Title: Forgive Me 1/3
Author: Jasmine
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Pretty please!!
Distribution: Please ask
Disclaimer: The closest I'll ever get to Alias is the remote chance I get hired to do their special effects once I graduate. Please don't sue.
Summary: Vaughn asks for forgiveness.
Spoilers: Post 'The Telling'; none for season three. (I'm spoiler free!!!!!!)
Author's Note: Well this is my first Alias fic, posted that is. I have another short one coming and several longer ones in the works. Angst is my forte, so tissue warnings usually go out with my fics. Though I'm not sure about this one. Maybe part two.
Note 2: This fic is the result of some serious thoughts about the reality of the situation and how I would handle it. I talked with my best friend for a great length of time, pondering hypothetical situations that put us in the same predicament that Vaughn is in. Our final answer - we have no clue and pray to God we never are.
Thanks go to my beta, Angela, who has been a great help during and after the writing process. Especially at 2 a.m. in the morning!
Forgive Me
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last confession."
"Go on, my child."
Silence permeates the air as he pauses, choosing his words carefully. His voice was soft, but the guilt was thick as he spoke, "I am married, but I love another woman."
"How long have you felt this way?"
"For almost four years." There is no hesitation in his voice this time. He has often recalled when he first fell in love with her, and how long it has been since she entered his life.
"How long have you been married?"
"Three months."
It is the priest's turn to pause. He tries to see the man's face, his eyes, but his head is hanging down, ashamed. "Forgive me, child, but I do not understand. If you loved another woman before your marriage, then why are you married to another?"
"Two years ago, she went missing, and was presumed dead after a year."
Another pause.
"Everyone grieves, it is only natural. You can love her in death, you are allowed, but do not let it affect the love of your wife now."
"Father, she's back."
"Pardon me?"
"She was found alive three day ago."
Surprise is masked by years of training; he is patient and calm. "I see. Do you know why she left? Maybe it was of her own accord?"
The movement was hardly noticeable through the grating of the confessional, but the priest saw him shake his head.
"She was taken, her blood was everywhere. I still see it in my nightmares. She doesn't remember a thing. To her, two years have not gone by."
"And she has found you married now."
"Yes."
"How did she take the news?"
His voice is shaky as he remembers that night in Hong Kong. The pain he saw mirrored in her eyes as he tried to explain. "Not well. She refuses to speak to me anymore. I betrayed her. I have failed her when I said I'd always be there for her."
"It is not your fault. You could not have prevented this."
"I could have."
"How?"
"I dropped her off at her house, promising to come pick her back up after a meeting at work. If I had just gone inside..." His eyes close in anguish, as he wrings his hands nervously. He'll never forgive himself.
"I do not admit to understanding completely, but what if you had been there with her? Would you have been hurt as well? Taken too, perhaps? You cannot look back with regrets. The past cannot be changed."
He wants to explain everything, but he cannot. It is too complicated. He knows what would have happened. They would have subdued Doren, they would have gone back to the Ops Center. They would have made their trip to Santa Barbara.
They would have lived their life together.
The priest lets him sit in silence for a few minutes, both their minds on the impossible situation. There is no easy answer. He's known that for days now. But he had to talk to someone about it. Weiss has been no help, telling him that it was obvious, but Weiss couldn't see the consequences.
Either way he broke someone's heart. And he wasn't sure his own could last with one or the other.
"Son, I know this is causing you heartache, but you must move on, like you did after her death."
"But I love her."
"Did you not vow your love to your wife on your wedding day? Did you not vow to God?"
"I didn't know...I thought..." he tries to explain, but the words catch in his throat.
"You made a decision then, proclaiming your love and you cannot back down on her now. You are still married in the Church of God. This is no easy situation, but you must make peace with your past. You need to move on. She will understand," the priest gently advised.
He feels the words falling on him like the weight of bricks. It was like the final nail in his coffin, but what did he expect to hear? Permission to leave his wife? His life had shattered into pieces that fateful night two years ago, and slowly he had started to pick them up, put them back together. But from the moment he got that call, he knew those pieces were once again beyond repair.
Maybe time would heal them all.
Author: Jasmine
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Pretty please!!
Distribution: Please ask
Disclaimer: The closest I'll ever get to Alias is the remote chance I get hired to do their special effects once I graduate. Please don't sue.
Summary: Vaughn asks for forgiveness.
Spoilers: Post 'The Telling'; none for season three. (I'm spoiler free!!!!!!)
Author's Note: Well this is my first Alias fic, posted that is. I have another short one coming and several longer ones in the works. Angst is my forte, so tissue warnings usually go out with my fics. Though I'm not sure about this one. Maybe part two.
Note 2: This fic is the result of some serious thoughts about the reality of the situation and how I would handle it. I talked with my best friend for a great length of time, pondering hypothetical situations that put us in the same predicament that Vaughn is in. Our final answer - we have no clue and pray to God we never are.
Thanks go to my beta, Angela, who has been a great help during and after the writing process. Especially at 2 a.m. in the morning!
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last confession."
"Go on, my child."
Silence permeates the air as he pauses, choosing his words carefully. His voice was soft, but the guilt was thick as he spoke, "I am married, but I love another woman."
"How long have you felt this way?"
"For almost four years." There is no hesitation in his voice this time. He has often recalled when he first fell in love with her, and how long it has been since she entered his life.
"How long have you been married?"
"Three months."
It is the priest's turn to pause. He tries to see the man's face, his eyes, but his head is hanging down, ashamed. "Forgive me, child, but I do not understand. If you loved another woman before your marriage, then why are you married to another?"
"Two years ago, she went missing, and was presumed dead after a year."
Another pause.
"Everyone grieves, it is only natural. You can love her in death, you are allowed, but do not let it affect the love of your wife now."
"Father, she's back."
"Pardon me?"
"She was found alive three day ago."
Surprise is masked by years of training; he is patient and calm. "I see. Do you know why she left? Maybe it was of her own accord?"
The movement was hardly noticeable through the grating of the confessional, but the priest saw him shake his head.
"She was taken, her blood was everywhere. I still see it in my nightmares. She doesn't remember a thing. To her, two years have not gone by."
"And she has found you married now."
"Yes."
"How did she take the news?"
His voice is shaky as he remembers that night in Hong Kong. The pain he saw mirrored in her eyes as he tried to explain. "Not well. She refuses to speak to me anymore. I betrayed her. I have failed her when I said I'd always be there for her."
"It is not your fault. You could not have prevented this."
"I could have."
"How?"
"I dropped her off at her house, promising to come pick her back up after a meeting at work. If I had just gone inside..." His eyes close in anguish, as he wrings his hands nervously. He'll never forgive himself.
"I do not admit to understanding completely, but what if you had been there with her? Would you have been hurt as well? Taken too, perhaps? You cannot look back with regrets. The past cannot be changed."
He wants to explain everything, but he cannot. It is too complicated. He knows what would have happened. They would have subdued Doren, they would have gone back to the Ops Center. They would have made their trip to Santa Barbara.
They would have lived their life together.
The priest lets him sit in silence for a few minutes, both their minds on the impossible situation. There is no easy answer. He's known that for days now. But he had to talk to someone about it. Weiss has been no help, telling him that it was obvious, but Weiss couldn't see the consequences.
Either way he broke someone's heart. And he wasn't sure his own could last with one or the other.
"Son, I know this is causing you heartache, but you must move on, like you did after her death."
"But I love her."
"Did you not vow your love to your wife on your wedding day? Did you not vow to God?"
"I didn't know...I thought..." he tries to explain, but the words catch in his throat.
"You made a decision then, proclaiming your love and you cannot back down on her now. You are still married in the Church of God. This is no easy situation, but you must make peace with your past. You need to move on. She will understand," the priest gently advised.
He feels the words falling on him like the weight of bricks. It was like the final nail in his coffin, but what did he expect to hear? Permission to leave his wife? His life had shattered into pieces that fateful night two years ago, and slowly he had started to pick them up, put them back together. But from the moment he got that call, he knew those pieces were once again beyond repair.
Maybe time would heal them all.