Cat Struck by Anvil

Pet makes miraculous full recovery from gruesome injury

Sylvester the cat was literally flattened when an anvil fell on him from a third-story window, sources say.

"He was just walking along, you know, doing his cat thing, when this anvil falls out of nowhere and squishes him flat," recalls fifteen-year-old loafer I. P. Freleng. "It was actually kind of funny."

Concerned citizens rushed in to help the unfortunate feline. These included thirty-seven-year-old insurance salesman Rick Cogel. "Five of us all pulled the anvil off of him-- it must have weighed four hundred pounds," Cogel estimates. "There wasn't much left of him, just this black-and-white furry pancake thing with two feet and a nose and a little tail. I was sure he was dead, until he walked away."

Sources confirm that the cat, although severely mangled, was able to walk to a nearby service station, where he restored his own natural shape with the aid of an air hose. "You'd be surprized at how often that happens," remarks twenty-year-old convenience store clerk N. Anaut. "Just last week, a dog came in under the door, sucked on the air hose for two seconds, and puffed right back up again."

The cat's owner, who would only identify herself as "Granny" and refused to state her age, speaks lightly of the incident. "I hit him over the head with a broom all the time, whenever he goes after my poor dear little Tweety. It hasn't hurt him yet."

As to the source of the anvil, eyewitnesses have varying opinions. Some claim to have seen a yellow canary with severe encephalitis hovering over the scene of the accident, and draw the conclusion that the canary was responsible for the incident. Staff scientists cast severe doubts on this conclusion. "It's a simple matter of weight ratios," explains Dr. H. Grail. "A five-ounce canary simply cannot lift a four-hundred pound anvil." Despite this qualm, the cat seems convinced: minutes after the incident, he was seen running down the street with a comically oversized club in his hand, in pursuit of the canary.