Summary: You want to say something profound, something just as beautiful in response, but what comes out is "And you want to experience that?" Hermione/Tonks femslash

Disclaimer: all characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me.

Author notes: Hermione's impassioned speech comes from the movie "Bicentennial Man."

~*~*~

She melts into your kiss, all pliable lips and delicate skin. She shivers when you whisper in her ear, "Lay down." She complies without hesitation and you prepare yourself for the moment of truth. Your hands reach for the buttons of her sweater and stop, hovering above them.

"Please," she begs desperately. "Don't stop. I'm ready."

And you can't help but smile because you've been waiting three months for this moment and it's finally here.

"Are you sure?"

Part of your brain is telling you you're stupid, why ask when she could very well change her mind. But you don't care. All that matters is her comfort, making sure she wants this because you don't want her to regret it later. No regrets, never regret.

You think of the last time you were in this situation with her and she pulled away, eyes wide with terror, and you blanched. You knew it was her first time doing it, knew that she was still confused and lost as to how she could have these feelings, these desires, for a girl. But your hormones had taken over. All you saw was a creamy neck and soft thighs, pouty lips begging to be kissed, ample breasts wanting to be touched. You reached out a hand to her and she recoiled.

"Hermione," you said. "I won't hurt you. I promise."

And when she saw the truth in your eyes, she broke down in heaving sobs that wracked her body and broke your heart. You held her in your arms, comforting her as she spilled apologies from those lips you so longed to kiss.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want it to be this way, all rushed. I wanted it to be the way they say it is."

"Who's they?" you ask. Surely she didn't mean Harry and Ron? What could they possibly know?

"People," she replies.

"People?" you echo. This is not turning out the way you planned. "What do people say then?"

For a moment she doesn't speak and you're afraid you've upset her in some way. But then she starts to talk, her voice filled with such passion, you stare at her in awe.

"That you can lose yourself, all boundaries, all time. That two bodies can become so mixed up that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die, you kind of do leaving you alone in your separate body. But the one you love is still there. That's the miracle. You can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love."

You want to say something profound, something just as beautiful in response, but what comes out is "And you want to experience that?"

"Oh, yes, please," she answers with the same intensity as before.

And you feel ashamed and dirty because you've never thought of it in that way. It was only sex, not something so absolutely wonderful you wanted to die from the sheer joy of it.

"So do I," you whisper before you realize she's drifted off to sleep.

And so three months later you find yourself in the position once again, but this time it's different. Your fingers are fumbling because your hands are trembling violently with fear, fear that you will mar the innocent, angelic being before you, fear that you could never even come close to that ideal she has in her head, fear because you've never experienced that and now you're seconds away from a whole new world.

"Tonks," she calls, understanding in her eyes. She looks at your hands and places her own shaking ones over yours. All she has to do is smile and you can feel the nervousness ebbing away. And suddenly you know it's going to be all they said it would because she's here, she's with you, she's the one you'll go to heaven with over and over again.