AN/ hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Fellowship and the Elf next
door: the adventure continues
This is the sequel to the Fellowship and the elf Next door. I figured you all enjoyed that enough to merit another story. If you haven't read TF&TEND before, it might be handy to, but it's not crucial. If any of you can come up with a better name for this fic I would love to hear it. Otherwise this will just be TF&TEND: the adventures continue.
Disclaimer: Lamoo, having failed to gain any ownership over things in her last fic, is desperate to own something again. But unfortunately, all she owns are the tickets to the ballet, herself, the underwear ice cube and Pippin's hot water bottle.
Just a little not to people before I begin. There will be some other people in this fic. Reviewers mainly. As of now, please don't ask me if you can be in it, because I'm not even going to bother replying. If I have not already asked you, or have promised you a cameo in this fic, you not will get one, no matter how much you beg or how good a mood I am in. if I already said you could appear in this fic, probably because you asked to be in the last one but didn't get a chance, you will be included, don't worry. If anyone else even bothers asking me, I will either not reply, or explode in your face. If you had a cameo in the 1st fic, I am sorry, but I'm not going to let you appear in this sequel. There were far too many people in the first fic and I am not going to make the same mistake again. If I have asked you if you would like a cameo in this sequel, probably because you didn't get one in TF&TEND the first time when I said you could, then you will get your cameo. No one else is getting a cameo. This is the first and final warning.
Oki doki then, now presenting the very first chapter of The Fellowship and the Elf Next Door: the adventures continue. Enjoy! ^-^
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Chapter 1
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Aragorn yawned and stretched his arms. The ranger opened his eyes to gaze up at the cracked ceiling. He glanced over at the clock on his bedside table and groaned.
"5:30," mumbled Aragorn into his pillow. He rolled over, intending on going back to sleep but his door suddenly burst open. A blonde elf came flying into the room and roughly leaped on top of the lump in the bed that was Aragorn.
"Wake up Aragorn," said Legolas Greenleaf as he vigorously shook his human friend's shoulders.
Aragorn scowled and whacked the elf across the head with the pillow. "Piss off Legolas," Aragorn said crossly. "Its 5:30, let me sleep."
Legolas shook his head and blonde locks flailed everywhere. "Nuh uh," he replied. "You have to get up, we're going out for breakfast."
Aragorn shoved the elf off the bed and sat up. "Out? For breakfast?" Aragorn mused. "How come? Why are you in such a good mood?"
Legolas grinned stupidly and shrugged. "Firstly we're going for breakfast cos I don't want to eat Sam's cooking or left over party food, and I'm in a good mood cos all that sugar and booze last night is only just beginning to take effect." The elf bounced up and down like a happy two year old. "And I'm gonna have pancakes, and toast and muesli, and eggs and carrots and mint humbugs and napkins and beans on toast and porridge and French toast and lettuce and chocolate milk and elderberries and more toast." Legolas took a huge breath and continued. "And some cheese on toast and blue berry muffins and crepes and more pancakes and ice cream and vegemite and banana and cream and Pavlova and chips and coco pops and orange juice and some sour worms. Ooh, and some pancakes."
"You said pancakes three times," Aragorn helpfully pointed out.
Legolas nodded happily. "I know," he replied. "I'm just gonna have three times as many pancakes."
"Good, whatever," remarked Aragorn in a bored tone of voice. "Now get out while I go and get dressed."
"Okay," said the elf skipping out of the room.
"Oh yes, Legolas?"
"Yeeeees?"
"Have you by any chance seen my underwear? I can't seem to find any." Said Aragorn.
Legolas shook his head and shrugged. "Sorry, I haven't. Now that you mention it I noticed all of mine is gone too. Hmm, blame the washing machine I say," said the elf.
"Washing machine, whatever." Muttered Aragorn. "One more thing," added Aragorn. Legolas stopped in his tracks and spun around. Aragorn continued. "Why are we going out for breakfast at five thirty in the morning?"
Legolas giggled. "Cos it takes me at least two hours to get ready, and then we have to make sure the hobbits are dressed and sober."
"Ah, I see." Replied the ranger. "Ok, now go away." Legolas nodded and skipped off in the other direction.
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The elf pranced his way towards the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind him. Legolas turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot before he threw off his pjs and stepped in underneath the hot water.
Humming to himself, the elf picked up the shampoo bottle and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand. Legolas lathered the shampoo in his hair until his head was covered in pretty smelling foam and rinsed it. Legolas yelped and tried to wash some of the soap out of his eyes, swearing at the same time. Once clear of shampoo the elf squirted the conditioner onto his hair. He let the hot water rush over his face and body and reached for the yummy smelling peach shower gel. With a squirt onto a pretty pink sponge, the elf tried to scrub his back and grumbled when he discovered he couldn't reach. Rinsing the last of the conditioner out of his hair, the elf decided to shave his legs.
"Heh, who cares if I use all the hot water," he muttered to himself as he reached for the pink razor on the edge of the shower.
"Lovely," the elf said to himself as he finished shaving his legs and ran a hand over the smooth sleek surface. "Let's see if Elrond can get his legs looking so good." Legolas gloated and grinned. Just then the water began to run cold and Legolas realised he'd used all the hot water. He rinsed the last of the soap off and turned off the taps.
The shower curtain was pulled back and the elf stepped out of the shower leaving wet footprints on the bathmat. Grabbing two towels, Legolas wrapped his soggy hair up in one and used the other to dry himself. Once dry the elf slipped on a fluffy white bathrobe and opened the bathroom door. Steam rushed into the hall and Legolas sauntered down the hall to his bedroom, passing the kitchen on the way to get a bite to eat before he stuffed his face later on.
The kitchen was not empty, but rather four hobbits were sitting there in their pyjamas discussing bath toys.
"I'm telling you," began Merry. "The rubber duck is the only way to go."
Frodo and Sam shook their curly heads. "Nup, no way." Replied Sam. "Barbie dolls."
"In the bath?" Pippin wanted to know.
Sam nodded. "Of course. You can give them a facial and shampoo their hair. Beautiful, silky blond locks,"
Legolas snorted. It was a well-known fact that all Sam's Barbies had orange or green hair. The hobbits caught sight of the elf in his fluffy bathrobe with the towel around his head and smiled.
"Good morning mister Legolas," said Sam cheerfully. "We are looking forward to breakfast very much."
"I thought some one was going to have to threaten you to make you come along," mused the elf.
Merry shook his head. "We did. And made him promise to make it looked like he wanted to come along of his own free will."
"I see," replied the elf. "Tell me, what exactly did you threaten him with? I should like to see if it works on Aragorn."
Pippin grinned evilly. "You see Legolas," he began innocently. "We told him that if he protests, we'll get Gandalf to cook pasta tonight." Pippin grinned again and Sam shuddered.
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "How can Gandalf cook pasta tonight when Haldir ate all the raw stuff at the party last night?" he asked and before the hobbits had a chance to reply, the elf spoke again. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. Just go and get ready."
"Ok Lego," said Frodo brightly, bouncing off the kitchen stool and beginning to saunter off. He strolled a little faster when he saw the nickname register with Legolas.
The elf groaned and wandered off to get ready. He pranced into his own bedroom and threw open the wardrobe doors.
"I feel like dressing up today," he said to himself as he investigated to contents of the cupboard.
The elf pulled out a pair of nice black trousers and a pale blue shirt. He rummaged around to find his one and only tie. It was green, hmm, how imaginative, and had little goldfish on it. Legolas rummaged around for some knickers and put his hands on his hips crossly when there were none to be seen.
"Hmm, I guess I'll just have to find my secret stash,"
Legolas pushed aside the clothes that were handing up and at the back of the wardrobe was a cut out part of the wall. There was a little compartment in the wall that held a couple of pairs of underwear, come chocolate, essential oils, a bath bomb or two and some dental floss. It was a well- known fact that Gandalf didn't like dental floss so none was ever kept in the bathroom for those who might want to rid themselves of that pesky bit of chicken that had been stuck between their teeth for the past six hours.
The elf pulled out some pink frilly knickers and put them on before pulling on his nice smart trousers and the shirt. Legolas did up the buttons neatly and wrestled with the tie for a few minutes before he managed to do it up properly.
"You're not going to wear that are you?" asked a voice from behind Legolas as the elf finished with the tie and unwrapped the towel from his head.
"Go away Haldir." Replied Legolas shaking his wet head like a soaked dog.
Haldir smirked and stepped into the room. "I hate the tie mate," he told Legolas.
Legolas sneered and tugged off the tie. "I don't recall asking for your opinion." He remarked casually, tossing the offending tie into the back of the closet. "If you think you know better you can come with me to buy a suit later this week."
"What the hell do you need a suit for?" asked Haldir
"The fellowship and I are going to the ballet. Opening night so it's supposed to be quite formal."
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "How do you expect to get the hobbits to dress formally? For heavens sake, they don't even wear shoes if they can avoid it!"
Legolas shrugged and found his hairdryer. "Hmm, I guess." He mumbled. "But hey, we could always lock them in the car."
"True," agreed Haldir. "Yes, that's better." He said as he rummaged around and found a nice casual turtleneck shirt in the closet. Legolas put down the hair dryer and pulled the shirt over his head.
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Ok, I look fine, now get out of my room please."
"As long as you let me come to breakfast with you guys," proposed Haldir, trying to stifle some laughter. He had obviously noticed something his elven buddy hadn't.
"Yes yes, fine, whatever, just get out, please?" The elf picked up the hairdryer and resumed the drying of his silky flaxen locks. It was only then that he realised that he could not run his hands through them. Nothing short of a serrated knife in fact. The hair on Legolas's head was solid. The elf gave a cry of despair and tapped his fist against his rigid hair. A loud thump thump was heard. It sounded just like a knock on wood. The elf panicked and ran into the bathroom to find the conditioner bottle.
It looked all right on the outside but when the elf opened the lid and smelt it, he found that it was not the proper herbal essences shampoo that was supposed to smell like flowers and herbs, but rather, PVA glue, which of course goes solid when it dries
The elf screamed in rage and threw the bottle out the window. There was a yell from outside but the elf didn't bother to see who it was he had hit with the bottle of glue. He instead, flopped down into the bed and screamed his lungs out into the pillow.
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Gimli was just coming back from his morning run that morning dressed in his orange tracksuit with canary yellow leg warmers and a headband in pink that said 'Sweat is my Friend' on it. The dwarf, after a few nasty comments from the sleek and slender elf about weight, decided to trim down a bit. So at four thirty every morning, Gimli went to the gym for an hour then went for a run.
He was just coming back down the street, pausing to check his stopwatch, when a shampoo bottle flew out of the window and hit him on the head.
The dwarf stumbled and rubbed his head. Gimli picked up the bottle and examined it. It looked a lot like a shampoo bottle belonging to Legolas, but Gimli knew there was no way in the word the elf would throw a bottle of herbal essences out the window. For one thing, he was a complete greeny and threatened to actually kill people who dropped confetti on the ground, thus he would never do so much as litter himself and also the bottle was still half full and the elf would never waste perfectly good hair care products.
"Crazy elf," muttered Gimli as he lobbed the bottle back through the open window and jogged around to the front door.
Then, after rummaging through every pocket on his clothing, a total of about 63, Gimli realised he didn't have his key. The dwarf pushed the doorbell button and waited for someone to answer the door. But no one came. Gimli pushed the button a few more times and waited, but still no one came to the door. With one last effort the dwarf thumped his fist upon the door. "Perhaps everyone's still asleep," he mused. "Can't be, Legolas is up before me." Gimli thumped on the door once more and decided that no one was going to come.
Then the dwarf spied an open window. It was flung open wide and the pretty purple organza curtains were drifting in the breeze. Gimli contemplated whether he would fit through the window for a bit and decided that, now that he was lovely and slim (AN/ ha! Yea right) he would glide through the window easily.
But as the dwarf hoisted himself up onto the sill and through to window he discovered that he was not as slim as he would have liked. The dwarf was stuck, his legs waving madly facing out into the street, his head and shoulders in the kitchen, over the sink, screaming his lungs out.
"Help!" he bellowed. "Someone help me!"
Legolas and Aragorn came sidling into the room. The elf's eyes were red, as was his hair.
Whoa, wait a second. his hair was red?
"Legolas!" exclaimed Gimli, "get me out of here." Then the dwarf noticed the elf's hair. "Did you dye your hair?" he asked, pausing in the struggle to fit through the kitchen window.
Legolas sent a glare Gimli's direction and spoke with a shaky voice. "I did not dye it you idiot." He said quietly, but crossly. "I washed my hair with PVA glue. And it went rigid." The elf knocked his knuckles against the red mass of hair on his head. "And then I discovered there was red ink in the bottle as well."
Gimli snorted with laughter.
Legolas glared stonily and began to walk away. Aragorn was standing in the doorway; apparently having been telling Legolas his hair didn't look that bad only a moment before.
"That was the wrong thing to do Gimli," the ranger commented. "I'm not going to be able to get you out of there on my own."
"But what about the hobbits?" asked Gimli. "And Gandalf? They can get me out cant they?"
Aragorn shrugged, "the hobbits aren't going to be much help even if I knew where they were. They're all far too puny to reach to window and help me free you." The ranger paused for dramatic effect. "And you know Gandalf, he's still cross his party was crashed by hundreds of Lego's fan girls."
"But why can you get me out by yourself?" yelled Gimli in despair. "You're a good strong lad."
Aragorn shook his head. "It has nothing to do with that." He said. "I need someone to help me take the window frame apart. It's quite heavy and I can't pull you and hold the window frame at the same time. Legolas was the only one here big enough and sane enough to help."
Gimli groaned.
Aragorn continued. "And it seems to me, that you're officially buggered. If I were you, I'd try calling Legolas back nicely and telling him his hair suits his eyes or skin tone or something. Just don't mention his socks, he might hit you for that."
"Thanks for the advice," Gimli replied sarcastically. "Anything else that might convince that damn elf to get me out of the window?"
Aragorn put a finger to his lips. "Hmm, I'm not sure. By the way, how did you manage to get stuck in the window anyway?"
Gimli sighed. "The front door was locked and I left my key here. I couldn't get in."
"Why didn't you ring the doorbell? One of us MAY have come to the door to let you in.," replied the ranger
"I did," said Gimli. "Rang the bloody doorbell about sixty times but nothing happened."
There was a cruel laugh from the doorway. Legolas had returned and was leaning against the doorframe casually with his arms folded. "I disconnected the doorbell thing last night, after the party."
"Why?" asked Aragorn and Gimli in unison
"Because," began Legolas. "I for one don't like Haldir ringing the doorbell at three in the morning. He can ring all he likes, but if we can't hear it, then he's just wasting his time and we can get on with our lives."
"Hmm, clever reasoning." Muttered Aragorn. "But now that you're here, you can help me get Gimli out of the window. Any minute now the neighbours are going to be coming over to complain about the view of a dwarf's backside they see from their windows."
Legolas shook his head. "I am not getting him out of the window." Legolas said blankly. "Its his fault he's stuck in there anyway." The elf made his way over to the kettle beside the sink and began to make a cup of tea. "But," he said, striding to the fridge to get the milk. "I might try to get you out. If there's something in it for me."
"What do you want? I'll do anything." Replied Gimli desperately.
Legolas grinned evilly and stirred his tea. "Well," he began. "You could pay for me to get my hair redone this afternoon, and you could be my slave for a month, and you could keep Lamoo at bay for me."
"Anything else?" the dwarf asked cynically.
Legolas smiled. "Of course." He began. "You can take me shopping and give me a massage and clean the pool and while you're there, hit those two pesky pirates for me." The elf smiled thoughtfully. "And one more thing." An evil glint lit up in the eyes of the prince of Mirkwood. "You have to give me your Spongebob Squarepants plush toy."
"NOT SPONGEBOB!" wailed Gimli. "Spongy would be too sad. Isn't there anything else?"
Legolas smirked and shook his head. "Nope. I want Spongebob. If you wont let me have him then I'll have to leave you in the window all day."
Gimli sobbed. "Ok, ok. I'll give you spongy, only if you get me out of here and be nice to my little yellow friend."
Legolas grinned and nodded. "Ok, I'll help Aragorn get you out."
The dwarf sighed with relief.
Aragorn approached the offending window beside the elf and Legolas held open the window as far as possible while Aragorn pulled. Gimli was still stick so Legolas grabbed a spatula from one of the drawers and began to wedge Gimli out of the window, still holding the frame while Aragorn tugged at the dwarf to free him.
After much pulling, yelling, swearing and spatulaizing, Gimli finally budged free with one mighty pull from the elf and ranger and the three of them went crashing to the other side of the kitchen.
Gimli lay on the ground panting and suddenly Gandalf waltzed in.
"I'm ready for breakfast." He announced.
Aragorn glanced up at the clock on the microwave. It was now eight thirty. Neither elf, dwarf nor ranger could quite work out how two whole hours had passed.
"Well?" said Gandalf putting his hands on his hips. Legolas only realised then what the wizard was wearing. The elf chocked back a laugh as he saw Gandalf standing there in his strappy red cocktail dress with matching high heels. The wizard's hair and beard was dyes platinum blonde and he was not pleased when an elf, a dwarf and a ranger were sitting on the kitchen floor laughing at him.
"You're not wearing that are you?" asked Gimli.
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TBC
AN/ well, I hope you all enjoyed that chappie. I felt it was rather better than some of the latest things ive written (which have been fabulously bad), but only your reviews will tell me if I was right or not.
The aim for this fic, apart from being enjoyable to write and read, is to reach the 400 review mark. The 1st TF&TEND received 303 reviews and I really hope this fic can do better.
So, until next chapter.
Uuma quena en'mani lle ume ri'mani lle umaya. Uma ta ar'lava ta quena ten'irste' (Don't talk about what you have done or what you are going to do. Do it and let it speak for itself.)
Love Lamoo.
Please R&R
.
This is the sequel to the Fellowship and the elf Next door. I figured you all enjoyed that enough to merit another story. If you haven't read TF&TEND before, it might be handy to, but it's not crucial. If any of you can come up with a better name for this fic I would love to hear it. Otherwise this will just be TF&TEND: the adventures continue.
Disclaimer: Lamoo, having failed to gain any ownership over things in her last fic, is desperate to own something again. But unfortunately, all she owns are the tickets to the ballet, herself, the underwear ice cube and Pippin's hot water bottle.
Just a little not to people before I begin. There will be some other people in this fic. Reviewers mainly. As of now, please don't ask me if you can be in it, because I'm not even going to bother replying. If I have not already asked you, or have promised you a cameo in this fic, you not will get one, no matter how much you beg or how good a mood I am in. if I already said you could appear in this fic, probably because you asked to be in the last one but didn't get a chance, you will be included, don't worry. If anyone else even bothers asking me, I will either not reply, or explode in your face. If you had a cameo in the 1st fic, I am sorry, but I'm not going to let you appear in this sequel. There were far too many people in the first fic and I am not going to make the same mistake again. If I have asked you if you would like a cameo in this sequel, probably because you didn't get one in TF&TEND the first time when I said you could, then you will get your cameo. No one else is getting a cameo. This is the first and final warning.
Oki doki then, now presenting the very first chapter of The Fellowship and the Elf Next Door: the adventures continue. Enjoy! ^-^
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Chapter 1
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Aragorn yawned and stretched his arms. The ranger opened his eyes to gaze up at the cracked ceiling. He glanced over at the clock on his bedside table and groaned.
"5:30," mumbled Aragorn into his pillow. He rolled over, intending on going back to sleep but his door suddenly burst open. A blonde elf came flying into the room and roughly leaped on top of the lump in the bed that was Aragorn.
"Wake up Aragorn," said Legolas Greenleaf as he vigorously shook his human friend's shoulders.
Aragorn scowled and whacked the elf across the head with the pillow. "Piss off Legolas," Aragorn said crossly. "Its 5:30, let me sleep."
Legolas shook his head and blonde locks flailed everywhere. "Nuh uh," he replied. "You have to get up, we're going out for breakfast."
Aragorn shoved the elf off the bed and sat up. "Out? For breakfast?" Aragorn mused. "How come? Why are you in such a good mood?"
Legolas grinned stupidly and shrugged. "Firstly we're going for breakfast cos I don't want to eat Sam's cooking or left over party food, and I'm in a good mood cos all that sugar and booze last night is only just beginning to take effect." The elf bounced up and down like a happy two year old. "And I'm gonna have pancakes, and toast and muesli, and eggs and carrots and mint humbugs and napkins and beans on toast and porridge and French toast and lettuce and chocolate milk and elderberries and more toast." Legolas took a huge breath and continued. "And some cheese on toast and blue berry muffins and crepes and more pancakes and ice cream and vegemite and banana and cream and Pavlova and chips and coco pops and orange juice and some sour worms. Ooh, and some pancakes."
"You said pancakes three times," Aragorn helpfully pointed out.
Legolas nodded happily. "I know," he replied. "I'm just gonna have three times as many pancakes."
"Good, whatever," remarked Aragorn in a bored tone of voice. "Now get out while I go and get dressed."
"Okay," said the elf skipping out of the room.
"Oh yes, Legolas?"
"Yeeeees?"
"Have you by any chance seen my underwear? I can't seem to find any." Said Aragorn.
Legolas shook his head and shrugged. "Sorry, I haven't. Now that you mention it I noticed all of mine is gone too. Hmm, blame the washing machine I say," said the elf.
"Washing machine, whatever." Muttered Aragorn. "One more thing," added Aragorn. Legolas stopped in his tracks and spun around. Aragorn continued. "Why are we going out for breakfast at five thirty in the morning?"
Legolas giggled. "Cos it takes me at least two hours to get ready, and then we have to make sure the hobbits are dressed and sober."
"Ah, I see." Replied the ranger. "Ok, now go away." Legolas nodded and skipped off in the other direction.
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The elf pranced his way towards the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind him. Legolas turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot before he threw off his pjs and stepped in underneath the hot water.
Humming to himself, the elf picked up the shampoo bottle and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand. Legolas lathered the shampoo in his hair until his head was covered in pretty smelling foam and rinsed it. Legolas yelped and tried to wash some of the soap out of his eyes, swearing at the same time. Once clear of shampoo the elf squirted the conditioner onto his hair. He let the hot water rush over his face and body and reached for the yummy smelling peach shower gel. With a squirt onto a pretty pink sponge, the elf tried to scrub his back and grumbled when he discovered he couldn't reach. Rinsing the last of the conditioner out of his hair, the elf decided to shave his legs.
"Heh, who cares if I use all the hot water," he muttered to himself as he reached for the pink razor on the edge of the shower.
"Lovely," the elf said to himself as he finished shaving his legs and ran a hand over the smooth sleek surface. "Let's see if Elrond can get his legs looking so good." Legolas gloated and grinned. Just then the water began to run cold and Legolas realised he'd used all the hot water. He rinsed the last of the soap off and turned off the taps.
The shower curtain was pulled back and the elf stepped out of the shower leaving wet footprints on the bathmat. Grabbing two towels, Legolas wrapped his soggy hair up in one and used the other to dry himself. Once dry the elf slipped on a fluffy white bathrobe and opened the bathroom door. Steam rushed into the hall and Legolas sauntered down the hall to his bedroom, passing the kitchen on the way to get a bite to eat before he stuffed his face later on.
The kitchen was not empty, but rather four hobbits were sitting there in their pyjamas discussing bath toys.
"I'm telling you," began Merry. "The rubber duck is the only way to go."
Frodo and Sam shook their curly heads. "Nup, no way." Replied Sam. "Barbie dolls."
"In the bath?" Pippin wanted to know.
Sam nodded. "Of course. You can give them a facial and shampoo their hair. Beautiful, silky blond locks,"
Legolas snorted. It was a well-known fact that all Sam's Barbies had orange or green hair. The hobbits caught sight of the elf in his fluffy bathrobe with the towel around his head and smiled.
"Good morning mister Legolas," said Sam cheerfully. "We are looking forward to breakfast very much."
"I thought some one was going to have to threaten you to make you come along," mused the elf.
Merry shook his head. "We did. And made him promise to make it looked like he wanted to come along of his own free will."
"I see," replied the elf. "Tell me, what exactly did you threaten him with? I should like to see if it works on Aragorn."
Pippin grinned evilly. "You see Legolas," he began innocently. "We told him that if he protests, we'll get Gandalf to cook pasta tonight." Pippin grinned again and Sam shuddered.
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "How can Gandalf cook pasta tonight when Haldir ate all the raw stuff at the party last night?" he asked and before the hobbits had a chance to reply, the elf spoke again. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. Just go and get ready."
"Ok Lego," said Frodo brightly, bouncing off the kitchen stool and beginning to saunter off. He strolled a little faster when he saw the nickname register with Legolas.
The elf groaned and wandered off to get ready. He pranced into his own bedroom and threw open the wardrobe doors.
"I feel like dressing up today," he said to himself as he investigated to contents of the cupboard.
The elf pulled out a pair of nice black trousers and a pale blue shirt. He rummaged around to find his one and only tie. It was green, hmm, how imaginative, and had little goldfish on it. Legolas rummaged around for some knickers and put his hands on his hips crossly when there were none to be seen.
"Hmm, I guess I'll just have to find my secret stash,"
Legolas pushed aside the clothes that were handing up and at the back of the wardrobe was a cut out part of the wall. There was a little compartment in the wall that held a couple of pairs of underwear, come chocolate, essential oils, a bath bomb or two and some dental floss. It was a well- known fact that Gandalf didn't like dental floss so none was ever kept in the bathroom for those who might want to rid themselves of that pesky bit of chicken that had been stuck between their teeth for the past six hours.
The elf pulled out some pink frilly knickers and put them on before pulling on his nice smart trousers and the shirt. Legolas did up the buttons neatly and wrestled with the tie for a few minutes before he managed to do it up properly.
"You're not going to wear that are you?" asked a voice from behind Legolas as the elf finished with the tie and unwrapped the towel from his head.
"Go away Haldir." Replied Legolas shaking his wet head like a soaked dog.
Haldir smirked and stepped into the room. "I hate the tie mate," he told Legolas.
Legolas sneered and tugged off the tie. "I don't recall asking for your opinion." He remarked casually, tossing the offending tie into the back of the closet. "If you think you know better you can come with me to buy a suit later this week."
"What the hell do you need a suit for?" asked Haldir
"The fellowship and I are going to the ballet. Opening night so it's supposed to be quite formal."
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "How do you expect to get the hobbits to dress formally? For heavens sake, they don't even wear shoes if they can avoid it!"
Legolas shrugged and found his hairdryer. "Hmm, I guess." He mumbled. "But hey, we could always lock them in the car."
"True," agreed Haldir. "Yes, that's better." He said as he rummaged around and found a nice casual turtleneck shirt in the closet. Legolas put down the hair dryer and pulled the shirt over his head.
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Ok, I look fine, now get out of my room please."
"As long as you let me come to breakfast with you guys," proposed Haldir, trying to stifle some laughter. He had obviously noticed something his elven buddy hadn't.
"Yes yes, fine, whatever, just get out, please?" The elf picked up the hairdryer and resumed the drying of his silky flaxen locks. It was only then that he realised that he could not run his hands through them. Nothing short of a serrated knife in fact. The hair on Legolas's head was solid. The elf gave a cry of despair and tapped his fist against his rigid hair. A loud thump thump was heard. It sounded just like a knock on wood. The elf panicked and ran into the bathroom to find the conditioner bottle.
It looked all right on the outside but when the elf opened the lid and smelt it, he found that it was not the proper herbal essences shampoo that was supposed to smell like flowers and herbs, but rather, PVA glue, which of course goes solid when it dries
The elf screamed in rage and threw the bottle out the window. There was a yell from outside but the elf didn't bother to see who it was he had hit with the bottle of glue. He instead, flopped down into the bed and screamed his lungs out into the pillow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Gimli was just coming back from his morning run that morning dressed in his orange tracksuit with canary yellow leg warmers and a headband in pink that said 'Sweat is my Friend' on it. The dwarf, after a few nasty comments from the sleek and slender elf about weight, decided to trim down a bit. So at four thirty every morning, Gimli went to the gym for an hour then went for a run.
He was just coming back down the street, pausing to check his stopwatch, when a shampoo bottle flew out of the window and hit him on the head.
The dwarf stumbled and rubbed his head. Gimli picked up the bottle and examined it. It looked a lot like a shampoo bottle belonging to Legolas, but Gimli knew there was no way in the word the elf would throw a bottle of herbal essences out the window. For one thing, he was a complete greeny and threatened to actually kill people who dropped confetti on the ground, thus he would never do so much as litter himself and also the bottle was still half full and the elf would never waste perfectly good hair care products.
"Crazy elf," muttered Gimli as he lobbed the bottle back through the open window and jogged around to the front door.
Then, after rummaging through every pocket on his clothing, a total of about 63, Gimli realised he didn't have his key. The dwarf pushed the doorbell button and waited for someone to answer the door. But no one came. Gimli pushed the button a few more times and waited, but still no one came to the door. With one last effort the dwarf thumped his fist upon the door. "Perhaps everyone's still asleep," he mused. "Can't be, Legolas is up before me." Gimli thumped on the door once more and decided that no one was going to come.
Then the dwarf spied an open window. It was flung open wide and the pretty purple organza curtains were drifting in the breeze. Gimli contemplated whether he would fit through the window for a bit and decided that, now that he was lovely and slim (AN/ ha! Yea right) he would glide through the window easily.
But as the dwarf hoisted himself up onto the sill and through to window he discovered that he was not as slim as he would have liked. The dwarf was stuck, his legs waving madly facing out into the street, his head and shoulders in the kitchen, over the sink, screaming his lungs out.
"Help!" he bellowed. "Someone help me!"
Legolas and Aragorn came sidling into the room. The elf's eyes were red, as was his hair.
Whoa, wait a second. his hair was red?
"Legolas!" exclaimed Gimli, "get me out of here." Then the dwarf noticed the elf's hair. "Did you dye your hair?" he asked, pausing in the struggle to fit through the kitchen window.
Legolas sent a glare Gimli's direction and spoke with a shaky voice. "I did not dye it you idiot." He said quietly, but crossly. "I washed my hair with PVA glue. And it went rigid." The elf knocked his knuckles against the red mass of hair on his head. "And then I discovered there was red ink in the bottle as well."
Gimli snorted with laughter.
Legolas glared stonily and began to walk away. Aragorn was standing in the doorway; apparently having been telling Legolas his hair didn't look that bad only a moment before.
"That was the wrong thing to do Gimli," the ranger commented. "I'm not going to be able to get you out of there on my own."
"But what about the hobbits?" asked Gimli. "And Gandalf? They can get me out cant they?"
Aragorn shrugged, "the hobbits aren't going to be much help even if I knew where they were. They're all far too puny to reach to window and help me free you." The ranger paused for dramatic effect. "And you know Gandalf, he's still cross his party was crashed by hundreds of Lego's fan girls."
"But why can you get me out by yourself?" yelled Gimli in despair. "You're a good strong lad."
Aragorn shook his head. "It has nothing to do with that." He said. "I need someone to help me take the window frame apart. It's quite heavy and I can't pull you and hold the window frame at the same time. Legolas was the only one here big enough and sane enough to help."
Gimli groaned.
Aragorn continued. "And it seems to me, that you're officially buggered. If I were you, I'd try calling Legolas back nicely and telling him his hair suits his eyes or skin tone or something. Just don't mention his socks, he might hit you for that."
"Thanks for the advice," Gimli replied sarcastically. "Anything else that might convince that damn elf to get me out of the window?"
Aragorn put a finger to his lips. "Hmm, I'm not sure. By the way, how did you manage to get stuck in the window anyway?"
Gimli sighed. "The front door was locked and I left my key here. I couldn't get in."
"Why didn't you ring the doorbell? One of us MAY have come to the door to let you in.," replied the ranger
"I did," said Gimli. "Rang the bloody doorbell about sixty times but nothing happened."
There was a cruel laugh from the doorway. Legolas had returned and was leaning against the doorframe casually with his arms folded. "I disconnected the doorbell thing last night, after the party."
"Why?" asked Aragorn and Gimli in unison
"Because," began Legolas. "I for one don't like Haldir ringing the doorbell at three in the morning. He can ring all he likes, but if we can't hear it, then he's just wasting his time and we can get on with our lives."
"Hmm, clever reasoning." Muttered Aragorn. "But now that you're here, you can help me get Gimli out of the window. Any minute now the neighbours are going to be coming over to complain about the view of a dwarf's backside they see from their windows."
Legolas shook his head. "I am not getting him out of the window." Legolas said blankly. "Its his fault he's stuck in there anyway." The elf made his way over to the kettle beside the sink and began to make a cup of tea. "But," he said, striding to the fridge to get the milk. "I might try to get you out. If there's something in it for me."
"What do you want? I'll do anything." Replied Gimli desperately.
Legolas grinned evilly and stirred his tea. "Well," he began. "You could pay for me to get my hair redone this afternoon, and you could be my slave for a month, and you could keep Lamoo at bay for me."
"Anything else?" the dwarf asked cynically.
Legolas smiled. "Of course." He began. "You can take me shopping and give me a massage and clean the pool and while you're there, hit those two pesky pirates for me." The elf smiled thoughtfully. "And one more thing." An evil glint lit up in the eyes of the prince of Mirkwood. "You have to give me your Spongebob Squarepants plush toy."
"NOT SPONGEBOB!" wailed Gimli. "Spongy would be too sad. Isn't there anything else?"
Legolas smirked and shook his head. "Nope. I want Spongebob. If you wont let me have him then I'll have to leave you in the window all day."
Gimli sobbed. "Ok, ok. I'll give you spongy, only if you get me out of here and be nice to my little yellow friend."
Legolas grinned and nodded. "Ok, I'll help Aragorn get you out."
The dwarf sighed with relief.
Aragorn approached the offending window beside the elf and Legolas held open the window as far as possible while Aragorn pulled. Gimli was still stick so Legolas grabbed a spatula from one of the drawers and began to wedge Gimli out of the window, still holding the frame while Aragorn tugged at the dwarf to free him.
After much pulling, yelling, swearing and spatulaizing, Gimli finally budged free with one mighty pull from the elf and ranger and the three of them went crashing to the other side of the kitchen.
Gimli lay on the ground panting and suddenly Gandalf waltzed in.
"I'm ready for breakfast." He announced.
Aragorn glanced up at the clock on the microwave. It was now eight thirty. Neither elf, dwarf nor ranger could quite work out how two whole hours had passed.
"Well?" said Gandalf putting his hands on his hips. Legolas only realised then what the wizard was wearing. The elf chocked back a laugh as he saw Gandalf standing there in his strappy red cocktail dress with matching high heels. The wizard's hair and beard was dyes platinum blonde and he was not pleased when an elf, a dwarf and a ranger were sitting on the kitchen floor laughing at him.
"You're not wearing that are you?" asked Gimli.
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*
TBC
AN/ well, I hope you all enjoyed that chappie. I felt it was rather better than some of the latest things ive written (which have been fabulously bad), but only your reviews will tell me if I was right or not.
The aim for this fic, apart from being enjoyable to write and read, is to reach the 400 review mark. The 1st TF&TEND received 303 reviews and I really hope this fic can do better.
So, until next chapter.
Uuma quena en'mani lle ume ri'mani lle umaya. Uma ta ar'lava ta quena ten'irste' (Don't talk about what you have done or what you are going to do. Do it and let it speak for itself.)
Love Lamoo.
Please R&R
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