Golden Chances
By: VyctoriWritten for: High King Isaac
Summary: Jenna muses on the love that has slipped out of her grasp as the day slowly comes to a close in New Vale.
Genre: Romance
Rating: G
A/N: First off, apologies to High King Isaac, both for making you wait so long and for messing up the rating. It just didn't want to write itself any other way . . . !
Next, I'd like to say that I'm temporarily closing requests, as everyone involved is having a lot of trouble finding time to write these one-shots (myself included). Once we get rid of a good chunk of requests, I'll most likely reopen this. Sorry, everyone!
And, did I mention that Yugi, The Other White Meat has joined the service? No? Well, if not, then she's very welcome, and I'll post her personal list of rules and regulations when I remember (in other words, never)! ^^;;
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I hope you enjoy the current one-shot! It's done in semi-songfic format (to Rogers and Hammerstein's "If I Loved You," from the musical Carousel), and though I ordinarily dislike that genre, as I said, it just didn't want to be written any other way . . . !
Now, remember, no new requests, okay? Thanks in advance. ^_^ Don't forget to leave an ordinary review, though!
~ * * * ~
If I loved you. . . ."Isaac, I'm not so sure about this. . . ." Mia wobbled, trying to keep her balance.
"You'll do fine, trust me," Isaac reassured the upside-down Mercury Adept. He was teaching her to stand on her head, and it wasn't going well.
"Isaac, are you letting go of my ankles?" Mia asked, face slightly red from the blood draining into her head.
"I am. You'll be fine, though—you have the wall to lean against!" Isaac smiled at her.
"Isaac, don't you let go—augh!" Mia started toppling forward.
"Ahh! Mia!" Isaac just barely managed to catch her. He stood rapidly so that she was cradled in his arms. Their eyes met. Then Isaac's head dropped down and Mia reached up to meet him with her lips.
Jenna had been sitting on the branch of a nearby maple tree. The large orangey-yellow autumn leaves hid her from view, but allowed her to observe Mia and Isaac all the same.
How long have I loved him? she wondered silently. Six, seven months? A year? Or my entire life. . . ?
. . . time and again
I would try to say all I'd want you to know. . . .
Why don't I have the courage to tell him how I feel? Jenna had lost track of how many times she had asked herself that question. And no matter how many times she did so, she never came to a conclusion.
She had always been a tomboy, for her entire life. When she was growing up, all her best friends were boys. Anyone who was asked to describe her would never in a millennia tag her as shy. And yet here she was, sitting in a tree, watching the man she loved kiss another woman . . . and she wasn't doing a thing to stop it.
If I loved you . . .
Mia pulled her head back from Isaac to rest against his chest. "Isaac, darling, let's go inside. I'm sure we're giving the neighbours quite a show. We must be shocking them."
Isaac smiled at her gently. "I'd say let them be shocked, but I understand. We'll find someplace a little more private."
"Thank you, Isaac. You're always so considerate." Mia moved away from her love far enough to link arms with him, and the two moved slowly, dreamily out of sight.
Jenna was left behind, wondering why . . . why wasn't she there at Isaac's side instead of Mia? Try as she might, she couldn't work up the deep hatred she needed for the shy healer of Imil. It was impossible for her to hate the woman who had stolen the love of the only man for her.
. . . words wouldn't come
In an easy way; . . .
She had tried, of course. Tried so very hard to tell him how she felt about him. . . . But every time she made an attempt, he would look at her with those lovely clear eyes of his, and she found herself babbling something inane about the weather or Garet's latest blunder. Then Isaac would give her an odd look but would seem to mentally shrug it off and forget it. And she would be left kicking herself for hours or even days afterwards. Once again, her lack of control over her emotions had ruined something for her yet again.
Normally, it was her temper that caused her problems. She didn't mind; she liked the trouble it caused. And yet she would gladly hand over her excitability for even a small measure of Mia's calm. Then, perhaps, she could finally release the words that were trapped in her throat. . . .
. . . round in circles I'd go.
Jenna picked a leaf off the maple and twirled it between her thumb and forefinger. It was a perfect gold colour—Venus gold, almost.
She shook her head. She had to stop thinking about him. She needed to forget, and be happy. Everyone else was. Even her grumpy brother had softened, after falling in love with Sheba. He had someone . . . and she didn't.
Her fingers curled around the leaf, crushing it. Then she clambered out of the tree until she was standing, resting one hand against the trunk.
What if I do tell him? she thought. But then if he might be shocked and never speak to me again. But if he does love me and just isn't saying, I might still have a chance. . . . Oh, who am I fooling? There is simply no way that someone as much in love as Isaac is could have any room in his heart for someone else. . . .
She started to pace, around and around, trying to stop thinking, but unable.
Around and around and around. . . .
Longing to tell you but afraid and shy. . . .
A year and a half ago, now . . . that was when she was going to tell him. She had made up her mind. On the morning of the day her life shifted course, she had decided that in precisely one week, she would tell Isaac exactly how she felt about him. No more delaying. She would be brave and get it over with. Then, she would know if she was to be happy—or tending a broken heart.
Except things didn't happen the way she expected. That day, when she went on the research trip with Kraden, she found her lost brother, was kidnapped by a group of strangers, and forced along on a journey she had thought was to destroy the world. Never mind that Saturos and Menardi had ultimately been right in igniting the lighthouses—they had stolen her last chance to win Isaac's love. It was the only thing for which she had never forgiven them. Forget that they had become and remained close friends with her to this day. Had they waited just one week more before thieving the Elemental Stars . . . all would be different. When Mia came into Isaac's life, he would not have fallen for her. He would have had Jenna, and all would be well.
At least, that's what she kept telling herself. . . .
I'd let my golden chances pass me by. . . .
Jenna had one last chance to tell him—Mercury Lighthouse. But she had wasted it. Her opportunity had slipped by, and all because of a trivial fight with Menardi. The two of them had never really hit it off, but that day both of them had been picking fights with each other. She wasn't even sure what caused it anymore. But because of their bad moods, Menardi had ordered her off the aerie with more force than usual, even shoving Jenna in her anger.
And so, because of one of her favourite aspects of her personality—her temper—she had lost her last chance to speak to Isaac. Even had she gone with Felix to the very top of Venus Lighthouse . . . well, Felix had later commented about how close Isaac and Mia had seemed even in the midst of a battle for their lives. It was only because he was surprised that his rather shy, taciturn childhood friend had found love so quickly on his travels, but to Jenna, it was a stab through her heart. She had simply turned on her heel and ran into the underbrush, not emerging for a solid hour.
I don't have a chance anymore, she thought as she paced around and around the maple tree. Not a single one.
Soon you'd leave me. . . .
And here I am, seven months later, Jenna thought to herself bitterly. She paused in her pacing, one hand resting against the bark of the tree. Isaac is gone. Even though he lives in the same village as me, he might as well be lost forever.
A slight wind picked up, gently gathering up the ends of her ponytail. Her fringe brushed against her forehead tenderly, like the caress of a lover she had never known. Jenna stared blankly into the distance, remembering. . . . Then, with a sigh, she started to walk. She left the town without ever making eye contact with another soul.
Off you would go in the mist of day. . . .
The sun was setting as she walked through the forest. Leaves crunched beneath her feet, the fire of the sunset picking up and enhancing their diminishing colours. The sky was mostly clear, and the view was a beautiful one.
Jenna never noticed. Any unfortunate monsters that crossed her path were instantly incinerated as she took out her anger on them. In the end, she had even been robbed of a dramatic rescue. At Jupiter Lighthouse, it had been Mia that had fallen into Karst's trap. Jenna couldn't be the one to be saved, even if she were the damsel in distress sort of girl. She was the one who had to fight. Then again, in the battle against Karst and Agatio, she had kept the image of Isaac's battered face in her mind, and it had greatly helped her friends achieve victory against the Proxians.
. . . Was Isaac's love really too much to ask for?
Never, never to know . . .
Dusk falling, Jenna returned to Vale. Except for the ordinary night noises, all was still. Even the wind had fallen, giving out one last gust like an exhalation of breath before dwindling to nothing.
I can never tell him now, she decided. It wouldn't be fair to him or Mia. They're so happy. Their joy in each other shouldn't be ruined just for the sake of me getting this off my chest.
Somehow, deciding upon keeping everything a secret made Jenna feel slightly better. It would be one last thing she could do for him, before setting her love aside in some hidden corner of her heart. She would go on and live her life and put this as far behind her as she possibly could. Maybe someday she would marry, just for convention's sake, but it would never be for the near-perfect love Isaac and Mia seemed to share.
How I love you, if I loved you.
"Jenna, were you ever in love with Isaac like Sheba said?" Felix asked her one morning several weeks later.
Jenna laughed easily. "No, of course not, Felix. She was just being silly. I never loved him at all. . . ."