Epilogue: Finding heaven

So, I had finally come full circle. I had finally lost a bet with the Fates, with God and with everyone else I had thought to make a bet with. The Devil was probably licking his chops right now. He seemed to have more right to me then anyone else. I guess that was only right, after all, I did a lot of crappy things as a kid. So my little trip around the world got cut short when one day I just collapsed. Been in this damned hospital ever since. I had only meant to come back for a while to see Wufei and Sally and to catch up on things. I had heard Hilde married someone, a model or something and now was living in the lap of luxury. Too bad that didn't happen. I cursed my body for failing on me again.

Once I was in one place more than a few days at a time, Quatre had found me. Within twenty four hours, I had an armful of tearful blond. Try saying that three times fast. His normally quiet husband wasn't very far behind in that department either. They apologised, I accepted and we are once again the best of friends. Wufei and Sally came along not long after. To my utter surprise there was a little dragon with them. It was the littlest thing and totally adorable. Too bad I won't see him grow up. Wufei had explained the whole Heero thing to me and I thought I would weep from the whole irony of the situation. Too late, it was all too late.

Heero held me now, murmuring his apologies. I really wanted to tell him to let go and that his tears were getting icky, but I just decided to shut up and let things be for a while. Not much time to enjoy all this much longer.

"Heero, I don't blame you," I told him when he controlled himself enough to sit back into his chair. Quatre's chair or Wufei's chair… whatever.

"You should," he said in a small voice.

"And that would make you feel better?" I asked him, a little shocked. Where did he get all these weird ideas? Life was a little too short for me to be placing blame.

His head came up and there was naked pain within his lovely blue eyes. "It might."

I nodded sagely. "Fine, I blame you for the fact that I have cancer. Happy?" I smiled at him. Damn the pain was coming back. It caught me by surprise and I couldn't do anything but clench my teeth and tried to ride it out. I felt Heero's hands holding mine tightly. Something was pressed to my lips and I was forced to swallow. Pills, damn Heero, he was forcing them on me. I tried to fight him, but I was already too far gone with the pain and my failing body. To hell with it, and I swallowed with the help of some water. He continued to clutch me to him until the medication started to take the edge of things. It didn't fully work anymore and the doctors were considering something stronger, morphine, they said. Like bloody hell they would.

"That was cheap," I told him, tiredly. I always felt like a wrung out sponge after each attack.

"You needed it," he said simply, but I could still see the hurt in his eyes from watching me battle the pain. It was as if he was in pain himself.

"So what now?" I sighed deeply.

"Wufei told you about…" He trailed off.

About the whole 'I married someone else to save your sorry ass' thing. "Yeah, I've been informed," I smiled.

"There's nothing I can do to change things now. But I can't help feeling as if I have inadvertently killed you," Heero whispered and as fuzzy as I was, I could hear the guilt in his tone.

"Gods," I burst out. "Heero, it had nothing to…." I trailed off, I don't lie remember? "Alright, it isn't your fault. I did some research; I saw the ravages of the treatment. More people die from the side effects than the disease itself. I had my fun Heero. It was enough."

"But we can't be together…" He was sobbing again.

"What we had was enough," I told him firmly. "There's this Chinese saying that 'Fei likes to use. It is not for the forever, but opportunity of having it once before. Or something like that." I grabbed his hand. "Our time together was wonderful, Heero, even though the ending sort of sucked."

He moved to sit at the edge of my bed, his hand coming to stroke my face, my cheek, my jaw line. He seemed to need to touch me. Since it felt good, I didn't protest. I could see the sudden determination in his eyes as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar, battered velvet ring box.

"Isn't that?" I asked, the rest of it stuck stubbornly in my throat, along with the lump that formed there. Damn, now I was getting teary. I thought I was over the whole crying thing years ago. Only Heero had the power to do this to me.

Heero managed a small smile. "Yeah, I saved it." He opened it.

My breath caught. It was two identical platinum bands, simple and elegant. Embedded in each was a small diamond. Two most enduring elements on this Earth. I took one and saw a simple inscription inside.

H & D Forever.