"One" Part V: Transcendence
A/N: Set after the Matrix Revolutions. Last chapter folks. It's been fun.
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"Jesus drew near and said to them, 'I have been given all authority in Heaven and Earth…and I will be with you always, to the end of the age"
- Matthew 28:18-20
"From delusion lead me to truth/From darkness lead me to light/From death lead me to immortality"
- Neodammerung
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Darkness. Consuming, pulling at him, sucking him into the abyss. He did not resist. He had no reason to. There was nothing to pull him back, nothing left for him back there. She was gone, so nothing mattered.
One is the loneliest number…
Peace, he had said when the machine asked what he wanted. Peace. Peace between man and machine, certainly, and an end to the war. Understanding that it couldn't have happened any other way. Neither side could win, not when they were so inextricably bound to one another. So we need machines and they need us. It seemed like an eternity since he had said those words. Peace. He wanted peace for himself as well. That was all he wanted now. The strength that had forced himself away from her lifeless body, when all he wanted to do was lie on the cold steel of the ship and join her, was now spent.
One is the loneliest number…
He had no will. No purpose. The purpose of life is to end. Smith's words echoed in his head. No, not purpose…choice.
He could fight on if he wanted to, claw his way back into life, cling onto his last shred of consciousness. But what then? Back to Zion? Neo didn't think he could cope with any more death, save maybe his own. Couldn't cope with the endless celebrations, followed by the bitter taste of reality that would come in the following years, adjusting to this new way of life. Would not be able to bear telling Morpheus that while collectively they had won, he had failed. He hadn't brought her back. Struggling on meant a barren existence, a wasteland of years without her. Blind and alone, he would stumble through the city a haunted man, incomplete and useless.
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know
Zion deserved the memory of a soldier who died for them, not a blind, hopeless shell of a man he was sure to become. He felt he owed them that at least.
He let the darkness take him. Peace.
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Light. Unlike his first awakening on the Neb, this light was soft, gentle. Neo pried open his eyes to see the sun. A brilliant mixture of pinks and greens, yellows and oranges. Dawn.
This wasn't right. He was meant to be dead. Unless…Neo had never been religious, so the notion of heaven seemed quite perplexing…if that's what this was. Wait…Code. Shit. He was back in the Matrix. That was impossible. Sitting up gingerly, he took in the surroundings. He was sitting on a bench, saw a park, green grass, tress, children laughing on the nearby playground, joggers on a morning run. At that moment, there was nothing he wanted to do more than cry. It wasn't fair. He was meant to be dead…wanted to be dead. And now he was back here…once again imprisoned. Head in hands, he willed the tears to come. They didn't.
Neo sat at the bench for hours, stoic and shocked, before deciding to explore, to find answers. The irony of it all hit home. Back in the Matrix, searching for answers. The only thing he could discern is that the machines had put him here, but why? It was only then he noticed the plaque on his bench; "In memory of Thomas Anderson". Oh, great. He wasn't sure whether it was a thoughtful tribute or a cruel joke, but he felt the distinct hand of the Oracle in all of this.
But how could he be in the Matrix unless he was plugged in? The machines had disconnected him as soon as he was overwritten by Smith. And if his consciousness lived on, did that mean Smith's did as well? Had he failed after all?
His thoughts were interrupted by a blonde woman plonking herself down on the seat next to him. She turned a tired head towards Neo and said forcefully; "Now don't you run off where I can't see you!". What the fuck? He then realised she wasn't looking at him, but rather through him. Whipping around, he saw a small child nod her head before running off; "Okay Mom" she called over her shoulder.
Neo waved his hand in front of the woman's face. She didn't flinch.
This was certainly a new one.
Neo wandered around, talking to people, dancing around in front of them, he'd even tried stopping in front of a jogger, whose body simply passed right through him. He hadn't tried that again. Fantastic. He was the goddamn invisible man.
But he could still see code. Could still change things. Had almost scared a homeless man to death altering the features of a tree he was seated under. He left the park after that.
Wandering through the city, all Neo could see were memories. There was Adam's Street Bridge. The Metacortex building. The phonebox where he had spoken to the machines. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. Watching the swarming masses throughout the square, Neo wondered whether he had achieved anything at all. In the six months that had passed since he had made the call, the crowd had not changed. Still hopelessly dependent, chained to the Matrix itself.
Where we go from here, is a choice I leave to you.
He had been so sure then. So certain that he knew the truth, knew how to bring down the machines. He was merely a pawn, a tool, and any other parallel he could draw to an inanimate object.
The crowd swarmed around him, people in business suits, nannies with chocolate-covered children, young girls with straight hair and dead eyes, men with briefcases and wrinkled hands. Did they know what he had done for them? How much he had given up for their freedom? Soren, Maggie, Bane…Trinity….all sacrificed so they could go on living their pointless, ineffectual lives. Yet they would never know how he stood in the rain, broken, and allowed Smith to take him. How he ripped the virus out of each and every one of them in the sake of peace.
The traffic lights changed to red. Stop. It's over. Stop.
Six months ago, Neo had taken flight from this very spot, lodging a powerful splinter in the minds of those paying attention. Now he just walked away.
It wasn't long before Neo ended up at his old apartment. He climbed the stairs, still creaky – that hadn't changed – damn elevator still broken. His former landlady struggled with her garbage, carrying it down the uncertain steps, grumbling. She couldn't see him. The hallway seemed endless, until he reached his old door. 101. And although Neo knew that it was surely to be occupied, he couldn't resist taking one last look inside. After all, he had nowhere else to go. But to his surprise, the apartment was empty. His computer was gone, of course, probably stolen or pawned or both. But the apartment itself had not been lived in for some time. No one wanted to live with a dead man, or perhaps he was the only shmuck dumb enough to pay or the rathole. They would have assumed he was missing rather than dead. No body would have been discovered, no trace of his existence at all, save for this room. His bookshelf had been ransacked, the most expensive ones taken, the older, tattered ones remaining. Tenderly he leafed through Baudrillard, ignoring the absence of his hacker stash.
…thus perhaps at stake has always been the murderous capacity of images: murderers of the real…but what if God himself can be simulated, that is to say, reduced to the signs which attest his existence? Then the whole system becomes weightless; it is no longer anything but a gigantic simulacrum: not unreal, but a simulacrum, never again exchanging for what is real…
Back at the beginning. Wonderful. But Neo was too tired to fight on any longer. No, he would lie here forever, spend eternity as he had spent most of his life. Maybe later, if he had the energy, he would haunt some people. Drop vases and shit like that. Visit the Merovingian, if he had survived the reload, and beat the crap out of him.
The familiar creak of the door jolted him from half-sleep. He sat up to see the silhouetted figure step into the dim light. The absolute last person he wanted to see but perhaps the only person who could give him any answers.
The Oracle.
Her new shell still seemed alien, but eerily familiar. Her black hair streaked with grey, the dangling ying-yang earrings, the dowdy clothes which looked like they belonged to somebody's grandmother, not the powerful program who had instigated, planned and carried out her elaborate plot. He fought the urge to tell her to go away and leave him alone. He had to know.
No cigarette, he noticed.
"I gave up" she supplied, following his gaze to her empty hand.
He stood up slowly, clasping his hands behind his back. It was almost amusing that even after all that had happened, he still showed her that respect.
"So what was all that about 'Everything that has a beginning, has an end?'". He wasn't going to let her completely off the hook.
"Kiddo, haven't you learnt anything?" The Oracle smiled. "Nothing ends without beginning again. Nothing dies without bringing about new life".
"You used me"
"I know, child, and I'm sorry. I wish I could have told you the truth from the beginning, but it doesn't work that way. What I did was for the greater good, I hope you can understand that"
He did understand. Oh, he understood all too well. But that didn't make him feel any better, lessen any of his pain. He had to remind himself that so many lives had been saved. No longer would Zion have to face the threat of constant annihilation, although the years ahead would not be easy. Those who wanted to leave the Matrix would not be given any difficulties from agents, and those who wanted to stay could remain blissfully asleep. If the machines kept their word. Neo felt sure they would. And for that, his life seemed a very small price to pay. The machines had never lied to him. Ironically, it was the Architect who had given him the truth, been the most straightforward with him. She is going to die and there is nothing you can do about it. No, he didn't want to think about Trinity. He forced himself to speak.
"What happened to me?"
"I told you before, Kiddo, some bits you lose, some bits you keep"
"Please, Oracle, can't you just give me a straight answer for once? I think you owe me that"
"Oh, Kiddo, I owe you everything" she sighed. "Physically and mentally, you're dead, but spiritually? That's an entirely different matter. Call it what you will, Heaven, Nirvana, Enlightenment, it all means the same thing. Ascension"
He sank back onto the bed, elbows resting on his knees. "I can't go back, can I?"
The Oracle smiled and spoke as if from rote. "If you could, would you really want to?"
He sniffed, refusing to look up. Her weight made a small dent in the bed sheets as she sat down beside him.
"There is no black or white for you any more, Neo. No good or evil. There are many levels between this world and the other". She brought her hand to his brow, forcing him to look up in what almost seemed like a mothering gesture. "You can feel them, can't you?"
The Great Beyond. It was calling to him, he could feel it now. The depths of the unknown held voices and sights and powers he could not even imagine. But…
"I know what you're thinking, kiddo. You can always come back. It won't be long before they start searching for people to unplug, and you'll see them again".
The Oracle patted him arm as she heaved herself into a sanding position. "These old bones need some rest, child. It's time to go".
He followed her out into the hall, closing the door behind him. Leaving all that behind, finally.
The Oracle walked him down the hall towards the elevator. It was working now. How fitting for a transitional device, Neo thought. He'd always liked elevators.
Suddenly, the Oracle pulled him in for a firm hug, patting his back affectionately. "You were always my favourite, Neo", she said, and although her voice pattern didn't change he could feel the emotion behind her words. Releasing him, and sizing him up for one last time, she smiled. "You come visit me…I'll have a plate of cookies ready for you". And for the first time, he smiled at her. A genuine smile. It wasn't in gratitude or thanks, but rather an acknowledgement. He understood, finally.
Neo walked swiftly into the waiting doors of the elevator, but was momentarily halted by the sight of the button pad. Which one was he supposed to push? He turned a confused eye to the Oracle, even though he knew she wouldn't give him a direct answer. But he heard her voice one last time as the doors closed.
"Hurry, Neo. You don't want to keep her waiting"
And finally, he knew.