Disclaimer: yui doesn't own prince of tennis.
melting [into] you
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 6 - intention.
I woke up in the middle of the night to stare at the darkness above me. And when I turned my head, I found a glass of water with some more medicine at the side. My mother probably came in the middle of my sleep and left it there.
I felt bad that I was worrying her. This was one of those things that I didn't like doing to her most of all. After that incident with the sempai, I never wanted to worry her again. Even though she didn't tell me, she was crying to my father.
I didn't like that feeling.
And what was I doing now? I was supposed to be the pillar of Seigaku.
Only, a single boy had messed up my way of thinking and my body was suffering the consequences of my abuse once more.
Again...
I wonder if I was so weak to show Fuji my weak side. Once again, I was becoming close to someone who was opening themself to me. I didn't like that either.
My instinct was telling me that I shouldn't do this all over again. After all, the heart that I kept hidden along with my apathetic face was an invisible scar that I carried deep inside of me.
Slowly, I sat up and took the medicine while trying my best not to cough it up. After finishing, I turned my head towards my window, but I slumped back down onto my pillow once more. The world was spinning even though I was standing still.
"Again..." I whispered to myself while staring out the window while I lied on my bed motionless, almost to the point that I couldn't hear myself breathe anymore.
I was used to being picked on.
It wasn't a rare sight to be bullied when other people thought you were better than they were. That was just human nature, I guess. As for me, I always just enjoyed doing whatever I was doing, but I just happened to choose tennis to put my love into.
Day after day, I trained myself until my mother became worried. But I eased her worries only to increase my own by being quiet. The more people talked, the more I became distant.
It wasn't that I cared what they said. I just wondered why they had to be that way. I wondered for such a long time why did people have to hate you for doing your best.
Wasn't that I ironic?
Society tells you to work hard, to study hard, to function well in the community. And at the moment that you are an individual, that is the time that you're told that that isn't good because it shows the differences between people. The different levels in any type of scale for anything are weighed, and no one wants to ever lose.
Only, everyone has to lose something to gain another, isn't that right?
In the process of rising, I lost the bright smile I had in order to be taken seriously. In the process of becoming wiser, I lost what it meant to be young and carefree.
Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.
You represent your parents.
You represent yourself at all times. You'll be branded for life if you don't act the way you're supposed to.
I tried to push the limits, but there were some things I couldn't get through.
Oishi was my best friend, but even to him, there were things I barred away from his sight so that he wouldn't worry about me also. Everyone has their secrets, but mine weren't really secrets I consciously kept.
They were more of things I ignored so that I could be this tough, persistent person.
I think that was what he saw through me.
Yamato-buchou...
For as long as I lived, I'd never forget that name or that face.
Sometimes his way of doing things wasn't conventional and sometimes, I was surprised by how he handled certain situations, but my admiration grew and grew since the moment I met him.
He called me the future pillar of Seigaku.
It was at the time that I was about to quit because I wasn't going to stand for a sempai's disrespect of my tennis. I didn't want to grow into that type of person with that type of environment.
But he made me stay. Oishi stood in my way, but the captain came to talk to me.
And from then on, he tried to train me as best as he could. He talked a lot and I listened while I sat on the bench next to him. I would listen so eagerly to the point that he laughed at my seriousness.
"But I'm taking note of what you're saying, Captain," I told him while looking at him.
"Just let it develop. These things will develop with time," he told me while patting my head. "You can't just take my word for it. How about if I am wrong?"
"But I trust your word, Captain," I said without hesitation.
At that moment, he rested his hand on my head and stopped talking.
"Do you trust me because I'm your captain or is it because of me as a person, Tezuka-kun?" he asked me as he stared out in front of him, but his hand was still on my head.
"I just feel that it should be so," I told him while giving him a contemplative look. "I trust you as the captain, but I don't know you enough as a person yet."
He began to laugh as he took his hand away from my head. "Then, you'll have to learn, won't you?"
I wondered why he was laughing, but he interrupted my thoughts. The captain got up from the bench as he said, "Trust in yourself, Tezuka-kun."
I blinked at him. Had I been that transparent?
"I do, Captain," I said as I slowly got up from the bench.
But at that moment, he pulled the back of my head and held me close to him. "Stop holding back what you have. You have to show the world what and who is Tezuka Kunimitsu through your play. How can you do that if you keep on worrying about what's in front of you instead of aiming higher?"
I opened my eyes widely.
All I remembered was that hand was so warm and somehow he was trying to understand me.
I couldn't understand if he was doing it because he wanted me to become the pillar or was it because he could see through me. Either way, I was shocked because I never expected anyone to notice.
I thought my face was unreadable.
To become the pillar, I thought I had to become more and more determined and strong, but I guess there was one thing the captain wanted me to figure out by myself. Always to aspire higher, but to never hold back.
Even when you're in pain.
I wanted to cry in front of him, but I didn't at that moment.
But why...
Why did I want to fall so easily into Fuji's arms without thinking twice?
What was he seeing that I couldn't? What was he reading that I couldn't see within myself?
I knew this feeling was the same.
It was the same with the captain, but yet it was different with Fuji.
I knew the truth deep inside and I didn't want to discover it just yet...
Even though I never acted like it, I wanted him to be cement.
If I was the pillar of Seigaku...
...I wanted him to hold me together.
I wanted him that close to me.
"Why?" I asked myself as I sleepily closed my eyes.
Because I could feel that behind that smile of his, there was something only he could tell me about myself. That he knew what to do about all the things I pushed away into a corner of my heart.
That he would accept me...
Not because of tennis...
But through it.
And beyond it.
Without a second thought, I took my cel phone and started to text message him. Whether or not he would understand, that was irrelevant.
"Don't ever quit tennis without me."
Two minutes later, I unexpected got a reply that said,
"Of course.
But if you quit, I'll decide that. ^_^"
I wrote back,
"That was my intention."
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I have done more researching in order to get the feel of the characters. I thought I didn't have Tezuka's character at all. I thought that I didn't even understand him but then I realized that I did after all. I just didn't have enough evidence at the time. Or at least, this is the way I will portray him.
I have chosen to bring out Yamato-buchou in this sequence rather than later on because I wanted to echo the similarities and differences in Tezuka's character then and now and in the near future (which is my aim). There are hints, but then, there are not. I'm just messing with his mind. ^_^ (The more I torture a character, you know I love them more. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;)
As for some questions about the spelling of 'tsuzuku', it really is spelled that way. When you put 'su' or 'tzu' with the two dan (the apostrophe type marks to make it a voiced sound), it becomes 'zu' in either case. It's just that these days, due to typing, 'tsu' with the dan has been made 'du' in order to distinguish a way to type it out on Japanese language programs. If this I were to be consistent, then Tezuka would be Teduka as well, but this is what I was taught in Japanese class, therefore I'll keep it that way.
As for Tezuka living with his parents, thank you for your observation, however, I wanted to make it seem like Tezuka has a more emotional side. Though he may not seem the type to take things for granted, I feel that he is a person that thinks a lot. To keep in character, I wanted him to focus on himself this way, putting his parents in the background not as a way to ignore them, but as the mentality of a mature person, yet he is a middle schooler.
Again, thank you for reading and your wonderful insights and comments! I am always encouraged by this and will try my best to bring out the best that I can. What I have in mind will probably be a LONG fic and it will have some curve balls that even I didn't anticipate at the end. I hope that I will make it successful. ^_^
melting [into] you
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 6 - intention.
I woke up in the middle of the night to stare at the darkness above me. And when I turned my head, I found a glass of water with some more medicine at the side. My mother probably came in the middle of my sleep and left it there.
I felt bad that I was worrying her. This was one of those things that I didn't like doing to her most of all. After that incident with the sempai, I never wanted to worry her again. Even though she didn't tell me, she was crying to my father.
I didn't like that feeling.
And what was I doing now? I was supposed to be the pillar of Seigaku.
Only, a single boy had messed up my way of thinking and my body was suffering the consequences of my abuse once more.
Again...
I wonder if I was so weak to show Fuji my weak side. Once again, I was becoming close to someone who was opening themself to me. I didn't like that either.
My instinct was telling me that I shouldn't do this all over again. After all, the heart that I kept hidden along with my apathetic face was an invisible scar that I carried deep inside of me.
Slowly, I sat up and took the medicine while trying my best not to cough it up. After finishing, I turned my head towards my window, but I slumped back down onto my pillow once more. The world was spinning even though I was standing still.
"Again..." I whispered to myself while staring out the window while I lied on my bed motionless, almost to the point that I couldn't hear myself breathe anymore.
I was used to being picked on.
It wasn't a rare sight to be bullied when other people thought you were better than they were. That was just human nature, I guess. As for me, I always just enjoyed doing whatever I was doing, but I just happened to choose tennis to put my love into.
Day after day, I trained myself until my mother became worried. But I eased her worries only to increase my own by being quiet. The more people talked, the more I became distant.
It wasn't that I cared what they said. I just wondered why they had to be that way. I wondered for such a long time why did people have to hate you for doing your best.
Wasn't that I ironic?
Society tells you to work hard, to study hard, to function well in the community. And at the moment that you are an individual, that is the time that you're told that that isn't good because it shows the differences between people. The different levels in any type of scale for anything are weighed, and no one wants to ever lose.
Only, everyone has to lose something to gain another, isn't that right?
In the process of rising, I lost the bright smile I had in order to be taken seriously. In the process of becoming wiser, I lost what it meant to be young and carefree.
Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.
You represent your parents.
You represent yourself at all times. You'll be branded for life if you don't act the way you're supposed to.
I tried to push the limits, but there were some things I couldn't get through.
Oishi was my best friend, but even to him, there were things I barred away from his sight so that he wouldn't worry about me also. Everyone has their secrets, but mine weren't really secrets I consciously kept.
They were more of things I ignored so that I could be this tough, persistent person.
I think that was what he saw through me.
Yamato-buchou...
For as long as I lived, I'd never forget that name or that face.
Sometimes his way of doing things wasn't conventional and sometimes, I was surprised by how he handled certain situations, but my admiration grew and grew since the moment I met him.
He called me the future pillar of Seigaku.
It was at the time that I was about to quit because I wasn't going to stand for a sempai's disrespect of my tennis. I didn't want to grow into that type of person with that type of environment.
But he made me stay. Oishi stood in my way, but the captain came to talk to me.
And from then on, he tried to train me as best as he could. He talked a lot and I listened while I sat on the bench next to him. I would listen so eagerly to the point that he laughed at my seriousness.
"But I'm taking note of what you're saying, Captain," I told him while looking at him.
"Just let it develop. These things will develop with time," he told me while patting my head. "You can't just take my word for it. How about if I am wrong?"
"But I trust your word, Captain," I said without hesitation.
At that moment, he rested his hand on my head and stopped talking.
"Do you trust me because I'm your captain or is it because of me as a person, Tezuka-kun?" he asked me as he stared out in front of him, but his hand was still on my head.
"I just feel that it should be so," I told him while giving him a contemplative look. "I trust you as the captain, but I don't know you enough as a person yet."
He began to laugh as he took his hand away from my head. "Then, you'll have to learn, won't you?"
I wondered why he was laughing, but he interrupted my thoughts. The captain got up from the bench as he said, "Trust in yourself, Tezuka-kun."
I blinked at him. Had I been that transparent?
"I do, Captain," I said as I slowly got up from the bench.
But at that moment, he pulled the back of my head and held me close to him. "Stop holding back what you have. You have to show the world what and who is Tezuka Kunimitsu through your play. How can you do that if you keep on worrying about what's in front of you instead of aiming higher?"
I opened my eyes widely.
All I remembered was that hand was so warm and somehow he was trying to understand me.
I couldn't understand if he was doing it because he wanted me to become the pillar or was it because he could see through me. Either way, I was shocked because I never expected anyone to notice.
I thought my face was unreadable.
To become the pillar, I thought I had to become more and more determined and strong, but I guess there was one thing the captain wanted me to figure out by myself. Always to aspire higher, but to never hold back.
Even when you're in pain.
I wanted to cry in front of him, but I didn't at that moment.
But why...
Why did I want to fall so easily into Fuji's arms without thinking twice?
What was he seeing that I couldn't? What was he reading that I couldn't see within myself?
I knew this feeling was the same.
It was the same with the captain, but yet it was different with Fuji.
I knew the truth deep inside and I didn't want to discover it just yet...
Even though I never acted like it, I wanted him to be cement.
If I was the pillar of Seigaku...
...I wanted him to hold me together.
I wanted him that close to me.
"Why?" I asked myself as I sleepily closed my eyes.
Because I could feel that behind that smile of his, there was something only he could tell me about myself. That he knew what to do about all the things I pushed away into a corner of my heart.
That he would accept me...
Not because of tennis...
But through it.
And beyond it.
Without a second thought, I took my cel phone and started to text message him. Whether or not he would understand, that was irrelevant.
"Don't ever quit tennis without me."
Two minutes later, I unexpected got a reply that said,
"Of course.
But if you quit, I'll decide that. ^_^"
I wrote back,
"That was my intention."
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: I have done more researching in order to get the feel of the characters. I thought I didn't have Tezuka's character at all. I thought that I didn't even understand him but then I realized that I did after all. I just didn't have enough evidence at the time. Or at least, this is the way I will portray him.
I have chosen to bring out Yamato-buchou in this sequence rather than later on because I wanted to echo the similarities and differences in Tezuka's character then and now and in the near future (which is my aim). There are hints, but then, there are not. I'm just messing with his mind. ^_^ (The more I torture a character, you know I love them more. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;)
As for some questions about the spelling of 'tsuzuku', it really is spelled that way. When you put 'su' or 'tzu' with the two dan (the apostrophe type marks to make it a voiced sound), it becomes 'zu' in either case. It's just that these days, due to typing, 'tsu' with the dan has been made 'du' in order to distinguish a way to type it out on Japanese language programs. If this I were to be consistent, then Tezuka would be Teduka as well, but this is what I was taught in Japanese class, therefore I'll keep it that way.
As for Tezuka living with his parents, thank you for your observation, however, I wanted to make it seem like Tezuka has a more emotional side. Though he may not seem the type to take things for granted, I feel that he is a person that thinks a lot. To keep in character, I wanted him to focus on himself this way, putting his parents in the background not as a way to ignore them, but as the mentality of a mature person, yet he is a middle schooler.
Again, thank you for reading and your wonderful insights and comments! I am always encouraged by this and will try my best to bring out the best that I can. What I have in mind will probably be a LONG fic and it will have some curve balls that even I didn't anticipate at the end. I hope that I will make it successful. ^_^