A/N: Well, I tried to make a Christmas type interlude, but my inspiration said "NAY". So I'll just ask you to visualize the characters with Jingly hats on their heads ^^

MERRY JINGLY EVE/JINGLY DAY, EVERYONE!

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Margret was still stumbling around Blackcoat's front yard, trying to get his pants on. As soon as he got the DAMNED THINGS ON, he could leave and pursue that wonderful yet elusive picnic basket.

Little did he know, he was not alone.

Hiding behind a half-eaten candy cane support beam was the infamous, evil-yet-sexy, talented fanfiction author... LADY YAMI-CHAN!

But for all purposes, she will be referred to as Toki ^^

Anyway, Margret was still having an epic battle with his pants (mainly because he wanted to put them on while trying to eat a bagel, dance the polka and sell child porn to the government on eBay), Toki scuttled about the copyrighted candy fence, keeping low so that Margret could not hear her non-existent fat jiggle.

"Mweeheee..." The demented fangirl cackled quietly, sneaking closer and closer to the unknowing sexy bishie. Alas, by the time she got close enough to pounce and rape him, Margret had finished his bagel and gotten both legs through one pant leg.

"Doo-dee-doo..." Margret sang, hopping a few feet down the Jolly Rancher path...

...JUST WHEN TOKI STRIKED!

"SHA-SHA-SHA-SHA!! EET!" Toki screamed, pouncing from her spot. Margret turned around and screamed like the girl he so wishes he could be, for he saw a giant form blocking out the sun aiming itself at him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Margret squealed, hopping around in a circle. Toki missed Margret by a few inches and landed to his right side, sputtering and hissing.

Margret fell over and started crawling, desperately trying to get away from the crazed fangirl which had re-directed herself and was now scuttling over to Margret's direction like a crazed fangirl-type crab.

Thinking quickly, Margret reached into his underwear and pulled out... A CHRISTMAS COOKIE! Why a Christmas cookie was in his pants, we will never know, but Margret had already thrown it in Toki's direction.

Spotting the brightly colored tasty pastry (IT RHYMES! I R DR. SEUSS! *gets shot*), Toki temporarily forgot about raping the redhead and scuttled after it, screaming chants of "EET!"

Margret laid there on the ground.

And than ran for his pathetic life, somehow being able to run despite the fact that his legs were still in one pant leg.

~~~

Little Blond Prancing Boy grimaced as Kairi managed to tweezer (hee hee) the last splinter from his thoroughly marked and bleeding hand. The picnic basket creaked a little laugh and danced around the pair.

"Your picnic basket has mental issues." Kairi grumbled, tossing her bloody tweezers aside. The tweezer hissed and buried itself in the ground, where it started using Little Blond Prancing Boy's DNA for creating a new breed of prancing earthworms which would shock scientists for decades to come.

"So does your tweezer!" Little Blond Prancing Boy cried with glee. He did a little dance with his picnic basket, when Kairi had enough of his stupid antics and smacked him with a squeaky mallet.

"FOOL BOY!" The demonic redhead snarled. "THE CANNIBALS ARE PLANNING TO EAT THEIR NEXT HORDE OF CHILDREN AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS DANCE?"

Little Blond Prancing Boy made small meeping noises and scuttled back a few feet. Kairi was OK, but she was scary when she was mad. Oh so scary. She made Mary Sues cry.

"JESUS ACTION FIGURE!" Little Blond Prancing Boy randomly screamed, for at that moment, the picnic basket coughed up a Jesus Action Figure, complete with posable arms and gliding action! Yes, such a thing exists, at your nearest Hot Topic!

Kairi stared at the author with narrowed icy steel eyes.

"And what..." she breathed slowly "does that... have to do... WITH ANYTHING IN THIS DAMNED FIC??"

... o_o

"Don't ruin the Jingly spirit." Little Blond Prancing Boy snarfed, hugging his Jesus Action Figure. The Jesus Action Figure started making wavy arm motions and Little Blond Prancing Boy squealed with much joy.

The picnic basket was sad at being ignored, and it jumped on Kairi's lap. Kairi petted it's woven scratchy surface while thinking of a way to perfect her plan of ultimate destruction of the town. The picnic basket purred.

And then! Kairi had an idea!

"BOY!" She grumbled, prodding Little Blond Prancing Boy's side. He screamed, for he was extremely sensitive, and flopped over, twitching and giggling.

Kairi smacked him upside the head with much rage. He cried.

"BOY!" She tried again, this time without the side-poking. Little Blond Prancing Boy blinked and sat up attentively, the Jesus Action Figure still preaching in his hands.

"There is a cave near this village, wherein lies a giant mech left over by the 5 Saints of Jingly." Kairi explained, grabbing a stick and scratching a little makeshift map on the dirt again, drawing squiggly lines, a beer keg and what looked like Iraq after the US turns it into the 51st state.

Little Blond Prancing Boy nodded and tried his hardest to look like he was listening, when he actually was staring at Kairi's chest. Yeah, there wasn't much there, but Little Blond Prancing Boy was a 14 year old perv too.

"Apples!" He smiled. Kairi blinked and smacked him upside the head with her stick.

"Anyway, the 5 Saints of Jingly sealed this giant mech with a special charm, and they said that only one who has the stupidity and denseness of Cloud Strife is able to break the charm and retrieve the mech inside." Kairi continued, now drawing a stick figure with a Chocobo on his head. She also made sure to draw an arrow going through a sensitive part of a male's anatomy.

Little Blond Prancing Boy grinned with glee. Stupidity and Denseness? Finally, she spoke his language!

"So... I need you to find a kid named Shuyin in the village. He'll be more than enough to break the charm. He can bring his bitch Lenne with him too." Kairi finished, breaking Little Blond Prancing Boy's hopes of being useful like a glass Jingly snowglobe.

"I CAN DO IT!" Little Blond Prancing Boy hissed, stamping his feet angrily. The picnic basket meeped and jumped out of the way of his rampaging feet, making angry clacking noises.

"I'm as stupid and dense as any idiot named Cloud Strife! Let me go get that giant... mech... thing..." Little Blond Prancing Boy pleaded, going on his knees and shaking Kairi's dirty white shirt, also managing to sneak a peek under it.

Kairi slapped him.

"Alright, fine. You go do that. But I don't trust you, so I'm coming with you." The redhead muttered her approval. Little Blond Prancing Boy grinned with much glee and hugged her, also making sure to cop a feel.

His reward was another harsh slap in the face.

"Sheesh, I beat you more than Ansem beats Margret. Come! We must make haste!" Kairi commanded, and with that, she and Little Blond Prancing Boy began their glorious adventure to seek the giant mech, sealed by the 5 Saints of Jingly!

~~~

Meanwhile...

Sephiroth grumbled as he saw his son Riku paying no interest to the large crowd of girls who already set up camp outside of the castle gates. The ball wasn't for another three days, but these girls didn't really seem to care.

"Riku, don't you at least one you think you may like?" Sephiroth asked his son, who cast an apathetic look out the window.

"No, Dad. Can't you just accept the fact that I'm GAY?" Riku arrogantly answered, praying that this time his plea would actually work.

"...No."

"Fucktard." Riku hissed. He strode over to the window, grabbed a random paper weight, opened the window and chucked it at a random bimbo. It sailed over the crowd of wanna-be brides and struck a newcomer in the back row, driving itself through her skull.

The other girls paid no mind and just moved their stuff so it wouldn't be splattered with blood. Less competition for them.

"Score!" Riku grinned. His father greatly resisted the urge to smack the young prince upside the head with his Masamune.

"Son, I really have nothing against you being gay..." Sephiroth started, practicing his overly rehearsed speech. "It's just that I don't want to have to have the Queen be a guy. How the hell would you have a heir? You'd destroy the bloodline!"

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!" Riku sobbed. "AT LEAST I'D BE WITH SOMEONE I REALLY LOVED!"

"I didn't love your mother..." Sephiroth pointed out.

"... Yeah, but you're just some Communist bastard with no feelings." Riku countered.

"True."

"Well, then I think we reached a mutual agreement."

"No. You pick a bride in three days or you're marrying that Princess Brahne lady."

Riku's face paled. For those who have not played FFIX, Brahne was an ugly fat blue elephant lady who's horribly misshapen clown face struck fear in the bravest RPG players. Just the mere mention of her name made small children cry.

"OK." He squeaked.

Sephiroth laughed an evil laugh, and started to dance a merry jig on his desk, flinging off his black shirt. The maids all gathered around and cheered Sephiroth on as he started to do striptease while Riku just buried his face in his hands, crying pitifully.

~~~

Now, the story centers on Margret again!

Still shaken from his encounter with the deranged fangirl known as Toki, Margret cautiously walked through the dark forest, jumping at every little sound that he heard.

*crunch*

"AUGH!!!!" Margret jumped to the nearest tree and started madly humping it. Actually, he was trying to climb it, but it really looked like he was humping it instead.

A squirrel came out from the spot and cocked it's head to the side, looking at Margret strangely.

"Oh, it's just you, Mr. Squirrel..." Margret sighed with much relief, inching down from the tree. He bent down to the squirrel's level so he could converse with it more. "I thought you were come crazed fangirl hellbent on raping me."

The squirrel chattered something in squirrel-talk and flung an acorn at Margret's head.

"OW! YOU SHIT!" Margret hissed, pouncing on the squirrel. Alas, the little rodent was far too quick for the bishie and it cackled, prancing away in a mocking fashion. Margret raised his head to snarl demonically at the squirrel (like some other redhead in the story), but he came face to face with...

...Toki.

"NOT YOU AGAIN!" He screeched, the girlish fear in his voice quickly returning. Toki grinned with fangirlish glee and grabbed Margret's red locks harshly, tugging at them, attempting to rip a few strands out for her planned Margret voodoo doll.

"MWAHA! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THIS TIME!" Toki cackled. Margret screeched even more and managed to pry Toki's hands off his precious hair. Staggering back, he started to run for his miserable life, but was quickly tackled by Toki, who was a hockey player and knew very well the laws of tackling! _O! BOW TO THEM!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Margret grabbed at the dirt before him, trying to crawl away, but Toki had already saddled herself on Margret's hips and was ready to carve his heart out and sacrifice it to Ishkabibble for a Jingly present.

"MUAHAHAHAHA! EET!" She cackled maniacally...

.... when she spotted a certain blond haired idiot who was referred to earlier in this chapter, along with his beautiful long haired brown eyed "bitch", who was actually the dominant one in the relationship.

"Come on, Shuyin honey." Lenne cooed, pulling Shuyin along.

"BIRDY!" Shuyin giggled, pointing to a acorn on a nearby tree. It pelted itself at him with amazing force, but Shuyin also possessed a powerful shield of stupidity and it merely bounced off his head.

"Yes, Shuyin, look at the birdy." Lenne giggled, dragging her bishie along. Shuyin cast a look at Lenne's chest.

"Apples!" He repeated Little Blond Prancing Boy with another stupid grin. This time, Lenne's grin faltered for a second.

"Yes, Shuyin, apples. Now, let's go to the doctor before you hurt yourself or I hurt you." Lenne smiled again, trying very hard not to strangle the handsome, but STUPID bishie.

"SHUYIN! LENNE!" Toki squealed with delight, jumping off Margret and forgetting he ever existed, for there were two more interesting characters in front of her. "COME BACK! I WANT TO SEE YOU TWO HAVE SEX!!"

Margret blinked. He had just narrowly escaped being ravaged again.

"... I GOT SK33LZ!" Margret shouted with glee. Another acorn flung itself at Margret's head and he was knocked out for the rest of the chapter.

~~~

Little Blond Prancing Boy, meanwhile, was happily prancing his way to the great Cave of the Sealed Mech, with his faithful picnic basket at his side and Kairi a few feet behind him, muttering something about finding out the source of Little Blond Prancing Boy's energy.

Why, it was Mountain Dew, of course.

Reviewing the map with Kairi, Little Blond Prancing Boy learned that in order to reach this Cave of the Sealed Mech, he had to go through the Forest of the Druggies, the Unholy Mountain of Beer and the Land of the Playboy King.

But ya know what? No one wants to hear about that crap, and the author doesn't want to write about that crap because she's lazy and she just wants to cut to the chase. So let's just fast forward to the part where they actually reach the cave.

~~~

"Look! Kairi! I can see it!"

Little Blond Prancing Boy pranced up to the mouth of the cave (with the words "Cave of the Sealed Mech" conveniently stringed up with colorful Jingly lights) and peered deep into it's dark depths, trying to see a giant mech.

"You have to go IN the cave, dumbass." Kairi hissed, out of breath and feeling somewhat misplaced. She was wearing a black one-piece swimsuit with white leggings, and a bunny ears/tail combo set. Nevertheless, it is safe to say she didn't pass through the Land of the Playboy King unscathed.

"... I knew that!" Little Blond Prancing Boy smiled, but still, he didn't go in.

"... WELL?"

"Someone's already in there." Little Blond Prancing Boy blinked, pointing inside the cave. Kairi stepped closer and peered in, just like her stupid companion did. Indeed, she could make out the faint whispers of conversation in the cave.

"Now... lead me to th... or el... this bitch will..."

"No! Lenne!"

"Shuyin! Do som... ing!"

"HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Kairi growled, her hatred boiling over. Grabbing Little Blond Prancing Boy's arm roughly, she started dragging the confused boy with her deeper into the cave, the picnic basket bouncing along.

"But Kairi! It's rude to-"

"NO! WE MUST GET TO THAT MECH! I HAVE TO WATCH THAT TOWN BURN!! DO YOU HEAR ME?? BURN!!!"

During Kairi's short burst of ranting, they had already reached the end of the cave, where the source of the voices were found!

"YOU!" Little Blond Prancing Boy pointed to one of the figures, a tall dark one he knew very well.

IT WAS BLACKCOAT!

"YES! I'M BACK!" Blackcoat laughed, drowning in his recurring villain-ness. He was holding Lenne in what looked like some sort of weird headlock, and beside him was a very angry Shuyin, who so desperately wished to destroy Blackcoat but was worried for Lenne's safety.

Awwwww....

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Kairi grumbled, putting her hand on her hip and striking a "don't-fuck-with-me-puny-male" pose. Blackcoat just eyed her curves, despite the fact she didn't really have any.

"Child molester." Lenne grumbled.

"Um... I'm here to retrieve this mech, of course. Just because I'm the villain and I'm supposed to stop you from whatever you plan on doing." Blackcoat explained casually, shaking Lenne a little. Shuyin growled and started picking at his hair for his portable keyboard of doom.

"But Blackcoat!" Little Blond Prancing Boy opened his mouth. Kairi slapped it closed and pushed Little Blond Prancing Boy off to the side, sick and tired of hearing his annoying voice.

Besides, she knew that Little Blond Prancing Boy's true intention was telling Blackcoat that Shuyin had found his portable keyboard and was raising it over his head with full intent to kill.

"What?"

*SMASH*!

With a mighty blow, Shuyin smacked Blackcoat unconscious with his Mighty Portable Keyboard. Vegnagun awoke somewhere very far away and started destroying everything in it's sight, but then it got bored and decided to go pole dancing in Las Vegas. With Link.

Blackcoat groaned and toppled over, falling on a very sharp stone. A faint "Ow!" could be heard and Shuyin grinned with stupid glee.

"Shuyin! You saved me! I love you!" Lenne praised her stupid bishie boyfriend, leaping in his arms and having a passionate make-out session.

Kairi and Little Blond Prancing Boy watched with mild interest before a glimmer of metal caught Kairi's eye. She gasped and pranced forward, for it was there! THE GIANT MECH OF JINGLY!

The Giant Mech of Jingly was best described as some sort of demented Santa Claus mech. It was big, round, and very shiny with red metallic paint. Inside it's mouth was the control panel, which ironically looked like a giant keyboard. It seems like Bevelle made a theme park attraction that ate people. YAY!!

"Little Blond Prancing Boy! LOOK! THE MECH OF JINGLY!" Kairi was oh so happy as her eyes devoured the giant metal atrocity that beheld her sight. With this... she could rule the WORLD!

But first! REVENGE!

"Look Kairi! They're starting to undress! Man, Lenne's apples are big..."

"ENOUGH ABOUT THAT! COME!"

And so, Kairi and Little Blond Prancing Boy rode off with the Giant Mech of Jingly, razing a path of death and destruction.

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And this is where I end XD I actually got this done! YAY!