Now it was Matt's turn to feel nervous. What if he went too fast and scared Jay away? He didn't think he could handle that after everything he went through to find his way to him and convince him to give their relationship a chance … especially after the way he'd reentered the Canadian's life and blackmailed him into that stupid, Godforsaken plan that never should have been put into action to begin with. And he just hoped Jay really did forgive him for that.

"I won't break, you know," Jay said, an amused smirk playing around his lips. "And I know you'll be careful."

How does he read my mind like that? Matt thought. He slowly moved his body to cover Jay's and eased his weight down, looking into the blond's eyes for any sign of discomfort. But there wasn't any to be seen. Jay smiled up at him hopefully, even wrapping his arms around Matt's neck. He gave his typical V1 smirk and leaned down again, touching his lips gently to Jay's in a maddeningly slow way that had the other man whimper in frustration and deepen the kiss himself.

"We should go slow," he rasped out as the blond finally allowed him to breathe.

"I don't want to," Jay whined, pulling him back down for another kiss that ignited Matt's blood with a passion he was finding it difficult to contain. But he knew this would be the ultimate test of his determination, and Matt wasn't about to fail it; not when the stakes were this high.

"I refuse to allow our first time to be a flurry of rushed, clumsy movements, Jay," he said as softly as he could manage in his current condition. "We are going to make love … NOT just have sex. Do you understand me?"

Jay gazed up at him with a mutinous expression that eventually morphed into something resembling gratitude. "I just …" he stammered. "I just want to …"

"We will," Matt murmured, leaning back into him and placing little kisses all over his cheeks and neck. "We're going to make love tonight. I promise. But we have all night. And this is too important to both of us. I want to be absolutely sure we do this right, and you know exactly how important you are to me."

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Jay stared up at Matt in confusion. He thought everything would be fine once they just started. After all, whenever he and Adam had made love in the past, the other was a flurry of quick movements and deep kisses. That's all there really was to the sexual side of relationships, right? Steiner had been all but forgettable, but Adam had been Jay's only other real relationship. And though things weren't ended on the best of terms, the earlier parts weren't so bad. They couldn't have been for Jay to have stayed with him for so long. What was he missing here?

"Let me guess," Matt said gently, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look down at Jay. "You've never actually made love before … not even with …?"

He let the question hang in the air, apparently not wanting to open any old wounds, though Jay found it difficult to be upset by the mention of Adam's name anymore. His heart was too consumed with the dark haired man leaning over him now. He snorted his reply and assumed a pompous "Christian" look to put Matt at ease.

"You're not fighting the ghost of an old relationship, Matt," he finally said when he received the smile he'd been looking for. "You're the only one I think about now.

"Really?" Matt asked, raising a dark eyebrow.

"Really," he replied with finality. "And to answer your question, I guess I'm not sure." He felt his cheeks redden and he looked away, embarrassed. "He was the only long-term relationship I had, and I guess I don't have anything to compare my experience to."

He felt Matt lean in again and kiss the side of his head, and he yelped in surprise when the man nipped at his earlobe.

"Let me show you how someone who really loves you should … love you," Matt whispered in his ear before he covered his mouth again in a long, slow languid kiss that started a warm fire deep in the pit of his stomach.

Oh, I can definitely get used to this, he barely remembered telling himself just as his mind blanked out and he gave himself over to Matt completely. Somewhere along the way, he was aware of his new lover removing his t-shirt and undoing his pants. He whimpered and writhed against Matt desperate to get the offending pants off him as well, but the other man's hands moved to his waist holding Jay still by applying a gently pressure with his palms.

"Shhh," the Southern man said lazily. "I keep telling you we have all night."

"B-but I want … I want …"

"I know what you want," his lover replied. "God, I want it, too! But we're doing it right, especially the first time. I can't make any mistakes with you, Jay. You're too important to me."

Jay found himself panting, trying to get air into his lungs. Matt's dark eyes were intense, filled with love and passion. It was a novel experience, being on the receiving end of such a look. He'd never felt this loved before. It was like he was a precious gift that Matt wanted to cherish, and so not a lover to be kept hidden like Adam had. For the first time in a relationship, he knew damn well he was the most important thing in his lover's world. The realization hit him suddenly that this was his soul mate he was making love to for the first time. It wasn't just sex; it was the completion of a bond that would never be broken. This was what Matt was trying to convey to him.

"You're never going to leave me, are you?" Jay croaked, his eyes filling with tears. He thought it would come out as a desperate, clingy remark, but it didn't. Even to his own ears, he could hear the finality of the statement. It wasn't a request or a plea, but a fact.

"Never … ever," Matt whispered, kissing his forehead to punctuate the statement.

Tears of relief finally fell, unbidden, down the side of Jay's face and he looked up at Matt, catching and locking his gaze. "I won't leave you either."

Matt smiled gently at him and leaned in for another kiss, which lasted as long as the previous one and caused an even stronger reaction in Jay's body. He was trembling again but this time in anticipation. Matt didn't break the kiss, apparently understanding his lover's response. His tongue entered the blond's mouth and explored the recesses tenderly, learning the feel and taste of him. And Jay was learning the same about Matt, gripping onto him and running his hands all over the broadly muscled back. It didn't take long for Jay to become familiar with how Matt's body felt atop his own. He liked the feeling of being gently pressed into the mattress behind him. Matt didn't loom over him and make him feel small. He covered him in all the right places, and made him feel treasured.

Finally, the slow pace became too much and he pulled back slightly, gasping for air. "Pl-please, Matt."

"Please what, baby?" he asked.

Jay delighted in the tingle that went down his spine when he heard the endearment.

"Please make love to me," he whined.

"I am making love to you," Matt replied with a coy smile and a twinkle in his dark eyes.

"Then please make me yours …" Jay whispered, knowing what the request was going to do to his lover's mood.

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Matt's expression changed at hearing that from his new lover. He hadn't expected Jay to use such terminology, given the past he'd endured. But he could see that the blond meant it exactly as it sounded.

"You're not a possession," he said in a low, sexy voice he knew Jay thrilled at hearing.

"I know, but I am your boyfriend … aren't I?"

"I sure as hell hope so," Matt grunted, nipping sharply at Jay's ear, his movements quickening jut a bit to let his lover know what was coming. No surprises, he'd decided. Jay would set the pace. "It would kill me to lose you now."

"Then bond with me," Jay panted. "Make me yours … that way."

Matt was almost bowled over at the relief that swept over him. Jay did understand what this all meant and wouldn't be driven away if he let go of his intense side. Because Matt knew the truth was he couldn't seem to help himself when he was around Jay. He'd never really felt such a need to attach himself to someone before. It was a new experience, and one he was ready to give in to, as long as his lover was okay with it.

"I want that," he said, and smiled at the wide-eyed yet excited look he got from Jay. "I want that so much."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"Nothing now," Matt grinned and leaned in to capture Jay's mouth in a searing kiss meant to set fire to them both.

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NOTE: Ha! That's right! This one's back, too! How do you like them apples?