Mel: Hey, guys this fanfic is a first for us and yea we need constructive criticisms! NO FLAMES! I have absolutely no comprehension as to why people are that immature, I mean if you have something bad to say about a story here's what you do, take a piece of paper and a writing utensil, write down all your comments, fold it TWICE and then rip it up. This way it's out of your system and you can X out of the story and nobody's feelings get hurt ::grins:: Ok now I can be nice again ::smiles::

Disclaimer: We own, nothing, no property, animals, or llamas!

Summary: Three, erm average teens are sucked into Middle Earth! NO Mary-Sue! It's humorous (I hope) and there are violated elves galore!

No elves were harmed in the making of this fic!

Random elf: That's what you think!

Mel: Shaddup and go back to being silent and gorgeous will you?!

Descriptions of our main characters:

Liz- 17 yr old girl, about 5'4" with straight, dark brown hair that wisps down to her mid-back. Never fearing to come up with a sarcastic blow or a literal blow, this lass is quite the cheeky one. Rather enraptured by Dom Monaghan's (Merry) deep endless eyes and sly grin, Liz goes gooey at words containing Dom examples: ranDom, freeDom Dominatrix and the like. Often considered the pervy hobbit fancier of the group she also is highly attracted to kilts, eyeliner and guitar men.

Sam- Again 17 yrs old. About 5'3". Never failing to bounce gleefully behind her are her long, golden curls, nearly reaching her shoulder blades. Her ears are ever perked to hear the mention of the word 'kiwi' or for the ones who haven't heard the story, (the very few) Craig Parker aka Haldir Marchwarden of Lorien. Her knight in shining... err leather pants. Also the swooner of the Elf Princeling of Mirkwood, or any pointy-eared elfling foolish enough to cross her path. A dreamer, a thinker, a definite blonde, Sam often feels the need to remind those around her of her literal roots, whilst keeping them on their toes with humorous and philosophical questions so far out of the box it takes a fine lasso of yogurt and staples to get her back.

Mandi- What a surprise she's 17! About 5'5" and she has light blonde straight hair that hangs past her shoulders. Has quite the luster for that blonde, beautiful, err buoyant Elf, Legolas Greenleaf. Also striking her fancy is the dashing Josh Hartnett and the musically inclined Chester. Always ready for a good laugh and an incredibly, unbelievably hilarious adventure, Mandi is one of a kind... Err, well since we are all made up of different cells, chromosomes and THWAP

Prologue:

"DIE BEAST!!" cried a hyperactive blonde girl running through the room.

"Sam! Calm down, it's just a fly." said her friend, Elizabeth, Liz for short.

"B-bu-but-it-it-"protested Sam.

"No it didn't" Liz interrupted.

"It didn't?"

"No."

"…oh…ok."

Liz sighed as she flipped her dark brown hair over her shoulder, Just another Friday night sleepover. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, knocking her out of her reverie.

"Oh plums and penguins! Mandi's here!" cried the blonde haired girl.

"Hee hee…Ickle, bickle mandi-kins is here. Doot, doot, doot, doo," Liz sang jubilantly down the corridor.

She hurried to the door, prepared to embrace her friend in a bone-crushing hug. However, Liz was rather shocked not to find the smiling friend she had anticipated, but two men, both in their late thirties. One was rather plump, his mahogany hair graying. The other was so tall he could've gone out for the NBA.

"Do you realize somebody sacrificed their life for you?" the blueberry-esque man proclaimed. 'Holy annoying Jehovah's witnesses on the doorstep Batman.' Liz thought irritably.

"Liz," called Sam "that goat is ready to be sacri- oops, didn't realize we had company."

As she came down the stairwell, a barely noticeable malevolent smirk appeared on her face. Liz gave a curt nod and a small grin to show her understanding. They were gonna have some fun.

 "Hello big boys" Sam said in a falsely seductive voice as she walked down the stairs. Unfortunately, on the third stair from the bottom, she tripped with a shout of "Jesus Christ!" at the top of her lungs.

The two men look scandalized. "Demons!" cried the beanstalky guy "Mark my words the devil will get ahold of you yet! You'll go straight to hell!"

They ran away as if a wiener dog was hot on their tails (no pun intended)

'They're probably going to go have a holy water battle with super-soakers.' Sam thought as she sidled up to the door. 'Lucky brats, they get to have all the fun.'

"Why do they always say that?" Liz asked with feigned innocence.

"Maybe, it's because you're both nuts?" interjected a new voice, having observed the whole scene.

"Mandi!" they cried in joy.

"That was so funny did you see th-"But Mandi's words of congratulations were cut off by a buzzzzzzzzzing sound.

"Omigosh! They were right! You guys are going to hell...AND NOW I AM TOO! Stupid pineapples, why do I hang out with you!?"

"Relax, we aren't going to hell" Sam reasoned, "…well we probably will but it will be for something entirely different than this. I'm thinking rape and unlawful marriage…Its just that demon fly again. Don't worry I'll get him." She proclaimed boldly, "Fly Swatter, AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"Guys hate to interrupt…but Sir Nance-A-Lot is staring at me again." Liz said uneasily.

"Precioussssssss……" murmured the other two incoherently, as they stared longingly at the cardboard cutout of Legolas Greenleaf.

"Hey my fellow purple strawberries. Let's watch your, ahem, precious-" Liz started

"MY precious." Sam stated possessively.

"As I was saying," Liz interjected quickly as Mandi was about to open her mouth to argue. "Let's watch YOUR (that's plural dearies) precious...video style.

"Makin' movie munchies with Mandi," the brunette chanted in the kitchen, conga style, whilst looking for food.

"Guyyyyyyyys, its Leggy-kins time! Leggy! LEGGY!" wailed Sam from the living room.

Mandi squealed with delight and ran from the kitchen now laden with wittles, Liz following in suit. All three settled in 'round the tube gazing (and drooling) contentedly.

'BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ'

"DIEEEEEEEEE!!" erupted Sam in a defiant war cry. Jumping to her feet, the teen flailed after the sound, blonde curls bouncing.

"Mandi maybe-" TWARP  "DIE!" "you should-" CRASH TWARP  "pause-" BANG "the movie." Liz said, her words punctuated by the huntress' war cries.

THWAMMMMMM!........ "BWAHAAAHAAAA!!!"

The three gazed around the room, noting its disheveled appearance. Sam then proceeded to do the victory dance.(a cross between the twist, the mountie/hick dance, and the Macarena) The other two joined in but all were quickly ceased by the sound of a certain elven voice.

"Mandi," moaned Liz, "didn't ya pause it?!"

"Cha! Of course I did. I dunno why it's talking!"

With that said, the teens quickly pivoted towards the screen. It was still paused. With confused faces, they looked at each other, gasping in shock when the voice spoke again.

"Come with me," it beckoned urgently, "you must come with me."

Sam looked bewilderedly at her purple flyswatter, while Mandi examined the remote in fascination. Liz's gaze slowly swept across the room stopping on the cardboard cutout.

"Uhh hey guys, umm, heh heh, the- it's, uh" she too shocked by what she saw to form a coherent sentence. The voice spoke again,

"Come, we must be swift."

All the girls were now completely freaked out by what they were seeing. The elf-shaped cutout, was urging them to join him.

"You have slain his beloved beast," he pleaded, "he will send for you, we need your help please come."

He extended his cardboard hand for them to take ahold of. The girls stood there in total shock until Mandi said,

"Last time I checked, when a sexy piece of cardboard asks you to go, you well, go."

With that, she stepped forward hesitantly, with the other two following slowly behind her.

The moment their hands touched, everything in the room went wonky. It was as if a vacuum had been created and the three girls were sucked in. As they went, all that could be heard was Liz's traveling voice yelling,

"I told you it was looking at meee!!!!"

Well what do you think? Keep in mind this is a first attempt and we need all the reviews we can get so get going and you get a umm hug and err well let me see checks pockets a hall pass, and a penny, and oooh someone lucky out there gets pocket lint! looks proud

REVIEW!!!!!!

Elves and Spoons,

Nessa, Luthien, and Melawen