Invisible Inside
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did I would be rich and Sasuke would
be less main character-ish. ^_^
Notes: Ah this is just a one shot, there will be no more, none. I don't
wanna do more. This is a small look at Naruto's head in the middle of the
night. Please be kind and R&R!
Naruto finally returned home from his mission around midnight, still on his adrenaline high. C-rank missions always left him unsatisfied, wanting more of the rush, more of the attention. It hurt when they drew to a close, knowing he would have to face his quiet apartment with only the walls to talk to and bed to comfort him. But at least the walls listened and the bed kept him warm, which was something he couldn't say about many things in his life. Iruka only listened when it was convenient, and the same went for Kakashi, Hokage-sama, Sakura, and Sasuke. Naruto put down his empty ramen cup and headed for bed. Adrenaline always put odd thoughts in his head, especially when he was tired.
He put his nightcap on and lay down. Naruto turned to his left and gazed out of his window at the stars. He was still hyped up from his mission, yet too tired to work it off. The mind of a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy is spontaneous and agile, moving from yesterday's love to tomorrow's dinner in the blink of an eye. But this night was different, this night he thought of things he didn't usually let himself think about.
Naruto traced Orion on the window glass. The world seemed to move without him, as if he was standing still while everyone else was sprinting. He worked so hard, harder than any of the others- he was sure of that, yet he was so behind. He wanted more than to just argue with Sasuke all day, or to grab Sakura's attention for only a minute. He wanted to be seen, but it seemed as if he had lost himself in this quest. He buried his feelings deeper, so no one could see that what they said or see how their actions mattered to him. Every time he tried to show the village that there was more to him than the demon inside, they would just disregard him-- just a glitch in their perfect world. They clipped his already bloody and torn wings so that he suffocated under their scrutiny.
Wasn't he meant for more than this suppressed life that had been forced on him? Was he losing himself in their labyrinth of unspoken words and cruel stares? Was this what they wanted or what he wanted? There must be more to him than being the village's loudest ninja.
He thought of his future when he would be Hokage; yet everyone would still stare, everyone would still fear him. Would being Hokage really change anything? He wanted to start over, try life again. With a fresh start he'd have a fair chance against the rest of his classmates, a life with friends and family that cared, a village that saw him for who he was and not the killer of their husbands, friends, and fathers.
He knew the world could give him much more than it currently had. He knew that he was just as important as Sasuke or Neji. By some unexplainable tool, he could feel the greatness inside him that no one saw. He would just have to open everyone's senses, make them see, make them feel. He just needed a second chance, a way to prove himself. Inside, he knew he was alive. He was meant for so much more.
Naruto's mind slowed down, drifting between shades and shadows. Sluggishly he fell into dreams about a family he never knew, and friends he would never have.
Naruto finally returned home from his mission around midnight, still on his adrenaline high. C-rank missions always left him unsatisfied, wanting more of the rush, more of the attention. It hurt when they drew to a close, knowing he would have to face his quiet apartment with only the walls to talk to and bed to comfort him. But at least the walls listened and the bed kept him warm, which was something he couldn't say about many things in his life. Iruka only listened when it was convenient, and the same went for Kakashi, Hokage-sama, Sakura, and Sasuke. Naruto put down his empty ramen cup and headed for bed. Adrenaline always put odd thoughts in his head, especially when he was tired.
He put his nightcap on and lay down. Naruto turned to his left and gazed out of his window at the stars. He was still hyped up from his mission, yet too tired to work it off. The mind of a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy is spontaneous and agile, moving from yesterday's love to tomorrow's dinner in the blink of an eye. But this night was different, this night he thought of things he didn't usually let himself think about.
Naruto traced Orion on the window glass. The world seemed to move without him, as if he was standing still while everyone else was sprinting. He worked so hard, harder than any of the others- he was sure of that, yet he was so behind. He wanted more than to just argue with Sasuke all day, or to grab Sakura's attention for only a minute. He wanted to be seen, but it seemed as if he had lost himself in this quest. He buried his feelings deeper, so no one could see that what they said or see how their actions mattered to him. Every time he tried to show the village that there was more to him than the demon inside, they would just disregard him-- just a glitch in their perfect world. They clipped his already bloody and torn wings so that he suffocated under their scrutiny.
Wasn't he meant for more than this suppressed life that had been forced on him? Was he losing himself in their labyrinth of unspoken words and cruel stares? Was this what they wanted or what he wanted? There must be more to him than being the village's loudest ninja.
He thought of his future when he would be Hokage; yet everyone would still stare, everyone would still fear him. Would being Hokage really change anything? He wanted to start over, try life again. With a fresh start he'd have a fair chance against the rest of his classmates, a life with friends and family that cared, a village that saw him for who he was and not the killer of their husbands, friends, and fathers.
He knew the world could give him much more than it currently had. He knew that he was just as important as Sasuke or Neji. By some unexplainable tool, he could feel the greatness inside him that no one saw. He would just have to open everyone's senses, make them see, make them feel. He just needed a second chance, a way to prove himself. Inside, he knew he was alive. He was meant for so much more.
Naruto's mind slowed down, drifting between shades and shadows. Sluggishly he fell into dreams about a family he never knew, and friends he would never have.