A/N: I've had the chess idea bouncing around in my head for over a month now, and the other games just followed naturally. It gets sillier as it goes along, I'm afraid. I had an urge to put each game in it's own chapter, but some would be remarkably short. If inspiration strikes again, I may take more games onto the end of this. I know not all of them are board games, but most come in those funny flat cardboard boxes anyway.
Disclaimers: Schwarz don't belong to me. And no doubt they've got much better things to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon than play board games. Like making money killing people. I don't make money, from killing people, writing this or otherwise, so don't sue, please?
It was a rainy day. Farfarello was under house arrest, Nagi had a holiday from school, Crawford wasn't required by Taketori and Schuldig… Schuldig had a hang over and wasn't really up to going out anyway. Then the power went out.
"I'm bored," Schuldig whined.
"I'm bored," Nagi sighed.
"I'm bored," Farfarello murmured, licking his knives and making it obvious that he would start making his own entertainment any time now…
"Fine," Crawford grumbled. "I was saving these for a rainy day-" the others looked pointedly out of the window "-but I suppose if it'll keep you lot occupied," and he dumped a pile of dusty boxes on the coffee table.
"Board games?!" the other three exclaimed simultaneously.
"Board games."
ChessCrawford and Schuldig stared at each other across the board, pieces still in the box. Nagi and Farfarello began to unpack the set, but Crawford gestured for them to stop.
"Stalemate?" Schuldig raised an eyebrow. Crawford nodded curtly.
Nagi sighed. Chess was dull enough to watch, as it was, sine neither he nor Farf knew how to play, but watching a telepath and a seer created whole new levels of boredom. Over in seconds, and you never saw a damn thing.
Monopoly"I'm tired of this," Nagi pushed his game piece away. The dog.
"Only because you're losing," Schuldig smirked. The boot.
Farfarello frowned. The car. "You've been stealing from the bank," he accused the German slowly. Schuldig shrugged. What had they expected?
Nagi stared at the board. "Call it over, Crawford?" he begged. "You already have properties on every single square. It's no fun when you know where we're going to land."
Crawford frowned. "Fine," he grumbled.
The top hat, naturally.
Trivial Pursuit"Schuldig's cheating!" Nagi accused.
"I am no- Okay, fine, I am. You shouldn't think about the answers when you read them. It's not my bloody fault."
Poker
"Schuldig's cheating!"
"So's Crawford!"
"Fine." Crawford shook his head. "What do you suggest, then, Nagi, if you're so adamant we're cheating?"
Darts"Nagi's cheating!"
"Oh, shut up."
"Who's bright idea was it to give Farfarello sharp, pointed projectiles?"
"Um…"
Pictionary"Um, Crawford? Farfarello's using his own blood to draw again."
"Are you sure you aren't cheating again, Schuldig?"
"Certain, thank you, Nagi. Just because it's so obvious from my picture that the word is 'bliss'-"
"That's 'bliss'? I though it was Weiss! Upside down, in women's clothing."
"Why you…"
Backgammon
"What are you supposed to do with this anyway? The board looks like a tiger on acid."
"You don't have to play, Schuldig."
"Well you can't play with Nagi, it uses dice. And Farfarello's already eaten two of the counters."
"Fine."
Mah Jong"Do any of us know how to play this?"
"…"
"Apparently not."
Chinese Checkers
"It's like the chess game all over again, isn't it, Farf?" Nagi sighed.
"Draw?" Schuldig raised an eyebrow.
"Draw." Crawford nodded. "Again?"
"If t'ey're not going ta use t'e marbles, do ye s'pose we could borrow t'em?"
Marbles "Are ye cheating, Nagi?""Of course not!"
"Hey, those are our marbles! Give 'em back, you little thieves."
"You weren't using them, Schuldig."
"That's not the point."
BasketballThump.
"Hang on a sec, that's not an inside game…"
Thump.
"Hey!"
Thump. Thumpcrash.
"…"
Thud! Thud. Thud thud thudthud thudthudthudthudthud….
"Outside. All of you. Now."
"But, Bra-ad!"
"It's raining!"
"Now!!"
"'es sir…"