CRAZY LUNATIC EXPERIMENTS

Summary: Hermione's aunt has been called to Hogwarts as she needs lots of children to be her 'guinea pigs' and of course, only Dumbledore is nice enough to let someone experiment with his students . . .

NARRATED BY MOI!

'=Thoughts "=speech

NO SPOILERS.

A FINAL THANKS TO ALL YOU LOVELY, LOVELY, WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO REVIEW!!!!:

=-= NightyGal – Yes, every beginning must have an end, and this is the end indeed! I'll definitely be writing more D/Hr fics, although I'm planning to just review things for a while maybe . . . I don't know, but no sequel, no. This sounds silly, but I don't 'believe' in sequels, lol.

=-= pink-neon – Draco getting embarrassed? Maybe, depends on which way you look at it really, thank you so much for your review, and support! I won't forget you!

=-= kleebabe – Lol, I wish I worked in KFC, the food is so much better than any other place and the service is good as well (compared to MacDonald's . . .) I don't know what gouche is, you decide! Thanks for reviewing by the way!

=-= ShortStuff10 – I'm really hungry as well, according to one of my friends, I'm always eating, I don't agree though. I do like my fair share of cookies, I have to admit, but I'm not eating all the time! I hope . . .

=-= Vache – Thanks very much for reviewing, this is the last chapter! I hope you enjoy.

=-= Paprika90 – Thanks for reviewing! This is the last chapter I'm afraid, and as for more romance, let's just say they end up together! I mean, they aren't exactly the most romantic of people, lol

=-= Karana Belle – Yes, Norman is okay now I think. Drako probably got one of the Professors to repair his wing or something, knowing it. Lol, well I hope you like the ending, I'm not good with endings, so sorry if you're disappointed! I really hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for reviewing, and thanks for your support!

=-= Some12 – Wow, sounds like a fantastic party! I don't go to parties and such, I don't know why but I just don't like them. Heh, thanks for your support throughout the story! HUGZ

=-= cooldude9876 – Ah, your confusion probably won't be sorted out, nevermind, sorry. This is the last chapter, so . . . well, if you get frustrated because of your confusion, you could email and ask! I wouldn't mind!

=-= Spaced Out Space Cadet – Lol, yes, I hope you like this chapter just as much as the last! For this is the last of the last! Thank you for all your support, I appreciate it a lot!

=-= Midnight solitaire – Well, actually, it's ending this chapter, and sorry if the humour lessened, it's very hard to write. Maybe you could help me someday to edit this and make it somewhat . . . 'funnier'? I honestly wouldn't mind to see what your ideas are. Thanks for reviewing by the way

=-= Eventuality – Yes, you shall find out in this final chapter of CLE! I hope you enjoy it, the ending's probably a little . . . weird? I don't know, I'm so not good with endings!

=-= Cereza – Lol, I've already brought out another fic! Too Much To Ask is my new fanfiction, it's going to be short compared to many others and it's very nearly done I think, I'm not actually that sure. Lol, maybe Harry is going to that tea party . . . we could drag him there . . .. hehehe

=-= Elvinscarf – Ah the last chapter, thanks for reviewing, you'll have to read on to find out what Draco says!

=-= Tears-That-Fall – Well, wasn't it good all the way through? I just wanted to end it before everything just fell apart, you know, quit while you're ahead. Sooner or later, everyone would have to get bored, and I just don't want that to happen! I hope the ending's okay . . .

=-= Sunflower18 – Yeah, this chappie has more of what Draco thinks, so that's just a slight tweak, it's not really that different. Thanks for reviewing!

=-= HappiGoLucki616 – YAY! You managed to get on! I'm missing talking to you so much! Lol, thanks for reviewing and supporting me through everything, HUGZ

=-= Dragon-rose-vine – Here's the final chapter, I am so sorry that it took so long, and I hope the ending is at least satisfactory. I'm not very good with endings and I did try hard . . .

=-= Luna Gypsy – Hehe, odd in a good way I hope, and at least it makes everything seem so unique! Thanks so much for reviewing, please do enjoy the chapter!

=-= Zinok – Ah, there's a final experiment for this last chapter, I hope you enjoy it! I'm so sorry that it's ending, but it has to end sometime and I want to quit while I'm ahead. Thank you for reviewing so much!

=-= Temper – Sorry the chapter took so long! But at last, it is here! I hope it was worth the wait, lol, enjoy!

=-= Mymione – Thank you very much! I think I've emailed you, here is the next chapter and I really hope that it's okay and not too forced!

=-= midnitejewel 4eva – Thank you, I hope this chapter is HELL GOOD too! I'm so sorry that it took like, forever, but I couldn't seem to write anything.

=-= anonymous – Lol, there are kissing scenes, three I think in the entire fanfic! Lol, not a lot, but there you are, I'm a bit . . . touchy? With kissy scenes, so hard to write and there's a near kissing scene in this chapter! I'm sorry it's ending, but it has to end sometime! Thanks for reviewing and supporting me!

=-= pyroprincess4rmeverwood – You changed your name, right? Lol, I thought that I might as well thank this name, seeing as it's what you reviewed in! Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoy!

=-= Smileyface1314 – Aw man, thanks for reviewing! I can't thank you enough for supporting me and stuff like that, I'm going to miss this fic as well, even if it did give me my first batch of authors block!

=-= Burgundyred – I like your long-winded reviews! They amuse me, lol, and they're definitely better than some reviews that I won't mention. Lol, I love Will and Grace, Jack and Karen are my favourite, they're hilarious. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, it is, after all, the last. The ending will hopefully be okay (or at least better than 'Does my bum look big in this?') and thank you for being one of the few reviewers that's reviewed from early on and are still reviewing now! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

=-= KrAzYkEwLgUrL – Thanks for reviewing, here's the update and sorry if it took too long!

=-= Fairy lights – Ah, maybe you'll be pleased to hear that there is one last experiment before this fic ends! I really hope you like this chappie, and thanks for reviewing so much!

=-= Shoshi – Aw thanks, I hope this chapter won't let you down, it was very hard to write and in a way I'm glad this is ending but in a way I'm not, if that made any sense at all! Thanks again for reviewing!

=-= Fluff – I'm broke as well, for some reason, I don't seem to have gotten paid in a long time. I'm blaming it on my phone bill. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you update soon, I'm sure I'm not the only one looking forward to the next chapter of The Bachelor!

=-= TOM-FELTON-IS-SEXY – How is it Christmas? Lol, I like Fred better, I have to say, I don't know why, he seems more humorous, I guess. Thanks for the review!

=-= the Lady Katherine – Lol, yes, well, at least you've reviewed now! It's the end and well, tears all around? Maybe, lol, thanks for the review though and good luck in that theatre class (if you're still doing it)

=-= Smrt Cids – Cheers, or thanks, whichever, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, and review if you have the time to!

=-= Damia Alders – Okay, I don't know if you've read as far as this, but it's worth thanking you for reviewing anyway! I don't really care if you like my name or not, because I like Ron and that's all that matters, it's your opinion if you don't. Thanks again by the way!

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: A happy ending?

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing to do with Harry Potter. The people in the plot are mostly not mine, although the plot is most definitely mine. Suggestions from reviewers are also contained in this fic, therefore, some part of it, has to be with my reviewers. Thank you to all of you who understand what I am saying.

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Hermione sighed. How low had she stooped?

It was now the beginning of another new day, and she had had to sleep in the corridor outside her room, just to avoid Draco. THEN, she had had to wake up especially early to avoid those annoyingly cheery morning people. She had then decided to merely wait in the classroom until yet another experiment would begin. After all, it wasn't like she was dressed just in her underwear or something.

She had forgotten to bring any books or any kind of entertainment, and it was too early for Madam Pince to unlock the library doors, so, Hermione was stuck thinking to herself about pointless things like 'When do they actually clean the ceiling?' or maybe something like 'Wow, it's light but there's no windows!' and now she was pondering over a question she couldn't really answer.

How low had she gotten, exactly?

Well, first, she had fallen for Draco Malfoy, the guy who had tormented her and her friends ever since they came to Hogwarts, and then, she had even dared to actually tell him. Oh, and of course, it didn't end there; she had then asked him out, not even privately, but in front of the entire population of 7th years in Hogwarts.

"Ugh . . ." Hermione groaned, she tried hard to remember if anyone had put something in her breakfast. Well, if anyone had, it had to be her Aunt, who was even more desperate to sell her off to someone than even her own mother was.

'What to do now,' she thought to herself, after coming to a conclusion that it must be her Aunt. After all, she was even trying to murder her with all those freaky broom experiments (not to mention putting her with someone like Lee as well).

Sighing, she groaned again and prayed that the feelings she had for Draco would just go away. They were way too strong to ignore (like when someone's driving through a farm and that strong smell of manure whiffs up again . . .), and it was really beginning to wear her out . . .

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Draco and Drako made their way towards the classroom. It had been absolute HELL without Hermione. Drako had had horrible nightmares, apparently about some ugly people who looked just like Draco, and he had crept into the same bed as Draco, scaring the living daylights out of him.

"I'm sorry," Drako sighed, grabbing onto Draco's arm, "I didn't mean to scare you by crawling into your bed! But honestly, I had this nightmare, and this guy who looked like you was trying to kill me!!! I guess I was stupid, I mean, YOU would never kill ME!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah . . ." Draco rolled his eyes. If he weren't going to get punished for murder, Drako would have been dead weeks ago.

Drako grinned happily and flung his arms around Draco, hugging him tightly. Draco continued to walk, trying to ignore the fact that he was beginning to suffocate.

"I LOVE YOU, DRACO!!!!"

Draco tried to wriggle out of Drako's grasp, but found, to his horror, that it only made him hug him tighter.

'People are beginning to stare . . .' Draco thought, scowling and glaring at everyone who scuttled past. Harry and Ron, along with their partners and 'children' hurriedly walked past, mumbling something along the lines of, 'So that's why he won't go out with Hermione . . .'

"Shut up! GOD DAMN YOU!!!!!!" Draco tried his best to shout, but only came out with a squeak. If he died, he'd make sure SOMEONE grew up into a lawyer so that they could sue Drako for murder!

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Draco and Drako soon arrived at the classroom, where they found two empty seats on either side of Hermione. Draco sat to her right and hoped that she would notice him. Instead, she did exactly the opposite, and pretended that he wasn't there. He scowled and was about to speak when Dr Granger suddenly stood and coughed loudly to gather everyone's attention.

"I have some good news, and some bad news today," She said, her voice unusually wobbly and her eyes slightly more googly, "The good news is that there shall be another experiment today that is, hopefully, a lot safer than the experiment yesterday! By the way, Hermione darling, yesterday we were experimenting with new charms and such with a new brand of wand!! Of course, it was very fun, but the wands went all weird on us and I'm afraid that's how Seamus over there has got a larger head than usual."

Seamus' head was as big as a giant onion, or maybe an enormous pumpkin. Either way, it didn't look very . . . pleasant.

"But, I'm afraid the bad news is that 'we', and by we I mean me, Serena, Lee and the rest of these wonderful people in professional looking white lab coats, shall be leaving you all after today's experiment! Christmas is drawing ever nearer, and I'm afraid the great witch doctor has only given us until Christmas to give her the results of all our experimenting. The fact that we don't actually know where she lives means that it will probably take us a few weeks to find her headquarters. We'll have to travel slowly as well, seeing as it is so awfully hot in a place like Africa."

Dr Granger rolled her eyes and paused, making sure everyone was still awake (it was, after all, very early in the morning – 9:30 is early to people who aren't exactly active!), "But just in case any side effects happen when we leave, Serena here will give you all a leaflet that has my personal mobile number on it, so you can all contact me and tell me what's happened to you! That way, I can warn the witch doctor of any freaky happenings!"

Serena smiled happily and began handing out a leaflet to everyone sitting at a table. Draco looked suspiciously at his leaflet, and realized that it was definitely a muggle printing as none of the pictures moved.

"Interesting that they only have information on how to contact them and they don't even say how to actually cure what 'unusual' side effect you get . . ." Draco mumbled to himself, pocketing the leaflet.

"Now that everyone has a leaflet, let our Professor for today – Professor McGonagall – explain what our experiment shall be!"

Whether Professor McGonagall had actually accompanied the students on any 'experiment trips' before, no one really cared. Draco guessed that she was probably the only one brave enough to volunteer for chaperoning the last day of testing.

"Behind me are some sprinkles. They are different shapes, sizes, colors, and maybe even not sprinkles at all. However, most of you shall be taking different sprinkles. They only last for two hours, so no matter what shapes you change into or what pain you go through, it will only last for two hours. Now, please form a orderly line between that table and me."

Everyone got up as quickly as they could so that they could go to get the best possible sprinkles. Hermione, along with everyone else, could only pray that the sprinkles wouldn't kill her.

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It was now the afternoon. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and Drako, along with the rest of the 'little people' had been dragged away towards a special 'Hogwarts nursery'. What could go wrong? Well, a hell of a lot, because the sprinkles that everyone had taken was now beginning to take effect.

One Slytherin boy had taken some sprinkles that made him invisible, and now he went around pinching all the girls' butts while most of the people in white coats went around chasing him with large fishnets. A Ravenclaw girl had grown to be as tall as one of the tallest towers in Hogwarts, and poor old Neville's nose had even changed into the shape of a life size broomstick.

Ron's hair had grown so that it was even longer than Rapunzel, and Harry had turned into a talking rabbit. Draco, had taken a pretty good sprinkle, compared to many other people. His voice had become awfully loud, so loud that if he tried to shout now, he could cause an earthquake.

Hermione's sprinkles did . . . well, no one really knew, for she had appeared to disappear since she had taken them.

Draco had been searching for her for a while now, trying to get her to listen to what he had to say. Maybe then he didn't have to face utter humiliation (like how she had) just to tell her his answer. He had planned to do something along the lines of what she had done for him, just to make it even.

'Damn conscious,' Draco thought to himself, 'Hold on a minute . . . since when did I have a conscious?' Of course, he couldn't really say it aloud, otherwise people from every single room in Hogwarts would be able to hear him talking to himself.

Speaking of rooms, he had just walked past a peculiar looking door with a strange baby drawn on it, when he heard a familiar voice screaming . . .

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'M NOT GOING INTO THE BABY ROOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO – OOOOOOO, COOKIE!!!!"

Draco sighed as he watched Drako being dragged into the 'baby room', Professor Dumbledore holding a cookie in his hand, making Drako follow him, his tongue stick out at an odd angle.

He raised an eyebrow and began to speed walk towards one of the towers in Hogwarts. Maybe Hermione was there? He certainly hoped she was, all this walking was beginning to wear him out.

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Now, in reality, Hermione had not become invisible like that perverted Slytherin boy. She had . . . SHRUNK. Yes, she was hanging onto Draco's robe for dear life. She had shrunk so that she was so small, no one could see her, unless maybe using a microscope. She couldn't even walk on the floor, just incase someone stood on her.

She practically smacked herself when she began to smell Draco's scent and smile to herself.

'No Hermione, don't be stupid, just because you're hanging onto him and you can go explore any part of him without him noticing doesn't mean you have to think about it, damn it!'

But no matter how hard she tried, Hermione just couldn't stop thinking about him.

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Draco was sick and tired of searching. He stopped and sat on the stone floor, wondering what to do now. Of course, he could still somehow say his answer and then hope she heard. Even if he didn't try to shout, the entire school would hear what he said anyway!

Slowly, he got up and decided that that was exactly what he was going to do. He looked for the nearest window (or nearest gap that was like a window), and stuck his head out of it. Hermione had already dented his pride. He couldn't exactly dent it anymore.

'Yes, Draco, think positive!!! . . . . God damn you cheeriness!"

He looked around and began to speak.

"HERMIONE GRANGER, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, STAND UP." His voice boomed. He nearly hit himself when he realized that the window was directly above a lake, and that even if she did stand up, he couldn't see her anyway.

"OKAY, THAT WAS STUPID," He said to no one in particular, "HERMIONE GRANGER, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I, DRACO MALFOY, THE BIGGER ONE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WILL NOW ANSWER YOUR QUESTION NOW!!!!!!!"

He was hoping that maybe there would be some sign that SOMEONE had heard him at least, but no, there wasn't even a sound. Draco pouted and decided to continue anyway.

"I, DRACO MALFOY, SAYS YES, TO HERMIONE GRANGER'S QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!"

Silence. Surely SOMEONE had heard him, his voice was loud enough, that was for sure.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING AT LEAST!!!!!!!!!"

But no one did. Draco tried to growl, but it came out as more of a very loud snarl. He sighed angrily and stormed off towards the library. He'd check there once again for Hermione, after all, it couldn't possibly do any harm.

Meanwhile, Hermione was still hanging onto Draco's robe pocket. She was shocked, speechless, paralyzed, even. She had never expected him to actually say, YES???? Of course, she was overjoyed, but in a way, she didn't want to be near him when she turned big again – which was in exactly ten minutes. She immediately decided that it would be good to get off Draco, onto someone else and then scamper off somewhere where he couldn't find her.

But then again, if she were on the floor, she would get trodden on . . .

'Okay Hermione, stick to the walls, remember, no one walks on walls!'

And so that was how it went, Draco to the library, and Hermione to the wall.

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Hermione sighed and looked around the corner to check that Draco wasn't heading towards her. She had changed back into a big person quite a while ago, and since then she had been trying to stay away from Draco. Now that she was (technically) going out with him, she guessed that it would be best to start speaking to him, and not be cowardly and hide – after all, she was a Gryffindor, with bravery and boldness! That was much easier said then done . . .

Suddenly, she heard footsteps and the sound of Draco's voice, calling her name. She began to panic, but just as she saw her Aunt coming from the opposite direction as Draco, she rushed into the nearest room – a small cupboard full of dust.

'Please don't tell him where I am, Aunt Emi, PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING,' Hermione thought desperately. Surely her Aunt would be clever enough to figure out that she was hiding from him, right?

"Why hello there, Mr Malfoy!" Dr Granger exclaimed cheerfully.

"I'm sorry to disturb you . . . Doctor, but I'm looking for Hermione, have you seen her?"

"Oh yes, of course! She just ran into that small cupboard full of dust over there! I don't know why, she must have gotten frightened about something, but don't tell whoever she's hiding from that she's there! Tata!"

Dr Granger walked happily off as Hermione mentally prepared herself for what was coming. How ditzy could her Aunt possibly get? Draco opened the cupboard door and peered in, giving Hermione a look that obviously showed that he wasn't pleased with her.

"I've been looking for you, where have you been???"

"Oh just in Hogwarts, as usual - here, there, everywhere, you know the sort."

"Hiding from me, I presume?"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. You never know, I might be hiding from some unknown snake that's trying to kill muggle borns like myself!"

"That was second year, too late to use that excuse now," Draco raised an eyebrow and took Hermione's hand, tugging her up, "It's because you heard what I said, right? That's why you're hiding from me!"

"No, I never heard a word you're saying!"

"You had to have heard what I was saying! THE ENTIRE SCHOOL HEARD!!!!!!"

"Well, I'm not the entire school, am I?"

"Oh yes, right, WHATEVER. YOU'RE PART OF THIS SCHOOL THOUGH, AREN'T YOU?"

"Yes well, I still didn't hear you, you'll have to say it again."

"Fine then, I will. I said that I would go out with you, happy now?"

Hermione stood, shocked. She hadn't expected him to say it so easily. 'Damn Malfoy for being so unexpected!' She pouted as Draco smirked.

"Is that pouting an invite to a kiss?"

Hermione looked at Draco, slightly shocked. She stood there for a while, as Draco stepped closer towards her, taking her hands and leaning forward a bit more. As thoughts ran through her mind and blood rushed to her cheeks, she suddenly smiled.

It was a little strange, going out with the one person that she thought she had loathed, but still, it had been strange growing a beard but she got through it! Maybe she could have a happy ending after all . . . but then again, with a meddling Aunt, two best friends who didn't exactly like her new boyfriend, and some lasting side effects of an experiment (i.e. Drako), her ending couldn't exactly be a perfect vision of happiness now, could it?

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FINAL AUTHOR NOTE:

MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAH! And that is the end now people!!! I hope the ending was alright, I think it was better than the ending for Butt Big, which I think everyone agreed was disastrous . . . maybe I'll change that one day! Anyway, thank you to everyone who has EVER reviewed this fanfiction. I THANK ALL OF YOU, EVEN IF YOU ONLY REVIEWED ONCE! I ALSO THANK ANYONE WHO WILL (IN THE FUTURE) REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!!! I can't really write an ending author note to say thanks to all of you who reviewed this chapter, so I'm afraid that'll have to do. But, if you ever need something, just email me!

Oh and by the way, sorry for the long, long, LOOOONG, wait for this chapter though. I kind of . . . didn't feel like writing, so I had to have 'Too Much To Ask' (a newer fic that you are all very welcome to read) just to try and get over my block! Which is working by the way! 'Gems In The Eyes Of The World' hasn't been updated, and won't be for at least another week or two. I've written THREE PARAGRAPHS for that, so there you are.

To all of you lovely readers, I just hope that even if you move onto bigger and better fanfictions than mine, you won't ever forget me!!!

FAREWELL, AND GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL!