Title: Operation: Castration
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own anything but the plot. And no! I'm not ashamed to admit it! This story came from my own disturbed, little mind!
Summary: Set after X2. Based on what Pyro said about men carrying the mutant gene when Bobby told his parents that he was a mutant. Living with all guys is really getting on Mystique's nerves. So being the sadistic bitch she is what does she do? Proposes a bill where guys all over America must get castrated! Everyone thinks it's absurd. Until little by little the new bill starts getting support..
(A/N): Finally! I venture into the X-Men fandom! Can anyone find the Dilbert reference? If you do I'll put you in the Matrix fanfic I'm co- authoring with Madbrilliantangel! Yeah, I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but it's funny! I swear!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mystique's POV:
URRRGGGHHH! I can't take it anymore! Living with all these.. MEN! I'm literally choking on all the male testosterone these idiots are belching out! It's been 3 months since Alkali Lake, when the Brotherhood retrieved the newest addition to what is seemingly turning into a "Boy's Club". I thought it might be kinda ok to recruit him seeing as he was still a young man. Maybe I could instill in him some of the basics in being considerate to women, like not trying to cop a feel when we're training, but noooooo.... He just had to be as pigheaded as the rest of them. Pity. I was hoping to add some class and decorum to his personality. He could've helped me picked out dress designs and colors. The blue skin-tight laytex is getting kinda old.
And the addition of the original intelligence-deficient lackeys didn't help matters either. As soon as we left Alkali Lake, Magneto made us pick up Sabertooth and Toad. Whaddya bunch a Leadership! It's one thing to have a teenage boy drooling whenever you walk by him, but what's Toad's excuse? And Sabertooth is the worst of the bunch and damn sure more trouble than he is worth! Just a huge, ornery tower of fur, muscle and testosterone. Growling and shedding everywhere he goes. It's no wonder why I don't wear clothes. At the end of the week I wouldn't be sure whether I should go to the dry cleaners or just give my clothes a perm. I shudder to think of the havoc all that fur with do to the lint trap of any washing machine.
I've complained to Eric about the lack of manners his henchmen have displayed and their inconsiderate behavior, considering that there's a woman around. He just brushes it off as "Boy's being Boy's" and asks me when's dinner! What nerve! But that's it! I'm not taking it anymore. I'm the most cruel and malicious bitch ever to grace mutantkind! Action must be taken! Just as soon as I'm done taking my bath. It's really one of the only times I have to myself. The lit cinnamon candles and the peach scented bath salts Eric gave me really help me to relax.. Wait a minute! What was that! I could have sworn I heard snickering! Holy crap! Is that a hole in the wall!!! Stupid son's of mother clucking .Toad and Pyro were peaking at me! Of all the retarded, adolescent things to do! Where in the hell is Eric! I need someone to read those numbnuts their last rights!
"Hey, Blue. Where's the fire?" Sabertooth drawled. I turned around and gave him a glare that would have had Wolverine crap his pants, but he just sneered.
"I have to inform our fearless leader of the brutal torture and maiming of our other two "Bothers". Although it hasn't happened yet, my women's intuition tells me that great pain is coming their way very soon." I whispered menacingly. He actually had the balls to laugh!
"I told those two you'd find out that they were getting a free show sooner or later. I'm surprised though, Blue. Didn't think it'd take you three weeks to figure it out."
"THREE WEEKS!" I know I must have looked asinine, my mouth hanging wide open after screeching like a banshee, but I didn't give a damn. Those no good rotten bastards had been spying on me every night for the past THREE EFFIN' WEEKS! I must have been staring because Sabertooths' eyes left the TV screen in front of the couch he was lounging on and momentarily looked at me.
"Hey, Blue! Before you go see Mags, go bet me a beer will ya." It wasn't even a question. And to emphasize his "request", he slapped my bottom! He never saw the heel of my foot coming, as I sent a spin kick right to the left temple of his head. I watched his limp body slid off he couch and into the floor, his head finding the floor first, leaving his ass in the air. Growling, I stalked to Eric's room and busted through the door, not even bothering to knock. Surprise written all over his wrinkly face, he stood up from his chair and slowly came around his metal desk and took quicker strides to meet me halfway in the middle of his office. When we met, seething, I poked my finger to his chest with every point I made.
"I'm so sick of you and your pansy ass, lackey's taking advantage of me! I'm sick of finding Toad's tongue on the floor and drooling everywhere I walk! And I'm sick of falling into the toilet every time one of those brain- dead jackasses forgets to leave the seat down! Have you ever fallen into a toilet made of metal?! It's f******* freezing!"
Let's see. I counted four pokes to his chest. I'll just leave my finger there for good measure. Eric's looking at me like I just declared my undying love for Charles Xavier.
"Listen..argh.Listen, Mystique." Clearing his throat to correct the unmanly shriek that just came out of his mouth, I smirked to myself, hoping I finally my point got through to him.
"Mystique. Please, take a seat." He's ushering me to one of the cold-ass metal chairs in front of his desk. Hells bells. I've noticed that his chair is a cozy looking leather chair. And what is that?! Is that a remote control seat massager?! Maniacal bastard!
"Mystique. You are without a question, the most valuable member of this team." What in the Blue hell?! He just took my hands in his! He's kneeling in front of me. Not a good move, Mr. Leshnerr. You just gave me the prime opportunity to kick you in the most perfect place to get my point across. I know he doesn't think he's going to charm himself outta this one.
"But as the only woman here, the rest of the men and myself expect you to take on some of the roles that, traditionally, most women do." At the moment I couldn't really talk about Toad's tongue because my jaw must have hit the floor.
"Women's work! You expect me to do WOMEN'S WORK!" My voice was a low growl and steadily rising. Looking at his predicament, he quickly closed his legs to deter my attempts to make him start singing in soprano. I rose up so fast Eric had to grab the edge of his desk to steady himself. Looking petrified he slowly moved behind his desk, ducking behind it as he watched my rage unfold.
"Why you old, decrepit...Fool of a Metal Magician!" I really should lay off the Lord of the Rings movies. The references my mind comes up with pop up at the strangest times. Outraged, I stormed out of his office and took the jet. I needed to get away from these.MEN, as soon as possible.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sabertooth, holding an ice pack to his head, gingerly walked up to Magneto. "What's up wit Blue?" Magneto sighed and looked at his bruised henchmen. "I'm not sure. Maybe it's that time of the month." Toad and Pyro silently crept up to the two older men. "Bloody hell." Toa sighed. "You know what this means, don'tcha?" Pyro looked at Toad and nodded. "Yeah. Gotta go dust off the old porno mags." Exhausted the guys retired to their respective rooms, not knowing the horror Mystique had planned for them all..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R
Love,
Jaded316 a.k.a.
FieryDiMaia
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own anything but the plot. And no! I'm not ashamed to admit it! This story came from my own disturbed, little mind!
Summary: Set after X2. Based on what Pyro said about men carrying the mutant gene when Bobby told his parents that he was a mutant. Living with all guys is really getting on Mystique's nerves. So being the sadistic bitch she is what does she do? Proposes a bill where guys all over America must get castrated! Everyone thinks it's absurd. Until little by little the new bill starts getting support..
(A/N): Finally! I venture into the X-Men fandom! Can anyone find the Dilbert reference? If you do I'll put you in the Matrix fanfic I'm co- authoring with Madbrilliantangel! Yeah, I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but it's funny! I swear!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mystique's POV:
URRRGGGHHH! I can't take it anymore! Living with all these.. MEN! I'm literally choking on all the male testosterone these idiots are belching out! It's been 3 months since Alkali Lake, when the Brotherhood retrieved the newest addition to what is seemingly turning into a "Boy's Club". I thought it might be kinda ok to recruit him seeing as he was still a young man. Maybe I could instill in him some of the basics in being considerate to women, like not trying to cop a feel when we're training, but noooooo.... He just had to be as pigheaded as the rest of them. Pity. I was hoping to add some class and decorum to his personality. He could've helped me picked out dress designs and colors. The blue skin-tight laytex is getting kinda old.
And the addition of the original intelligence-deficient lackeys didn't help matters either. As soon as we left Alkali Lake, Magneto made us pick up Sabertooth and Toad. Whaddya bunch a Leadership! It's one thing to have a teenage boy drooling whenever you walk by him, but what's Toad's excuse? And Sabertooth is the worst of the bunch and damn sure more trouble than he is worth! Just a huge, ornery tower of fur, muscle and testosterone. Growling and shedding everywhere he goes. It's no wonder why I don't wear clothes. At the end of the week I wouldn't be sure whether I should go to the dry cleaners or just give my clothes a perm. I shudder to think of the havoc all that fur with do to the lint trap of any washing machine.
I've complained to Eric about the lack of manners his henchmen have displayed and their inconsiderate behavior, considering that there's a woman around. He just brushes it off as "Boy's being Boy's" and asks me when's dinner! What nerve! But that's it! I'm not taking it anymore. I'm the most cruel and malicious bitch ever to grace mutantkind! Action must be taken! Just as soon as I'm done taking my bath. It's really one of the only times I have to myself. The lit cinnamon candles and the peach scented bath salts Eric gave me really help me to relax.. Wait a minute! What was that! I could have sworn I heard snickering! Holy crap! Is that a hole in the wall!!! Stupid son's of mother clucking .Toad and Pyro were peaking at me! Of all the retarded, adolescent things to do! Where in the hell is Eric! I need someone to read those numbnuts their last rights!
"Hey, Blue. Where's the fire?" Sabertooth drawled. I turned around and gave him a glare that would have had Wolverine crap his pants, but he just sneered.
"I have to inform our fearless leader of the brutal torture and maiming of our other two "Bothers". Although it hasn't happened yet, my women's intuition tells me that great pain is coming their way very soon." I whispered menacingly. He actually had the balls to laugh!
"I told those two you'd find out that they were getting a free show sooner or later. I'm surprised though, Blue. Didn't think it'd take you three weeks to figure it out."
"THREE WEEKS!" I know I must have looked asinine, my mouth hanging wide open after screeching like a banshee, but I didn't give a damn. Those no good rotten bastards had been spying on me every night for the past THREE EFFIN' WEEKS! I must have been staring because Sabertooths' eyes left the TV screen in front of the couch he was lounging on and momentarily looked at me.
"Hey, Blue! Before you go see Mags, go bet me a beer will ya." It wasn't even a question. And to emphasize his "request", he slapped my bottom! He never saw the heel of my foot coming, as I sent a spin kick right to the left temple of his head. I watched his limp body slid off he couch and into the floor, his head finding the floor first, leaving his ass in the air. Growling, I stalked to Eric's room and busted through the door, not even bothering to knock. Surprise written all over his wrinkly face, he stood up from his chair and slowly came around his metal desk and took quicker strides to meet me halfway in the middle of his office. When we met, seething, I poked my finger to his chest with every point I made.
"I'm so sick of you and your pansy ass, lackey's taking advantage of me! I'm sick of finding Toad's tongue on the floor and drooling everywhere I walk! And I'm sick of falling into the toilet every time one of those brain- dead jackasses forgets to leave the seat down! Have you ever fallen into a toilet made of metal?! It's f******* freezing!"
Let's see. I counted four pokes to his chest. I'll just leave my finger there for good measure. Eric's looking at me like I just declared my undying love for Charles Xavier.
"Listen..argh.Listen, Mystique." Clearing his throat to correct the unmanly shriek that just came out of his mouth, I smirked to myself, hoping I finally my point got through to him.
"Mystique. Please, take a seat." He's ushering me to one of the cold-ass metal chairs in front of his desk. Hells bells. I've noticed that his chair is a cozy looking leather chair. And what is that?! Is that a remote control seat massager?! Maniacal bastard!
"Mystique. You are without a question, the most valuable member of this team." What in the Blue hell?! He just took my hands in his! He's kneeling in front of me. Not a good move, Mr. Leshnerr. You just gave me the prime opportunity to kick you in the most perfect place to get my point across. I know he doesn't think he's going to charm himself outta this one.
"But as the only woman here, the rest of the men and myself expect you to take on some of the roles that, traditionally, most women do." At the moment I couldn't really talk about Toad's tongue because my jaw must have hit the floor.
"Women's work! You expect me to do WOMEN'S WORK!" My voice was a low growl and steadily rising. Looking at his predicament, he quickly closed his legs to deter my attempts to make him start singing in soprano. I rose up so fast Eric had to grab the edge of his desk to steady himself. Looking petrified he slowly moved behind his desk, ducking behind it as he watched my rage unfold.
"Why you old, decrepit...Fool of a Metal Magician!" I really should lay off the Lord of the Rings movies. The references my mind comes up with pop up at the strangest times. Outraged, I stormed out of his office and took the jet. I needed to get away from these.MEN, as soon as possible.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sabertooth, holding an ice pack to his head, gingerly walked up to Magneto. "What's up wit Blue?" Magneto sighed and looked at his bruised henchmen. "I'm not sure. Maybe it's that time of the month." Toad and Pyro silently crept up to the two older men. "Bloody hell." Toa sighed. "You know what this means, don'tcha?" Pyro looked at Toad and nodded. "Yeah. Gotta go dust off the old porno mags." Exhausted the guys retired to their respective rooms, not knowing the horror Mystique had planned for them all..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R
Love,
Jaded316 a.k.a.
FieryDiMaia