Author's Note: This is a crazy little thing I wrote when I was in a good
mood and had nothing to do. It is barely coherent, but I enjoyed it. It
does not take place at any time in particular. I hope it makes you laugh!
"What's up?" said Fred to George one day when they had (miraculously or unfortunately, depending on where you are standing) run out of ideas to torment their peers and professors. They were sitting in their dormitory.
"No me gusta mis zapatos verdes," said George casually, "Y tu?" He began to shake some maracas while "La Bamba" played from somewhere in the vicinity of Harry Potter's scar (Harry had randomly appeared moments before. Hadn't you noticed?)
Though Fred and George were brothers and best friends, Fred felt that today they did not understand each other.
"I feel that we are not understanding each other," he said.
"I have never understood you," said Harry.
"No, I wasn't talking to you," said Fred.
"Oh, never mind then. . ." Harry said vaguely. He then flung himself out the window and hung on only long enough to say, "Fly you fools!" before dropping into the outstretched arms of a dementor in hot pink robes.
"Um, Harry?" said Fred, "Are you-"
"I feel. . .happy," said Harry, and he skipped off to go snog Ginny.
George, by this time, was doing his interpretive version of the Macarena.
"I really don't understand you!" said Fred.
"Lo siento," George replied merrily, "Pero no hablo espanol. . .I mean-No hablo English, that's right. Now, perdon, necessito un snog con. . .someone. Adios!" He ran out the door.
Fred sat on his bed contemplating the meaning of life for a while, but soon a clanking noise interrupted his deep thoughts.
"Ebeneeeeeezer," a deep, echoing voice said from under the bed. The clanking sound continued.
"Who?"
"Ebeneeeeezer Scroooooooooge. I am Jacob Maaarley," said the voice. Fred puzzled over this for a few years and then said:
"I am not Ebeneeeeezer."
"Oh," said the voice, sounding mildly puzzled, " Never miiiind theeeeeeeeen."
Fred contemplated these words along with the meaning of life for 7.82 seconds. Then Sirius Black walked in, looking lost, smelling of daisies, and reminding us very much of Johnny Depp.
"You're supposed to be dead!" cried Fred.
"Oh. . ." said Sirius vaguely, "Am I not?" he looked down at his body seeming genuinely puzzled. Then he quickly took control of the situation, did some complicated acrobatics and flung himself out the window. This reminded Fred of Harry, but he could not figure out why.
"Professor Binns looks like a potato," Fred said at top volume before running out of the room in a very girlish manner. He walked through the wall and into the girl's dormitory where he found Parvati and Lavendar who had just finished inventing a Lipstick-Applying Charm.
They were singing off key:
"Our daughter's daughter's will adore us
And they'll sing in grateful chorus
Well done! Sister Gryffindors!"
Neither of them had noticed Fred in the room, nor had they noticed Voldemort behind them asking very politely for some lipstick.
Then Harry and Ginny came in. They were waltzing serenely to the music coming out of Harry's scar and they seemed not to notice when they knocked over several pieces of furniture and crashed into a wall.
When Voldemort saw Harry he got so mad that he began jumping on the bad singing "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. Fred decided it would only be polite to join him, but did not know the words. Instead, he began on his soulful rendition of No Doubt's "Don't Speak."
V: "I feel pretty-"
F: "You and me-"
V: "Oh so pretty-"
F: "Used to be together-"
V: "I feel pretty and witty and GAAAAAAAAY!"
F: "Everywhere together. Always-"
V: "And I pity-"
F: "I really fee-ee-eel-"
V: " Any girl who isn't me today-"
F: "That I'm losin' my best friend-"
V: "Lalalalalalalalala-"
F: "I can't believe this could be-"
V: "I feel charming-"
F: "The end."
"SHUT UP!!!" shrieked Hedwig, turning purplish green with rage. She then ruffled her feathers and flew off to the Three Broomsticks to drink some whiskey with the other owls.
Harry and Ginny had discontinued their waltzing only to replace it with a fast, complicated tango, to match the scar's music.
Fred was quite enjoying himself, but when Crookshanks and his pasi of green mice came in, he felt it was a little too crowded. So, to the great dissapointment of Voldemort who had been thoroughly enjoying their duet, Fred went down to the Common Room.
You may be wondering at the point where Ron and Hermione are, but I am not. I really don't care. Now humor me for a moment and pretend you care what's happening to Malfoy. . .or Snape. . .no, I can't tell you what Snape is doing. If I did, this fic would be rated R. . .and for you sick minded people out there, it's not what you think. Snape is a Death Eater, right now he is being murderous and violent. It is very gory, that's all. . .you nasty little pervs. . .
Anyway, Fred decided to go drop by the Slytherin Common Room to say "HELLO!" to Malfoy. As he skipped down the hall whistling "Whistle While You Work" (from Snow White), he passed Professors McGonagall and Trelawney in a violent fist fight and Dumbledore, with his hair and beard in cornrows, humming the Harry Potter Theme. Once down in the dungeons, Fred gave the password to the stone wall ("I love Muggles!") and entered.
"Hello," said Malfoy (the fan girls swoon), "I am the King of the World."
"Really?!" Fred asked, interested.
"Yeah! My Daddy's so rich-" he began.
But Fred felt the need to sing, "If I ruled the wooooorld. Everyday would be the first day of spring, every man would-"
But he was cut off by several feminist Slytherins, "WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?!" They began to beat him up using only their left feet.
Ahem, Ahem. I was going to add a few closing words here, but then I decided I had nothing to say. I only ask that you. . .REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! Flames are welcome. I will laugh at them.
"What's up?" said Fred to George one day when they had (miraculously or unfortunately, depending on where you are standing) run out of ideas to torment their peers and professors. They were sitting in their dormitory.
"No me gusta mis zapatos verdes," said George casually, "Y tu?" He began to shake some maracas while "La Bamba" played from somewhere in the vicinity of Harry Potter's scar (Harry had randomly appeared moments before. Hadn't you noticed?)
Though Fred and George were brothers and best friends, Fred felt that today they did not understand each other.
"I feel that we are not understanding each other," he said.
"I have never understood you," said Harry.
"No, I wasn't talking to you," said Fred.
"Oh, never mind then. . ." Harry said vaguely. He then flung himself out the window and hung on only long enough to say, "Fly you fools!" before dropping into the outstretched arms of a dementor in hot pink robes.
"Um, Harry?" said Fred, "Are you-"
"I feel. . .happy," said Harry, and he skipped off to go snog Ginny.
George, by this time, was doing his interpretive version of the Macarena.
"I really don't understand you!" said Fred.
"Lo siento," George replied merrily, "Pero no hablo espanol. . .I mean-No hablo English, that's right. Now, perdon, necessito un snog con. . .someone. Adios!" He ran out the door.
Fred sat on his bed contemplating the meaning of life for a while, but soon a clanking noise interrupted his deep thoughts.
"Ebeneeeeeezer," a deep, echoing voice said from under the bed. The clanking sound continued.
"Who?"
"Ebeneeeeezer Scroooooooooge. I am Jacob Maaarley," said the voice. Fred puzzled over this for a few years and then said:
"I am not Ebeneeeeezer."
"Oh," said the voice, sounding mildly puzzled, " Never miiiind theeeeeeeeen."
Fred contemplated these words along with the meaning of life for 7.82 seconds. Then Sirius Black walked in, looking lost, smelling of daisies, and reminding us very much of Johnny Depp.
"You're supposed to be dead!" cried Fred.
"Oh. . ." said Sirius vaguely, "Am I not?" he looked down at his body seeming genuinely puzzled. Then he quickly took control of the situation, did some complicated acrobatics and flung himself out the window. This reminded Fred of Harry, but he could not figure out why.
"Professor Binns looks like a potato," Fred said at top volume before running out of the room in a very girlish manner. He walked through the wall and into the girl's dormitory where he found Parvati and Lavendar who had just finished inventing a Lipstick-Applying Charm.
They were singing off key:
"Our daughter's daughter's will adore us
And they'll sing in grateful chorus
Well done! Sister Gryffindors!"
Neither of them had noticed Fred in the room, nor had they noticed Voldemort behind them asking very politely for some lipstick.
Then Harry and Ginny came in. They were waltzing serenely to the music coming out of Harry's scar and they seemed not to notice when they knocked over several pieces of furniture and crashed into a wall.
When Voldemort saw Harry he got so mad that he began jumping on the bad singing "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. Fred decided it would only be polite to join him, but did not know the words. Instead, he began on his soulful rendition of No Doubt's "Don't Speak."
V: "I feel pretty-"
F: "You and me-"
V: "Oh so pretty-"
F: "Used to be together-"
V: "I feel pretty and witty and GAAAAAAAAY!"
F: "Everywhere together. Always-"
V: "And I pity-"
F: "I really fee-ee-eel-"
V: " Any girl who isn't me today-"
F: "That I'm losin' my best friend-"
V: "Lalalalalalalalala-"
F: "I can't believe this could be-"
V: "I feel charming-"
F: "The end."
"SHUT UP!!!" shrieked Hedwig, turning purplish green with rage. She then ruffled her feathers and flew off to the Three Broomsticks to drink some whiskey with the other owls.
Harry and Ginny had discontinued their waltzing only to replace it with a fast, complicated tango, to match the scar's music.
Fred was quite enjoying himself, but when Crookshanks and his pasi of green mice came in, he felt it was a little too crowded. So, to the great dissapointment of Voldemort who had been thoroughly enjoying their duet, Fred went down to the Common Room.
You may be wondering at the point where Ron and Hermione are, but I am not. I really don't care. Now humor me for a moment and pretend you care what's happening to Malfoy. . .or Snape. . .no, I can't tell you what Snape is doing. If I did, this fic would be rated R. . .and for you sick minded people out there, it's not what you think. Snape is a Death Eater, right now he is being murderous and violent. It is very gory, that's all. . .you nasty little pervs. . .
Anyway, Fred decided to go drop by the Slytherin Common Room to say "HELLO!" to Malfoy. As he skipped down the hall whistling "Whistle While You Work" (from Snow White), he passed Professors McGonagall and Trelawney in a violent fist fight and Dumbledore, with his hair and beard in cornrows, humming the Harry Potter Theme. Once down in the dungeons, Fred gave the password to the stone wall ("I love Muggles!") and entered.
"Hello," said Malfoy (the fan girls swoon), "I am the King of the World."
"Really?!" Fred asked, interested.
"Yeah! My Daddy's so rich-" he began.
But Fred felt the need to sing, "If I ruled the wooooorld. Everyday would be the first day of spring, every man would-"
But he was cut off by several feminist Slytherins, "WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?!" They began to beat him up using only their left feet.
Ahem, Ahem. I was going to add a few closing words here, but then I decided I had nothing to say. I only ask that you. . .REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! Flames are welcome. I will laugh at them.