SM- Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of Star Chat, the only place where you'll hear all the important things about all the important people in the Star Wars universe (who writes this stuff?)! I'm your host Steven Man and today's guest hails all the way from Tatoonie, that Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Darth Vader! Hello Lord Vader and welcome.
DV- Thank you.
SM- So, uh, tell us a little about yourself.
DV- Well I grew up on Tatoonie, a very hot planet, then trained to be a Jedi but decided to go to the Dark Side. I hunted and killed all the Jedi except for my old mentor, Obi-Wan, and Yoda.
SM- I see, so what's up with the costume? Are you trying to make a fashion statement or what?
DV- In one of my battles with Obi-Wan, I was thrown into a volcano. I have to wear this or I will die.
SM- Well at least you'll always have the scariest costume on Halloween. So tell us about this so called "Force" that you have.
DV- I find your lack of faith disturbing, but if you must know, The Force is what gives a Jedi, or Sith, his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
SM- Riiiiiiiight, well there's no mystical energy field controlling my destiny.
DV- Don't underestimate the power of the Dark Side.
SM- Okaaay. So let's talk about the Emperor.
DV- What about him?
SM- Would you die for him?
DV- WHAT?!? of course not , I KILLED him!!!
SM- Oh...right, I forgot about that. Well let's take some question from the audience, shall we?
Audience member (human)- Why did you turn to the Dark Side?
DV- Well lets see, either stay good and try to understand Yoda's gibberish or take the quick and easy path and I got to kill the Jedi and strike fear into the inhabitants of billions of star systems. It was a hard choice but I think I made the right one.
SM- Okay, next question, um... you, the Gungan.
Gungan- Misa beena wonderan, whysa yousa so bombad?
DV- What?
Gugan- Misa sayen whysa yousa so bombad?
DV- SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!
(Force chokes Gungan to death)
SM- Okaaaaaaaaaaay, uh could someone please clean that mess up?
DV- I will.
(Vader laughs evilly and goes into the audience, ignites his lightsaber, and dices the gungan into tiny bits)
DV- Anyone for Gungan finger sandwiches?
SM- Gross!!!! Uh we're outa time so till next time, this is Steven signing off.
(Vader goes completely nuts and starts killing people in the audience, then goes after Steven)
SM-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DV- Thank you.
SM- So, uh, tell us a little about yourself.
DV- Well I grew up on Tatoonie, a very hot planet, then trained to be a Jedi but decided to go to the Dark Side. I hunted and killed all the Jedi except for my old mentor, Obi-Wan, and Yoda.
SM- I see, so what's up with the costume? Are you trying to make a fashion statement or what?
DV- In one of my battles with Obi-Wan, I was thrown into a volcano. I have to wear this or I will die.
SM- Well at least you'll always have the scariest costume on Halloween. So tell us about this so called "Force" that you have.
DV- I find your lack of faith disturbing, but if you must know, The Force is what gives a Jedi, or Sith, his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
SM- Riiiiiiiight, well there's no mystical energy field controlling my destiny.
DV- Don't underestimate the power of the Dark Side.
SM- Okaaay. So let's talk about the Emperor.
DV- What about him?
SM- Would you die for him?
DV- WHAT?!? of course not , I KILLED him!!!
SM- Oh...right, I forgot about that. Well let's take some question from the audience, shall we?
Audience member (human)- Why did you turn to the Dark Side?
DV- Well lets see, either stay good and try to understand Yoda's gibberish or take the quick and easy path and I got to kill the Jedi and strike fear into the inhabitants of billions of star systems. It was a hard choice but I think I made the right one.
SM- Okay, next question, um... you, the Gungan.
Gungan- Misa beena wonderan, whysa yousa so bombad?
DV- What?
Gugan- Misa sayen whysa yousa so bombad?
DV- SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!
(Force chokes Gungan to death)
SM- Okaaaaaaaaaaay, uh could someone please clean that mess up?
DV- I will.
(Vader laughs evilly and goes into the audience, ignites his lightsaber, and dices the gungan into tiny bits)
DV- Anyone for Gungan finger sandwiches?
SM- Gross!!!! Uh we're outa time so till next time, this is Steven signing off.
(Vader goes completely nuts and starts killing people in the audience, then goes after Steven)
SM-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!