!" she covered quickly. She was a shocker for remembering names.
"Hey, Anna," he said nervously as he played with a shirt cuff.
"Have a good time?" she smiled warmly as she raised her eyebrow a few times
"Ummm, bout that. Do you actually know what happened that night?"
"Of course," she continued to smile warmly as her brain kicked into overdrive, Okay, we had this dude, and. . . . . fuck. . . . was it that red head?? . . . no, that was last night. Ahhhhh, greasy haired dude. Now what happened: drink drink drink, go to his room. Greasy haired on bottom, me on top. And him behind me!!! Damn I'm good! Now what was next.
"Did I actually, ya know….."
"What dearie?" she started playing with his hair.
"The other guy. Did I…." he motioned with his hand.
"What?" she asked coyly as her hand trailed down to his neck.
"Oh, never mind!!" Remus turned away.
"Oh My God. You're THAT guy!!!" she said aloud and he quickly turned back.
"Pardon?"
"That was an incredible ride!!! Man. Two guys doing it was so hot!!! I'm getting all hot just thinking about it," she blushed, fanning her face with her hand.
Remus looked like he was about to cry, "No…" he moaned quietly.
"What? What's the matter?" she asked, all sincere.
"I didn't mean to! I really didn't. ANYONE but him!!!" Remus had tears rolling down his face.
"Have you thought about being gay? You seemed to really enjoy it. Not to mention you knew exactly what to do. That other guy was that loud, you would have thought he had ten guys on him. Or girls. Either way," she rubbed his arm and gave him a tissue.
"He enjoyed it?!" Remus turned a violent shade of green.
"You did too honey! Just think on that. Forget the other guy."
"How!? I see him everyday!"
"Then perhaps you should think about a repeat performance. You never know. He might be up for it!" she smirked.
Remus fainted.
Hermione had taken up a new pastime in the foyer as she vehemently paced a trail in the ground 2 foot deep. The Assistant Manager (the Manager being currently indisposed) was not happy.
"Harry, make Granger stop that. It's giving me a headache!" Draco growled softly in Harry's ear.
"JEEZ, Drake. Don't yell," Harry's head was being held up by his hands, "God my head hurts. HERM! Stop pacing. It's making us all dizzy. Not to mention headaches," Harry slumped down and put his head in Draco's lap.
"And where the fuck are all the teachers? I thought we were supposed to be leaving. Not that I'm complaining."
"Well, no one's seen McGonagall since we got here. I guess she's still on the island. Since the bra episode. And Professor Sna-"
Harry was cut off by the sudden ferocious growling and snarling of one Hermione Granger.
"Sev . . ."
Snarl and growl.
"Professor S . . ."
Snarl and growl. Suddenly she was stepping out of her 2 foot deep trench and was slowly advancing on Harry.
"Him . . ."
Snarl and growl. Shit she was coming in close.
"OK. Changing subject."
Hermione glared darkly before starting a new trench.
The assistant manager started fuming, as he disappeared to tally up the total expenses of Hogwarts' stay at Hotel 69. Not to mention damages.
Lucky the Assistant Manager didn't know about the 'Hug Club'.
Yet.
Hopefully not.
Crap.
Smile and nod.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE HILLS THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!! THE PLAGUE THE PLAGUE TIS A COMIN!!!!!!!!!!
Theysa in big doodoo thisa time!!! (sorry. Watched Phantom Menace too.)
And then it was in a bright flourish of bloody bright yellow floral boardies that screamed 'I'm mentally disturbed AND PROUD!', that Professor Albus Dumbledore waltzed into the room. No hint whatsoever that the night previously, he'd set a new record for the island of Ibiza and possibly a new Guinness World Record when he'd drunk the alcohol out of 7 pubs and 3 restaurants dry.
"Ahh!!! Dear children!!! How are we all this bright and lovely morning?!" he was chipper. A little too chipper. This chipperness did not go down well as everyone glared back at him.
Except for Harry. He'd fallen asleep again.
"Fantastic!!! Are we all ready for the plane trip home??"
Moans sounded from all corners of the room. Except from behind the reception desk; great woops of joy could be heard from over there.
"Has everyone returned their keys?"
"Mmmyes."
"Does everyone have all of their belongings?'
Blaise went a deep red, 'Did McGonagall have all of hers?' ringing through his head. Discretely he took out the Mysterious Silver Flask. The MSF for all who might remember. Brownie points and chappie 1 of the sequel to who first answers this question: 'Who was the previous owner of the Mysterious Silver Flask?'
"Wonderful. Now outside the bus is waiting to take us to the airport. I'm afraid Professor Sn-"
Snarl and growl!
"Miss Granger, are you alright?"
"Fine," she said tersely.
"Wonderful. Well then, as I was saying, Professor S-"
SNARL AND GROWL.
Dumbledore continued on regardless, "-nape will not be joining us for this leg of the journey. I have recently been contacted that we will be meeting him back at Hogwarts."
Suddenly things in the hotel started to quake and crack. Hermione had turned a paler white than Draco. She was beyond angry, shitty, pissed. She was livid. Suddenly there was a five metre radius around her where the students had rapidly vacated.
"Are you sure you're alright, Miss Granger?"
Hermione couldn't speak. She'd be out of the school quicker than you can say "THAT FUCKING BASTARD IS GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH A THOUSAND TIMES OVER!!!! But not before I rip his . . . unfortunately enticing . . . 'package'. . . . off and SPOON FEED IT TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!"
Hermione merely nodded her head sharply once. A VERY forced smile gracing her livid features.
"Shall we be off!?" Dumbledore said merrily as he almost skipped to the door, "By the way, has anyone seen Professor McGonagall?"
"NO," the seventh years moaned out.
Except for Blaise. His was a rather high pitched, "NOPE!"
"Oh well. Perhaps we'll find her along the way," a confused expression came across his face, "Mr Zabini. Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
"NO!! Nothing. Not all. Nothing. Why would there be anything? As if I know anything. Why are you focusing on me here. I don't know EVERYTHING!!! Jeez!!! Lay off!!!"
"Riiiiiiiiiiight. We all believe that!" commented Draco.
"ARE YOU INSINUATING SOMETHING?!?" shrieked Blaise.
"Oh, no, no, no, YES!"
"What?" Harry said, deathly silent. Glare at maximum power.
"I meant NO!! NO NOTHING. Nope. Wouldn't have the slightest. Nothing at all. Why do you ask Harry, dear?" Draco was terrified as he cringed before the Boy Who Lived to Fuck Him.
"Good," Harry's glare was kept at a steady pace before his gaze turned back to Dumbledore.
Draco almost fainted in relief.
"Alright everyone!! On the bus!! NOW!! Are we missing anyone?!"
"We're missing Ron, Professor," Hermione piped up, her anger temporarily postponed.
"NO!!! I'm here!!! I'm here!!" Ron puffed as he finally joined the group of Seventh Years.
"Where have you been?" Hermione interrogated.
"PACKING!!" Ron said a little too quickly.
"But you hardly touched any of your things!" she pointed out
"How would you know?! Were you there last night?" Ron retorted.
The temperature in the room rapidly skyrocketed as all the glass in the Hotel shattered!!
"I'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!" the Assistant Manager yelled.
Everybody in the room nodded in agreement.
The Assistant Manager closed his eyes in frustration before rectifying his error, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!"
Hermione's glare was sent to the Reception Desk and straight at the Assistant Manager.
"EEEEPPPPP!!!"
Suddenly there was no management whatsoever in attendance of Hotel 69.
"Well then!! After all this excitement, I think its time we headed off home!! By the way Mr Weasley, have you happened to see Professor McGonagall."
"Sorry Professor. Not a thing," amazingly enough, Ron made it through the two sentences without a flaw. The same could not be said for his colouring, having turned a brilliant shade of magenta. Matched the décor rather well.
"Oh well. Come on Seventh Years. Off you chop and on to the bus."
The students quietly filed onto the bus and took their seats, followed by an even more morose Professor Lupin. Never would he forgive himself. Never. EVER. He could never lose control like that again.
Mind you, the next thing he asks, "Where's Severu-" Remus looked around the bus.
He was interrupted. Snarl and Growl.
"Oooookay."
"Joining us back at Hogwarts," Harry piped up from ahead.
The Snarls grew louder as suddenly Hermione was pounding down the bus to Harry.
"So, what have you being doing with yourself, Moony?" Harry asked quickly, and reluctantly, Hermione abated.
15 minutes later, the bus was filled with students and the motor started up. Many tears were shed as the bus pulled away. None more so than the inhabitants and tourists of Ibiza; the 'Hug Club' was no longer in operation; The Englishman was no more.
A thick blanket of sorrow settled over Ibiza. That of course was until the next incredibly horny English tourist decided to grace Ibiza with their presence. 5….4…3…2….1….. AND THEY'RE OFF!!!!
Within the hour, the Hogwarts students were on the plane back to Madrid. Everyone was still depressed as they travelled further and further away from the Party Island. It was on the beginnings of the trip home to London that everyone perked up a little, returning to some sort of state of normality.
Harry had been ever so kind enough to give Draco a little run down on the creatures of the planet, making a special focus on the creatures of the ocean. Just like the ones they were flying over right now.
Soooo, as Draco sat clutching the arms of the seat in a blind terror, Harry started moving the curtain of the window back, glancing quickly before closing it again. Repeatedly.
He looked at Draco, "There's . . . something on the wing! Some . . . thing! . . . I'm sorry, what were you saying?" (watched Ace Ventura – When Nature Calls.)
Draco just glared, before turning back to stare intently at the back of the chair in front of him, desperately trying not to think about all the creatures in the deep blue sea beneath, and what happens when things fall out of the sky.
"GO FINDING NEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(SNM pats ESP on shoulder for putting the 'D' in the right spot!!!) SNM- perhaps the wine wasn't such a good thing. It does strange things!! MY BUBBLES!!
ESP- Pfftt. Where would the ideas for the sequel come from then?!??!? HUH!!!! Didn't think that one through!!!! GO JACQUE!! Jacque rules!!!! "I am ashamed!"
Anyway.
Harry laughed as he turned the Television on, and his spirits perked even more at the familiar tune "The Simpson's".
Draco's eyes deviated long enough to be caught onto the colourful boxes of movement, "What the fuck?"
"Language, Young Man!" the passing flight attendant reprimanded.
"Shut up," Draco muttered as he glanced at her then back to the television.
"It's a TV. Muggle thing. It shows programs. All sorts of things. Game shows. News. Crime shows, Reality shows. This is a comedy show. Or a cartoon. About a dysfunctional family!!"
Draco's eyes widened in wonder as he watched with rapt attention. Learning more from a simple 'television program' than 5 years of muggle studies couldn't have taught.
He learned . . . Homer was an idiot, Bart was funny, Lisa was annoying, Mr Burns sounded a little too familiar.
"Excellent," Draco smirked evilly as he mimicked Mr Burns' trademark hand gesture.
Harry looked on, almost afraid at what he'd created. Then he had an idea, "Drake, is that a 80 foot squid down there?" he asked casually, never mind the fact they were flying over land.
"NO!!" Draco automatically sat rigid in his seat as he clenched the arm rests and stared determinedly into the chair in front of him.
Harry quietly laughed.
A couple of seats back, Hermione and Ron were sitting together when Seamus poked his head between the seats and Dean stuck his head over the top of Hermione's seat.
"So, Ronniekins. Get any during your minimal foray into the world of Ibiza," Dean asked, a sly smirk coming across his face.
"No," Hermione butted in.
"How do you know?" asked Ron defensively.
"If you were going to sleep with anyone, it would have been me."
"That's a tad presumptuous, 'Mione," Seamus said, bravely if not stupidly.
Hermione harrumphed as she slouched in her seat and stared moodily out the window.
Beside her, the conversation continued on regardless.
"So?!?!" Seamus prompted.
"Maybe," Ron blushed red.
"You're no fun Ron. Herm? What about you? Get any?" Dean turned to the moody Granger.
"Didn't you hear??" Blaise popped up from the seat in front of Hermione, "She got it on with Snape. That's why he's in England. Al… ready….."
Suddenly the plane suffered a severe bout of turbulence.
Automatically, Draco had his arms and what he could of his legs wrapped around Harry in a death grip, "We're gonna die. WE'RE GONNA DIE!!"
"Drake!!" Harry choked out, "I'm gonna die if you don't ease up."
Draco only held on all the more tighter. His arms did move a little, much to Harry's relief. Only to have his blood flow stopped to below his waist.
"Drake. Ease up. Come on. Or you're not going to be able to take it any more for the rest of your life with me."
This shocked Draco into a slight release and the blood flow was thankfully returned to Harry's legs.
The plane continued to rock as the Captain came over the intercom and explained it was unexpected turbulence and that it would soon pass. Hopefully.
Then Harry wised up, "OKAY!! WHO PISSED HERMIONE OFF!??!"
"I was just asking her if she got any!!" Seamus defended instantly.
Harry shook his head to the best of his ability, due to the blonde head nestled into his shoulder, "HERM!!! CAN IT!!!! HOLD YOUR ANGER FIT UNTIL WE LAND!!!"
"EXCUSE ME!!!! I'll have you know tha-" she was cut off by an unexpected Stupefy that appeared out of nowhere. Immediately the 'turbulence' died away and the plane continued its journey uneventfully.
Harry continued to willingly hold Draco. Draco wasn't complaining. It looked like he was in the clear from earlier on. He might just be getting some tonight!!!! He smirked evilly, "Excellent."
After arriving at Heathrow Airport, more portkeys were issued to groups to the Platform 9 ¾. Might as well finish off the day with a nice train ride, Dumbledore thought.
As he sent the Students on the Hogwarts Express, he stomped off to 'COLLECT' Professor-Incredibly-Lucky-To-Be-Still-Alive-And-Continuing-To-Teach-At-Hogwarts…..(not by the time I get through with him)-Snape.
After a long train journey, the Seventh Years made it onto the carriages and back up to Hogwarts.
As Harry walked through the main doors, he was unfortunately greeted by a recently returned Snape.
"Potter!"
"Yes Satan? Oh, Professor Snape! Sorry! I thought you were someone else!"
Snape: Glares, "Shut it Boy! Where is Miss Granger?"
Blaise walked in at that instant, "Funny . . . I thought she was with you!"
And que bolting of Blaise Zabini! Think blur!
"SNAPE, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!"
Harry looked at Snape, confused, "Strange, that sound's like . . ."
Snape gulped, "Hermione . . ." he chocked out.
"YOU BASTARD!"
Not a soul moved as Hermione walked up to Snape and slapped him, sending him skidding across the floor. Now there's a mental image to laugh at!!!!!
Snape shakily stood up, "Now Hermione, there's no need for any of that . . ."
"WHAT??????" roared The Mighty Pissed Off Bushy-Haired Girl.
Snape quickly redeemed himself in front of the entire student body who had come to see what all the commotion was about. He stood up straight and tried to put on one of his most menacing and deadly glares, "We will talk about this in my office! Now MOVE Miss Granger!"
Hermione just glowered, but followed the Potions Professor, whose eye had started to twitch again. The last anybody saw as he rounded the corner was him popping two tiny white pills and chucking them down his throat.
Back in the Foyer, the rest of the Seventh Years were gathered, watching as Madame Pomfrey drilled the Headmaster into a wall, "LOOK AT THE STATE OF MY SEVENTH YEARS!!! YOU PROMISED THERE WOULD BE NO INJURIES!!!!! YOU PROMISED!!! LOOK AT MR ZABINI!!!!! YOU ALSO 'PROMISED' THAT YOU WOULD MAKE SURE THEY WERE WELL NOURISHED!!! LOOK AT MR POTTER!!!"
"Huh??? Hey!!!! Leave me alone!!"
"Ok. Bad example. BUT YOU PROMISED!!!!! LOOK AT THEM!!! THEY WERE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!"
"I-"
"NO! I don't want to hear your excuses!! There is nothing to be said of your treatment of these children!!" she turned away from Dumbledore in disgust, "I'll deal with you later!! Seventh Years!!! Great Hall! NOW!!!"
And so it was that at the last minute, due to the recently finished display of Madame Pomfrey verbally pounding the Great Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin: First Class – Into a wall; that everyone noticed the sudden appearance of Professor McGonagall, and then a sleek black sports car tearing out of the grounds, dust riding high behind it.
Nobody moved as McGonagall entered the castle and proceeded straight through the students and into the Great Hall in her normal aloof manner.
Except for Ron; he was glaring jealously at the MALE stranger in the car.
Harry side-glanced at Ron's strangely disturbing behaviour, "Was that jealousy?" No, no, no, no, don't want to think about that. Harry proceeded to tear those thoughts to shreds.
Then Ron perked up next to him, "Don't ask and I won't tell."
Harry shuddered and proceeded to rip THAT image to shreds promising himself to never think of that again.
After the masses of students woke up from the shock of both incidents, they tiredly made their way into the Great Hall to be forcefully fed by an irate Medi-Witch. After which they stumbled around the castle to their beds.
Except for Harry and Draco; they made their way to an unused classroom somewhere in the dungeons and put their transfiguration skills to task as they conjured up a bed and then lit a fire.
Neither Gryffindor nor Slytherin saw the two students back at their dormitories at night again.
As for Hermione.
Well.
Two words.
Death. Glare.
Big time!!!
Severus sat nervously behind his desk facing the irate Granger.
"So," he began.
Tumbleweed goes tumbling past.
Hermione glared.
Snape started to fidget.
"Look Miss Granger, I'm sorry the way it turned ou-"
"You're sorry?"
"I'm Sorry."
"You're SORRY!?!?"
"Yes, I am!"
"YOU'RE sorry!!" Hermione stood up.
"YES!!!" Snape stood up and walked around the table, towering over her.
"YOU ARE FUCKING SORRY?!?!?!"
"YES FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM!!" He pushed her back on to the table and got rid of anything that still remained on it, coming between Hermione's legs.
And they're off and they're racing!!! Its all happening here at the MCG!!! (Melbourne Cricket Grounds – for all you non-Australian's)
And no, we're not doing another Het scene. This chapter is bloody long enough as it is. Use your imagination for crying out loud!!! Heck, we do!!!! Heck!! Why not act it out!!! No, we don't do that, though!!!! Go on!! You know that you want to.
One of the last Seventh Years still out and about was one of the students that most desired all the sleep he could muster. And so it was that we found Ronald Weasley slowly making his wake back to Gryffindor tower when he came upon one of Hogwarts most respected Professors.
Professor McGonagall had just finished her business in her classroom when she came upon Ron Weasley walking down the corridor.
Both paused in their step before staring at each other a moment.
Nothing was said.
Quickly Ron turned a brilliant shade of magenta as Professor McGonagall bristled slightly in embarrassment.
They quickly turned about face as Ron bolted down the corridor and McGonagall quickly strode back the way she came with all the dignity she could muster!!
THE END
First order of business: DAMN WELL BLOODY REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!
Also the end of one mother of a blow-out chapter!!!!!
Question: Do you want a sequel??!?!?!?
Be afraid. We have one planned.
BIG TIME EVIL LAUGHTER!!!! BWAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! HEHEHEHE. Etc.
SNM: Well, we've returned to the computer to actually finish this lovely end note. Alas, someone stole the computer (Mutters and grumbles for a GOOD LONG WHILE!!!!) That's okay, just look at my Wallpaper, and all feels better (looks around the room innocently).
ESP – yes, we all know that is a load of CRAP!!! And it gets me very IRRITATED!!!! (sorry, listened to Monty Python Too!!!! BOW DOWN HEATHENS!!!!! Logic vs. Sex to be precise… t'was the skit!!)
SNM: BECAUSE IT IS NOT LOGICAL!!!! Besides, like lookin' at Orlando in Legolas costume gets you IRRITATED!!!! I know exactly what it gets me feeling!!!!! Yum – nuff said!
So I've got a bit of a thing for Orlando Bloom . . .
(ESP – You'd have to be pretty dense to have not realised it by this stage!!)
SNM: . . . so sue me! Who hasn't??? He's an absolute GOD that even the gods are not worthy of!!!!!! Again I say, Yum. Grins
Both authors sit twiddling their thumbs, unsure of what will come from the depths of their unchartered 'minds'
ESP – We try to refrain from thinking . . . bad things happen. Shudders
SNM: Couldn't agree more!!!! What happens when I start thinking??? I do things that I normally wouldn't EVER do . . . . . . . . . . . . goes and sits in corner, facing wall
ESP – Myself; minute migraines thanks to Lymerick the Leprechaun whom lives inside my head with a full arsenal of many, many, many tools, and pointy objects, and jack hammers, and sledge hammers, and pointy knives are a personal favourite of his!!!
SNM: Shit, 15 pages.
ESP – We've crapped on for a while.
SNM: We're kinda pro's at that, we've had LOTS of practise . . .
ESP - Shouts to England THANKYOU MR COLEMAN!!!!!
SNM: Well, you're thinking on the right train tracks there ESP, I was talking about that whole institution put together, that wonderful, wonderful place that I'm STILL at. I digress, my STUPID fault; t'was my STUPID decision to go back there . . . (continues for a GOOD LONG WHILE!)
Hmmm, ESP wants the keyboard . . . should I be The Bitch that Satan Worships, or not? These are the questions we ask ourselves.
Meanwhile, ESP has STOLEN the keyboard from SNM! And they're off and they're fighting!!!! Oh My God!!!! Did you see that???? Is that a legal move?????? Eventually, SNM gets board and surrenders the keyboard . . .
ESP – HEY!!!!! I'm just trying to defend myself against the Leprechaun!!! I was soooooo not thinking back there!!!!! You said I was SNM!!!! You lie!!!!!!
SNM: DUH!!! Satan worships ME, remember, it's my job to lie!!!!! Pokes tongue out
ESP – And the sun shines out ur arse too!!!!!!
SNM: So you've finally noticed??? Now tell me the logic underlying the conclusion that you require the use of glasses??????? HOO-AHH!! STEEEEEEEEERIKE 1!!!!!!
ESP – DUH!!!!!!! READ TOO MUCH IN SUMMER HOLIDAYS OF YEAR 9!!!!! Remember????
SNM: Yeah, good point. After-all, it was I that got you into this whole thing . . . MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! And it has consumed you!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! My work here is done . . . now for the next unsuspecting soul!!!!!!!!!!! Grins evilly as she yells at ESP to be PATIENT!
ESP – FOUR WORDS: Swing. Swing. Swing. BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SNM: Glares darkly Well, I suppose you are allowed ONE bit of redemption, even if it was one of the most embarrassing days of my life; key word there being ONE!!!!! Only One!!!! Do I remember any others . . . thankfully not . . . although, one of my daily fortunes said that 'One day those photos will get out.' This is where I turn around, rather petrified, scream in a VERY high-pitched voice "Which photos????", find said photos, burn all traces of them and move to Mexico . . . popular place for all the fugitives I hear. Might find Chris, or even Carly there . . . ahem.
ESP – That's it!!!! Leave ESP to deal with all the aftermath CRAP!!!
SNM: Naturally.
ESP – Wait . . . am I in any of those???????????
SNM: T'is a possibility. I don't know what you get up to when I'm not around to influence you . . . Chapter 9, of which you wrote on your own, is proof enough! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRIKE 2!!!! I'm on a roll here!!!!!!! Bring it on!!!!!!!!!
ESP – How does Larissa sounds for a new name???
SNM: Larissa huh? And where exactly does THAT come from????? Emotional Malfoy ring any bells!!!!
ESP – That was the first name I could think of.
SNM: That'll be STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRIKE 3!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn I'm good!!!!!!!!! Mind you, I was kinda thinking along the lines of 'Elloriel' for a new name, cough, cough!!! Definitely wouldn't be complaining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESP – Um, Gee, wonder why?
SNM: So, how many readers do you think have stuck with this end note this far?? Do you thing that we've crapped on enough?
ESP – I'd say there is a slim to none chance of anyone reading beyond the term THE END!. But yes, I do believe we have crapped on enough, let alone the fact you told me "take over the keyboard" and are now itching for it back……
SNM: You noticed that did you? Anyway, to all who ARE STILL reading . . . this is the point where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?
ESP – READY!!!
BOTH: AAA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! (Go George of Jungle!)
ESP – btw, I did not watch that movie the other day.
SNM: That's good to know . . .
ESP - Shrugs Kept our running commentary so far.
SNM: We need to see LotR: RotK again . . . t'is still playing down at Marion!!!!! I can't WAIT for the Extended Release . . . more of Legolas!!!! Unseen footage!!!!! Disappears into Dream, never to be seen again
ESP – now that she's finally off in La La land, I think its time I wrapped this up!!!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, sickly sweet voice not to mention all those who are GOING TO REVIEW!!!!!! Aren't you!!! holds riffle up
Sooo!!! Next order of business!!!! We've decided on a Sequel!!!! Its going to be another Muggle Studies Excursion. Except this time They're heading our way!!! To sunny ol' Australia!!!! This is based on a true story. It happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of mine. Actually no. It happened to me. I tell a lie. "I am ashamed!!"
Soooo. Yeah. Little teaser for you!!!
Keep in mind that there is no magic on "camp". Think of poor Draco. And think of his pooor hair!!!!!! Stubborn refusals insure!!!!
Toodles!!!!!!
REVIEW DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!