Disclaimer: see part 1

The Third Side

Side 3

The Unstable Triangle Formula

By Random1377

 "I'm home."

Asuka glanced up from the novel she was reading as Shinji came into the kitchen.  "Welcome home," she muttered, "Your stooge friend's around somewhe-"

Shinji frowned as she cut herself off, staring at him as if he was some type of horribly deformed mutant and she was trying to deicide on the best way to kill him.  "What?  What is it?"

"What happened to you?" she asked softly, pointing to the young man's neck with a grimace of distaste.  "God, Shinji… what did you let her do to you?!"

"Why do you care?" Shinji asked defensively, trying to pull the collar of his shirt up to hide the series of bite marks that lined his throat.

"I don't," Asuka replied automatically, "I just wish you'd have some fucking self-respect!  Spending all night at that bitch's house, skipping work, coming home in the same clothes you left in, walking around with your neck covered in hickies – you're acting like a slut!"

Shinji blinked.  "A what?"

"You heard me," Asuka muttered, her augmented hand twitching slightly, "slut."  When Shinji made no reply, Asuka sneered.  "I'm giving you too much credit – you wouldn't have the balls to make a decent slut, because sluts go after what they want!"  She clenched her hands into fists as he turned away.  "Look at me, damn you!"

Shinji flinched, keeping his eyes averted as he whispered something too low for Asuka to hear.

"What was that?" she snapped.

"Why can't you just be nice to me…?" Shinji repeated softly.  "I… I thought we were friends.  We've been friends for so lo-"

"We're not friends!" Asuka cut in angrily.  "You're not the person I thought you were, Third Child, you're just a pathetic, weak-willed little boy who's so damn caught up in his own little fuck fantasies that he can't see that other people ne-" she cut herself off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

Shinji said nothing for a moment, finally bringing his eyes up to meet hers.  "And what about you?" he whispered, his voice low and shaking with anger.  "What do you see in the mirror, Asuka?  Are you the person you wanted to be when we were lying on that beach?"

"I don't believe I'm hearing this," Asuka hissed, "how dare you question me, you little shit!"  She reached out, poking him in the chest with her forefinger.  "I came back because I wanted to live.  Not for you, not for EVA, not for anyone else but me – I came back to live, goddamn it!"

Shinji stared at her unblinkingly.  "You didn't answer my question."

"Fuck your question!" Asuka snapped.  "Why don't you ask yourself, huh?  When it was just you and me, and no one else had come back yet, and you promised me you'd always be there for me… were you already planning to start fucking anything that moved?"

"At least I can let others near me," Shinji retorted, "and it's not like this is what I wanted, you know, I wanted-"

Asuka's eyes narrowed as Shinji abruptly stopped talking and turned away once more.  "What?" she whispered coldly.  "What did you want, Shinji?"  When he kept his eyes averted, she pounded her fist on the table, making the salt shaker jump.  "Why can't you fucking look at me?!?  Damn it!  Tell me what you want, Shinji!  How the hell am I supposed to know how- you know what?  Forget it.  Just… just forget it."  She turned her back on him.  "Get out of my sight, Shinji.  You make me sick."

"Why is it my fault?"

She blinked, turning back to him.  "What was that?" she whispered incredulously.

Shinji's eyes were on the floor, but his brow was drawn down in an unmistakable frown.  "Why is it my fault?" he repeated, a hint of anger in his voice.  "How am I supposed to know what to do if no one tells me?  I'm doing the best I can… but you have to be part of it too – no matter what you say, we're supposed to be friends.  I can't do this alone."

Asuka flushed.  "Why don't you ask your little slut girlfriend for help then?"

Shinji's nostrils flared.  "Just because she treats me nice doesn't mean she's a slut," he whispered flatly, "if you were half as nice as she is, maybe we-"

The crack of Asuka's augmented hand hitting Shinji's cheek was loud and ringing, nearly sending him to the floor with its force.

"Don't you ever compare me to her!" Asuka hissed.  "Ever."

Shinji blinked, his eyes watering more from the pain in his chest than the pain in his cheek.  "I wouldn't try," he said as calmly as he could, "I've got nothing to compare her kindness to."

Asuka flinched, but could not think of a suitable reply.

Why does it have to be this way? She thought suddenly, We should be friends.  We should be MORE than friends, damn it!  That's what I want!  I Just… I just want to be close to him – and now I can't. She averted her eyes, caught somewhere between rage and despair.  Damn it, Shinji – why couldn't you just wait for like, another week?  I was so close!  …so close.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Shinji said unevenly, rubbing his cheek with a look of dazed hurt, "I've gotta work in the morning."  He lowered his voice to a bare whisper.  "At least I know there's someone there that cares about me."

Asuka clenched her eyes closed and nodded, more to her self than him.  And when she spoke, she was not quite sure who she was talking to.

"Goddamn coward."

Shinji did not even hesitate at the redhead's whisper, choosing instead to simply walk unsteadily towards his room and barely noticing as he bumped into Touji on the way down the hall.

Touji frowned, nodding a greeting as the former Third Child trudged up the stairs.  "Ok," he muttered angrily, "that's it."

Asuka looked up as the door to the kitchen banged open.  "What do you want?" she growled, trying not to shrink away from the scowling visage of an obviously enraged, physically superior Touji Suzuhara.  "You get away from me!" she warned, raising her fists and bracing herself in case he decided to attack her.

He's lost it, she thought grimly, look at that face!  He's out of his mind.

For one, shining instant, Touji considered just walking away.  Don't get it started man, he thought grimly, it won't end good.  Just let it go.  This is between her and Shinji… just let it go.

He actually took a step back before catching himself. For weeks he had watched the redhead emotionally crucify his best friend, keeping himself from doing anything that he might later regret through sheer willpower and a grudging respect for all the girl had endured… but looking into her cold, sparkling, unremorseful sky-blue eye, he realized that the time to just let things go had long since passed.  Now it was time to take matters into his own hands.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

Eight, coldly spoken words… and the storm that had been threatening for almost a month exploded in the kitchen.

"Don't you dare get sanctimonious on me, you fucking gimp!" Asuka snapped, positioning herself on the other side of the table, "Why don't you butt out for once, or do I have to hurt you first?"

"You keep saying that," Touji said flatly, pushing the kitchen door closed behind him and engaging the lock, "you ever gonna back it up?  Or are you all talk?"

"Come over here and find out," Asuka challenged, shoving one of the chairs against the wall to make more room.

Touji grinned, cracking his knuckles loudly.  "All you had to do was ask," he said, keeping the same, cruel smile on his lips as he started towards her, "I've been keeping my cool," he muttered, picking the other kitchen chair up and tossing it aside like a bundle of sticks, ignoring the sound it made as it crashed to the floor.  "I kept telling myself, 'She's been through a lot.  She's just mixed up.  She doesn't know what she's saying,' but that's all bullshit – you knew perfectly well how bad he wanted to be yours, and you still treat him like shit every fucking chance you get."

"Stay away from me," Asuka whispered, her knuckles going white as her fingernails dug into her palms, "I won't go easy on you – do you hear me?!"

Touji, it seemed, did not seem to mind the prospect of being harmed by the redhead.  Pushing the table aside, he rushed her, shrugging her quickly thrown punches off as if they were no more bothersome than insects and grasping her by the wrist, twisting her arm up behind her back and shoving her face-first into the wall next to the stove.

A servo in Asuka's arm whined as the boy applied more pressure, forcing it further back until she cried out.  "S-stop!"

"Thought you were going to hurt me," Touji whispered, reaching past her and grasping the handle of the biggest butcher knife in the block, "you're full of shit, Souryu."

Asuka fought harder as the boy drew the knife in one fluid move, bringing it up under her chin and pressing it against her throat.  "You're… crazy," she gasped, flinching as the sharp steel pressed against her delicate skin.

"Better stop struggling," Touji said softly, "I wouldn't want to slip."  He nodded as the girl froze.  "Now you listen to me, you little bitch, Shinji's been moping around here for weeks, pining over your sorry ass, and all you can do is treat him like shit!  And for what?" he hissed, itching to draw the blade across her throat, "Because he's with someone else now?  He's only dating her because you're so fucking coldhearted!  If you had ever given him a chance, you'd be with him right now, you dipshit."

"Who'd want to?" Asuka managed, swallowing several times to clear the dryness from her mouth.  "He's just a wea-"

"Don't you dare," Touji snarled, pulling the knife away from her throat to keep himself from killing her.  "I'm sick of hearing that shit!  He saved the fucking world – don't you ever say he's weak!"

Asuka closed her eye, shifting on her feet and analyzing the balance between them, a grim smile spreading on her features as she found the opening she was looking for.  "You know something, shithead?" she muttered, tilting her body subtly to the side.

"What, bitch?"

Asuka grinned wolfishly. "You just fucked up big."

"Wha-"

Grunting from the pain it caused, Asuka rolled her shoulder further up, making Touji lose his grip on her wrist.  They scuffled, each trying to gain the upper hand as they knocked into the furniture, sending dishes, silverware, and boxes and cans of food flying in every direction.  All told, the struggle for dominance lasted fifteen seconds, but by the time they were done, the kitchen looked as if a war had erupted in it, throwing it into a state of chaos unlike any seen before.

Silence prevailed for another fifteen seconds, broken only by uneven, but quietly drawn pants as the two teens struggled to regain their breath.

"Give me one good reason not to fucking kill you," Asuka whispered finally, the fingers of her augmented hand digging cruelly into Touji's throat as she pushed him against the wall with just enough force to make him wince.

"I'll give you two," Touji gasped, baring his teeth at her in a wicked smile.  "First, Hikari would fuck you up – trust me: under that cool surface, she's got a short fuse.  And second," his smile grew, "if you squeeze, I push."

Asuka frowned, glancing down as something sharp nudged her breastbone and finding the tip of the knife situated snuggly between her breasts, braced in both of the young man's hands – ready to plunge into her heart at a moment's notice.

"Stalemate."

Asuka's lips pulled back from her teeth.  "Not quite," she growled, "if I snap your neck, you'll be dead before you hit the floor."

Touji narrowed his eyes, coaxing the knife forward and taking great pleasure in watching the girl's smile falter.  "You wanna find out?"

Their eyes met, neither willing to look away as each tried to stare the other down.  "Listen to me, stooge," Asuka whispered coldly, "what's between Shinji and me is just that – between Shinji and me.  Don't get in my way again, or next time this happens you won't have time to reach the knives, get it?"

"Same goes for you," Touji whispered dangerously, "the next time you hurt him, you won't have to worry about getting your arm tuned."

Asuka's body was shaking with rage.  "Fucking asshole," she snarled, "I don't need this shit from you, him, or anyone else."  With one quick move, she released his throat, bringing her hand down on the knife and knocking it from the young man's grasp, ignoring the sound of tearing fabric as the blade rent her shirt apart.  "I'm sick of you," she hissed, taking a step back and clenching her hands into fists at her sides, "I'm sick of you, him, his little fucking slut girlfriend, this house – I'm sick of all this shit!  Fuck all of you!!"

Touji shook his head as the former Second Child whirled around and stomped off, tearing the door open and splintering the frame in her urgency to retreat.  "Fuck us?" he muttered to the empty room.  "Hey, fuck you, you little holier than thou bitch!  Shit, I never wanted you here anyway."

Gingerly touching his throat, he glanced around the decimated kitchen.

"Shinji's gonna be pissed," he mused, wondering if the other young man had heard their fight.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed away from the wall, rubbing absently at his throat as he went in search of a broom.  Sorry Shinji, he thought, shaking his head as be began to clean, but if she leaves… it'd be better for all of us – especially you.  Sometimes you just have to let it go, man.

Ignoring the sound of the redhead banging around in her room, Touji went about the task of making it look like nothing had happened, knowing full well that Asuka would be gone by nightfall.

**

Shinji sighed as he dried his hands on the small towel slung over his shoulder.  Almost time to go, he thought tiredly, glancing through the kitchen door at the empty dining room, and Mitzuki wants me to spend the night at her place again.  Man, at this rate I might as well just move in.

He shook his head, glancing up at the clock on the far wall.  "Maybe me moving out wouldn't be such a bad idea," he murmured, looking at his watch to confirm that it was indeed almost closing time, "at least that way Asuka would be rid of me."

It was only through willpower that he kept himself from reaching into his pocket to touch the object therein.  He knew he should do one of two things with it – either get rid of it, or give it to its intended recipient.  If he kept holding onto it, he was afraid it might drive him insane.

"Hey, Shinji."

The sound of Alexander's voice brought his attention back to his surroundings.

"Come over here for a second, I wanna show you something." Shinji did what he was told, waiting as the blonde man sketched something on the piece of paper with the food order from the day before on the other side.  "What do you see?" he asked, pushing the paper across the table to Shinji.

The boy looked down.  "Ummm… it's a triangle," he replied uncertainly.

"Very good," the older man said with a grin, "now, tell me: what's wrong with it?"

Shinji looked closer, shrugging as he answered, "One of the sides is shorter, I guess."

"Right again," Alexander nodded, "so here's the next question, my young friend," he met Shinji's eyes, his tone growing serious, "if you tried to stand this up, what would happen?"

Shinji pondered the paper for a minute, wondering what this was really all about.  "Depending on what it was made of," he said slowly, "it would stand for a while, then the weaker side would give out, I guess."

"It would," the cook confirmed, "so… from all of this we can deduce that a triangle with one side that's not as, let's say dedicated, is unstable and dangerous, right?"  When Shinji nodded, the older man lowered his voice, "Are you that side, Shinji?"

"I… don't understand."

Alexander sighed, leaning back in his chair and looking at the boy closely.  "I know something's going on with you and Mitzuki," he said quietly, "she's too goofy and gushy when you're around.  And I know something is going on – or went on – with you and Sachiko, because every time Domiyoji comes in to visit her, she looks to make sure you're not nearby before kissing him, but she's not all happy like Mitzu is."

Shinji blushed, glancing at where the two girls were talking to each other on the far side of the restaurant.  "It's hard to explain," he said awkwardly, looking back to the older man, "but Sachiko's faithful, I can tell you that."

"Yeah," the blonde man said, nodding approvingly, "I never pegged her as the cheating kind – and I don't expect you to spill your guts to me, Shinji, you hardly know me… but I do want to give you some advice, ok?"  He waited for the boy to give him an affirmative before taking a deep breath.  "An uneven triangle is a dangerous thing – especially when it's made of people.  Someone always, always ends up getting hurt if the weaker side gives out.  I know all three of you, I work with all three of you, and I'd hate to see any of you end up in pain."

He sighed, shaking his head as the boy shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other.  "I'm not saying this is all your fault," he said gently, "I doubt you went out of your way to involve yourself with either of them – you don't seem like the kind to chase after girls, am I right?"  He looked down at the paper as Shinji nodded.  "But how it got started kinda doesn't matter," he said softly, "you know?  It's happening, they're involved, you're involved, and it's going to end badly if you can't find the strength to be one of the stronger sides."

He blinked as a new factor was added to the equation in the form of a slender redhead.  The girl entered the restaurant, by chance (or design, Alexander was never sure) she found Mitzuki and Sachiko… and he could hear Shinji's name mentioned, even from across the room.

"And I think," he said quietly, nodding to where the three girls were talking, "your job just got a whole lot harder."

**

Asuka walked into the Golden Temple with a frown.  Decent place, she thought, looking around.  Spying two waitresses talking to one another, she clenched her hand into a determined fist.  "Where can I find Shinji?" she asked, walking up to the duo without bothering to greet them.

"Shinji…?" the girl with the bandana echoed, blinking slightly, "Who are you?"

The redhead narrowed her eyes, but before she could snap, the dark-haired girl whispered, "Asuka… you're Asuka, aren't you?"

"And I'm guessing, you're Sachiko," Asuka replied, folding her arms over her breasts and assessing the older girl, "am I right?"  She looked closer at the other waitress, "And I suppose you're Mitzuki."  The older girl, she noticed, was bristling visibly, frowning as she looked her up and down.

Sachiko wet her lips, looking from one girl to the other. Oh, this is bad, she thought as the two stared at each other, the redhead's single blue eye glittering with disapproval, I should find Shinji before it gets out of control.  Out of control was exactly where the situation was headed, in her opinion.  From experience, she knew that Mitzuki was fiercely possessive of things she deemed hers… and Shinji was, without a doubt, hers.  She also knew from talking to Shinji that Asuka could be very short-tempered and belligerent, and she suspected, from the way she was acting right now, that she was more than a little possessive herself.

"What do you want?" Mitzuki asked flatly, not bothering to hide her attitude, "You can't call, or wait until he gets home?  What's so damn important that you have to come down here and throw-"

"Watch it," Asuka cut her off coldly, "before you end up saying something that's gonna get you hurt.  Why I'm here is none of your business, just tell me where-"

"Shinji," Sachiko said suddenly, "your roommate is here to see you."

All eyes focussed on Shinji as he approached the trio, an uncertain look on his face.  "Asuka," he said, swallowing uncomfortably at all the attention, "hi."

The redhead shifted her gaze from the waitress to the former Third Child.  "Shinji," she said flatly, "I need to talk to you.  Now."

"Ok, I'll just…" he trailed off as her brow came down, "coming."

"You don't have to go anywhere with her, honey," Mitzuki said calmly, reaching out to take Shinji's arm, "you're still on the clock."

Sachiko took a careful step back, wondering if she really could see sparks flying between the two or if it was just her imagination.  She stood indecisive, glancing at the three others as an eerie silence stole over them.  I can't side with Asuka, she thought pensively, Mitzuki's my friend… and I work with her.  But I can't side with Mitzuki – she's being totally unreasonable, and Asuka must have a good reason for being here, because from what Shinji's told me, she's not the kind to just up and start trouble for NO reason.  Frowning slightly, she chose her side – the side she should have picked without a second thought.

"Shinji," the dark-haired girl said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "remember what you told me in the alley?"  She ignored the other two girl's surprised (and suspicious) glances and waited for the boy to reluctantly nod before telling him softly, "Now is that time, Shinji."

"What are you talking about, Sachiko?" Mitzuki asked slowly, eyeing her friend with something akin to open hostility, "Why are you taking my boyfriend into alleys?"

At the word boyfriend, Asuka visibly… clenched.  Her entire body seemed to go ridged, and her eye narrowed to a slit. 

"Shinji," Sachiko murmured, ignoring Mitzuki's query, "honesty, remember?  You said-"

"I've heard just about enough of this shit!" Mitzuki cut in angrily, "'Honesty,' Sachiko?  Like, this honesty?"

Sachiko winced as the other girl jabbed her forefinger into her chest.  "Mitzu," she said quickly, licking her lips, "It's not what you-"

"Shut up, you little whore!" Mitzuki snapped, tightening her hold on Shinji's arm.  "You tried to steal him from me, didn't you?  Don't lie to me! I can see it all over your face!  I can't believe you, you bitch!!"

"Shinji?" Sachiko said unevenly, trying to focus only on his eyes, "In my apartment… when we kissed," Asuka and Mitzuki both gasped, but Sachiko hurried on.  "I felt something… it was hot, and it was incredible, but it wasn't love, Shinji!  I finally figured out what I see in you – I see your love of others, and I want to be like that, don't you understand?  You have to choose now, Shinji!  Honesty – you said that's what was most important to-"

"I'm leaving," Asuka cut in coldly, "That's all I came here to tell you, Shinji.  I'm leaving tonight."  She nodded as Shinji gaped at her.  "That's right.  I can't stand seeing you with someone else, Shinji – are you happy now?  You've finally gotten me to say I love you, you fucking asshole!"  She turned away.  "Goodbye."

"Wait!" Shinji called, moving to follow her.

"What are you doing!?" Mitzuki gasped, holding him firmly as he tried to walk away.  "Let her go, Shinji!  I can make you happy – you don't need her!!"

Sachiko flushed as Shinji turned his eyes to her.  "Honesty," she whispered softly, trying not to see the angry glare Mitzuki gave her as she too turned away.

"Mitzuki," Shinji began, "I… need to talk to Asuka, I-"

"WHY?" Mitzuki shouted frantically.  "Just be mine, Shinji!  That's all you have to do.  I'll make you so happy – just stay mine!  Stay with me."  Her face crumpled as Sachiko shook her head and walked away.  She leaned forward and kissed Shinji gently, closing her eyes as their lips met.  "I never had you," she breathed as they parted, keeping her eyes closed as she pressed her forehead to his and draped her arms over his shoulders, "did I…?"

Shinji's silence was the only reply she needed.

"Please leave now, Shinji," she whispered, stepping away from him and letting her arms fall to her sides, "please."

"But I-"

"Don't say anything.  I don't want to hear you say you're sorry, and I don't want to hear you rationalize anything we've done together." A single tear ran from each still-closed eye as she lowered her voice.  "And I don't want to see your face," she said, her voice breaking, "and I don't want you to touch me and try and make it ok, do you understand?  I just… I want to be alone."

Listening to her own, uneven breathing, the waitress could easily make out the sound of the brown-haired boy first shifting from one foot to the other, then slowly walking towards the door.  As it opened, then closed, Mitzuki slowly sank down to the floor, keeping her eyes closed and trying to pretend that she had ever had a place in Shinji Ikari's heart.

**

Halfway, Asuka thought angrily, stuffing another pair of jeans into a suitcase, halfway done.  Few more essentials, and I'm done – I can come back for the rest.  She shook her head.  "God," she muttered, "I should have fucking known.  Even if I had said it sooner, it wouldn't have been enough."

"A-Asuka?"

She looked up briefly as Shinji pushed the door open, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.  "What do you want?" she muttered, "Trying to get a third girl in bed with you?  Well, sorry – I'm not a slut like them… pervert."

"It's… not like that," Shinji gasped, "Sachiko… I… we just kissed once… she's… got a boyfriend."

Asuka laughed mirthlessly.  "Oh that makes everything ok!" she snorted.  "'I'm only cheating on you with one girl, honey, it's no big deal!'"

"Cheating?" Shinji echoed.

"Why didn't you wait for me?!?" Asuka shouted suddenly, throwing a pair of gym shorts at the startled boy.  "You KNEW damnit!!  You knew I loved you!!"

"I didn't," Shinji replied honestly, "I really didn't, Asuka.  I wanted you too, but I-"

"Just go away," the redhead muttered, "I don't wanna hear your lame excuses anymore."

Shinji scrubbed his right hand through his hair, watching her pack her things in panicked silence for a moment. If I let her go, he thought frantically, I'll never see her again… I'll never have a chance to be close to her.

His panic suddenly fell away, replaced by a mixture of determination and anger.  "You're not going to leave," he whispered, "not like this."

"What are you-?"

Asuka's surprised question was cut off as Shinji grabbed her by the upper arm and spun her around, staring into her eye as he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her.

"Hmph??"

The former Second Child's startled yelp only served to harden Shinji's resolve, and rather than releasing her, he held her tighter, pinning her arms to her sides as she struggled and gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth.  His grip loosened slightly as the fight slowly drained out of her, her movements becoming slower and less urgent even as her breathing grew more rapid.

As he continued to kiss her, Asuka's arms slowly fell to her sides, the urge to fend him off gone like it had never been.  When he finally released her arms, sliding his hands around her slender waist, she took the opportunity… to slap him.

"Don't you ever," she whispered as he broke away, his eyes wide as he touched the angry red hand print on his cheek, "ever try and hold me down again, do you understand?"  As he nodded his understanding, she stared into his face, searching it closely before speaking.  "What do you want, Shinji?" she asked plainly, making no move to push him away, but not encouraging him either, "Tell me now… no more games… no more running away… what…do you… want…?"

Shinji nodded again, all of the uncertainty leaving his features as he replied softly,

"I want you."

"Think it's that easy, do you?" Asuka said softly, holding his gaze, "Just three words, and I fall into your arms, confessing my love for you?  Just… forget this whole little fucked up dating thing and just let myself be yours?"

Shinji stared back at her, his tone entirely level and calm as he whispered,

"Yes."

The redhead considered his calm demeanor for a moment, trying to decide if there was any humor in his statement whatsoever.  When he made no further comment, she asked, "What would you do with me then, Shinji?  We're all alone."  She lowered her voice, idly running her forefinger across his chest, unsure herself if she was teasing or serious.  "Tell me what you would do if I said what you want me to say."

Shinji nodded slowly.  He had gone over how he would confess his feelings for her, down to the exact wording… but he had not counted on her level reaction – or the way she watched him so closely, seeking any falsehood or dishonesty.  Realizing that all of his planning had been for naught, he decided to fly by instinct and see where it might lead.

"I would… want to test your theory on thermal expansion," Shinji murmured, amazed that his voice was so level when speaking those bold, almost challenging words.

Asuka's eye widened, and her finger stopped its slow movement across his thin torso.  "And you think I'll let you?" she murmured, leaning back and letting the wall support her, "you think I'd let some pervert like you just… just…"

She trailed off, shivering slightly as she felt his right hand slowly sliding up her side, pulling her shirt up as it went.  She gasped softly as he gently cupped her breast, never once looking away from her eye.  "Yes," he whispered, slowly exploring the soft skin under his palm, "I think you would let… me."

As confident as he sounded, Shinji's heart was beating at least twice its normal speed, and he was using all of his concentration to keep his breathing and voice level.  He knew what he was doing was tantamount to insanity, but he felt it was worth the risk of bodily injury, if only she would understand and acknowledge that he wasn't just toying with her.

"And… and if I told you to stop touching me and get out?" Asuka stammered, trying to stay rational as he continued to gently caress her.

"I'd be sad," the boy whispered, very slowly reaching out and touching her face with his free hand, "but I would stop.  I want to be with you, Asuka… I want all of you."  He smiled, moving his hand down from her breast to one of the seven scars on her body and tracing it gently, "if I can't have you all," he breathed, "then I don't want you."

The redhead trembled as the boy moved his hand from one scar to the next… and then the next… diligently examining the wounds with his fingertips.  "If I said I want the same thing," she asked, her voice barely audible, "do you think it will change who I am?  Do you think us being together would make the world a magical, shining place?"  She smiled bitterly, suppressing her tears with brutal force.  "Do you think it would bring Misato back?" she asked cruelly, "Or give me back my eye?  Or my arm?"

For a long moment, Shinji said nothing.  Then, just as Asuka was on the brink of pushing him away and telling him to leave, he murmured, "No, I don't."  He slowly leaned forward, giving her ample opportunity to move away, and kissed her softly on the lips.  "I don't want to change who you are," he said gently as he broke away, "and I don't think anything that's been lost will magically come back.  What I do know," he whispered, still touching her scars, "is that…"

"Yes?" she prompted as he trailed off, believing wholeheartedly that he was going to say 'I love you.'

Shinji surprised her by instead confessing, "You make me happy.  When we're together, I feel like nothing else in the world matters.  I'd tell you I love you," he said softly, smiling a bit as he dropped his eyes, "but I think, maybe… you already know."

So there it is, Asuka thought, completely uncertain, he just said he loves me – no, she corrected herself, he didn't say it, she smiled, and I guess he didn't really have to.

She blinked as Shinji carefully ran the ball of his thumb under her eye, wiping the dampness that had been gathering there on his shirt. 

"You don't have to cry."

The redhead nodded, blushing faintly at her display of weakness.  Deliberately, she took his hand and held it over the scar on her lower abdomen.  "You know," she said flatly, holding his gaze, "that it might take a long time for me to be able to give you everything that I am, right?"

"Yeah, I know," the former Third Child replied, slowly outlining the damaged tissue.

"You said you wanted all of me," Asuka whispered, slowly extending her right hand and brushing the backs of partially synthetic fingers across his cheek, "but I can't give you that – not all at once.  You'll have to be patient with me, and let me work it all out, and let me just… just…"

Shinji simply nodded as she trailed off, taking her hand and keeping it against his face.

Pulling her hand away, Asuka slid her arms over his shoulders, pulling his lips back to hers to kiss him deeply.  "If I give you all of me," she breathed, resting her head on his shoulder, "I'll want the same from you, Shinji.  I want to know – I need to know – that you're all mine."

"I'll show you."

So saying, Shinji reached down and gently grasped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up carefully and watching for any sign of hesitance or disapproval from the girl.  Asuka closed her eye, putting her arms up over her head and allowing him to render her topless.  She kept her eye tightly closed as she felt his fingers once again moving over her skin, avoiding the most sensitive spots, for the time being, and simply familiarizing himself with her body.

"Did you go this far with Mitzuki…?" she whispered.

She waited in silence for over a minute, frowning slightly as he said nothing.  When she opened her eye to find out why, she found him smiling softly.  "I'm not going to tell you," he said gently, sliding his hands around to caress her back, "because you don't really want to know, one way or the other."  She opened her mouth to protest, but he kissed her before she could, pressing himself up against her and letting his hand move down to cover her rear.

When he finally let her speak again, Asuka smiled.  "You're a jerk," she murmured, blushing as she un-tucked his shirt.

"Maybe," Shinji retorted, slipping a finger into the hem of her pants and slowly sliding it around to the front.

The redhead found her breathing becoming a touch erratic as the boy slowly unfastened her jeans, drawing the zipper down with delicious slowness.  "Don't hurt me," she whispered suddenly, laying her hand over his as he parted the front of her pants, revealing the top of her red and white striped panties.  "I mean, I know it's going to hurt," she clarified, blushing deeper, "but – don't hurt me, Shinji."

The former Third Child made no reply, he simply smiled and knelt in front of her, carefully drawing her jeans down.

As gently as he could, Shinji showed her exactly what she meant to him…

**

Asuka woke feeling stiff.  She groaned as she felt the hard floor digging into her hipbone.  "Next time," she whispered, blinking in the darkness as she found Shinji's sleeping face inches from hers, "we do it in bed."

As she was about to lay her head against his chest, she became aware of the sound of a third person's breathing in the room, blinking harder, she looked up to the bed and found Touji looking back at her.

"Don't say anything," the former Fourth Child whispered as the redhead opened her mouth, frowning deeply, "you'll wake up loverboy."

"What do you want?" Asuka demanded, ignoring his advice.  "And where's your knife?"

Touji raised his hands, the smile he had been wearing giving way to a serious expression.  "What do I want…?" he mused, "Well, I'll tell you, Souryu… what I want is to see my friend happy."  He leaned down, his eyes intense as he studied her face in the near-dark.  "Are you going to make that happen?" he asked softly, "Or are you going to crush him again?"

The girl flushed, averting her eye.  "Go fuck yourself, Suzuhara," she whispered, feeling Shinji stir slightly.

The dark haired boy waited until his friend stilled once more before speaking.  "I'm not kidding, Red," he whispered, "you and I know that a simple fuck doesn't mean shit… so tell me: did you fuck him?  Or was it more?"

"It's none of your goddamned bus-"

"The hell it isn't!" Touji hissed, his eyes flashing, "I may not be the best guy to have around.  Yeah, I'm lazy… yeah, I have some problems with my girl – but you know something?  I don't lie – not to my friends, and I sure as hell don't lie to the people I love.  Now tell me, do you-"

"Shut up," Asuka whispered tiredly, "Ok?  Just… shut up."  She laid her head down on Shinji's chest, closing her eye.  "What do you want to hear, Fourth Child?  Huh?  That I'll always love him?  How the fuck should I know?  No one besides my mother has ever shown me that they care… just her and him."  She lowered her voice, "I think I will… I mean, I think about him all the time, I want to be close to him."  She blushed, "I let him make love to me, but tomorrow?  Next week?  A year from now…?"

As she trailed off, Touji sighed.  "What you're looking for," he told her calmly, "it doesn't exist, Asuka.  You want the sure thing – you want to know that he'll always love you and you'll always love him, but you know something?  That's a dream.  You can't spend your whole life wondering if he's going to leave in the morning… or if you're going to wake up one day and realize that it was all in your head – you've got to live for now, and fuck the rest."

"You're so full of shit," the redhead whispered, her body shaking as a tear slid down her cheek, "you think you know so damn much with your, 'Oh, love's no big deal to me, I can take it or leave it' bullshit!  You can't even fucking talk to your girlfriend about what you want because you're too busy living your little fucked up here-and-now fantasy, well I got news for you, shithead, Hikari's gonna dump your ass.  You think you can just live for the now?  Try it when you're all alone, fucker!"

"You know what I think?" Shinji said softly, startling both of the other Children, "I think maybe you should both calm down and think about what you're saying."  As they gaped at him, he continued, keeping his eyes closed as he spoke.  "I'm not the smartest guy around," he said slowly, "but I know that I love Asuka.  I know that all the time I spent trying to rationalize the reasons she wouldn't tell me she loved me first, and wondering if maybe it was all in my mind… I'll never get back." 

He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling as he went on.  "Asuka will never be my first," he said regretfully, "I can't get that back either, and I rushed into it with someone else because I was too cowardly to tell her I loved her first… but I'll tell you something – she can sure as hell be my only, from now on.  And I can tell her, honestly, without a doubt, that right now I love her with all my heart and soul."  He sighed.  "I know it sounds corny, but if that's all I've got, it has to be enough.  I can't say it will last forever, but I'll be damned if I give up on it before it even starts."

"What the fuck was that?" Touji asked after a moment of silence, "You trying to say we should just shut up and stop fighting about which of us is right?"

"No," Shinji replied immediately, "I'm saying she shouldn't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, and you should!  Touji," he said sadly, "I love you like a brother, but if you don't shut the fuck up and tell Hikari that you love her, you're going to end up single… and soon.  She's running out of patience, anyone can see that.  You know you love her, and you know she loves you – so just fucking say it already!!"

The former Second and Fourth Children stared open-mouthed at the normally quiet Third, taking in the deep scowl on his face as he looked from one to the other.  Asuka looked at Touji, who looked back and shrugged slightly.

Abruptly, the two started laughing.

"What?" Shinji demanded, blushing as his determined look faded away, "What's so funny?"

"You," Asuka giggled, hugging him tightly, "you're so serious!"  Her voice lowered and she feigned a frown, "'Tell that girl you love her, son, or she's gonna leave you!'"

Touji howled, holding his sides and doubling over on the bed.

"It's not funny," Shinji grumbled.  "It's not funn-"

He was cut off as Asuka kissed him gently.  "Shhh," she whispered as they parted, "you're sweet, Shinji."

Touji rose from the bed.  "Here," he said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and chuckling again.  "You guys get dressed, I gotta go make a call."

Shinji blinked in confusion as Asuka waited for the Fourth to close to door, then got to her feet, stifling a groan of pain as she stretched.  "Where are we going?" he asked, exasperated.

"Mmmm," Asuka hummed, smiling, "you're such a dork.  We're going out with Touji and Hikari, dummy."

"We are?"

"We are."

"Why?"

The redhead smiled softly.  "I think you know," she said quietly.

"Yeah… I guess I do."

Shinji got to his feet, heading towards the bathroom.  "Asuka," he said softly, pausing at the door

"Yeah?"

"You're not going to leave… are you?"

For a very long moment, there was only silence behind him.  He thought about all that had happened since the angels had been defeated, from the beach, to Sachiko, to Mitzuki, to last night, it flashed through his mind like a flare in the darkness of a moonless night.  He knew that the redhead was scared – even if she would never admit it – and that the idea of letting anyone close to her was still terrifying to her, even after all they had been through and done together.

But he also knew that he was happy with her, and that, even though he said he couldn't truly promise her forever… he would: just to see her smile.

"No, Shinji," Asuka whispered softly, "I'm not – not unless you tell me too."

Shinji smiled. "Then I guess," he mused, "you'll have to stay here forever."

"Guess so."

He smiled.  "I'll get dressed now," he whispered, opening the bathroom door.

"You do that," Asuka replied softly, smiling as she added, "I'll be here, Shinji."

Shinji nodded, knowing that she meant more than just when he got out of the bathroom.

"I know."

Epilogue

"So I've decided to focus on school," Shinji was saying, "I'm sorry, Mister Davies."

"It's alright," Alexander replied, shrugging slightly.  "I understand life's gotta come first."

"Thanks…" Shinji murmured, taking Asuka's hand in his.  "Tell Mister Arima I said sorry."  As he turned for the door, he added, "And tell… Mitzuki and Sachiko I said bye.  I saw them in the dinning room, but I didn't want to bother them."

"You're the best damn dishwasher I've ever had," Alexander said with a sigh.

"I am?" Shinji replied, his voice filled with wonder.

"Actually," the man answered, "no.  But you were pretty good."  They looked at each other for a moment, then broke into laughter.  "Honestly, though," the cook said, sobering slightly and offering the younger man his hand, "it was a pleasure to work with you.  I hope things turn out well for you, Shinji."

The former Third Child smiled, taking the offered hand.  "Thank you, Mister Davies," he said softly, "I hope things turn out well for you, too."

"You can call me Alex now."

Shinji's smile grew slightly, and he nodded.  "Alright, Alex."  He reclaimed his hand, taking a deep breath.  "Well," he said awkwardly, "I guess we should get going.  Take care."

"You too, Shinji," Alexander replied, shifting his smile to Asuka and inclining his head slightly, "and you."

"Thank you," Asuka answered, returning his nod and turning for the door.

"Hey Shinji?"

As Asuka stepped out of the room, Shinji paused, turning back to face the cook.  "Yeah?"

"I'm glad you weren't that side."

Shinji considered this for a moment before nodding slowly and turning away once more.  "Yeah, me too."

Stepping out of the kitchen, the couple nearly ran into Mitzuki.  "I'm glad I caught you," she murmured awkwardly, "I… wanted to give you this."

Shinji blushed, avoiding her eyes.  "You don't have to give-"

He broke off as the young woman slowly reached up and pulled the bandana off her head, holding it out to him.  "Will you take this?" she asked quietly, "And think of me sometimes…?"

Shinji swallowed, looking around at the assorted people in the restaurant.  I wish, he thought, looking down at the floor between them, that I could ever be that strong.

Mitzuki smiled as Shinji reached out, his fingers grazing hers as he took the small cloth.  "Being with you was… nice," she whispered softly, flushing as she shifted her gaze to Asuka, easily picking out the white cross necklace Shinji always carried around with him.  "I hope you know how lucky you are."

Asuka nodded, looking away from the girl and absently caressing Misato's old pendant, the only remaining memento of her secretly-admired guardian.  "Come on, Shinji," she murmured, slipping her arm through his and starting for the door.  Taking a look back over her shoulder at the girl, she commented, "Her hair looks like Misato's."

"Misato's was darker," Shinji said softly, trying to push past the memory of the disappointed look on the girl's face, and the knowledge that he had caused it – on purpose or not.

"Not when she was younger," the redhead shrugged, "she showed me a picture of herself when she was about twenty – her hair was the same color as that girl's."

The former Third Child froze, turning slowly to look back at the waitress as she took someone's order.

"What's up?" Asuka asked, following his line of sight.

Mitzuki glanced up, smiling and waving briefly before going back to her duties.

"Nothing," Shinji whispered softly, suddenly recalling the feel of his guardian's lips on his, moments before her death.  "Let's go."

"Do you have a minute before you leave?"

The two Children turned to find Sachiko standing in front of them.  Asuka unconsciously tightened her grip on Shinji's arm, glaring at the girl with unabashed anger.  With Mitzuki, she had known who the enemy was… but she had never seen Sachiko coming – nor had she been aware until the argument in the restaurant that there might be more than one opponent.

In short, Mitzuki she disliked for beating her… Sachiko she disliked for being so quietly powerful.  She could sense the energy between the dark-haired girl and Shinji, and she did not like it.

The waitress shifted slightly under the redhead's gaze, but kept her eyes on Shinji.  "I just want to say goodbye," she said warily, "we can sit at one of the tables if that would make it easier."

Shinji nodded, carefully extracting his arm from Asuka's.  "Will you wait here?" he asked gently, kissing the girl on the cheek and waiting for her to slowly nod, never looking away from her perceived rival.

Sachiko led him to one of the tables, making sure to stay in full view of the other girl and sitting on the opposite side from the now ex-employee of the restaurant.  As soon as they were situated, she let out a long breath.  "Shinji," she began slowly, staring down at the table, "Domiyoji proposed to me."

"That's great!" the brown-haired boy said enthusiastically, "Now you-"

"I had to say no."

"What?  Why!?  I don't… I don't understand."

The dark-haired girl met his eyes.  "Us," she said plainly, "I couldn't marry him without knowing for sure that I would always be faithful, and as far as we went together – even though we didn't go all the way – I don't know that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Shinji… like I said in the alley; I don't know what exactly it is, whether it's you, or me, or just us – or whatever… I can't commit myself to him until I know for sure that I can be his alone."

"I'm still sorry," the boy replied quietly, glancing over at Asuka, who immediately looked away, pretending to take great interest in the décor, "even if it's not my fault, or yours, it's still not fair that you can't be with him."

Sachiko shrugged uncomfortably, dropping her eyes to the table and fiddling with the paper napkin in front of her.  "It… might still work out," she said softly, "but I need to know, you know what I mean?  I can't promise to love him and then meet someone like you again, or bump into you at the wrong place in the wrong time and…"  She sighed, "You know what I'm trying to say, right?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied gently, "I do, Sachiko.  I hope you guys can work it out."

"Me too."

"I'm going to get going before Asuka gets upset, ok?"

Sachiko nodded, rising to her feet with the boy and smiling gently.  "Think she'd mind if I gave you a hug?" she asked quietly.

Blushing, Shinji nodded.

The waitress sighed.  "Yeah," she continued, "kinda guessed that.  Well, I guess I'll just settle for this."  She extended her hand, taking Shinji's and shaking it slowly.  "Good luck," she whispered, "stop by and visit us sometimes, ok?"

"Yeah," the former Third Child said, averting his eyes, "I will."

They both knew that he wouldn't, but neither wanted to admit it, so they let it go.

Sachiko watched as Shinji walked over to Asuka and took her hand, leading her out of the restaurant without once looking back.  Hearing footsteps behind her, she bowed her head, whispering, "I never tried to take him from you, Mitzu, you know that, don't you…?"

"Yeah," came the quiet reply, "I know you didn't."  There was a soft sigh, "And I don't think either of us ever had a chance – not unless she was out of the way."

"Hmmm," the dark-haired girl hummed, smiling as she turned to face her friend, "you sound like you're going to put a hit out on her."

Mitzuki grinned, dropping the other girl a wink.  "Come now, I would never stoop to something that messy," her smiled slowly faded as she looked towards the door, "but I do envy her."

For the first time in their relationship, Sachiko found herself unable to let the lie go.  "No you don't," she murmured, following the other girl's gaze, "You never loved him, Mitzu, you loved having someone like him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What kind of food does he like?  What kind of music does he play in that SDAT?  What was the name of his guardian?"

Mitzuki blushed, staring down at the floor.

"It's ok," Sachiko said gently, finally laying her finger on what had been bothering her about her attraction to the boy, "we both wanted something from him – you wanted someone who would treat you kindly and tell you that you were a good person."  She sighed, "And I kinda wanted the same thing, I guess, but I wanted it without having to think about it – I just wanted to let my mind go and…" she trailed off as the other girl shook her head.  "What?"

"Maybe you're right about me," Mitzuki said quietly, "but I know what you wanted, and it's not that shit you're spouting."

"And what might that be, Miss Psychic?"

"You wanted an out." Mitzuki whispered, "You don't love Domiyoji… if you did, you never would have invited Shinji into your house."

"That's not true, I-"

"Look me in the eyes… and tell me you'll marry him."

There was a moment of silence, then Sachiko turned away.  "You don't know anything," she muttered.

Mitzuki smiled, but it was hollow and flat.  "I'm going to get back to work," she said calmly, turning to head towards the back of the restaurant, "see ya."

"Hey Mitzu."

"Yeah?"

"I like your hair that way."

It was an honest compliment, given sincerely, and accepted without question or doubt… but from that moment on, Mitzuki and Sachiko never quite considered themselves friends.

"Thanks."

Quietly, the two returned to work, each wondering if the other had been right, and each knowing that, for better or worse, Shinji Ikari had changed their lives.

As for the Golden Temple, it didn't seem to mind the passing of its latest dishwasher from within its confines.  Much like life, the restaurant simply was.  Not passing judgement… not taking sides… not caring if hearts were broken or love was lost.  It merely existed, waiting patiently for the next employee, or the next customer, or the next owner, never questioning its place.

And so, the rest of the evening passed slowly, quietly, and uneventfully… though secretly, Mitzuki and Sachiko felt that it passed with just a touch more sadness than the previous night…

The End

Author's notes:  on the epilogue, and Sachiko in particular.  Hey, what can I say… not everyone gets a happy-happy ending, you know?  I was going to have Sachiko announcing her engagement, but it felt false to me.  After what happened, it didn't seem realistic to have everyone cheery and upbeat.  Infidelity – even with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship – hurts, and it's not always easy (or possible) to regain a feeling of wellbeing and trust once it's lost, even if only one person knows something is amiss. 

I hope you liked this story… sure as hell took me long enough to write.  I start it as a short little time-waster to help my other stories along, and I had planned on only making it about 10 pages or so, focusing on Shinji's part-time job in post 3I Tokyo-2… but it sorta grew :P  It was started around April 07th, 2002, and completed on September 8th, 2003.  It's approximately 33,840 words long, comprising 84 pages, including all notes and disclaimers… case anyone cares.  ^_~

Pre-read on this entire series was by LeperMessiah and Ryoma – the MEN!  …or something.  Shanks, ferras!

Feedback is always welcome at [email protected]