Disclaimer 1: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing a.k.a. Gundam Wing does not belong to me. *sniffs* Otherwise, I'd be quite rich by now. Since I definitely am not, it's useless suing me – I don't have any money. (And Heaven help those who'd try going after my manga and anime collection!!!) No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer 2: The bishies from Gundam Wing belong a) to themselves and each other and b) to their creators & companies. ^^V And given some time, I might even remember to return them. *looks at them speculatively* Then again . . . *BEG*
Disclaimer 3: "Wind Beneath My Wings" is copyrighted to Bette Middler, Arif Mardin and the Atlantic Recording Company. Borrowed without permission but with much respect and a lot of reverence to the people who made it. ^ ^ v
C&C: Yes, please. (Constructive criticism/comments are appreciated. Flames will be used to roast…*looks around*…Relena, Chibiusa or any other annoying character I happen to come across. ^^v)
Notes: Every time I hear this song on the radio, I'm thinking of who would it be best suited for. And since nearly all of my…acquaintances (a.k.a. friends) tell me I'm quite a manga/anime-freak anyway – this is what I came up with in the end. Enjoy!
W i n d B e n e a t h M y W i n g s
by Hotaru Muraki
Ninmu kanryou. The mission has gone smoothly – just as to be expected. I am the Perfect Soldier, after all. So. . . After getting the data-disc just like I had been ordered to— What the HELL possessed me to pocket that single, miserable mini-disc lying beside it? I do not know. And if Duo ever finds out about this. . . He'd certainly make some wise-ass crack about the Perfect Soldier finally loosing it or something similarly stupid. . . .Come to think of it – why am I worried about what Duo might be thinking of me? Why don't I...care...as much about the opinion of the other Gundam-pilots?
Shaking my head, I deposit the data-disc in the location previously designated by Doctor J and leave again, driving my (stolen) vehicle back towards our latest safehouse. Again, it's one of the numerous holdings of Quatre's family. Very convenient. Not that I mind the comfort this provides. ...At least not overly much, not enough to leave on my own. And even if I did, I would have to leave...something...behind. This rather introspective mood is an unproductive and inefficient waste of time I could certainly use to a far more constructive purpose. Scowling at the reflection my face is casting on the night-darkened windshield, I watch my image glaring back at me. Duo would probably say that I was projecting one of my – as he calls it – 'death-glares' again. . . Pushing my thoughts on that braided baka as far from my mind as possible, I concentrate on driving instead. I quickly insert the mini-disc into the car's hifi-system. Its former owner must have been some sort of high-tech-freak to have such a thing installed. Ain't I lucky. . .
As I continue to drive through the silent night, I hit the 'Play'-button and let the music fill the emptiness inside...the car. A woman's voice starts singing. And almost immediately, her words make me remember Duo. What kind of trickery is this that makes me listen – not only with my mind, but also with my . . . heart?
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face . . .
Yes, Duo. . . It must be cold. . . Then why do you put up with one such as me? Why do you stay at my side even though I regularly, routinely, threaten to kill you? Are you aware of the probability of me actually carrying out that threat? Because, you know...one day I might. Although whether it would be the way you probably are thinking... Who knows.
You were content to let me shine—
That's your way.
Why doesn't all of this seem to bother you? Even though I'm focused, coldly logical and efficient just like I was taught to be – you refuse to leave me. Duo... You are everything that I am not. So. . . Why!?
I can still remember our first meeting vividly. There...on that ship. You shot me. Twice. And all that just to save that girl. . . But since then... What an irony! So much has happened, changed. We became a team. We often share a room. On missions, you cover my back just like I watch yours. Could it be that we...complement each other? And yet... While you support me to the very best of your abilities, you—
You always walked one step behind
So I was the one with all the glory
While you were the one with all the strain;
It's true, though, what that woman sings. You help me. You're always there for me. When I am injured, you treat my wounds. When no other would go near me, you are there to help me back up on my feet. Duo. . .
A beautiful face without a name,
For so long
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
That damn song! I'm half thinking of turning it off. It's...disturbing me. But then—I don't. Images of you keep flashing through my mind. You, smiling... Sitting on your dorm-bed, reading one of your comic-books. You, laughing, on the basketball court. You, sleeping. ...Do you know that you're snoring sometimes, Duo?
...You, for once, crying softly at Quatre's bed in sickbay. ...You, unconsciously snuggling against me, exhausted. You...lying in a hospital-bed yourself, covered in bandages, breathing only through artificial means. When I saw you back then, after that thrice-damned mission, lying there so...lifelessly, I... I thought my heart would stop. Duo. . . Don't ever scare me like that again!
As if in answer to my thoughts, the song calls out—
Did you ever know that you're my hero ?
And everything I would like to be ?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
As soon as I hear those lines, I know that what that unknown woman, long since dead and gone, sings, is true. It is true – for me. And for you...? Duo, I realized this just now – you are my partner and...more. My. . . friend?
It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart.
Or at least in what there's still remaining of it. I am acutely aware of my training conditioning me against feeling and acting on emotions, but—
I want you to know I know the truth:
Because I know you—
I would be nothing without you !
Yes. It is true. While I might be unable to admit it to anyone else, least of all to you, Duo, I...I really would be nothing without you. Now, while I'm driving through the night with nothing and no-one for company except my own jumbled thoughts and a long-dead woman's voice, I have the rare opportunity to really think about...things. And even though this goes against everything I've ever learned or been taught, I just can't help it. Duo. . .
Did you ever know that you're my hero ?
You're everything I wish I could be.
Duo, you are open, friendly and charming. You talk too much. Are loud and obnoxious. Quick-witted. Clever. You...have a knack for somehow worming your way into people's hearts until they don't want to be without you anymore.
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings.
Each time I climb into my Gundam Wing, I find myself surreptitiously stealing a glance at your Gundam Deathscythe. Sometimes I even watch you climb into your Gundam from behind the safe distance of my own Wing's cockpit. And when we fight against OZ's units, I often discover myself acting in perfect...harmony?...with you. It's almost as if...we could read each other's minds or something.
Impossible, surely, but...strange, nevertheless, ne? I never would have thought it possible for Perfect Soldier to become so...dependant on Shinigami. For me to become so...accustomed...to you, Duo. Still, all evidence I've gathered over the last few weeks points in that very direction. I wonder. . . What should I do?
Did I ever tell you you're my hero ?
No, I probably did not. That is not something I would say willingly anyway, even though that truth can no longer be denied. Not to myself, at least.
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
But, as the old saying goes, 'If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.'. And besides, somehow I have some difficulties imagining me behaving like you. . . . Or...does that line mean something else entirely?
And I, I can fly higher than an eagle
I am Heero Yuy, 01, the pilot of Gundam Wing, after all. But still—
With you as the wind beneath my wings.
Didn't I say so already? This woman's song seems to echo my thoughts so closely it's quite eerie. It's fairly disconcerting, to say the least. Duo. . . I can carry on—
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings . . .
There! She did it again. That woman's slowly making me furious with her accuracy. But...that's it. You are, you know. The wind beneath my wings, I mean. The question, however, is not whether I will ever tell you about it. These feelings of mine, discovered – or at least become aware of – so recently that I am still trying to formulate a successful mission profile. Rather, the question is 'How?'.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings
You . . . ?
You . . .
You.
Yes, Duo. I think it's true – however much I still half-try to convince myself otherwise.
You are the wind beneath my wings . . .
It may sound strange for me to say this but... When I'm near you, with you, I—
Fly . . .
Fly . . . . .
Fly away . . .
Once again, that woman's song gives voice to my thoughts, my...feelings?...better than I could ever hope to do.
You let me fly so high . . .
. . . I have the impression that I can overcome all obstacles placed in my way far easier than I could, were I struggling alone, on my own. Isn't that ironic? For Perfect Soldier to rely on someone other than myself?
Oh you,
You . . .
You, the wind beneath my wings.
Duo, I. . . I...really...appreciate having had the fortunate chance of meeting you.
You . . .
The wind beneath my wings . . .
At the though of coming back...home?...to you, I can feel my mouth quirking upwards a little, in what might be a very, very slight smile. That is what it must be, I think. Because I can't remember ever...feeling that way before.
Now even the reflection in the car's front window is...not-quite-smiling. Hn. As I try to compose my face back into its usual expression, I am relieved that no-one's is here to witness it. So... I guess it's okay. This once.
Somehow, for some strange reason, this reminds me of the day before yesterday. I had returned from my latest mission and, after having endured your fussing over some really minor wounds, gone straight to bed, not even bothering with blankets or sheets. You must have thought me asleep – for sure you would never have done what you did had you known me to be awake. Pulling up the coverlet, you leaned over me with a smile I had never seen on you before: sweet, gentle and kind, but tinged with sadness and...something else. And then you reached out with your hand and tenderly brushed aside some bangs obscuring my face. You stood there for some time, not doing anything but sighing softly, occasionally and watching me.
As some...strange, hitherto unknown emotion was starting to rise in me, I let myself fall asleep for real this time. Duo, I think you let me—
Fly . . . .
Fly
So high against the stars,
So high I almost touched the sky.
Just as I pull into the driveway of our current safehouse, the song comes to an end, for the last time this night echoing the confused muddle of thoughts whirling through my mind.
Thank you . . .
Thank you . . .
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.
I think I finally know what to do. And how to do it. It seems so easy that I wonder why I never thought of it before. And yet... This will be the hardest mission I've ever carried out. My mask once again in place, I pocket the mini-disc and exit the car.
Some minutes later, I enter the house, finding a Post-It from Quatre pinned to the hallway-mirror: Heero, you must be tired when you return from your mission. To give you the peace and quiet you will undoubtedly need, we put your things into the room next to Duo's. (It's the second door to the right on the second floor!) Have a good rest, and good night. Quatre
For once I am truly grateful for Quatre's graciousness. It will make what I am about to do much easier to deal with. I pull another Post-It from the block and scribble a short note on it, then stick it on the mini-disc. When this is done, I walk up the staircase, pausing at the top at the first door to the right. It is always advisable and prudent to do a little recon before entering unknown territory. Duo seems to be still awake since there's light shining from under his door – unless the baka fell asleep leaving the lights on. Wouldn't be the first time.
No, a quick look through the keyhole reveals Duo to be awake. He's sitting on the bed, eyes closed. Obviously, he's listening to some music because he has the earplugs from his portable in and his collection of CDs and mini-discs is haphazardly strewn around him. Perfect. I open the door and before he has the chance to do more than open his eyes and gape at me in surprise, I throw the mini-disc towards him. "Catch!"
As I close the door behind me, I barely hear his questioning "Heero. . . . ?" before it snaps shut. I quickly walk to my room, locking myself in. An ancient saying claims that 'Hope is the one plant that can grow in any climate.' – so I have no reason to be nervous. Then...why do I feel so...weird?
No, I am not nervous. Why should I be?
~ O W A R I ~
Well? What'cha think?