As soon as the guys kissed, Rachel jumped up and down and finally spilled the secret that she'd been holding in. "I saw them! I saw them earlier!"
"What?" The gang turned to look at her.
Rachel glanced at Joey and Chandler. "It's okay for me to tell, right?"
They nodded and were glad to have the focus on someone else for a while.
So Rachel told the others. "Um, today, I went to their apartment to get the hypnosis tape from Chandler, and I walked in on them kissing like that. And, and Chandler was wearing Joey's shirt and nothing else!"
"What?!" Monica's eyes opened wide. "They were having sex?"
Rachel shook her head. "Well not right then. They were just kissing and, um, cuddling, I guess. But it really did look like it was after sex."
Chandler nodded, and Joey confirmed, "It was after."
"Joey!" Ross yelled accusingly. "How could you do that? Even if we didn't know what was wrong, he's been really messed up lately. You don't come on to somebody who's obviously messed up."
"Hey!" Chandler defended Joey, "I came onto him. He wanted just to kiss and take things slow, but I said we should have sex right away. I've just been waiting for so long, and I love him."
Ross was stunned into silence.
Joey kissed Chandler fondly and said, "I love you too."
Phoebe smiled and clapped her hands. "Yay, I was right! You two are lobsters."
"Huh?" Ross turned to look at her.
Phoebe said, "Well, I didn't tell anybody that I thought they were lobsters. I mean, after how you and Rachel turned out, I decided I had to be more careful about saying that kind of stuff. But now I know I'm right, and they're meant to be together." She went to hug them. "I'm so happy for you guys."
Joey and Chandler thanked her, while everybody else tried to figure out how to react.
Confused, Monica summed things up to get it straight in her head, "So, um, first Chandler thought he was a woman, but he was really just gay. And then he came onto you, Joey, and you guys had sex, because you're gay too. And now you both love each other, even though Chandler doesn't think he's a woman anymore?"
"Right," Joey said.
"Wow."
Rachel looked overwhelmed too. "Boy, that's a lot to happen all at once. But wait, are you still gonna see a shrink, then?"
"Yeah," Chandler answered. "I'd like to get all my memories sorted out correctly. I don't want any of this I'm-a-woman junk stuck in my head."
"Well we can help you with that," Phoebe said. "No need for a shrink."
"Sure, but the shrink can maybe do something that you guys can't do. Like hypnotize me and make me all better really fast."
Ross looked skeptical. "Even if hypnosis supposedly helped you quit smoking, Chandler, that doesn't mean that it'll do any good with your memories. In fact it could do some harm. I mean, I've read reports of fake memories being created by--" Then he realized something and glanced at Rachel. "Hypnosis."
Rachel was confused. "What?"
"Do you still have that stop-smoking tape you gave Chandler?"
Everyone stared at her, and Rachel hurriedly got the hypnosis tape out of her purse. (She had forgotten to return it to her friend at work.)
Ross took the tape and hurried to get a cassette player. "We should hear it just to check." He turned up the volume all the way, so that it could be heard by people wide awake.
They all listened intently to the tape, and Chandler became deeply shocked as he heard the refrain.
"Oh my God! A 'strong, confident woman'! That's why--!" Suddenly everything about the past two weeks made sense, and he turned to Rachel angrily. "You, you--your freaking hypnosis tape did it. Here I thought I was going crazy, and you--ugh!"
Ross shut off the cassette player and took out the tape.
Rachel felt awful. "I'm sorry, Chandler! My friend didn't tell me anything about that. How was I supposed to know that they made gender-specific hypnosis tapes?"
Chandler fumed. "You hypnotized me! For all I knew, I could have been quacking like a duck whenever a bell went off. Thanks a lot, Rachel!" He stormed out.
***
Joey followed Chandler back to their apartment and shut the door. "So I guess you won't be going to a shrink after all?"
"Nope! Apparently all I need are a few nights without listening to that damn tape." Chandler sat on their couch, brooding furiously and feeling deeply embarrassed. But then he suddenly burst out laughing.
"Chandler?" Joey sat beside him and looked concerned.
He spoke through his laughter, "At least I didn't start shaving my legs or wearing makeup and dresses. I was mostly myself."
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, a tomboy."
Chandler smiled, and caressed Joey's face. "I only wanted to be enough of a girl that you could want me. That you wouldn't laugh in my face if I asked you out."
"I would never laugh." Joey kissed him lovingly and they embraced.
Clinging to him, Chandler asked him coaxingly, "So you wanna sleep with me again?"
Joey shook his head. "We shouldn't rush into anything."
"Rush? I've been waiting so long to be with you that I let a hypnosis tape talk me into being a woman." Chandler met his eyes pleadingly. "Come on, make love to me. You know I really want you, and it has nothing to do with hypnosis."
Joey remained firm. "We should still wait until you've got all that hypnosis out of your system."
"Joey!" he sighed in frustration. Then Chandler clung to him and said, "Remember at your birthday party how I got drunk and kissed everybody? Monica, Rachel, Ross... I tried kissing Phoebe too, but she pushed me away in time. I thought for a while that I might kiss you too, and say it was just a birthday kiss, but then I chickened out because I really, really couldn't take it if you pushed me away."
"And that's why you ended up groping my sister instead?"
Chandler nodded with shame. He confessed further, "And I felt so guilty sometimes for paying all your bills and stuff, Joe. Like I was trying to buy your love."
Joey hugged him reassuringly. "No, Chandler, don't feel bad about that. Whenever I have a good job and make some money, I buy you presents too, you know? Like the bracelet and the chairs and the big TV."
"Yeah, I guess so."
They kissed each other passionately and murmured, "I love you" again.
Chandler added, "I want you," and growled with desire. He wouldn't let up on his efforts to coax Joey back into bed, even biting him when Joey tried to restrain Chandler. Then Chandler's hands roved all over Joey, and he pressed their bodies tightly together, until Joey couldn't fight his desire any longer.
"Oh, Chandler," he moaned.
Surrendering to temptation, they hastily returned to Chandler's bedroom and tumbled into bed. They kicked off their shoes and socks and kept kissing fiercely.
Joey met Chandler's eyes and whispered, "Can I touch you? You know, like I didn't get to before?"
Chandler nodded and watched as Joey unzipped his pants and reached in to fondle him through his boxers. "Oh," Chandler closed his eyes and moaned.
"I'm not hurting you?"
"No," Chandler shook his head and urged him to continue. "Please, I want it! More! More!" He bit his lip and made Joey grip him hard. Chandler could feel every throbbing detail now, instead of the vague sensations caused by his hypnosis, and he wanted to enjoy every single bit of it.
Joey eventually pulled off his pants and boxers, then tentatively stroked Chandler erect. He even bent down and tried a few sensual licks from the tip to the base, but he wasn't yet sure of himself, since he'd never given oral sex to a guy before. "Maybe some other time?" he said softly, and was glad that Chandler didn't mind his nervousness.
They kissed deeply again and hurried to finish undressing, so that they could tangle their naked bodies together. They got under the covers and frantically rolled around in the sheets for friction.
Chandler sighed and murmured, "Maybe this time I'll be on top."
Joey blinked and tried not to be nervous. It was a good thing that Chandler didn't want to be a submissive female anymore; it meant that the hypnosis was wearing off. "I love you," Joey whispered, toying around with Chandler's nipples.
Chandler looked at him questioningly, "You don't want to?"
Joey frowned and met his eyes. "It's just, I've never had sex like that before. I don't know what it will feel like if I'm being fucked. Chandler, when I did it to you, did it hurt?"
"A little bit, but it was good."
"How good?"
Chandler pulled him nearer, "How about I show you with just my fingers? If you don't like it, you can fuck me again. But if you do like it, maybe we could, you know," he gestured toward his sock, "use that. And if you like that, maybe you'd like the real thing."
Joey relaxed considerably and agreed to this plan. "Okay."
Chandler kissed him and reached for the sex toy from his sock, letting Joey look at it and see how unthreatening it was in size. Then Chandler found the lubricant again, and slicked up his fingers so that he could tease and gently probe at Joey's opening.
Joey sighed and responded well to the touch. "That's good. Hey, come over here. Let me do you too." So without pressure, they played with each other and explored exactly what each of them liked. Chandler got to put many things inside Joey that night, in many positions, and Joey learned how lucky he was that Chandler was a guy after all.
The End
"What?" The gang turned to look at her.
Rachel glanced at Joey and Chandler. "It's okay for me to tell, right?"
They nodded and were glad to have the focus on someone else for a while.
So Rachel told the others. "Um, today, I went to their apartment to get the hypnosis tape from Chandler, and I walked in on them kissing like that. And, and Chandler was wearing Joey's shirt and nothing else!"
"What?!" Monica's eyes opened wide. "They were having sex?"
Rachel shook her head. "Well not right then. They were just kissing and, um, cuddling, I guess. But it really did look like it was after sex."
Chandler nodded, and Joey confirmed, "It was after."
"Joey!" Ross yelled accusingly. "How could you do that? Even if we didn't know what was wrong, he's been really messed up lately. You don't come on to somebody who's obviously messed up."
"Hey!" Chandler defended Joey, "I came onto him. He wanted just to kiss and take things slow, but I said we should have sex right away. I've just been waiting for so long, and I love him."
Ross was stunned into silence.
Joey kissed Chandler fondly and said, "I love you too."
Phoebe smiled and clapped her hands. "Yay, I was right! You two are lobsters."
"Huh?" Ross turned to look at her.
Phoebe said, "Well, I didn't tell anybody that I thought they were lobsters. I mean, after how you and Rachel turned out, I decided I had to be more careful about saying that kind of stuff. But now I know I'm right, and they're meant to be together." She went to hug them. "I'm so happy for you guys."
Joey and Chandler thanked her, while everybody else tried to figure out how to react.
Confused, Monica summed things up to get it straight in her head, "So, um, first Chandler thought he was a woman, but he was really just gay. And then he came onto you, Joey, and you guys had sex, because you're gay too. And now you both love each other, even though Chandler doesn't think he's a woman anymore?"
"Right," Joey said.
"Wow."
Rachel looked overwhelmed too. "Boy, that's a lot to happen all at once. But wait, are you still gonna see a shrink, then?"
"Yeah," Chandler answered. "I'd like to get all my memories sorted out correctly. I don't want any of this I'm-a-woman junk stuck in my head."
"Well we can help you with that," Phoebe said. "No need for a shrink."
"Sure, but the shrink can maybe do something that you guys can't do. Like hypnotize me and make me all better really fast."
Ross looked skeptical. "Even if hypnosis supposedly helped you quit smoking, Chandler, that doesn't mean that it'll do any good with your memories. In fact it could do some harm. I mean, I've read reports of fake memories being created by--" Then he realized something and glanced at Rachel. "Hypnosis."
Rachel was confused. "What?"
"Do you still have that stop-smoking tape you gave Chandler?"
Everyone stared at her, and Rachel hurriedly got the hypnosis tape out of her purse. (She had forgotten to return it to her friend at work.)
Ross took the tape and hurried to get a cassette player. "We should hear it just to check." He turned up the volume all the way, so that it could be heard by people wide awake.
They all listened intently to the tape, and Chandler became deeply shocked as he heard the refrain.
"Oh my God! A 'strong, confident woman'! That's why--!" Suddenly everything about the past two weeks made sense, and he turned to Rachel angrily. "You, you--your freaking hypnosis tape did it. Here I thought I was going crazy, and you--ugh!"
Ross shut off the cassette player and took out the tape.
Rachel felt awful. "I'm sorry, Chandler! My friend didn't tell me anything about that. How was I supposed to know that they made gender-specific hypnosis tapes?"
Chandler fumed. "You hypnotized me! For all I knew, I could have been quacking like a duck whenever a bell went off. Thanks a lot, Rachel!" He stormed out.
***
Joey followed Chandler back to their apartment and shut the door. "So I guess you won't be going to a shrink after all?"
"Nope! Apparently all I need are a few nights without listening to that damn tape." Chandler sat on their couch, brooding furiously and feeling deeply embarrassed. But then he suddenly burst out laughing.
"Chandler?" Joey sat beside him and looked concerned.
He spoke through his laughter, "At least I didn't start shaving my legs or wearing makeup and dresses. I was mostly myself."
Joey shrugged. "Yeah, a tomboy."
Chandler smiled, and caressed Joey's face. "I only wanted to be enough of a girl that you could want me. That you wouldn't laugh in my face if I asked you out."
"I would never laugh." Joey kissed him lovingly and they embraced.
Clinging to him, Chandler asked him coaxingly, "So you wanna sleep with me again?"
Joey shook his head. "We shouldn't rush into anything."
"Rush? I've been waiting so long to be with you that I let a hypnosis tape talk me into being a woman." Chandler met his eyes pleadingly. "Come on, make love to me. You know I really want you, and it has nothing to do with hypnosis."
Joey remained firm. "We should still wait until you've got all that hypnosis out of your system."
"Joey!" he sighed in frustration. Then Chandler clung to him and said, "Remember at your birthday party how I got drunk and kissed everybody? Monica, Rachel, Ross... I tried kissing Phoebe too, but she pushed me away in time. I thought for a while that I might kiss you too, and say it was just a birthday kiss, but then I chickened out because I really, really couldn't take it if you pushed me away."
"And that's why you ended up groping my sister instead?"
Chandler nodded with shame. He confessed further, "And I felt so guilty sometimes for paying all your bills and stuff, Joe. Like I was trying to buy your love."
Joey hugged him reassuringly. "No, Chandler, don't feel bad about that. Whenever I have a good job and make some money, I buy you presents too, you know? Like the bracelet and the chairs and the big TV."
"Yeah, I guess so."
They kissed each other passionately and murmured, "I love you" again.
Chandler added, "I want you," and growled with desire. He wouldn't let up on his efforts to coax Joey back into bed, even biting him when Joey tried to restrain Chandler. Then Chandler's hands roved all over Joey, and he pressed their bodies tightly together, until Joey couldn't fight his desire any longer.
"Oh, Chandler," he moaned.
Surrendering to temptation, they hastily returned to Chandler's bedroom and tumbled into bed. They kicked off their shoes and socks and kept kissing fiercely.
Joey met Chandler's eyes and whispered, "Can I touch you? You know, like I didn't get to before?"
Chandler nodded and watched as Joey unzipped his pants and reached in to fondle him through his boxers. "Oh," Chandler closed his eyes and moaned.
"I'm not hurting you?"
"No," Chandler shook his head and urged him to continue. "Please, I want it! More! More!" He bit his lip and made Joey grip him hard. Chandler could feel every throbbing detail now, instead of the vague sensations caused by his hypnosis, and he wanted to enjoy every single bit of it.
Joey eventually pulled off his pants and boxers, then tentatively stroked Chandler erect. He even bent down and tried a few sensual licks from the tip to the base, but he wasn't yet sure of himself, since he'd never given oral sex to a guy before. "Maybe some other time?" he said softly, and was glad that Chandler didn't mind his nervousness.
They kissed deeply again and hurried to finish undressing, so that they could tangle their naked bodies together. They got under the covers and frantically rolled around in the sheets for friction.
Chandler sighed and murmured, "Maybe this time I'll be on top."
Joey blinked and tried not to be nervous. It was a good thing that Chandler didn't want to be a submissive female anymore; it meant that the hypnosis was wearing off. "I love you," Joey whispered, toying around with Chandler's nipples.
Chandler looked at him questioningly, "You don't want to?"
Joey frowned and met his eyes. "It's just, I've never had sex like that before. I don't know what it will feel like if I'm being fucked. Chandler, when I did it to you, did it hurt?"
"A little bit, but it was good."
"How good?"
Chandler pulled him nearer, "How about I show you with just my fingers? If you don't like it, you can fuck me again. But if you do like it, maybe we could, you know," he gestured toward his sock, "use that. And if you like that, maybe you'd like the real thing."
Joey relaxed considerably and agreed to this plan. "Okay."
Chandler kissed him and reached for the sex toy from his sock, letting Joey look at it and see how unthreatening it was in size. Then Chandler found the lubricant again, and slicked up his fingers so that he could tease and gently probe at Joey's opening.
Joey sighed and responded well to the touch. "That's good. Hey, come over here. Let me do you too." So without pressure, they played with each other and explored exactly what each of them liked. Chandler got to put many things inside Joey that night, in many positions, and Joey learned how lucky he was that Chandler was a guy after all.
The End