Untimely Immortal

By: M o o n M y s t

11.22.03

A faint mist covered the world, its prolonged presence gallingly suspended about a deserted scene – a scene much too painful for anyone but me to perceive. It was dark – too dark for someone to see the tears of a no one. For that is who I was – no one. An empty soul balanced between life and death, whose desperate need for finality was entirely consuming.

A weary aroma of flowers awakened me to the thought that I was still alive – still standing at the quiet grave. A drop of water settled on my fragile face, its moist feeling reminding me of the many tears I had cried – the nights and days of despair and hopelessness that reigned supreme in my heart and mind.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave

I looked down on the cold hard granite that seemed to encase all of the grief in my weary life. It's foreboding look placed a stoic expression upon my pale face. How could this happen?

It was quite clear, actually, the answer to my subconscious question. So slow, was your death, just waiting to happen – and yet it startled me. How could I not have noticed your true need for closure? I was certain you would never give in – just keep on fighting. For you were stubborn – too obstinate to stop, even if you knew it was lost.

I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

So then why did you leave? I knew you were not dead – that was apparent enough. For death was too weak for your strong soul. You saw and you conquered – you even took my heart with you.

A dark lock fell across my face, breaking my wistful reverie. I brushed it away without thought. Perhaps you had never noticed – maybe I had not made it clear enough. I love you.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot

I knew you were still alive, back in the corner of my broken mind. You probably assumed as much from me – the ever suspicious friend at your side. But that is what I am, right? A friend – a loyal friend.

No more – no less.

Sometimes I wonder whether, when we schooled together, if I let you be better because of love, or because I didn't think I was good enough. I believe both are true. You were the best student, Zechs. You are the best, Love.

But now you're gone. And instead of celebrating another loss with me, you brood alone. Do you not know that I will love you no matter what? Win or lose? Apparently not.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

The few, once staccato, drops of heaven then fell in a sadistic downpour, malevolently crashing upon the ground. I stared into the sky for a few moments, thinking that maybe, somewhere, you fly about in it – seeking all that you require. But do you not know that it is I that you need? I, who so fervently needs you as well? If we need each other, then why don't we have each other?

Like a flower needs the rain, is the comparison that I have often made. And then, as I stood during a storm, waiting for you to rescue me – it made so much more sense. And even though the shower of water hit those graceful blooms so cruelly, it was the poor flowers that wanted the rain. Just as I want you.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Was it I who said that I would never put a flower upon your grave? Once, I had said it was because I didn't believe you were dead. But at that moment, did I purely believe my own words? No. I had thought that by placing a blossom upon your eternal resting place, it would so make all that I hated, true. Though how far the truth had been from my mind, I doubt I will ever comprehend.

Now I know you live, a glimmer of hope still faintly shining chaste light upon my world. Just as you had told me, I watched, observing everything. I waited for your sign – knowing that at some time, when you were ready, you would make your survival known to me.

Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

And you did, just as I had known you would not disappoint my shattered heart. You made it much too easy for me, dear soldier. I knew in an instant that the shard of metal belonged to you. The mask you wore most of your wretched life – the mask that only I was able to see through. The silent indication of your eternal existence. For you are immortal in my mind.

Ever present is your mysterious aura – the aura that I so dearly hold. The mystery you kept about yourself only brought me closer, though.

My eyes strayed to a tree, its simple elegance drawing me under it. Its soft green lusciousness seemed to be crying – weeping like the willow it was. A relaxing emotion flooded through me – I was safe. As I retreated nearer to the comforting trunk, the rain seemed to pity me, and reduced to a mere drizzle. I smiled – perhaps the entire world was against me after all.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When will you come back to me, Zechs? For surely you miss me as I miss you. Or could our love be nothing more than a dream? If it – then it is truly realistic, for I have never felt more passionate about another soul in my life.

Why won't you recognize your affections for me? Are you afraid? Or am I too much a comrade, that you would never dare sever our friendship? If you would only tell me…

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

I sighed in resignation, too tired to keep on guessing. For that is the way in which you have always left me – ambiguous. I can't keep presuming forever, you'll have to tell me someday. But not now – no, I fear I am not ready for the truth. Whether you love me or not, I care, but I will always follow you – always be by your side. For whether you feel for me or not – you need me. That you can not deny.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I recalled where I was, and the time, so late was the hour. You are ill-timed, Mr. Peacecraft. Could you not come when I need you most? Then where would the surprise be? I am definite in the fact that when you do chose to appear, I will be as shocked as any other, even if I know you are not deceased. I am counting on you to come with a bang, but somehow I have a feeling you will slide in, though seemingly late, you will be exactly on time.

For that is what you are, beloved friend – you are an untimely immortal

A/N- A dedication to Ata, who has always been my friend - no more - no less. Loves

I do not own Gundam Wing and related characters, nor do I own the song, 'My Immortal' By Evansecence.