Instinct
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ What is this? Is this not a free country?....Still, I don't own Gundam Wing.
For once in his life, Heero Yuy had absolutely no idea what he was doing.
He was supposed to kill Relena Dorlian, of that he was certain. She knew who he was, therefore, she was a danger to the mission.
He had had it all planned out. He had left Relena alive for far too long. It was time to cut loose ends.
However, he wasn't killing her at the moment, and he didn't feel up to doing it right now, anyway.
When he had approached her on the darkened street, and pointed the gun at her heart, he had hesitated. She was staring at him THAT way again, like she didn't believe that he would actually kill her. She trusted him, that was clear in her fearless eyes.
His finger had tightened on the trigger. He had to do it. She was a danger to the mission. She was a danger to HIM.
He had played a deadly game with the trigger. His finger tensed, relaxed, tensed, relaxed. He just couldn't seem to pull it all the way, and end her life. The trigger seemed as unyielding as gundanium.
And, suddenly, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered that little girl and her dog.
The gun fell from his fingertips, and clattered on the cement. Heero lowered his arm, and just stared at it.
Which brings us up to date.
Relena's heart started to beat normally again. She had known that he wouldn't go through with it, but it was still unnerving to look down the barrel of a gun. She looked at her wannabe assassin, and saw that his bangs carefully hid his eyes from view.
"Heero...?" Relena whispered, walking up to him, and placing her hand on his shoulder.
He flinched slightly underneath her fingertips, like she had woken him from a dream. She wondered if it had been a nightmare.
Relena rested her other hand on his opposite shoulder, and pulled him closer, so she could look into his eyes. He didn't hesitate, or pull away. He just let her pull him closer, as if he had wheels inside of feet.
"Are you alright, Heero?" she asked, softly, looking into his eyes. They weren't cold and indifferent, like they usually were. They were just...blank. He looked so vulnerable, that Relena's heart ached with worry.
Heero stared into Relena's eyes. The trust was still there, but now it was overcome by something more powerful. Concern? He didn't understand. He had been about to kill her, and she had trusted him to not pull the trigger. Now she was worried about her would-be assassin, while any sane person would have bolted in the opposite direction.
Relena could see his eyes flash with something too fast to read. It was there one second, then gone, only to reappear.
Heero's memories raced through his mind. Relena finding him unconscious, and calling an ambulance. Relena inviting him to her birthday party. Relena ripping her expensive birthday dress to bandage his wounds, Relena preventing him from commiting suicide. Relena...
Her acts of kindness surpassed everyone elses combined. She was such a kind and caring creature...
And she cared about him. She cared about HIM. The boy who never said 'thank-you', and vowed to kill her instead.
She...she cared about him.
No one had ever cared about him before.
A warm, pleasent feeling enveloped his chest, extended through his entire body, and didn't seem to stop when it reached his fingers and toes.
It was a completely alien feeling. He was the Perfect Soldier. His allies looked up to him. His enemies feared him. Everyone he had known for so long had either tried to be like him, kill him, or get away from him.
But Relena didn't want to be like him, she wasn't trying to kill him, and she wasn't trying to get away.
He began to feel the beginning of something that he had constantely denied himself, thinking that it wouldn't fit into the Perfect Soldier's life. Yet, of all those other times that he had felt it, it had never been this strong before. He struggled to hold it down, but it was too strong...
"Heero!" Relena cried out. "Please tell me what's wrong! I care about you!" She could see something in his eyes, just beneath the surface, on the verge of breaking free.
And that was it. It broke free the second Relena spoke that sentence.
Heero grinned a wide, ear-to-ear smile that threatened to break his face in half.
Relena's heart skipped several beats. The smile had came without warning, and it put Duo's patented grin to shame. She almost had a stroke from the cuteness overload.
Heero had no idea what he was doing, but he liked it a lot. Sure, the feeling had him a little light-headed, but he was...content.
When Relena recovered from her second brush with death that evening, she just continued to stare. Heero's smile was incredibly contagious, and her lips slowly turned up as all her worries evaporated.
If it was possible, Heero's grin grew wider at the sight of Relena's smile. He had always thought that she was pretty, and there she went, going and proving he was right.
Then Heero felt something stir on the edge of his subconsciousness. It was like it was trying to tell him to do something, but he had no idea what he should do.
Heero looked at Relna's hands, which were still perched on his shoulders. Maybe...he should touch her. Yeah, that must be it. Relena seemed to like touching him, and he liked the way her hands rested there.
He took a moment to find a reasonable place, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, like he had seen some people do. Yes. He liked this. It felt nice.
Relena gasped when Heero took her in his arms. She could have sworn that her spine exploded when she felt those famous 'sparks'. She shook a little in pleasure, then moved her hands so they wrapped around his neck.
The air suddenly left Heero's lungs. When Relena's arms went around his neck, he could have sworn that he'd been...electrocuted. He didn't know that being electrocuted could feel so...good...
He shivered, then looked down at Relena. Their faces were inches apart. She was so... Rational thoughts ceased, and instinct took over.
Relena saw Heero's eyes glaze over before closing. The next thing she knew, he was kissing her.
Oh. Oh, yes. Heero was enjoying this immensely. He didn't know what demon possessed hom to do this, but he wasn't complaining. He wished that someone could have told him about it sooner. He never knew that lips had more purpose than eating and speaking.
It made him feel....whole. Like he had been half a person....until now.
If he had known, he would have done it a long time ago.
Relena was frozen in place. His kiss was as unexpected as the unbridled smile and passionate embrace. Her mind was reeling from the events.
Heero sighed as another wave of pure warmth washed over him. Never before had he felt such pleasure...
He suddenly realized something.
Relena wasn't responding.
The warmth ceased to exist. He felt cold. Worthless. A dull ache formed in his chest, and he stepped back, breaking away from Relena's loose embrace. His eyes stung. He wondered why.
Relena slowly composed herself. She put a hand to her lips, and asked, "H-H-Heero....why....why did you kiss me?"
Kiss. So that was what the contact was called. Now that he had seen her reaction, he would never 'kiss' anyone ever again. He returned his gun to its holster, and turned to leave.
"Heero!" Relena shouted, grabbing his arm, foiling his escape. "You didn't answer my question!"
He tried to break away, but it was like her touch had leached all of his strength. His eyes burned, and the back of his throat closed up. He tried to swallow, but it caused his eyes to grow damp. He blinked back the wetness, and remembered how the same thing had happened when he had killed that little girl. He gave up on his retreat, and said, in a surprisingly pained voice, "I don't know..."
Relena hesitated at the tone of his voice. He sounded so...sad. She turned him around so she could look at his face.
What she saw broke her heart in two. Heero looked about to burst into tears. He looked so miserable...
"Don't cry, Heero!" Relena cried, almost bursting into tears herself.
Cry. Was that the word to describe the pain in his chest, throat, and eyes? He didn't like this feeling. He never wanted to 'cry' again.
Relena lifted up her hands, and wiped away the light moisture underneath his eyes, like he had done for her once. Heero closed his eyes, and started to shudder.
Knowing that it was an important step in bringing back Heero's humanity, Relena pulled him down to his knees, and hugged his face to her shoulder.
It was too much for Heero to handle. He started to sob, shaking uncontrollably. He felt so small and worthless. He wondered why Relena still wanted to touch him. She certainly didn't want to kiss him. She had made that point clear. At that thought, the pain in his chest doubled, and he sobbed harder.
Relena noticed that Heero's crying and shaking were only increasing. She looked at his arms, which were danglinng at his sides, hands bunched into fists. She moved her head so she could whisper into his ear. "Heero, you'll start feeling better if you hug me..."
Hug. It must mean touching, Heero thought. He gratefully hugged her. At least she would share a hug, if not a kiss.
Heero calmed down after awhile. Relena softly rubbed his back while rocking him, whispering encouragements into his ear. Heero shifted his head, and opened his slightly red eyes to look at her face. She had her eyes closed, and a soft smile was playing across her lips.
Heero brought in a shaky breath, and slowly exhailed as he watched her. She was just so confusing.
Relena enjoyed the moment of intimacy. She felt priveledged in the fact that Heero had shown a side of himself that he had ever shown anyone else. Dr. J was right. Heero really was a kind-hearted boy.
She had never suspected him of being anything else.
"Relena?" Heero asked, quietly.
"Yes, Heero?" Relena answered, keeping her eyes closed.
"How...how come you don't want to kiss me?" Heero asked, slowly, bracing himself for an attack that he didn't know how to defend.
"What?!" Relena exclaimed, surprised. "What do you mean, I 'don't want to kiss' you?"
Heero shrank back, but didn't pull out of the embrance. "You...didn't respond," he answered.
Relena opened her eyes, and smiled down at him. His heart beat became a little irregular, and he wondered what was wrong with it. Blood rushed to his head, and he became very light-headed.
"You didn't give me a CHANCE to respond," Relena whispered. "You surprised me."
Heero gasped when the warm feeling returned full force.
Relena was the one to surprise Heero this time. However, Heero was known for his ability to adapt to the battlefield, and this was really no different.
Heero's second kiss was infinitely more pleasurable than his first. He supposed that it was because she was kissing him back.
A few minutes later, they relunctantly pulled away for air. Exhausted by the whole ordeal, Heero rested his head on her shoulder, and closed his eyes, content to breath in the scent of her hair.
Relena felt Heero relax against her. She sighed, and ran her fingers through his hair. Hearing Heero give off a little moan of pleasure, she held him closer, and pressed her face into is hair, inhailing his scent.
Heero took in another deep breath, liking the way Relena caressed his scalp. He turned his head, and softly kissed her on the place between her ear and jawbone.
As his consciousness succumbed to drowsiness, a final thought occured to Heero.
"Relena?"
"Yes, Heero?" Relena mumbled into his tangled hair.
As his embrace loosened around her, and his head dropped to her shoulder once more, he mumbled, in a voice just under a whisper, "I'm not going to kill you, anymore..."
Relena smiled through her joyful tears, and, knowing that he was fast asleep, replied "I kind of gathered that, Heero Yuy."
Author's Notes:
1. KA~WAI~!!! ^o^ x infinity!!! Warm & Fuzzy Feeling all over!!! n_n
2. ahem Now that I got that out, I have to tell you, I tried my best to make Heero in-character. As Dr. J told Relena, Heero is actually a kind hearted boy. Another point: Heero was brought up as the Perfect Soldier, and I don't think that Dr.J is the hugging, kissing, grandfatherly type, and I doubt that he taught Heero about the 'birds and the bees'.
3. I also like the idea that Heero doesn't understand affectionate gestures. It's so kawaii!!! And it isn't really surprising that he doesn't know what 'crying' is. (Pfft. Just read the sequel. It's RIDICULOUS!!! n_n)
4. I'm not sure when this takes place. It might even be AU. -_- Sigh. Just keep your mind open.
5. If you don't want to review, don't. If you want to flame me, go right ahead.
by
Nin Tendo
~ Disclaimer ~ What is this? Is this not a free country?....Still, I don't own Gundam Wing.
For once in his life, Heero Yuy had absolutely no idea what he was doing.
He was supposed to kill Relena Dorlian, of that he was certain. She knew who he was, therefore, she was a danger to the mission.
He had had it all planned out. He had left Relena alive for far too long. It was time to cut loose ends.
However, he wasn't killing her at the moment, and he didn't feel up to doing it right now, anyway.
When he had approached her on the darkened street, and pointed the gun at her heart, he had hesitated. She was staring at him THAT way again, like she didn't believe that he would actually kill her. She trusted him, that was clear in her fearless eyes.
His finger had tightened on the trigger. He had to do it. She was a danger to the mission. She was a danger to HIM.
He had played a deadly game with the trigger. His finger tensed, relaxed, tensed, relaxed. He just couldn't seem to pull it all the way, and end her life. The trigger seemed as unyielding as gundanium.
And, suddenly, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered that little girl and her dog.
The gun fell from his fingertips, and clattered on the cement. Heero lowered his arm, and just stared at it.
Which brings us up to date.
Relena's heart started to beat normally again. She had known that he wouldn't go through with it, but it was still unnerving to look down the barrel of a gun. She looked at her wannabe assassin, and saw that his bangs carefully hid his eyes from view.
"Heero...?" Relena whispered, walking up to him, and placing her hand on his shoulder.
He flinched slightly underneath her fingertips, like she had woken him from a dream. She wondered if it had been a nightmare.
Relena rested her other hand on his opposite shoulder, and pulled him closer, so she could look into his eyes. He didn't hesitate, or pull away. He just let her pull him closer, as if he had wheels inside of feet.
"Are you alright, Heero?" she asked, softly, looking into his eyes. They weren't cold and indifferent, like they usually were. They were just...blank. He looked so vulnerable, that Relena's heart ached with worry.
Heero stared into Relena's eyes. The trust was still there, but now it was overcome by something more powerful. Concern? He didn't understand. He had been about to kill her, and she had trusted him to not pull the trigger. Now she was worried about her would-be assassin, while any sane person would have bolted in the opposite direction.
Relena could see his eyes flash with something too fast to read. It was there one second, then gone, only to reappear.
Heero's memories raced through his mind. Relena finding him unconscious, and calling an ambulance. Relena inviting him to her birthday party. Relena ripping her expensive birthday dress to bandage his wounds, Relena preventing him from commiting suicide. Relena...
Her acts of kindness surpassed everyone elses combined. She was such a kind and caring creature...
And she cared about him. She cared about HIM. The boy who never said 'thank-you', and vowed to kill her instead.
She...she cared about him.
No one had ever cared about him before.
A warm, pleasent feeling enveloped his chest, extended through his entire body, and didn't seem to stop when it reached his fingers and toes.
It was a completely alien feeling. He was the Perfect Soldier. His allies looked up to him. His enemies feared him. Everyone he had known for so long had either tried to be like him, kill him, or get away from him.
But Relena didn't want to be like him, she wasn't trying to kill him, and she wasn't trying to get away.
He began to feel the beginning of something that he had constantely denied himself, thinking that it wouldn't fit into the Perfect Soldier's life. Yet, of all those other times that he had felt it, it had never been this strong before. He struggled to hold it down, but it was too strong...
"Heero!" Relena cried out. "Please tell me what's wrong! I care about you!" She could see something in his eyes, just beneath the surface, on the verge of breaking free.
And that was it. It broke free the second Relena spoke that sentence.
Heero grinned a wide, ear-to-ear smile that threatened to break his face in half.
Relena's heart skipped several beats. The smile had came without warning, and it put Duo's patented grin to shame. She almost had a stroke from the cuteness overload.
Heero had no idea what he was doing, but he liked it a lot. Sure, the feeling had him a little light-headed, but he was...content.
When Relena recovered from her second brush with death that evening, she just continued to stare. Heero's smile was incredibly contagious, and her lips slowly turned up as all her worries evaporated.
If it was possible, Heero's grin grew wider at the sight of Relena's smile. He had always thought that she was pretty, and there she went, going and proving he was right.
Then Heero felt something stir on the edge of his subconsciousness. It was like it was trying to tell him to do something, but he had no idea what he should do.
Heero looked at Relna's hands, which were still perched on his shoulders. Maybe...he should touch her. Yeah, that must be it. Relena seemed to like touching him, and he liked the way her hands rested there.
He took a moment to find a reasonable place, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, like he had seen some people do. Yes. He liked this. It felt nice.
Relena gasped when Heero took her in his arms. She could have sworn that her spine exploded when she felt those famous 'sparks'. She shook a little in pleasure, then moved her hands so they wrapped around his neck.
The air suddenly left Heero's lungs. When Relena's arms went around his neck, he could have sworn that he'd been...electrocuted. He didn't know that being electrocuted could feel so...good...
He shivered, then looked down at Relena. Their faces were inches apart. She was so... Rational thoughts ceased, and instinct took over.
Relena saw Heero's eyes glaze over before closing. The next thing she knew, he was kissing her.
Oh. Oh, yes. Heero was enjoying this immensely. He didn't know what demon possessed hom to do this, but he wasn't complaining. He wished that someone could have told him about it sooner. He never knew that lips had more purpose than eating and speaking.
It made him feel....whole. Like he had been half a person....until now.
If he had known, he would have done it a long time ago.
Relena was frozen in place. His kiss was as unexpected as the unbridled smile and passionate embrace. Her mind was reeling from the events.
Heero sighed as another wave of pure warmth washed over him. Never before had he felt such pleasure...
He suddenly realized something.
Relena wasn't responding.
The warmth ceased to exist. He felt cold. Worthless. A dull ache formed in his chest, and he stepped back, breaking away from Relena's loose embrace. His eyes stung. He wondered why.
Relena slowly composed herself. She put a hand to her lips, and asked, "H-H-Heero....why....why did you kiss me?"
Kiss. So that was what the contact was called. Now that he had seen her reaction, he would never 'kiss' anyone ever again. He returned his gun to its holster, and turned to leave.
"Heero!" Relena shouted, grabbing his arm, foiling his escape. "You didn't answer my question!"
He tried to break away, but it was like her touch had leached all of his strength. His eyes burned, and the back of his throat closed up. He tried to swallow, but it caused his eyes to grow damp. He blinked back the wetness, and remembered how the same thing had happened when he had killed that little girl. He gave up on his retreat, and said, in a surprisingly pained voice, "I don't know..."
Relena hesitated at the tone of his voice. He sounded so...sad. She turned him around so she could look at his face.
What she saw broke her heart in two. Heero looked about to burst into tears. He looked so miserable...
"Don't cry, Heero!" Relena cried, almost bursting into tears herself.
Cry. Was that the word to describe the pain in his chest, throat, and eyes? He didn't like this feeling. He never wanted to 'cry' again.
Relena lifted up her hands, and wiped away the light moisture underneath his eyes, like he had done for her once. Heero closed his eyes, and started to shudder.
Knowing that it was an important step in bringing back Heero's humanity, Relena pulled him down to his knees, and hugged his face to her shoulder.
It was too much for Heero to handle. He started to sob, shaking uncontrollably. He felt so small and worthless. He wondered why Relena still wanted to touch him. She certainly didn't want to kiss him. She had made that point clear. At that thought, the pain in his chest doubled, and he sobbed harder.
Relena noticed that Heero's crying and shaking were only increasing. She looked at his arms, which were danglinng at his sides, hands bunched into fists. She moved her head so she could whisper into his ear. "Heero, you'll start feeling better if you hug me..."
Hug. It must mean touching, Heero thought. He gratefully hugged her. At least she would share a hug, if not a kiss.
Heero calmed down after awhile. Relena softly rubbed his back while rocking him, whispering encouragements into his ear. Heero shifted his head, and opened his slightly red eyes to look at her face. She had her eyes closed, and a soft smile was playing across her lips.
Heero brought in a shaky breath, and slowly exhailed as he watched her. She was just so confusing.
Relena enjoyed the moment of intimacy. She felt priveledged in the fact that Heero had shown a side of himself that he had ever shown anyone else. Dr. J was right. Heero really was a kind-hearted boy.
She had never suspected him of being anything else.
"Relena?" Heero asked, quietly.
"Yes, Heero?" Relena answered, keeping her eyes closed.
"How...how come you don't want to kiss me?" Heero asked, slowly, bracing himself for an attack that he didn't know how to defend.
"What?!" Relena exclaimed, surprised. "What do you mean, I 'don't want to kiss' you?"
Heero shrank back, but didn't pull out of the embrance. "You...didn't respond," he answered.
Relena opened her eyes, and smiled down at him. His heart beat became a little irregular, and he wondered what was wrong with it. Blood rushed to his head, and he became very light-headed.
"You didn't give me a CHANCE to respond," Relena whispered. "You surprised me."
Heero gasped when the warm feeling returned full force.
Relena was the one to surprise Heero this time. However, Heero was known for his ability to adapt to the battlefield, and this was really no different.
Heero's second kiss was infinitely more pleasurable than his first. He supposed that it was because she was kissing him back.
A few minutes later, they relunctantly pulled away for air. Exhausted by the whole ordeal, Heero rested his head on her shoulder, and closed his eyes, content to breath in the scent of her hair.
Relena felt Heero relax against her. She sighed, and ran her fingers through his hair. Hearing Heero give off a little moan of pleasure, she held him closer, and pressed her face into is hair, inhailing his scent.
Heero took in another deep breath, liking the way Relena caressed his scalp. He turned his head, and softly kissed her on the place between her ear and jawbone.
As his consciousness succumbed to drowsiness, a final thought occured to Heero.
"Relena?"
"Yes, Heero?" Relena mumbled into his tangled hair.
As his embrace loosened around her, and his head dropped to her shoulder once more, he mumbled, in a voice just under a whisper, "I'm not going to kill you, anymore..."
Relena smiled through her joyful tears, and, knowing that he was fast asleep, replied "I kind of gathered that, Heero Yuy."
Author's Notes:
1. KA~WAI~!!! ^o^ x infinity!!! Warm & Fuzzy Feeling all over!!! n_n
2. ahem Now that I got that out, I have to tell you, I tried my best to make Heero in-character. As Dr. J told Relena, Heero is actually a kind hearted boy. Another point: Heero was brought up as the Perfect Soldier, and I don't think that Dr.J is the hugging, kissing, grandfatherly type, and I doubt that he taught Heero about the 'birds and the bees'.
3. I also like the idea that Heero doesn't understand affectionate gestures. It's so kawaii!!! And it isn't really surprising that he doesn't know what 'crying' is. (Pfft. Just read the sequel. It's RIDICULOUS!!! n_n)
4. I'm not sure when this takes place. It might even be AU. -_- Sigh. Just keep your mind open.
5. If you don't want to review, don't. If you want to flame me, go right ahead.