Little Blond Prancing Boy

by chibilinnet

OK, since Square announcing KH2 destroyed my KH2 story, I present to you, a story that uses aforementioned KH2 characters without actually using their names. Or something to that extent. Of course, your regular KH1 characters might be here too ^_^ Will make more sense if you saw the Kh2 trailer.

DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE THE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ERRORS?? XD, Actually, I'm glad you people didn't, because that would crush my non-existent ego x_x but ya know, I was just surprised I forgot to proofread it XD.

10 reviews... my ego has been restored +_+ I love you people.

WARNING: This fic contains rampant drug use. In fact, the whole thing involves drugs. If this offends you, please do not read.

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There was a happy place called Twilight Town. No, it was not the Twilight Zone with the annoying music, but a happy place where the sun was always at the horizon and thus constantly glaring at your eyes. It made people sad.

But not Little Blond Prancing Boy, oh no, he was always happy. So happy that he always pranced around the town streets singing songs. See, he was one of the few smart enough to wear sunglasses.

Today, however, Little Blond Prancing Boy was not going to prance around the streets of Twilight Town. Nay, his mother had asked him to set out on an important task that could mean life or death.

"Little Blond Prancing Boy!" His mother called. Little Blond Prancing Boy was compelled to obey the voice, and he pranced to his mother as fast as a virus decimating your computer.

"Yes, Mother?" He replied, with an intelligent sounding British accent. I wish *I* had an intelligent sounding British accent. It's not fair, I WANNA SOUND INTELLIGENT!

I-

Ansem: O_O *SLAP*

x_x thanks.

Anyway, before I started ranting, Little Blond Prancing Boy's Mother gave him a tidy little basket. It looked like an ordinary picnic basket, with a little blanket sticking out of the corner.

Unknown to Little Blond Prancing Boy, it was actually filled with 2 bags of cocaine, a small medicine bottle filled with GHB, a packet of speed pills and LSD pills, and to top it all off, some cyanide. I sure hope Little Blond Prancing Boy doesn't meet any feds.

"Deliver this to Grandma, dear." His Mother instructed, slapping his hand when Little Blond Prancing Boy tried to open it.

"... OK Mother!" Little Blond Prancing Boy replied childishly, sounding oh-so-intelligent with his spiffy accent. Beesh. I hope he does meet some feds along the way to Grandma's house.

Ah, but unknown to them, there was someone watching from outside the house. And he had seen Little Blond Prancing Boy's Mother put drugs in the basket. He desired the drugs so, and he began formulating his plan to steal aforementioned drugs from Little Blond Prancing Boy.

This person was Angry Pyro Moomba Man, for he had spiky flame red hair and he could create a ring of fire any time he wished. But because I'm too lazy to type out Angry Pyro Moomba Man, I shall call him "Margret."

"Actually, I would prefer you called me 'Angry Pyro Moomba Man." Margret suggested.

No, I like Margret better.

Margret hung her... his... it's head in defeat. But what's in a name? There were drugs to be stolen!

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" Margret cackled. A fly flew in his open mouth and he gagged and choked for a few minutes.

Hee hee.

~~~

And off Little Blond Prancing Boy went, prancing along the path to his dear grandmother's house. And he decided to sing a happy song while he was prancing so all the little birdies could come and join him.

"When you walk away, you don't hear me say..." He sang, and the little birdies did come and follow him around and chirp...

...Only to be shot down by hunters and eaten by dogs. Ha ha. Stupid birdies.

Margret followed close behind, stepping over the dead birdy bodies. Margret felt sad. But then he remembered about the drugs. And so, Little Blond Prancing Boy pranced throughout the woods, unaware of the drug addict trailing close behind.

And then, very soon, Little Blond Prancing Boy saw a bridge! It was a pretty bridge, one that you could easily burn down but couldn't because it was pretty. Little Blond Prancing Boy was about to prance across the bridge when a black cloaked figure stopped him.

"Hello? What's this?" Little Blond Prancing Boy wondered aloud, in typical storybook fashion. Margret meeped and dove behind a tree. A happy poison Ivy bush was growing behind the tree and there was also a nest of angry rattlesnakes, despite the fact they live in deserts!

Ignoring Margret's muffled screaming, the Blackcoat introduced himself.

"I am Blackcoat, Unknown, The Enigmatic Man, Ansem's lackey, etc. I guard this bridge, and you cannot cross!" Blackcoat hissed. He raised his arms to serve as a gate.

Of course, Little Blond Prancing Boy could just prance right under his arms, but he still had his manners.

"But I must pass, Blackcoat, I need to deliver this... picnic basket full of... stuff to my grandmother!" Little Blond Prancing Boy pleaded.

Blackcoat didn't budge, but something in his villainous heart melted away in a plastic bowl filled with rat poison and he felt compelled to give the boy a chance.

"Very well, boy, if you can solve my riddle, I will let you cross this bridge. But if you cannot, I must eat you." Blackcoat laid down the rules. They were typical, but this is a children's tale... somewhat. It is to be expected.

"I'm good at riddles! Bring it on, fucker... I mean, go on. Tee hee, I swore..." Little Blond Prancing Boy accepted, giggling like a moron. Blackcoat stared at him strangely and began searching his pockets, looking for his happy book of riddles that confused people and allowed him to consume them.

"Damn it, where is it..." Blackcoat muttered. Little Blond Prancing Boy just stood there patiently, resisting the homicidal urge to grab a stick and stab him many times in the chest. Then he would pour kerosene on Blackcoat's twitching body and set it on fire, doing a dance of doom singing praise to-

"Ah ha!" Blackcoat grinned, breaking Little Blond Prancing Boy out of his homicidal reverie. Pulling out a black pocket book, he flipped around a bit while Little Blond Prancing Boy impatiently tapped his foot.

"You know, my grandma could be dying and in pain right now and this just happens to be MEDICINE I'm delivering to her..." Little Blond Prancing Boy suggested, trying to make Blackcoat go faster. Blackcoat just rolled his eyes.

"Idiot, this is a new millennium. You buy your drugs from Canada via Internet, not have some stupid kid deliver them. What is this, some children's book?"

"Actua-"

"That's not the point. Shut up, I'm looking."

Little Blond Prancing Boy continued to tap his foot impatiently.

Meanwhile, Margret had tumbled from the evil tree with snakes and ivy to a nice normal tree that had no evil plants or poisonous animals in it. Licking his wounds, Margret hissed and cast a glance at Little Blond Prancing Boy's picnic basket.

Maybe if Blackcoat eats him, I can grab the basket! Margret thought with glee. He eagerly awaited the cannibalistic eating.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, JUST ASK ME A RIDDLE ALREADY!" Little Blond Prancing Boy and Margret screamed. Blackcoat hissed and smacked him with the riddle book.

"QUIET, FOOL CHILD! I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS AS HARD AS I CAN SO I DON'T FEEL GUILTY WHEN I EAT YOU!" Blackcoat screamed back. Little Blond Prancing Boy backed away slowly.

Then Little Blond Prancing boy had an idea!

Slowly, while Blackcoat was still muttering something about conscience and how chickens make good sex toys (I personally do not want to know), Little Blond Prancing Boy took advantage of his own shortness and slipped past Blackcoat. He ran away screaming as soon as his feet touched the bridge.

Blackcoat didn't even look up.

Margret gasped. Then cursed. This sure made his job a lot of easier.

"Oh well, the git is so oblivious anyway, I can probably waltz by!" Margret decided. Being a newbie villain, he realized that he doesn't get any of the same lucky breaks the heroes do.

So, as Margret was just about to creep on the bridge, a hand yanked his collar and pulled him back, sending him plummeting to the ground.

"YOU!" Blackcoat grumbled. "I dunno what happened to the kid, but I selected my riddle, and YOU must answer them! OR I SHALL EAT YOU!" Blackcoat expressed this quite nicely by waving a splooge covered butcher knife.

"Ok..." Margret gulped, having an idea of which body part he intended to eat first.

"Alright, here we go. What hand are the skittles in??" Blackcoat eagerly asked. He outstretched his two gloved hands. Margret stared at him with a confused expression on his face.

"That's not a riddle! That's a-"

"QUIET! ANSWER, OR BE CONSUMED!"

"In your thong!" Margret rolled his eyes.

"... Damn, how did you know...?" Blackcoat muttered sheepishly, moving aside. Margret grinned and strutted across the bridge, enjoying life. It was when he reached the middle of it when he heard the sharp crack.

"Oh shi-"

Apparently, while the bridge was pretty, it wasn't very sturdy. Margret screeched as he plunged into the ice-cold river. It's swift current pulled him away from the banks and sped him off to lands unknown, never to return.

Ok, so he will return. In the third paragraph of the new chapter, in fact.