Petra: *sigh* Do not even ask what is with all the Harry Potter fics. I don't know anymore than you... *glares at Kati*
Kati: *whistles innocently*
Petra: Sure... anyway... actually, I don't remember exactly what fic I was reading when I got this idea but... I was reading a fic and I thought, "Maybe Snape had a reason for acting like he did to Harry..."
Kati: And, thus, another fic was created.
Petra: I don't understand what all the Harry Potter stuff is about though...
Kati: *laugh*
DEDICATED: Everyone has a reason for doing something... and some are nobler than most.
WARNING: If you thought you knew Severus Snape... think again...
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. I merely like to play in Rowling-san's playground every once in a while... a lot lately...
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With Lily's Eyes
"There are moments when everything falls away, leaving only the naked truth behind, trembling in its vulnerability." -0083; One (GW)
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
The sounds of the feast in the Great Hall slowly began to disappear as Severus Snape walked away in his long, distance-swallowing stride that every student in Hogwarts had learned to recognize and dread. No one would miss him at the graduation party, except for the few that were brave and/or desperate enough to try and pull a prank on him. He usually stayed for part of the graduation party, just so that Albus didn't complain about his anti-social nature but this year… he couldn't. He had slipped out as soon as the party had been in even partial swing and now he was walking hurriedly down the hallway, daring anyone to see and stop him. No one did, so he continued without interruption until he got to his room in the dungeons.
He murmured his password and touched his wand to his door, making it swing open and he gratefully walked inside, closing the door behind him. As soon as the door was shut, though, he changed. Not in appearance, no, but subtlety. His shoulders slumped, as though all the energy had been drained out of him and he let out a great, sad sigh. He leaned back against the door his eyes closed, and if any of his students had seen him then, they would have died from shock, as a slow, soft smile made its way over his face. "Did you see him, Lily?" he whispered to the dank air. "You would have been so proud. Though he took after James a little more I was comfortable with…"
He sighed again and he moved toward the middle of the room, toward the armchairs that sat in front of the fire. Even though he was far from an old man, he moved as though he was one, carefully and deliberately. He chuckled at his morbid thoughts and couldn't help but think that he also felt like an old man. He was tired, tired of the partial acting and the Potter boy certainly hadn't helped him feel any younger. He was sure he'd lost many future years, simply to the worry he spent on the boy.
He sat down and leaned back, basking in the warmth that seemed so hard to come by. It seemed like no one had been able to get warm enough in the past few years… Severus shook his head sadly. All those lives lost… "Lily…" Severus remembered back to the few good memories in his years as a student at Hogwarts. Of course, due to his natural antisocial nature, he hadn't had any friends, and yet Lily had still befriended him… for no reason. He still considered her a great friend and admitted without denial that he was still bitter that James had stolen her away, though he knew that they'd been drifting apart to begin with. Oh, no, he hadn't been in love with her, but she had been in his only friend. They'd slowly lost touch after they'd graduated and, it wasn't until the news of Lily's death reached his ears, that he'd realized he'd taken for granted the fact that she would always been there. Taken for granted the fact that she would have opened her arms even after all those years of separation and welcomed him back into her life. Now, however, she was gone… It was his biggest regret and it still struck a chord in him, when Potter looked at him with Lily's eyes, full of anger or sorrow.
He hadn't seen sorrow very often, after all he was the "meanest" teacher. Severus opened his eyes at that thought, as a small smile lit his face. It had been hard to effectively distance himself from the students, but he done it. He'd knew he'd have to do it for Lily's son… it was the last thing he could do for a friend that he had let go too soon and realized the truth about too late. There was always a teacher at school that no one cared for, that everyone hated, and when Severus had agreed to teach, there had been no one. He knew, perhaps too well, that there had to be a teacher to draw houses together so… he'd let himself become nasty to the students and completely unfair in the giving or taking of house points.
Severus, despite the deep and engrained belief of every student in the school, was not a nasty man by nature, but he'd had to become one to help Potter. Someone had to be the hated teacher and, when it came down to it, Severus had decided that he didn't want any of the other teachers to go through it. He'd gladly offered himself up, as though he were a sacrificial lamb at the altar. Yes, sometimes it disturbed him how truly good he was at it. Yes, he sometimes got up in the morning and just wanted to smile… but he didn't. The students had to hate someone and, self-sacrificing him, he'd almost gladly bared his throat to the knife that was the student body. His father had always been so disappointed in that particular little weakness of hating to see the people he cared about suffer…
Severus quickly banished the thoughts from his heard, not wanting to dwell on such things, and irresistibly his thoughts turned to Potter, who was at the moment, no longer a school boy. Potter… He had done it all for Lily's child but the child would never know… and that was how Severus wanted it. He had known from the very beginning that Lily's child would receive special treatment and, while he'd badly wanted to do the same, he'd known that he couldn't. More now than ever before, he needed to be the most hated teacher, he needed to give something to Potter, something the boy could have in common with everyone else. Potter would never realize, but Severus had not only helped Potter with life in general, but also in forging friendships. If he had shown favoritism to the "boy-who-lived", then the boy would have been further alienated from the other students, so he tried to treat him the same… or at least had planned to…
He hadn't expect the boy to have Lily's eyes though, and that been almost his undoing; when the boy had looked up at his name and met Severus' gaze with emerald green eyes that first school day, oh so long ago. He knew that he treated Potter even worse than the other students, but he had to go the extreme or not do it all. It had hurt, more than Severus would ever admit vocally, to drive away the only part of Lily left in the world, the only part of the only friend he'd ever had. Severus stared pensively into the fire. Severus had hurt Potter, embarrassed him, and unfairly punished him. Severus had shown him how much worse life could have been and that in eyes of at least one person, he was normal. Severus had helped him get past the hero-worship of his father, as any normal boy with living father would naturally have, but Severus had had to force him to see it, and Potter had hated him for it. For you see, Severus had done something no other person had ever done for Potter, Severus had treated him as though he was he was a regular student…
"You won't ever thank me for it, boy, but I didn't do it for the thanks," he whispered. For a minute, he thought he saw Lily in the fire, laughing at him. He could almost hear her voice chiding him on being a meany for no reason but… he knew that she would have approved. How did he know? They had once been friends, and not even time could change that.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Kati: Be looking for a sequel!
Petra: No! *runs away screaming*
Kati: What was all that about?
Petra: Sorry... just a sudden glitch.
Kati: A glitch.
Petra: *nods* A glitch.
Kati: But you're... *sigh* Nevermind.
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*
Kati: *whistles innocently*
Petra: Sure... anyway... actually, I don't remember exactly what fic I was reading when I got this idea but... I was reading a fic and I thought, "Maybe Snape had a reason for acting like he did to Harry..."
Kati: And, thus, another fic was created.
Petra: I don't understand what all the Harry Potter stuff is about though...
Kati: *laugh*
DEDICATED: Everyone has a reason for doing something... and some are nobler than most.
WARNING: If you thought you knew Severus Snape... think again...
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. I merely like to play in Rowling-san's playground every once in a while... a lot lately...
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
With Lily's Eyes
"There are moments when everything falls away, leaving only the naked truth behind, trembling in its vulnerability." -0083; One (GW)
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
The sounds of the feast in the Great Hall slowly began to disappear as Severus Snape walked away in his long, distance-swallowing stride that every student in Hogwarts had learned to recognize and dread. No one would miss him at the graduation party, except for the few that were brave and/or desperate enough to try and pull a prank on him. He usually stayed for part of the graduation party, just so that Albus didn't complain about his anti-social nature but this year… he couldn't. He had slipped out as soon as the party had been in even partial swing and now he was walking hurriedly down the hallway, daring anyone to see and stop him. No one did, so he continued without interruption until he got to his room in the dungeons.
He murmured his password and touched his wand to his door, making it swing open and he gratefully walked inside, closing the door behind him. As soon as the door was shut, though, he changed. Not in appearance, no, but subtlety. His shoulders slumped, as though all the energy had been drained out of him and he let out a great, sad sigh. He leaned back against the door his eyes closed, and if any of his students had seen him then, they would have died from shock, as a slow, soft smile made its way over his face. "Did you see him, Lily?" he whispered to the dank air. "You would have been so proud. Though he took after James a little more I was comfortable with…"
He sighed again and he moved toward the middle of the room, toward the armchairs that sat in front of the fire. Even though he was far from an old man, he moved as though he was one, carefully and deliberately. He chuckled at his morbid thoughts and couldn't help but think that he also felt like an old man. He was tired, tired of the partial acting and the Potter boy certainly hadn't helped him feel any younger. He was sure he'd lost many future years, simply to the worry he spent on the boy.
He sat down and leaned back, basking in the warmth that seemed so hard to come by. It seemed like no one had been able to get warm enough in the past few years… Severus shook his head sadly. All those lives lost… "Lily…" Severus remembered back to the few good memories in his years as a student at Hogwarts. Of course, due to his natural antisocial nature, he hadn't had any friends, and yet Lily had still befriended him… for no reason. He still considered her a great friend and admitted without denial that he was still bitter that James had stolen her away, though he knew that they'd been drifting apart to begin with. Oh, no, he hadn't been in love with her, but she had been in his only friend. They'd slowly lost touch after they'd graduated and, it wasn't until the news of Lily's death reached his ears, that he'd realized he'd taken for granted the fact that she would always been there. Taken for granted the fact that she would have opened her arms even after all those years of separation and welcomed him back into her life. Now, however, she was gone… It was his biggest regret and it still struck a chord in him, when Potter looked at him with Lily's eyes, full of anger or sorrow.
He hadn't seen sorrow very often, after all he was the "meanest" teacher. Severus opened his eyes at that thought, as a small smile lit his face. It had been hard to effectively distance himself from the students, but he done it. He'd knew he'd have to do it for Lily's son… it was the last thing he could do for a friend that he had let go too soon and realized the truth about too late. There was always a teacher at school that no one cared for, that everyone hated, and when Severus had agreed to teach, there had been no one. He knew, perhaps too well, that there had to be a teacher to draw houses together so… he'd let himself become nasty to the students and completely unfair in the giving or taking of house points.
Severus, despite the deep and engrained belief of every student in the school, was not a nasty man by nature, but he'd had to become one to help Potter. Someone had to be the hated teacher and, when it came down to it, Severus had decided that he didn't want any of the other teachers to go through it. He'd gladly offered himself up, as though he were a sacrificial lamb at the altar. Yes, sometimes it disturbed him how truly good he was at it. Yes, he sometimes got up in the morning and just wanted to smile… but he didn't. The students had to hate someone and, self-sacrificing him, he'd almost gladly bared his throat to the knife that was the student body. His father had always been so disappointed in that particular little weakness of hating to see the people he cared about suffer…
Severus quickly banished the thoughts from his heard, not wanting to dwell on such things, and irresistibly his thoughts turned to Potter, who was at the moment, no longer a school boy. Potter… He had done it all for Lily's child but the child would never know… and that was how Severus wanted it. He had known from the very beginning that Lily's child would receive special treatment and, while he'd badly wanted to do the same, he'd known that he couldn't. More now than ever before, he needed to be the most hated teacher, he needed to give something to Potter, something the boy could have in common with everyone else. Potter would never realize, but Severus had not only helped Potter with life in general, but also in forging friendships. If he had shown favoritism to the "boy-who-lived", then the boy would have been further alienated from the other students, so he tried to treat him the same… or at least had planned to…
He hadn't expect the boy to have Lily's eyes though, and that been almost his undoing; when the boy had looked up at his name and met Severus' gaze with emerald green eyes that first school day, oh so long ago. He knew that he treated Potter even worse than the other students, but he had to go the extreme or not do it all. It had hurt, more than Severus would ever admit vocally, to drive away the only part of Lily left in the world, the only part of the only friend he'd ever had. Severus stared pensively into the fire. Severus had hurt Potter, embarrassed him, and unfairly punished him. Severus had shown him how much worse life could have been and that in eyes of at least one person, he was normal. Severus had helped him get past the hero-worship of his father, as any normal boy with living father would naturally have, but Severus had had to force him to see it, and Potter had hated him for it. For you see, Severus had done something no other person had ever done for Potter, Severus had treated him as though he was he was a regular student…
"You won't ever thank me for it, boy, but I didn't do it for the thanks," he whispered. For a minute, he thought he saw Lily in the fire, laughing at him. He could almost hear her voice chiding him on being a meany for no reason but… he knew that she would have approved. How did he know? They had once been friends, and not even time could change that.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._
Kati: Be looking for a sequel!
Petra: No! *runs away screaming*
Kati: What was all that about?
Petra: Sorry... just a sudden glitch.
Kati: A glitch.
Petra: *nods* A glitch.
Kati: But you're... *sigh* Nevermind.
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."
-Rose Marie Ledam
~Petra Megami Assari~
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess*