Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places
thereof
*****
Estel sighed and leaned against the tree trunk. He clutched a handful of sticks to his chest, the minor scratches earned on his arm and chest almost pleasant, minor pains shouting out: I am here, I feel, I live. The evening sunlight filtered through the shifting leaves over Estel's face, polygons forming and reforming with new names. The birds were calling and, at the nearby camp, Estel heard the horses drinking from the stream.
"Hallo, Estel. You have us all worried."
Legolas began to gather some of the larger branches, those Estel, with his left arm wrapped in a makeshift sling and bandages, could not handle himself. Estel bit his tongue not to protest this help, knowing well that he needed the assistance. Even with light travelling and much rest, Estel was tired. He needed a decent sleep, one uninterrupted by nightmares and not spent on the ground. He missed his bed and his home.
"Come. The sun is setting; your brothers are waiting."
"Khila lle,"[1] Estel answered with a nod, his voice deeper, slower than it had been. He found that words came with difficulty and often did not suffice to express his meaning. He was a new person and the old words fit him badly.
"Pelilmet ve-er." [2] Neither knew if Legolas spoke a prayer or a question.
Deciding that he preferred a prayer, Estel stepped forward. "An ilye rei."[3]
The two walked back to their camp together, quiet and smiling. Legolas noticed the way he and Estel mixed and swayed in tune with one another. Somehow with few words and fewer honesties, they had become friends.
Elladan grabbed his brother in a one-armed hug and kissed his forehead. "Welcome back, foal." 'Foal' had been Elladan's childhood nickname for Estel, and he had reinstated it in lieu of recent events. Estel did not protest.
"Don't steal the fire-starter, Elladan," Elrohir teased. Elladan released Estel, who promptly knelt by the already-cleared firepit and began, with some help, to assemble a conical pile of kindling.
Later, as they sat around the blaze talking and joking, Estel asked, "Can we...ah...can we talk about Eregion?" This last comment he said as one word, so quickly did Estel speak. Suddenly he knew not what to say. His mouth ran dry. "Elladan..."
Elladan sighed. "There is no call to revisit this," he said. "Let sleeping dogs lie."
"Let weeping boys cry," Legolas shot back. "The same orc dung. There is call enough to revisit Eregion, Elladan. Estel deserves to know the whole story."
Elladan shook his head. He looked to Elrohir for support, but Elrohir sided against him. "You know I love you, Elladan, but for Estel you must do this." The elder twin looked away. "Elladan? You must do this for yourself."
"I see I am voted out," Elladan began, but Estel interrupted him.
"No, you are not. I do not need to know, Elladan. Keep your secret, I do not mind."
"My selfless little brother! Now I must tell for you." Elladan took a deep breath and addressed the topic as removed, as though speaking of a battle he never saw. "She, the mother of my child, was named Maikarë. When I fought for Pellatal I fought against Men. He set the scene to appear that I had murdered Maikarë, and I believed his lie. My unsatisfied conscience made me pliable in Pellatal's hands. Estel, I am so sorry. I love you so much, and never again will I turn against you. I swear it."
Estel swallowed tears. "What happened to Pellatal?" he asked. "Tell me if he be dead or alive."
"Dead," Elladan answered bluntly. The fire crackled and Legolas and Elrohir sat quietly to observe, understanding that this conversation was not theirs to have. "He earned a second chance, and he earned a third. There will be no fourth. Those who have no heads have no futures."
There were hisses of pain at this remark and for a moment everyone was quiet. Fury rose in Estel's chest, along with an inexplicable need to cry. "I won't cry for him!" he said. "I refuse to mourn the passing of an evil man."
"Hush, brother," Elrohir told him. "It is not yours to judge."
"Not mine to..." Estel did not finish his sentence.
Elladan spoke softly into the fire, "Pellatal believed he was right. Not evil, just crazy."
They left it at that and none needed more on the topic. As the smoke began to stand out brightly against the night sky and the time was elected decent for the first watch to begin, Estel said, "Perhaps..." Then he fell silent, embarrassed.
Elladan finished for him, "Perhaps we should huddle, like we used to. That always made everything seem all right."
They did, moving away from the fire such that no one was burned and negotiating their huddle to include four. The huddle looked something like this: four boys with their heads together, clasping hands to bind themselves as one, almost like a protective ring in that each pair held on to the hands of the opposite behind his neighbor's back. It looked and sounded extremely silly, but it made them feel safe and warm inside.
"Estel?"
"Age before beauty."
So Elladan began with his wish. "I wish that we all heal, that this experience brings us closer than ever and remains behind us as well as a part of us."
Elrohir waited for Elladan's wish to settle over the group before he whispered his own. "I wish that Estel's injuries heal swiftly and without infection."
Legolas followed this as smoothly as though he had participated in hundreds of wish-huddles before. "My wish is for the land of Eregion, that it may forget the sorrows it has seen."
"I wish..." Estel could not choose a wish, for he wished so many things. At last he said, "I wish that the people of Eregion may find new homes; that those who need may find new parents; that those who are dead may be released to peace; that those who live...that those who live may move on."
"Tulkas guard us; Este heal us."
*
Strider looked at his companions, all of their faces showing degrees of shock or sorrow. "Peregrin..." There were trails in the light cover of grime on his face. "How I wish I could have given you a happy ending."
Pippin smiled. "You're our happy ending, Strider," he said.
Strider could not speak. He tried and failed, looked and found no words. At last swallowing this drowning of emotion, he said, "Come; the hour grows late. Nay, the hour grows early, 'tis the morn. The tale is finished. Go to sleep now, the lot of you. Don't listen the ramblings of an old man."
"No! No, it's not yet finished because...because what happened there? What happened between Estel and Elrond?"
Strider looked to Legolas. "Will you save my life again?" he asked.
"If I am given no option," Legolas answered with a grin. "You too should be abed, little one." With that teasing remark he finished the story: "Elrond handed him a pen and parchment and he said, 'Whenever you are ready, Estel...' For a long while Estel stood. He watched the rest of us begin to wander in, then his legs began to shake and he sprinted after Elrond. He said, 'Ada, wait! I...I will tell you anything. Everything! I want to tell you everything.'
"Estel and Elrond were together for a long time. I know not what they said but that Estel cried, and then, after a good long time, he began to mend."
Strider lit his pipe and watched the others wander off to their respective beds. Only one paused, and that was Pippin. He turned back to Strider and meant to say something else, but couldn't. "Good night," he said at last.
"Good night, Pip." Strider added, almost under his breath, "Tulkas guard you. Este heal you."
*****
And now, the end.
1 Khila lle: I follow you
2. Pelilmet ve-er: May we go together (as one)
3. An ilye rei: For all days
Author's note: After this story I will be going back and writing the first stories in the series, so the next one will be "Bear With Me" in which Estel is two years old and cannot sleep. If anyone lacks interest in the earlier stories drop me a line and I'll let you know when the story chronologically after this is posted.
The speeches from which the chapter titles are taken, as originally written by John Steinbeck in "Cannery Row", read:
"Look at them. There are your true philosophers. I think, he went on, that Mack and the boys know everything that has ever happened in the world and possibly everything that will happen. I think they survive this particular world better than other people. In a time when people tear themselves to pieces with ambition and nervousness and covetousness, they are relaxed. All of our so-called successful men are sick men, with bad stomachs, and bad souls, but Mack and the boys are healthy and curiously clean. They can do what they want. They can satisfy their appetites without calling them something else...They could get it, Doc said. They could ruin their lives and get money. Mack has qualities of genius. They're all very clever if they want something. They just know the nature of things too well to be caught in that wanting."
"It has always seemed strange to me...The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second...The sale of souls to gain the whole world is completely voluntary and almost unanimous—but not quite. Everywhere in the world there are Mack and the boys."
*****
Estel sighed and leaned against the tree trunk. He clutched a handful of sticks to his chest, the minor scratches earned on his arm and chest almost pleasant, minor pains shouting out: I am here, I feel, I live. The evening sunlight filtered through the shifting leaves over Estel's face, polygons forming and reforming with new names. The birds were calling and, at the nearby camp, Estel heard the horses drinking from the stream.
"Hallo, Estel. You have us all worried."
Legolas began to gather some of the larger branches, those Estel, with his left arm wrapped in a makeshift sling and bandages, could not handle himself. Estel bit his tongue not to protest this help, knowing well that he needed the assistance. Even with light travelling and much rest, Estel was tired. He needed a decent sleep, one uninterrupted by nightmares and not spent on the ground. He missed his bed and his home.
"Come. The sun is setting; your brothers are waiting."
"Khila lle,"[1] Estel answered with a nod, his voice deeper, slower than it had been. He found that words came with difficulty and often did not suffice to express his meaning. He was a new person and the old words fit him badly.
"Pelilmet ve-er." [2] Neither knew if Legolas spoke a prayer or a question.
Deciding that he preferred a prayer, Estel stepped forward. "An ilye rei."[3]
The two walked back to their camp together, quiet and smiling. Legolas noticed the way he and Estel mixed and swayed in tune with one another. Somehow with few words and fewer honesties, they had become friends.
Elladan grabbed his brother in a one-armed hug and kissed his forehead. "Welcome back, foal." 'Foal' had been Elladan's childhood nickname for Estel, and he had reinstated it in lieu of recent events. Estel did not protest.
"Don't steal the fire-starter, Elladan," Elrohir teased. Elladan released Estel, who promptly knelt by the already-cleared firepit and began, with some help, to assemble a conical pile of kindling.
Later, as they sat around the blaze talking and joking, Estel asked, "Can we...ah...can we talk about Eregion?" This last comment he said as one word, so quickly did Estel speak. Suddenly he knew not what to say. His mouth ran dry. "Elladan..."
Elladan sighed. "There is no call to revisit this," he said. "Let sleeping dogs lie."
"Let weeping boys cry," Legolas shot back. "The same orc dung. There is call enough to revisit Eregion, Elladan. Estel deserves to know the whole story."
Elladan shook his head. He looked to Elrohir for support, but Elrohir sided against him. "You know I love you, Elladan, but for Estel you must do this." The elder twin looked away. "Elladan? You must do this for yourself."
"I see I am voted out," Elladan began, but Estel interrupted him.
"No, you are not. I do not need to know, Elladan. Keep your secret, I do not mind."
"My selfless little brother! Now I must tell for you." Elladan took a deep breath and addressed the topic as removed, as though speaking of a battle he never saw. "She, the mother of my child, was named Maikarë. When I fought for Pellatal I fought against Men. He set the scene to appear that I had murdered Maikarë, and I believed his lie. My unsatisfied conscience made me pliable in Pellatal's hands. Estel, I am so sorry. I love you so much, and never again will I turn against you. I swear it."
Estel swallowed tears. "What happened to Pellatal?" he asked. "Tell me if he be dead or alive."
"Dead," Elladan answered bluntly. The fire crackled and Legolas and Elrohir sat quietly to observe, understanding that this conversation was not theirs to have. "He earned a second chance, and he earned a third. There will be no fourth. Those who have no heads have no futures."
There were hisses of pain at this remark and for a moment everyone was quiet. Fury rose in Estel's chest, along with an inexplicable need to cry. "I won't cry for him!" he said. "I refuse to mourn the passing of an evil man."
"Hush, brother," Elrohir told him. "It is not yours to judge."
"Not mine to..." Estel did not finish his sentence.
Elladan spoke softly into the fire, "Pellatal believed he was right. Not evil, just crazy."
They left it at that and none needed more on the topic. As the smoke began to stand out brightly against the night sky and the time was elected decent for the first watch to begin, Estel said, "Perhaps..." Then he fell silent, embarrassed.
Elladan finished for him, "Perhaps we should huddle, like we used to. That always made everything seem all right."
They did, moving away from the fire such that no one was burned and negotiating their huddle to include four. The huddle looked something like this: four boys with their heads together, clasping hands to bind themselves as one, almost like a protective ring in that each pair held on to the hands of the opposite behind his neighbor's back. It looked and sounded extremely silly, but it made them feel safe and warm inside.
"Estel?"
"Age before beauty."
So Elladan began with his wish. "I wish that we all heal, that this experience brings us closer than ever and remains behind us as well as a part of us."
Elrohir waited for Elladan's wish to settle over the group before he whispered his own. "I wish that Estel's injuries heal swiftly and without infection."
Legolas followed this as smoothly as though he had participated in hundreds of wish-huddles before. "My wish is for the land of Eregion, that it may forget the sorrows it has seen."
"I wish..." Estel could not choose a wish, for he wished so many things. At last he said, "I wish that the people of Eregion may find new homes; that those who need may find new parents; that those who are dead may be released to peace; that those who live...that those who live may move on."
"Tulkas guard us; Este heal us."
*
Strider looked at his companions, all of their faces showing degrees of shock or sorrow. "Peregrin..." There were trails in the light cover of grime on his face. "How I wish I could have given you a happy ending."
Pippin smiled. "You're our happy ending, Strider," he said.
Strider could not speak. He tried and failed, looked and found no words. At last swallowing this drowning of emotion, he said, "Come; the hour grows late. Nay, the hour grows early, 'tis the morn. The tale is finished. Go to sleep now, the lot of you. Don't listen the ramblings of an old man."
"No! No, it's not yet finished because...because what happened there? What happened between Estel and Elrond?"
Strider looked to Legolas. "Will you save my life again?" he asked.
"If I am given no option," Legolas answered with a grin. "You too should be abed, little one." With that teasing remark he finished the story: "Elrond handed him a pen and parchment and he said, 'Whenever you are ready, Estel...' For a long while Estel stood. He watched the rest of us begin to wander in, then his legs began to shake and he sprinted after Elrond. He said, 'Ada, wait! I...I will tell you anything. Everything! I want to tell you everything.'
"Estel and Elrond were together for a long time. I know not what they said but that Estel cried, and then, after a good long time, he began to mend."
Strider lit his pipe and watched the others wander off to their respective beds. Only one paused, and that was Pippin. He turned back to Strider and meant to say something else, but couldn't. "Good night," he said at last.
"Good night, Pip." Strider added, almost under his breath, "Tulkas guard you. Este heal you."
*****
And now, the end.
1 Khila lle: I follow you
2. Pelilmet ve-er: May we go together (as one)
3. An ilye rei: For all days
Author's note: After this story I will be going back and writing the first stories in the series, so the next one will be "Bear With Me" in which Estel is two years old and cannot sleep. If anyone lacks interest in the earlier stories drop me a line and I'll let you know when the story chronologically after this is posted.
The speeches from which the chapter titles are taken, as originally written by John Steinbeck in "Cannery Row", read:
"Look at them. There are your true philosophers. I think, he went on, that Mack and the boys know everything that has ever happened in the world and possibly everything that will happen. I think they survive this particular world better than other people. In a time when people tear themselves to pieces with ambition and nervousness and covetousness, they are relaxed. All of our so-called successful men are sick men, with bad stomachs, and bad souls, but Mack and the boys are healthy and curiously clean. They can do what they want. They can satisfy their appetites without calling them something else...They could get it, Doc said. They could ruin their lives and get money. Mack has qualities of genius. They're all very clever if they want something. They just know the nature of things too well to be caught in that wanting."
"It has always seemed strange to me...The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second...The sale of souls to gain the whole world is completely voluntary and almost unanimous—but not quite. Everywhere in the world there are Mack and the boys."