Disclaimer: This fic includes the following in *large* quantities. If you don't like it, don't flame us for writing it. Yaoi/Slash--male/male content (and a *lot* of it!), S/M references (but they like it!), and mental torture. Deal, hot stuff.
Dragon and En-chan (Dragon Death Productions) presents:
~The Fool and the Hanged Man~
So she's dead. Big fucking deal. Oh, sure, I miss her, but what can I do? I mean, it's happened, there's nothing I can do about it now. I could have done something then. Oh, I could have. I was too busy fucking my best friends senseless. Now that was enjoyable. Of course, Ijuuin can't forgive me for letting Utako die, too. But we're both in mourning, so I suppose that's all right.
~~~
Takamura-sempai... Takamura-sempai, why? I'm so lost now, now without her, without my mothers. I don't understand how you can be so cruel. I don't see. Tell me, Takamura-sempai! You don't miss her at all. She died by your hands. Don't you care even a little?
~~~
If I thought that Ijuuin would understand, I would answer him. He'd never understand my reason for not helping them, my reason for leaving them to die as I kissed his thighs and stroked Kaichou's soft blonde hair. Instead, I must turn my gaze to the ground, place my hand on one of his trembling shoulders, and squeeze.
"Of course, I miss her, Ijuuin. But there's nothing that can be done about it, now."
He looks like he's going to cry. He already is crying. I'm the strong one, of course, so I must squeeze again. And I do.
"We have to comfort one another."
And he knows that all I want is to kiss him.
~~~
Yes, Takamura-sempai, I know all we have are each other. The only ones who can comfort me are you and Imonoyama-sempai. But Imonoyama-sempai is so busy with work he doesn't even have time for grief, and you... you scare me now, Takamura-sempai. All you want is the touch of my body, my lips on your erection, my hands gliding over your sweat-shined chest, and my cries as you bury yourself in me in wanton abandon.
"I'm sorry I'm such a baby. I just miss her so badly, Takamura-sempai," I sniffle, tears already soaking my face and seeping into the soft material of Takamura-sempai's suit. And it's true. I miss her so badly and her absence rips at the very fabric of my being, but none of it hurts so badly as the realization that you don't care. You could have killed her with your own two hands and you wouldn't care.
~~~
You're a baby, but that's why I want you so badly. Nagisa - you don't know about Nagisa. About her kisses and her hands. Her nails digging into my shoulders and drawing blood, her teeth grazing my skin again and again until it isn't grazing anymore. Until I'm crying for the pain and she's laughing. And I know what Utako did with you. I know exactly where she'd bite and scratch and beat. The pain you adored so much - but never by my hand. Always hers. I don't mind so much. "You have every right to cry." And don't you forget it.
You can always cry on my shoulder. Because I know how to make *everything* better.
~~~
What is that smile for? Why do you smile so-- secretive, wicked, sexual-- when all I want is to grieve? How much do you know, Takamura-sempai, about my Utako? Her fingers tearing down my back, her slender hands warming my ass with harsh, unforgiving blows and beating away the stains on my soul. And Nagisa? What of her? Your late night trysts when Imonoyama-sempai was asleep and I pretended to be, as well. Was she like me? Like Imonoyama-sempai? Someone you love with tender caresses and harsh thrusts? She must have been, for your lack of grieving hides nothing but contempt.
"I know, Takamura-sempai, but thank you anyway." But I have to be polite, because you're the only one I have now and you terrify me.
~~~
Thank me? Thank me! Of course. But Akira, you've made me laugh. What am I supposed to do now? I'm going to pull you close and nuzzle your hair. So I think you'll just have to deal with it. I'll make it an especially sad smile, though, 'just in case'. Ijuuin, you're going to be the death of me.
Hn. And that's more than likely. My dear '20 Masks'. So now, as I stroke that spot just above the small of your back that makes you shiver so deliciously, I think of Nagisa.
And how I hated her.
It really is a terrible thing, Akira. To love someone so much that you can't stand the sight of them.
~~~
No, don't touch me there. Don't make me shake with waves of desire *now*, when I want so much to be thinking of her, her sweet kisses. Oh! No... No... Please... Oooh... Why are you determined to make me melt? Why can't you let me grieve for her? I *did* love her, you know. I loved her so much it hurt. I loved her so much I could have hated her if I didn't want her, need her so much.
Don't laugh, oh, don't laugh, Takamura-sempai. You don't understand. If I don't thank you for holding me, I'll scream. Because everything tells me to run, to leave you here and grieve with Imonoyama-sempai because he's safe, oh so safe, and you'll take me, take everything I have to give and ravish me, so you can take more, and then you'll do the same to Imonoyama-sempai. Don't laugh.
~~~
See? To love someone so much you hate them - that is how you love me, isn't it? Or perhaps you hate me enough to love me, and you admire me enough to stay by my side. You want me enough to let me do what I do to you - you're no weakling. No innocent. I know better than that. And damn the buttons on school uniform jackets.
And damn the taste of your tears on your cheeks.
Damn me for not being able to resist them.
Just... damn me.
~~~
Not here! "Not here! Takamura-sempai, please!" Not out in the open, where we should be grieving like good little boys. Not in front of Utako, in front of her grave. It... It feels so good. Touch me. Touch me, Takamura-sempai, there... Oh, kami-sama, you know how to turn me on, make me have to beg for more.
But we're standing here, near their graves and you're ripping my clothes off, and someone will hear, someone will definitely hear, and what will happen then? It's not right, it's not proper and someone will see. Please, Takamura-sempai. I know that spark in your eyes. You won't let me go now, not until I've satisfied you with my tongue, my mouth, my ass... my body.
"Please, Takamura-sempai," I have to beg, at least for form's sake.
~~~
In front of their graves... after all Nagisa did to me, I think she deserves a show. And you know that Utako would enjoy watching you writhe beneath me. Your skin is so soft, Ijuuin, softer than *hers* was and softer than any boy's ought to be. It's sweet and salty and I'd almost forgotten how hot you can get over the littlest things.
Nipping at your ear and purring softly and wondering why you have to protest.
"Trust me," because you have to.
Because you know you can.
Because I'm *always* right.
~~~
And I stop protesting after the token whimper. I have to stop, you know I do. You're the only one left. To Imonoyama-sempai I'm untouchable after her, and no one else cares about the little boy, the little thief who's oh-so-feminine, a perfect wife. And because you make me quake with desire, let it take over mind, take over even the fear that so paralyzes me when I'm near you now.
"Yes," I whisper, leaning into that warm, breathy touch. I can't do anything else anymore.
~~~
I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be her. To be Nagisa. To have someone who detested my touch.
Kaichou loves me, trusts me, understands me far too well for any of that. He would know exactly what to say. If he could talk to me in private. If he could drag me out of *your* bed, Ijuuin Akira.
I'm beginning to think that I should let him. To enjoy your fear and loving you for it all at once - along with that bond I've held with *him* for so long....
It would be perfect.
But eventually I would have to choose. Like I had to choose between Nagisa and you, Ijuuin.
But you'd never understand a decision like that.
Your love for Utako was far too blind for that.
First loves always are.
I'll kiss your neck before I say goodnight - you're correct, Akira-chan. To make love on their graves would be sinfully delicious. We'll have to save it for Nagisa's birthday. Next month. I'm sure you can wait that long.
~~~
Oh. I sigh with relief as he kisses me and moves off. I can't help but slump as he smiles and says "goodnight," with that wicked smile, as though he knows something I couldn't hope to fathom. But I *do* know what it is. I know what Takamura-sempai is thinking about. My mouth. Kaichou's ass. And the knowledge that without Utako I can't stop him. I have no excuses and when he wants to take that tribute I always offer up, the devil that is--was Takamura Suoh-sempai, will have free reign. And I don't know whether to shiver in ambrosial desire or fear. Either way, it's a heady brew.
Dragon and En-chan (Dragon Death Productions) presents:
~The Fool and the Hanged Man~
So she's dead. Big fucking deal. Oh, sure, I miss her, but what can I do? I mean, it's happened, there's nothing I can do about it now. I could have done something then. Oh, I could have. I was too busy fucking my best friends senseless. Now that was enjoyable. Of course, Ijuuin can't forgive me for letting Utako die, too. But we're both in mourning, so I suppose that's all right.
~~~
Takamura-sempai... Takamura-sempai, why? I'm so lost now, now without her, without my mothers. I don't understand how you can be so cruel. I don't see. Tell me, Takamura-sempai! You don't miss her at all. She died by your hands. Don't you care even a little?
~~~
If I thought that Ijuuin would understand, I would answer him. He'd never understand my reason for not helping them, my reason for leaving them to die as I kissed his thighs and stroked Kaichou's soft blonde hair. Instead, I must turn my gaze to the ground, place my hand on one of his trembling shoulders, and squeeze.
"Of course, I miss her, Ijuuin. But there's nothing that can be done about it, now."
He looks like he's going to cry. He already is crying. I'm the strong one, of course, so I must squeeze again. And I do.
"We have to comfort one another."
And he knows that all I want is to kiss him.
~~~
Yes, Takamura-sempai, I know all we have are each other. The only ones who can comfort me are you and Imonoyama-sempai. But Imonoyama-sempai is so busy with work he doesn't even have time for grief, and you... you scare me now, Takamura-sempai. All you want is the touch of my body, my lips on your erection, my hands gliding over your sweat-shined chest, and my cries as you bury yourself in me in wanton abandon.
"I'm sorry I'm such a baby. I just miss her so badly, Takamura-sempai," I sniffle, tears already soaking my face and seeping into the soft material of Takamura-sempai's suit. And it's true. I miss her so badly and her absence rips at the very fabric of my being, but none of it hurts so badly as the realization that you don't care. You could have killed her with your own two hands and you wouldn't care.
~~~
You're a baby, but that's why I want you so badly. Nagisa - you don't know about Nagisa. About her kisses and her hands. Her nails digging into my shoulders and drawing blood, her teeth grazing my skin again and again until it isn't grazing anymore. Until I'm crying for the pain and she's laughing. And I know what Utako did with you. I know exactly where she'd bite and scratch and beat. The pain you adored so much - but never by my hand. Always hers. I don't mind so much. "You have every right to cry." And don't you forget it.
You can always cry on my shoulder. Because I know how to make *everything* better.
~~~
What is that smile for? Why do you smile so-- secretive, wicked, sexual-- when all I want is to grieve? How much do you know, Takamura-sempai, about my Utako? Her fingers tearing down my back, her slender hands warming my ass with harsh, unforgiving blows and beating away the stains on my soul. And Nagisa? What of her? Your late night trysts when Imonoyama-sempai was asleep and I pretended to be, as well. Was she like me? Like Imonoyama-sempai? Someone you love with tender caresses and harsh thrusts? She must have been, for your lack of grieving hides nothing but contempt.
"I know, Takamura-sempai, but thank you anyway." But I have to be polite, because you're the only one I have now and you terrify me.
~~~
Thank me? Thank me! Of course. But Akira, you've made me laugh. What am I supposed to do now? I'm going to pull you close and nuzzle your hair. So I think you'll just have to deal with it. I'll make it an especially sad smile, though, 'just in case'. Ijuuin, you're going to be the death of me.
Hn. And that's more than likely. My dear '20 Masks'. So now, as I stroke that spot just above the small of your back that makes you shiver so deliciously, I think of Nagisa.
And how I hated her.
It really is a terrible thing, Akira. To love someone so much that you can't stand the sight of them.
~~~
No, don't touch me there. Don't make me shake with waves of desire *now*, when I want so much to be thinking of her, her sweet kisses. Oh! No... No... Please... Oooh... Why are you determined to make me melt? Why can't you let me grieve for her? I *did* love her, you know. I loved her so much it hurt. I loved her so much I could have hated her if I didn't want her, need her so much.
Don't laugh, oh, don't laugh, Takamura-sempai. You don't understand. If I don't thank you for holding me, I'll scream. Because everything tells me to run, to leave you here and grieve with Imonoyama-sempai because he's safe, oh so safe, and you'll take me, take everything I have to give and ravish me, so you can take more, and then you'll do the same to Imonoyama-sempai. Don't laugh.
~~~
See? To love someone so much you hate them - that is how you love me, isn't it? Or perhaps you hate me enough to love me, and you admire me enough to stay by my side. You want me enough to let me do what I do to you - you're no weakling. No innocent. I know better than that. And damn the buttons on school uniform jackets.
And damn the taste of your tears on your cheeks.
Damn me for not being able to resist them.
Just... damn me.
~~~
Not here! "Not here! Takamura-sempai, please!" Not out in the open, where we should be grieving like good little boys. Not in front of Utako, in front of her grave. It... It feels so good. Touch me. Touch me, Takamura-sempai, there... Oh, kami-sama, you know how to turn me on, make me have to beg for more.
But we're standing here, near their graves and you're ripping my clothes off, and someone will hear, someone will definitely hear, and what will happen then? It's not right, it's not proper and someone will see. Please, Takamura-sempai. I know that spark in your eyes. You won't let me go now, not until I've satisfied you with my tongue, my mouth, my ass... my body.
"Please, Takamura-sempai," I have to beg, at least for form's sake.
~~~
In front of their graves... after all Nagisa did to me, I think she deserves a show. And you know that Utako would enjoy watching you writhe beneath me. Your skin is so soft, Ijuuin, softer than *hers* was and softer than any boy's ought to be. It's sweet and salty and I'd almost forgotten how hot you can get over the littlest things.
Nipping at your ear and purring softly and wondering why you have to protest.
"Trust me," because you have to.
Because you know you can.
Because I'm *always* right.
~~~
And I stop protesting after the token whimper. I have to stop, you know I do. You're the only one left. To Imonoyama-sempai I'm untouchable after her, and no one else cares about the little boy, the little thief who's oh-so-feminine, a perfect wife. And because you make me quake with desire, let it take over mind, take over even the fear that so paralyzes me when I'm near you now.
"Yes," I whisper, leaning into that warm, breathy touch. I can't do anything else anymore.
~~~
I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be her. To be Nagisa. To have someone who detested my touch.
Kaichou loves me, trusts me, understands me far too well for any of that. He would know exactly what to say. If he could talk to me in private. If he could drag me out of *your* bed, Ijuuin Akira.
I'm beginning to think that I should let him. To enjoy your fear and loving you for it all at once - along with that bond I've held with *him* for so long....
It would be perfect.
But eventually I would have to choose. Like I had to choose between Nagisa and you, Ijuuin.
But you'd never understand a decision like that.
Your love for Utako was far too blind for that.
First loves always are.
I'll kiss your neck before I say goodnight - you're correct, Akira-chan. To make love on their graves would be sinfully delicious. We'll have to save it for Nagisa's birthday. Next month. I'm sure you can wait that long.
~~~
Oh. I sigh with relief as he kisses me and moves off. I can't help but slump as he smiles and says "goodnight," with that wicked smile, as though he knows something I couldn't hope to fathom. But I *do* know what it is. I know what Takamura-sempai is thinking about. My mouth. Kaichou's ass. And the knowledge that without Utako I can't stop him. I have no excuses and when he wants to take that tribute I always offer up, the devil that is--was Takamura Suoh-sempai, will have free reign. And I don't know whether to shiver in ambrosial desire or fear. Either way, it's a heady brew.