Statistically Speaking
Notes: The conclusion to "Programming" and "Dutch Dawn." Requested by Jinako-chan and Liaranne. Written just over 36 hours after DD.
Warnings for Erek/OC, language, and depressing stuff. I listened to Evanescence as I wrote this, need I say more?
"You're not a very good date, you know."
I sighed, and slid open the door for the young lady with me. Young-looking, I should say. The young, delicate Asian woman I was escorting was an illusion, a hologram. Just like the young Caucasian male with her.
Me.
"Yuki--" I pleaded.
"Quiet," she interrupted. "I should have listened to Anastasia. She called all the way from Russia to warn me you would pull this."
"I'm not pulling anything!" I exclaimed. "I miss you."
She snorted. "You left me, idiot."
"You're right, I was being an idiot."
That managed a smile. I almost cried in relief, I hated getting her ice princess treatment. I learned long ago the best way to avoid was to make her laugh.
"Erek," she began, softly, gently. "You -left- me. In 1849. To go to California." Her dark eyes rested on mine. Her sarcasm washed away all smiles. "Is that not a coincidence? Or do you really think I'm that stupid?"
"I came back for you," I said, annoyed. "I searched from Copenhagen to Barcelona!"
"Stupid, you know I hated Spain--"
"I finally find you in Beijing," I continued. "And as soon as I do, you leave for Sapporo!"
Yuki groaned in exasperation. "I LIVE here. I was in Beijing on business."
"A likely story."
"Yes, because it is the truth," she snapped. "Look, look--" She sighed. "Anata..."
I shut up. 'Anata' is a polite way to way 'you' in Japanese. But a married woman also uses it to address her husband. Sort of like saying 'dear.'
I was in Sapporo, the most well-known city in Hokkaido. Hokkaido is the northernmost island of Japan. I was pursuing an ex-wife from one hundred and fifty years before. We'd been living a nice life in the French countryside. Brittany. A pretty little cottage with a thatch roof, a bakery in town, in love, no children. Perfectly nice life.
If you liked tedium and boredom.
So, I'd left for California, and the gold rush, and excitement, and fun....
And just as much boredom.
So here I was, in Japan, trying to convince my ex I was young and foolish then, but grown up now, and et cetera.
Yuki touched my arm. "Anata," she began again, "I will give you one last chance. Just... stay with me here. All right?"
"Done," I said instantly. And it was, I hadn't lived in Japan since before the Shogunate, but that was fine.
I was feeling perfectly fine. We continued our stroll, and turned into the park where the Snow Festival would be held in February. I was content, in love, on cloud freaking nine...
...When my cellphone rang.
Le sigh.
"Hello?" I said politely. In English. I hadn't given anyone in Japan my number.
"Hey, R2. It's me."
"MARCO?"
"Geez, don't shout," he whined. "That hurt, man."
"Couldn't have," I said absently, wondering why in the name of All That Is Marco would call me. "Against my programming. My voice is specifically regulated--"
"All right, I get it," he interrupted. "It was a joke."
"Sorry," I said. "Question: where are you?"
"Me?" he asked. "I'm in Tokyo."
"Commercial shoot for Suzuki?" I said, smiling. I had missed joking with Marco.
"Nah, Yamaha," he replied. "But good guess." Pause. "Jake is in Sapporo."
Oh. Okay.
WHAT?
"Why?"
"Wants to talk to you, I think," he said. "Something big is happening, and we think you ought to know. You know, as our ally and stuff."
"Damn," I muttered. "Where should I go?"
"I have Jake on the other line," he explained. "On my car phone. You're in a park, right? Find a secluded spot, okay? He'll meet you there."
"Fine," I said. "Later, man."
"Bye."
"Wait," I said quickly. "How did you know I was even out of the country?"
Marco chuckled.
"The guy who plays your dad? He scanned for your credit card number and told us you had charged a plane ticket to Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan, from Beijing, China. It was child's play from there, Erek, we're Animorphs."
"I suppose I should've known," I muttered. "Bye."
"Yeah."
Marco hung up.
I turned to Yuki. "Dear--"
"Go," she said gently. "This is about your Animorphs, yes? Go." She forced a pretty smile onto her fake face. "Meet me at home."
I smiled. "Thanks."
And dashed off.
I went through the park, until I found a grove of cherry trees. Not in bloom. Not until next year.
A seagull flew in minutes after me. He began to mutate, change. Disgustingly. I was so glad I didn't have a stomach...
As the snowy feathers were replaced by pink human skin, I could see a young man emerge. A young man I had known for years, had thought of as a good friend until recently. We'd mended slightly, I no longer harbored bitterness and resentment for this person. My respect for him would never recover, but hell. He knew that, and, quite frankly, I don't think he gave a damn anymore.
Jake Berenson.
"Hey, Erek," he greeted. The caution of a man who'd just met an acquaintence he'd royally screwed. Just like our last meeting on the Dutch shore.
"Hey," I replied. "What's up, man?"
I looked at his chocolatey eyes, and what I saw scared me. Manic hope, depression. I knew our conversation a year ago had not lifted his guilt over The Last Stand of the Yeerk-Animorphs War.
But Gods in heaven, or wherever they were, the child's eyes scared me.
"Erek," he said again, speaking my false name. The only of my names he knew. "I want your honest opinion."
"That's about all I give you," I said slowly.
He laughed in a hollow sort of way. "Yeah, that's so, isn't it? But..." His voice faltered, and I tensed. My joints cranked together as I clenched them, and I thought absently I was going to need one hell of a maitenence check.
"Spit it out, Jake." I tried to make a joke, "Tell Doctor King where it hurts."
Jake ran a hand through his unkempt hair. I had a feeling he hadn't brushed it in a few days. "Ax... well, he's disappeared. And, well, I want your opinion, I want...." He clenched his fist. "Do you think he's alive?"
"Statistically speaking?" I asked. "No."
"Without even knowing what happened?"
I smiled sourly. "That would only prompt me to give him a ghost of a chance."
"Really."
"Our galaxy alone is a big place, friend," I said flatly. "If he passed out of this galaxy, no chance in hell. Statistically speaking, however, that won't happen. Even with Zero-space technology, it would take centuries to go from one end of the galaxy to another."
"Is that so?"
I nodded, reaching into my brain-computer, pulling up knowledge I hadn't needed in millennia. "Statistically speaking, anyone who's lost in space... well, they stay lost."
Jake frowned. "Statistically speaking?"
"Yeah."
I was completely thrown for a loop when he did what he did next.
He smiled.
"So there's still a chance."
"WHAT?" I squawked.
"Yeah." He grinned. Freaking grinned. I swear, I almost called the loony bin... "Statistics can be wrong, huh, Erek?"
I blinked. "Is that all you wanted to know?" I didn't bother answering his question. "You just wanted to tell me about Ax and ask my opinion on survival status?"
The grin faltered. "Well, ah... Yes and no."
I glared at him. "Elaborate, if you would be so kind."
Jake sighed, defeated. "Some Andalites came to me," he explained. "And asked... me to go on a rescue mission for him."
I blinked again. "You dumbass."
"I can't leave him out there!" he snapped.
"He's dead," I said coldly. "You... you.... you can't just leave!" I was getting excited, anxious.
Worried. For my friend Ax, my fellow alien. For these children I loved like my own, these six I had so believed in, these six who made me think there was hope for the galaxy...
"Why not?" His voice, but not his. The voice of the defeated Jake, the Jake who won Earth but at the price of his own soul, the Jake I hated and loved and pitied and cursed... The Jake I had criticized, the Jake I had watched crumble.
He was so cold. So unfeeling.
So not Jake.
Or was he?
"Your family!" I yelled. "Your parents, think of them! What will they say, do, think?"
"They'll live."
"And you'll die!" I reached for him, but thought better of it. "Do you see, Jake? You. Will. Die. Die, just like Ax, Rachel and Tom."
I was entering dangerous territory, bringing up the deaths of his cousin and brother. But I would destroy him if it meant he would live.
But, in truth... what was left to destroy?
Jake's brown eyes, once like a melted Hershey bar, froze into a Fudgescicle.
I was near-manic, I didn't care.
"You don't get it, if you go chasing ghosts, you'll end up like them, dead, cold, frozen in space, vacuum fodder!" I screeched, rational thought gone. "You need to stay, at least for your parents, and Rachel's and your cousins, you HAVE to Jake, you do!"
But deep down, I realized, Jake was the exact opposite of a self-preservationist. It wasn's his death that would affect him, it was...
"JAKE! You can't, damn it, if you take Cassie and Tobias and Marco they'll all die!" I tried, desperate, begging, pleading. Earth and sky, I couldn't let one of my six die again, I couldn't! "Cassie is doing so well, she can't be taken away...."
"Erek, get a grip," Jake snapped. "Calm down, your hologram's screwed."
And so it was. I was flickering in and out. I kept flashing my true self for the world to see.
I stabilized. Visually, anyway.
Mentally?
I'd rather not go there.
Jake sighed, and buried his face and his hands, shoulders shaking. "Cassie isn't going. I refuse to let her, even if she wants to.
"But Marco and Tobias..."
"What do you three have left to live for?" I whispered. I shook my head. I had an urge to cry, but, also, insane as it sounds, to smile. "They'll follow you to the ends of the universe, Jake. You're their fearless leader, they would follow you to hell if you asked them."
Jake laughed. Almost maniacally. It was disturbing, but damned if I cared anymore. "You said lawyers and reporters have their own special level of hell, Erek." He smirked at me. "What about leaders?"
I laughed with him. And I turned, and walked away, leaving him in the grove of cherry trees that weren't in bloom. As good as dead.
Just like the Animorphs.
I walked away, but before I did, I called to him, called one last thing over my shoulder.
"Statistically speaking? Enjoy hell, Jake."
Notes: The conclusion to "Programming" and "Dutch Dawn." Requested by Jinako-chan and Liaranne. Written just over 36 hours after DD.
Warnings for Erek/OC, language, and depressing stuff. I listened to Evanescence as I wrote this, need I say more?
"You're not a very good date, you know."
I sighed, and slid open the door for the young lady with me. Young-looking, I should say. The young, delicate Asian woman I was escorting was an illusion, a hologram. Just like the young Caucasian male with her.
Me.
"Yuki--" I pleaded.
"Quiet," she interrupted. "I should have listened to Anastasia. She called all the way from Russia to warn me you would pull this."
"I'm not pulling anything!" I exclaimed. "I miss you."
She snorted. "You left me, idiot."
"You're right, I was being an idiot."
That managed a smile. I almost cried in relief, I hated getting her ice princess treatment. I learned long ago the best way to avoid was to make her laugh.
"Erek," she began, softly, gently. "You -left- me. In 1849. To go to California." Her dark eyes rested on mine. Her sarcasm washed away all smiles. "Is that not a coincidence? Or do you really think I'm that stupid?"
"I came back for you," I said, annoyed. "I searched from Copenhagen to Barcelona!"
"Stupid, you know I hated Spain--"
"I finally find you in Beijing," I continued. "And as soon as I do, you leave for Sapporo!"
Yuki groaned in exasperation. "I LIVE here. I was in Beijing on business."
"A likely story."
"Yes, because it is the truth," she snapped. "Look, look--" She sighed. "Anata..."
I shut up. 'Anata' is a polite way to way 'you' in Japanese. But a married woman also uses it to address her husband. Sort of like saying 'dear.'
I was in Sapporo, the most well-known city in Hokkaido. Hokkaido is the northernmost island of Japan. I was pursuing an ex-wife from one hundred and fifty years before. We'd been living a nice life in the French countryside. Brittany. A pretty little cottage with a thatch roof, a bakery in town, in love, no children. Perfectly nice life.
If you liked tedium and boredom.
So, I'd left for California, and the gold rush, and excitement, and fun....
And just as much boredom.
So here I was, in Japan, trying to convince my ex I was young and foolish then, but grown up now, and et cetera.
Yuki touched my arm. "Anata," she began again, "I will give you one last chance. Just... stay with me here. All right?"
"Done," I said instantly. And it was, I hadn't lived in Japan since before the Shogunate, but that was fine.
I was feeling perfectly fine. We continued our stroll, and turned into the park where the Snow Festival would be held in February. I was content, in love, on cloud freaking nine...
...When my cellphone rang.
Le sigh.
"Hello?" I said politely. In English. I hadn't given anyone in Japan my number.
"Hey, R2. It's me."
"MARCO?"
"Geez, don't shout," he whined. "That hurt, man."
"Couldn't have," I said absently, wondering why in the name of All That Is Marco would call me. "Against my programming. My voice is specifically regulated--"
"All right, I get it," he interrupted. "It was a joke."
"Sorry," I said. "Question: where are you?"
"Me?" he asked. "I'm in Tokyo."
"Commercial shoot for Suzuki?" I said, smiling. I had missed joking with Marco.
"Nah, Yamaha," he replied. "But good guess." Pause. "Jake is in Sapporo."
Oh. Okay.
WHAT?
"Why?"
"Wants to talk to you, I think," he said. "Something big is happening, and we think you ought to know. You know, as our ally and stuff."
"Damn," I muttered. "Where should I go?"
"I have Jake on the other line," he explained. "On my car phone. You're in a park, right? Find a secluded spot, okay? He'll meet you there."
"Fine," I said. "Later, man."
"Bye."
"Wait," I said quickly. "How did you know I was even out of the country?"
Marco chuckled.
"The guy who plays your dad? He scanned for your credit card number and told us you had charged a plane ticket to Sapporo, Hokkaido, Japan, from Beijing, China. It was child's play from there, Erek, we're Animorphs."
"I suppose I should've known," I muttered. "Bye."
"Yeah."
Marco hung up.
I turned to Yuki. "Dear--"
"Go," she said gently. "This is about your Animorphs, yes? Go." She forced a pretty smile onto her fake face. "Meet me at home."
I smiled. "Thanks."
And dashed off.
I went through the park, until I found a grove of cherry trees. Not in bloom. Not until next year.
A seagull flew in minutes after me. He began to mutate, change. Disgustingly. I was so glad I didn't have a stomach...
As the snowy feathers were replaced by pink human skin, I could see a young man emerge. A young man I had known for years, had thought of as a good friend until recently. We'd mended slightly, I no longer harbored bitterness and resentment for this person. My respect for him would never recover, but hell. He knew that, and, quite frankly, I don't think he gave a damn anymore.
Jake Berenson.
"Hey, Erek," he greeted. The caution of a man who'd just met an acquaintence he'd royally screwed. Just like our last meeting on the Dutch shore.
"Hey," I replied. "What's up, man?"
I looked at his chocolatey eyes, and what I saw scared me. Manic hope, depression. I knew our conversation a year ago had not lifted his guilt over The Last Stand of the Yeerk-Animorphs War.
But Gods in heaven, or wherever they were, the child's eyes scared me.
"Erek," he said again, speaking my false name. The only of my names he knew. "I want your honest opinion."
"That's about all I give you," I said slowly.
He laughed in a hollow sort of way. "Yeah, that's so, isn't it? But..." His voice faltered, and I tensed. My joints cranked together as I clenched them, and I thought absently I was going to need one hell of a maitenence check.
"Spit it out, Jake." I tried to make a joke, "Tell Doctor King where it hurts."
Jake ran a hand through his unkempt hair. I had a feeling he hadn't brushed it in a few days. "Ax... well, he's disappeared. And, well, I want your opinion, I want...." He clenched his fist. "Do you think he's alive?"
"Statistically speaking?" I asked. "No."
"Without even knowing what happened?"
I smiled sourly. "That would only prompt me to give him a ghost of a chance."
"Really."
"Our galaxy alone is a big place, friend," I said flatly. "If he passed out of this galaxy, no chance in hell. Statistically speaking, however, that won't happen. Even with Zero-space technology, it would take centuries to go from one end of the galaxy to another."
"Is that so?"
I nodded, reaching into my brain-computer, pulling up knowledge I hadn't needed in millennia. "Statistically speaking, anyone who's lost in space... well, they stay lost."
Jake frowned. "Statistically speaking?"
"Yeah."
I was completely thrown for a loop when he did what he did next.
He smiled.
"So there's still a chance."
"WHAT?" I squawked.
"Yeah." He grinned. Freaking grinned. I swear, I almost called the loony bin... "Statistics can be wrong, huh, Erek?"
I blinked. "Is that all you wanted to know?" I didn't bother answering his question. "You just wanted to tell me about Ax and ask my opinion on survival status?"
The grin faltered. "Well, ah... Yes and no."
I glared at him. "Elaborate, if you would be so kind."
Jake sighed, defeated. "Some Andalites came to me," he explained. "And asked... me to go on a rescue mission for him."
I blinked again. "You dumbass."
"I can't leave him out there!" he snapped.
"He's dead," I said coldly. "You... you.... you can't just leave!" I was getting excited, anxious.
Worried. For my friend Ax, my fellow alien. For these children I loved like my own, these six I had so believed in, these six who made me think there was hope for the galaxy...
"Why not?" His voice, but not his. The voice of the defeated Jake, the Jake who won Earth but at the price of his own soul, the Jake I hated and loved and pitied and cursed... The Jake I had criticized, the Jake I had watched crumble.
He was so cold. So unfeeling.
So not Jake.
Or was he?
"Your family!" I yelled. "Your parents, think of them! What will they say, do, think?"
"They'll live."
"And you'll die!" I reached for him, but thought better of it. "Do you see, Jake? You. Will. Die. Die, just like Ax, Rachel and Tom."
I was entering dangerous territory, bringing up the deaths of his cousin and brother. But I would destroy him if it meant he would live.
But, in truth... what was left to destroy?
Jake's brown eyes, once like a melted Hershey bar, froze into a Fudgescicle.
I was near-manic, I didn't care.
"You don't get it, if you go chasing ghosts, you'll end up like them, dead, cold, frozen in space, vacuum fodder!" I screeched, rational thought gone. "You need to stay, at least for your parents, and Rachel's and your cousins, you HAVE to Jake, you do!"
But deep down, I realized, Jake was the exact opposite of a self-preservationist. It wasn's his death that would affect him, it was...
"JAKE! You can't, damn it, if you take Cassie and Tobias and Marco they'll all die!" I tried, desperate, begging, pleading. Earth and sky, I couldn't let one of my six die again, I couldn't! "Cassie is doing so well, she can't be taken away...."
"Erek, get a grip," Jake snapped. "Calm down, your hologram's screwed."
And so it was. I was flickering in and out. I kept flashing my true self for the world to see.
I stabilized. Visually, anyway.
Mentally?
I'd rather not go there.
Jake sighed, and buried his face and his hands, shoulders shaking. "Cassie isn't going. I refuse to let her, even if she wants to.
"But Marco and Tobias..."
"What do you three have left to live for?" I whispered. I shook my head. I had an urge to cry, but, also, insane as it sounds, to smile. "They'll follow you to the ends of the universe, Jake. You're their fearless leader, they would follow you to hell if you asked them."
Jake laughed. Almost maniacally. It was disturbing, but damned if I cared anymore. "You said lawyers and reporters have their own special level of hell, Erek." He smirked at me. "What about leaders?"
I laughed with him. And I turned, and walked away, leaving him in the grove of cherry trees that weren't in bloom. As good as dead.
Just like the Animorphs.
I walked away, but before I did, I called to him, called one last thing over my shoulder.
"Statistically speaking? Enjoy hell, Jake."