"I just wanted to make sure he didn't hate me. I could never tell with the way he talked to me. It sounded like he was disgusted with me, but then he'd say something nice out of the blue. I was never sure about it."

"Do you still want to know?" Shuichi asked quietly.

"Yes. Why?"

"I think I might have your answer."

~ Chapter Five: Happiness Ending the Pain ~

"How could you have the answer?"

"I told you that I might have punched out your father, right?"

"Yes…"

"I went to talk to him earlier today. That's where I went this morning."

"And you asked him about it?"

"Not specifically, but he still gave me a pretty clear answer."

"What is it?"

"He… are you sure you want to know?"

"Do you think it's something I won't like?"

"No… I know you won't like it."

"Tell me anyway."

Shuichi sighed and hugged Yuki gently. He started to speak, not able to raise his voice above a whisper. "He said… he said he hates you. That because you look foreign he doesn't want to be seen with you, and that he didn't want you even when your mother was pregnant with you."

Yuki's eyes were unreadable as Shuichi spoke. When the pink-haired boy trailed off, Yuki looked down at him and smiled. It was a strained smile, devoid of all emotion. "Did he tell you why he didn't want me even then?"

"Because he had only wanted one child, and he already had Mika-san."

"That makes sense."

"Yuki? Are you okay?"

"Hai, I'm fine." The novelist stood up. "I think I'm going to go back to bed, though."

"Yuki, I'm sorry! I didn't want to tell you! I knew it would upset you." Shuichi hung his head.

Yuki turned back around to face the three inhabitants of his living room. He smiled at Shuichi, and some of the emotion came back into his face with that smile. "I'm not upset, Shu-chan. I brought it on myself by asking you what he said. I always suspected that that's what the reason was, I just never thought I would hear it confirmed." The other three watched as the blond man walked out of the room, then Shuichi turned to Tatsuha.

"I'm so sorry!"

"What for?" Tatsuha asked, shocked at how upset Shuichi sounded.

"I didn't mean to hurt him! I only wanted him to hear the truth! I'm sorry!"

"Shuichi, it's fine."

"Honto ni?"

"Hai. He asked you to tell him what our father said about him. Why would I be upset with you for that?" Shuichi's head lowered, and Tatsuha had to strain to hear the nineteen-year-old's mumbled reason.

"Everyone else blames me for anything else that happens to Yuki. If he gets hurt, everyone immediately points their fingers at me. Even if I had nothing to do with it, it's my fault."

"I wouldn't do that to you, Shuichi."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, Ryu-chan would hate me for making you feel bad. For another thing, Aniki loves you."

"So?"

"For twelve years I was the only person that could see through Yuki into Eiri. The only reason I could do that is because I cared about him so much from the beginning. In less than three weeks of him acting like he hated you, you managed to see what it had taken Tohma four years to get past with Mika's help. Also, Aniki didn't ever hate Tohma, so Tohma had it easier than you did."

"And that's a good thing?" Shuichi asked.

"Shuichi, he loves you. You managed to see past all of his shields and walls, and you still loved what you saw there. From my understanding, he believed no one could see that much of him and still love him the way you do. Even if you do things to annoy the crap out of him, and you hurt him – accidentally or on purpose – he could never really hate you after that. Because he couldn't hate you, it makes it difficult for the people who care for him to hate you as well.

"Mika and Tohma acted like they hated you, but that was only because they didn't realize that the two of you cared about each other so deeply. If they had known that you were so in love with him, and that you had seen that far into him, into a place where only one other person has been allowed into for over a decade, they would have done nothing to ruin it for you. They would have done everything they could to make sure the two of you stayed together and happy." The brown-haired man stared at the younger two with a solemn expression on his face, making sure that both of them understood what he was saying.

"Ryuichi… I thought that Tohma loved Yuki," Shuichi managed to say.

"No. There was a small time when Tohma was attracted to Eiri's looks, but that's understandable. Eiri has never understood it, though. He doesn't realize that his looks are enough to turn anyone's head. He may act like a cocky, arrogant prick, but he doesn't even realize what his looks do to people. [1] Tohma grew out of his attraction, though. It only took about a month before he realized that it was wrong to think of his younger brother like that, especially when two older men had just raped that younger brother. From that time, Tohma took to being like a surrogate father to Eiri, making sure that he had enough to eat and was looked after. He still does that sometimes out of habit, as I'm sure you've noticed."

"I've noticed. I didn't know that was the reason, though."

"Yep. Do you have a cookie? Ryu-chan and Kumagoro are hungry!" Shuichi and Tatsuha smiled as Ryuichi's personality shifted back into the younger, more playful version. Shuichi got up to get a brownie, which was all they had in the house.

~

"Are you awake?"

"Barely," Yuki mumbled into the pillow. Shuichi stifled his laughter and walked closer to the bed, putting a hand on Yuki's back.

"Had a tough day?" Shuichi asked with a grin. Yuki returned the smile, much more comfortable now that it was only the two of them. Tatsuha and Ryuichi had left a few hours before, and Shuichi had spent the remainder of the afternoon writing new songs. Yuki had taken the opportunity to sleep, but had woken up when Shuichi walked into the room.

"Extremely."

Shuichi stretched out on the bed next to the blond. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Last night two insane idiots – my younger brother and his idol – talked me into telling my life story. Then I woke up this morning to a cold bed, a headache, and a sore throat. I got out of bed – much earlier than I had intended, I might add – to find said idiots in my kitchen. They were kicked out of the kitchen just in time to save my house from being blown up. Then my older sister and her husband came by and we found out that a certain baka had taken it upon himself to visit and attack our father. The attacker came home apologizing, but still left me in a cold bed for hours while he doodled all over a bunch of paper."

"Sounds like you've had it rough," Shuichi said with mock sincerity. "Would you be so kind as to let the baka explain why he was so intent on his 'doodles' and not on things higher on his priority list?"

"Only if he promises not to stop." Shuichi smiled at the blond, continuing to give the taller man a massage.

"Promise. Those 'doodles' are actually my next five songs. Your story, and what happened as a result of it, gave me a lot to think about, and I became inspired. I had to get it out while it was still there. I didn't use any names, or specific events, but I guess our next album will be your story. Am I forgiven?"

"Do you plan on stopping any time soon?"

"Only to fall asleep. But I'll still be right here when I do that, so you have nothing to worry about."

"Tired?"

"Sort of." Yuki snuggled back against Shuichi, giving Shuichi his first real chance of cuddling with his lover. Shuichi wrapped his arms around Yuki and hugged, then curled against the taller man. They were both asleep moments later. As they slept against each other, a smile formed on each of their faces.

~~

[1] – Yes, I know that in the manga he thanks his father for his looks, but knowing that you look nice and knowing how those looks affect others are two completely different things.