AN/ wow, it's been more than a year since the last update. How sad is that?
Anywho, this is a new chapter that I found lurking on my computer hard drive which I realized that I have not put up yet. It was written aaaaaages ago, but I figured that I may as well put it up. :)

Disclaimer: not mine. Very original eh?

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Chapter 15

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Previously in 'The fellowship and the elf next door: the adventures continue', Sam screamed, Haldir's kitchen burned, Pippin fell in love with a chicken and Aragorn cut his pants to smithereens, finally free from the eternal torment of being stuck in his horrible leather prison.

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The next day dawned earlier than Legolas would have liked. As did the next day and the day after that. Legolas would have been more than happy to sleep all week, but unfortunately the week continued as normal.

By now though, the week had come and gone. It had been seven whole days since Haldir's now infamous dinner party and the last seven days had gone so slowly that it felt like a year.

It was Saturday today, and with a sigh, Legolas decided that he should get up, even if only to check that none of the hobbits had burnt down THEIR kitchen, making pancakes, as they often did on Saturday mornings. One kitchen in the neighbourhood had already ended up completely roasted, and Legolas had no wish to sit back and add another to that number.

Throwing back the covers, the elf wearily clamboured out of bed. He had been so tired lately. I need a holiday, he thought to himself as he shuffled out of his room and down the hall to the kitchen. A long holiday. Away from all these morons. The morons of course, were the other members of the fellowship. Legolas had often wondered what he had done to deserve being stuck with such a bunch of idiots, and came to the conclusion that the gods, the Valar, or whoever controlled destiny, must have something against him.

Things had been reasonably quiet though, since Haldir's dinner party. Nobody had tried to kill anyone and nothing had been destroyed (or eaten) by the hobbits, who had a tendency to make everything they touched fall apart. Nothing important was wrecked anyway; Gandalf's cocktail dress didn't really count as something important in Legolas's opinion. The dress had met its end when Merry had tried to do the considerate thing and wash it. It had just dissolved in the water and no one knew exactly why, but to be honest, Legolas had been quite glad to see the end of it. Pippin had also lost his silly putty and at first had been quite distraught, but had soon after been distracted by Gertrude, his new pet chicken. Gertrude had once been known as Haldir's chicken, or the dinner party main course. Pippin had claimed the bird though, after Haldir had set it free. The raw, headless, plucked chicken was starting to smell a little off by now. This did not deter Pippin though, who had previously been in love with a month old rotting parsnip, which had smelt far worse than a week old raw chicken.

"Good morning mister Legolas," Sam chortled as the elf staggered out into the kitchen, still half asleep.

Legolas was tempted to ask what was so good about it, but didn't get a chance, for it was at that moment that they all heard the front door slam. Aragorn burst into the kitchen with an armful of papers, waving an envelope around in an insanely exited sort of way.

"Did you get them?" Merry asked the ranger, rushing into the kitchen, with Frodo and Pippin in tow.

Aragorn nodded and waved the envelope a little harder. Legolas raised one eyebrow, acutely aware that he had missed something. The elf didn't like being left out of things, and wanted to know what was going on and what Aragorn had got that he was so excited about. "Got what?" enquired Legolas as he pulled up a kitchen chair and sat on it.

"Our tickets!" announced Aragorn with an ecstatic grin, slamming the envelope down on the table in front of Legolas.

"Tickets?" asked the elf quizzically, taking the envelope. "For what?"

Aragorn looked at Legolas in a way that clearly showed he thought he was dealing with an idiot. "…Plane tickets," replied Aragorn, speaking veeeerrrryyy slowly. "You know, for that holiday we're planning on taking next week?"

Legolas looked at the ranger, slightly baffled, and tore open the envelope. The elf began to wonder if he'd been drunk at all over the past week, because he had absolutely no recollection on Aragorn organising their holiday. He had thought that he would be the one who would make several million trips to the travel agent to organise everything, but it seemed that this time, Aragorn had actually made himself useful.

"Next week?" enquired Legolas. One week was hardly enough time to properly organise a holiday, particularly one they'd won. Generally they would have had to wait more than two days for all the paperwork and details etc. It really was quite a pleasant surprise to find that things could be done quickly after all. "Where are we going?" Legolas looked down at envelope and pulled out plane tickets.

"Read the ticket." Aragorn replied, in a tone of voice that clearly showed that he thought Legolas was stupid.

Legolas resisted the urge to turn around and glare at the smart arsed ranger. Instead, he simply glanced down at the tickets. "Minas Tirith, Gondor, to Denpassar Bali." The elf read out. "Bali?" he looked up at Aragorn.

The ranger shrugged. "Sure, why not."

Merry and Pippin, who had been silent while Legolas had read the tickets, piped up and added their input to the conversation. "It's sunny and tropical," Merry pointed out.

"With beaches and palm trees," added Pippin, as if Palm trees were the thing that distinguished a good holiday from a great one.

"I thought we were going to go skiing," mused Legolas.

"We were," Aragorn answered, before he turned around and glared at a certain hobbit who went by the name of Peregrine Took. "But last time we went skiing, he," the ranger pointed at Pippin, "put snow down my pants." Aragorn turned back to Legolas. "I figured it would be better if we went someone warm, where he couldn't get snow…"

Legolas chose not to mention the fact that Pippin would probably substitute snow for sand, and Aragorn would find himself with a couple of handfuls of sand down his pants instead. The elf merely nodded in reply, deciding to keep his thoughts to himself. The idea of a vacation somewhere tropical sounded quite pleasant. Legolas just hoped that everything was well enough organised. He'd had no part in it, and it was just like Aragorn to forget something important. Something important like booking accommodation. Legolas voiced his concern. "Where are we staying?"

Aragorn, revealing that he had indeed remembered to book accommodation, handed Legolas a travel brochure. A page was marked and when Legolas opened the brochure, he saw that a luxury, five star resort that went by the name of 'the Imladaris'. It was right on the beach, and had two swimming pools, air conditioned rooms, a gym, a sauna, a health spa, four restaurants, three bars, babysitting services (to keep the hobbits out of the way) and most importantly, MINI BARS in the rooms.

A smile curved on the elf's lips. "I like this look of this," he remarked, suddenly feeling in a very good mood. He turned to the ranger, who, for a change, he was really quite impressed with. "When did you go to the travel agent?" he asked Aragorn.

"Monday," came the reply. "And several times since then to organise everything." Legolas opened his mouth to ask why he hadn't been aware of this, but the ranger cut him off. "You were either at work, or asleep," he remarked. "THAT'S why you had no part in this,"

Legolas sighed and shrugged, accepting that this was the best answer he was going to get.

Aragorn continued. "I still have to make one more trip to the travel agent tomorrow though to check that everything is in order."

Legolas was very impressed. It was most unlike the king of Gondor, who wore pyjamas at his own wedding, to get his act together and organise anything! Let alone organise it well. Legolas still had the gut feeling that Aragorn would have forgotten something important, but from what the elf could see, perhaps it wasn't the case. Perhaps Aragorn had surprised them all and done something properly for a change.

Frodo spoke up, taking advantage of the good mood that Legolas seemed to be in at that current moment. "Legolas?" he chimed in, "we need to go shopping."

The elf arched an eyebrow, thinking to himself that it was only a few days ago that he'd gone shopping last. A shopping trip that had ended with him spending a couple of hundred dollars on a stupid matrix coat for Aragorn and a pair of leather pants that were too small and that they hadn't been able to get off. Shopping trips with the rest of the fellowship tended to be disastrous and Legolas wasn't too keen on being the one who would be held responsible for hobbits going the wrong way up escalators and Gandalf getting tangled in a display of mannequins, which would be what would probably happen if they went shopping again. Legolas's good mood was very quickly becoming not so good.

It was Merry who saw the hesitant look on Legolas's face and decided to try and persuade the elf. "I need a new suitcase and Pip needs a new swimming costume," he stated, "we can't go on holidays without them,"

Legolas heaved a sigh. He had to admit that perhaps Merry was right. What was it with people today? Usually the rest of the fellowship were regarded as complete morons, but today, there had been more than one intelligent remark in the space of ten minutes. That was certainly more than usual. Normally, Legolas was lucky if he managed to squeeze one intelligent comment out of someone a day. To have both Aragorn and Merry reveal that perhaps they did occasionally do some thinking not only in the same day, but also with barely a few minutes between them, astounded the elf.

Legolas exchanged glances with Aragorn, who though not usually that bright, was regarded as the second most intelligent and/or sane member of the fellowship next to Legolas. "I'm not sure…" murmured the elf.

"The hobbit is right," Aragorn said with a shrug.

Before Legolas could reply to Merry's comment, Gandalf spoke up. "We're going shopping!" he announced gleefully, already thinking of a little spotted bikini that he'd seen at the mall that would be perfect to take on vacation.

Legolas heaved a sigh. "It looks like I get no say in the matter," he commented. "Fine, you can all go shopping and buy whatever you need." He frowned around at the rest of the fellowship and waved his finger threateningly. "But be warned, you are not using my credit card,"

There was a pause before the hobbits and Gandalf reluctantly agreed. They then scurried off to get their coats. Legolas turned to Aragorn. "Where's Gimli?" he asked, suddenly realising that the hairy dwarf was not present. In fact, Legolas hadn't seen Gimli at all since Haldir's dinner party.

Aragorn shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?" he asked. "I don't keep the dwarf on a leash or anything,"

Legolas resisted the urge to say that perhaps they should, but managed to hold his tongue. "Oh well," said the elf cheerfully. "He'll turn up I suppose."

Aragorn nodded in agreement. "He's bound to," he said. "Gimli's probably gone to the gym or something," Aragorn smirked at the look on Legolas's face, which was somewhere between absolute disgust, surprise and amusement. The ranger continued, "as soon as I booked the trip Gimli mentioned that he needed to get in shape if he was planning on hanging around the beach all day,"

Legolas snorted. "Gimli? Get in shape?" he laughed. "The only shape he is capable of being is round."

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you," commented the King of Gondor grimly.

The elf arched an eyebrow. "Why not?" he wanted to know.

"Because I for one, seriously hope that Gimli manages to lose a few kilos." Came the reply. "You do know that he only owns one swimming costume don't you?"

Legolas paled and muttered a profanity under his breath. "Not the orange Speedos…" He suddenly felt rather ill.

Aragorn nodded grimly. "Exactly." He stated. "Gimli in his swimming trunks is still repulsive, but hopefully if he gets in shape a bit, he wont make anyone violently ill." The ranger heaved a sigh. "I don't know how he plans to make any difference in only a week though."

The good mood that Legolas had been in that morning was well and truly gone now. The mere thought of how repulsive Gimli in swimming trunks had been last time Legolas had seen it was enough to make anyone, even if they had a very strong stomach, sick. The elf desperately hoped that Gimli would accidentally get on the wrong plane at the airport, or better yet, just decide not to come on the holiday at all. Legolas knew however, that this would probably not be the case. Perhaps the answer was simply to buy Gimli a new swimming costume. Board shorts, nice long board shorts that covered everything. And then, Legolas would burn the orange Speedos.

The elf chuckled to himself, imagining the feeling of satisfaction when the disgusting Speedos went up in flames.

And so, with thought of Speedo destroying, Legolas went on his way. There were things to do before their vacation, not the least of which was trying to get the suitcases out of Gandalf's bedroom. What they were doing there, no body knew. They did know however, that it could take a little while to navigate through the mess to find them.

Or maybe it would be safer to just buy new ones… The elf mused.

TBC

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AN/

Thanks for reviews everyone. And just out of curiosity, have more than half of my readers disappeared? Probably gave up hope that I'd update again... and rightly so I'm afraid. Anyhow, hope that those of you lurking around will REVIEW.

Ah yes, and those of you who I have promised cameos, who either haven't been reading or haven't reminded me when and where, wont be getting one. Sorry. And yes, I do realise the silliness of that statement. I do realise that if you haven't been reading, how on earth are you supposed to read the above remark. Leave me alone… my brain is mush. :P

And my sincerest apologies for the un-funniness of that chapter, and for the mention of Gimli's Speedos. Won't happen again. :P