Disclaimer: Tolkien's and co. I only own the original characters.
Chapter 31: Hope
Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's carnal ecstasy.
-W. H. Auden
Due to her long friendship with her twins and her relationship with Glorfindel, first as an infatuated child then to a close friend, Morwen was not a rare sight in certain areas of the barracks. The Officer's Room though, was reserved for warriors old and new. Few dared to trespass into that room and Morwen had not seen it since she was young and Erestor had carted her in there as he complained about the burden of helping to raise three young elflings.
Considering this, many of the warriors were stunned to see a clearly enraged Morwen walking through their quarters. Those not completely dressed reached for covers, some embarrassed at having such a stoic and important member of the realm see them in a state of undress.
Morwen's gaze did not waver from her target; the door of the Officer's Room.
Thandrog came running after her, giving the pretense of trying to stop her, but honestly, his amount of snickering gave away his true motives.
Glorfindel and Erestor sat beside each other as the twins poured over a map, attempting to find the best places to set up an attack.
"What are we to do with them?" Erestor asked.
"What can we? They have ever right to desire the eradication of orcs from Arda." Glorfindel said.
"Yes, but at what cost?" Erestor asked.
Glorfindel paused with his answer as the door slammed open. Morwen standing there, clearly out for blood, and a snickering Thandrog behind her. Her eyes swept the room, barely glancing at Erestor and Glorfindel, the settled on and narrowed at the sight of the twins.
Elrohir, as if sensing what was to come backed away from his brother.
Morwen walked straight towards Elladan and slapped him across the face. As his head reeled back silence descended upon the room, Glorfindel and Erestor unable to stop their jaws from dropping slightly in shock. Elrohir simply stood there wide-eyed and Thandrog was literally biting his tongue to keep his laughter inside.
Elladan clutched his face, eyes bright with tears and shock.
"Snap out of it, Elladan." Morwen seethed, "I know your mother has been hurt, violated, but she is not dead. She is not going to the Halls of Waiting, she is attempting to heal, and you have not yet lost your mother to either the Halls or Aman. Rian, of all people, can understand your pain. She may never see her parents again, or her brother. She lost them long ago. Your mother was attacked by orcs, your mother was found in time and lived, and your mother will heal, as will you. As will Rian, who, by the way, is lucky to be alive since she was near on gutted!" Morwen yelled.
Soldiers peaked inside the room from the open doorway and Thandrog, regaining some of his senses, closed the door.
Morwen reached up, pulling Elladan into a fierce hug.
"I know it hurts, I know." She soothed, "But you cannot let it destroy you, Elladan. I know you will never forget what you saw, but do not let it destroy what you may still have, may still see."
Elladan silently broke down, finally able to let go of the tears he had not yet shed in all these weeks.
"I am sorry, so sorry." He whispered.
"I am not the one you should be seeking forgiveness from." Morwen whispered back. "Elladan, you did not even visit her when she was recovering. What would you have done if she had faded while you let your anger and stubbornness consume you? Your hatred and your own guilt for not being there take over?"
Elladan shook his head, a hand over his mouth as he started to become unsteady on his feet.
Elrohir moved beside his brother, embracing him from the other side, enveloping him in the comfort of love and friendship and helping to lower him to the ground.
"As for you," Morwen said looking at Elrohir, "You will talk to your father. Do not think I have not heard the snide remarks you've made about the lack of his healing powers. Your father is the best we have on Arda, if he cannot cure your mother it will not be from lack of skill or lack of trying. Am I understood?"
"Yes, Morwen." Elrohir mocked.
"Elrohir, she did just smack Elladan across the face. I do not think it would be best to taunt her right now." Thandrog offered from the doorway.
Elrohir let a small laugh at even as a few tears fell, "Yes, well, perhaps I still need some time."
"Take it, of course. But learn during it, you idiot." Morwen said with a smile.
Glorfindel and Erestor stood on the outside, watching them.
"With each new evil and misdeed, they show they are able to survive this." Erestor said to Glorfindel.
"Yes, this group, while still young and to a point naïve, they have already learned strength is more when shared with those you love and trust completely. Joy is more as well, grief, thankfully, is often lessened." Glorfindel said.
"How long has Morwen been wanting to say that to them?" Erestor asked, obviously amused by the little speech.
"I had to hold her back after Rian's first night here and Elladan had not visited her. Trust me, Elladan had that coming. That was actually quite tame compared to the rants I have been forced to listen to, at length, each day." Glorfindel smirked.
"Glorfindel we both know…." Erestor started.
Glorfindel nodded, "Celebrian will not heal in Arda. Yes. As for now, let us just pretend things are better."
Erestor nodded his eyes drifting back to the dark haired trio in the middle of the room.
They were not happy, they were not healed, but they were acknowledging their shortcomings, fear, pain, and that was one of the first steps.
Imladris, Late Autumn TA 2509
Morwen silently walked into Celebrian's rooms. She has been summoned early in the day and told to visit once Arwen had gone off to the market. Apparently Celebrian wished to speak with Morwen while no others were present.
"You wished to see me?" She asked.
"Yes, please, sit." Celebrian nodded, weakness still in her form but a silent strength underlying it all.
Morwen did as she bid giving Celebrian a glance, "Your color is a little better today."
Celebrian smiled, "I have found a reason for….hope. I believe it is making me…a little better."
Morwen nodded.
Celebrian continued, "Morwen, I ask this of you because I know you will carry out my wishes. My exact wishes. With the coming of the new year, I will leave for the Havens. To sail. I fear I would only be able to heal in the Blessed Realms."
Morwen nodded again, "You have been less yourself since the shadow first fell."
"Yes and I…..I am most certain I will not be able to handle any more. And I…I cannot take that pass to my parent's realm ever again. It would be best for me, for all, if I…sailed. I have a chance to recover, you understand that, yes?"
Morwen nodded a third time, "Either sail and heal so you can greet us at the docks when we sail or stay here and fade…"
"And who knows when I will be in a corporeal form again. Even I have sins I must pay for." Celebrian said.
Morwen remained silent.
Celebrian sighed, "Elrond sees the sense in this, he has known it was coming since he first saw to my wounds. Elrond is the best healer Arda has done..…he cannot fix this. Still what I ask of you, I only ask because it will be too hard for him or Erestor or Glorfindel to handle."
"My Lady, what is it you wish for me to do?"
Celebrian smiled at her, "To write down everything, everything most important that happens while I am gone and with each year, if you are able, send me the annual log. I know you go to the Havens often and when you cannot visit you correspond with them. It would not be suspicious to send a book to Galdor. And I…just because I am not here does not mean I wish to forget everyone. Will you do this for me, Morwen?"
"Celebrian, of course I will. It is the least I can do." Morwen said.
Celebrian smiled, "I would ask another thing of you."
"Yes?"
"Try not to marry Glorfindel until I can witness such a thing. It will be most satisfactory for me to see him finally wed you." Celebrian said, amused even with her weak voice.
Morwen laughed, "As for that, well, Glorfindel already said Ecthelion must also be present. It will hardly be a hardship for me."
Celebrian nodded, "Is Elladan….better?" she asked.
Morwen shrugged, "He is too ashamed of himself to say anything to Rian and she, she is not so well. If not for her own wound and knowing the fear she has of traveling through the mountains, I think she would go to Mirkwood."
"Should I ask her to come to Aman with me?" Celebrian asked.
Morwen was speechless, "I….I never thought of such a thing. I cannot give you an answer but, suffice to say, I do not think it would be best for her and it might………..destroy Elladan if such a thing happened. He would…"
"Blame himself. Yes, well, to be honest it is nothing less than he deserves. Throwing away love like that." Celebrian said, disgust in her tone.
"Celebrian…he….he is trying to make amends, some how." Morwen tried to defend Elladan.
"Morwen, if Rian ever forgives him for the least offensive thing he said to her, she is a more merciful elf than I. Then again, I have found my capacity for mercy quite small these months past."
"You may be excused." Morwen said.
"Why thank you." Celebrian murmured.
Celebrian took Morwen's hand in her own, Morwen had to bite back a gasp at just how cold Celebrian was, and yet, Celebrian saw the reaction.
"You see, it is already starting. I must leave. I know what they will say, that I am abandoning my children, my duty…."
Morwen protested, "You are taking a chance to live as opposed to dying a slow death. If any criticize you for that, they have no soul nor do they know true pain."
Celebrian smiled sadly, "I know this is so much to put on you but please, Morwen, look after them when the others cannot. Elrond and Erestor will bury themselves in work to fight off their own despair, Glorfindel will be out leading patrols and training and holding it all inside. My parents," Celebrian laughed, "Well, unless they decide to move here I think they are of little help. Please, just, take care of them."
"It would be my honor." Morwen stated as she tried to hold back her own tears.
Celebrian reached a cold hand up to grasp Morwen's cheek, "And Morwen, take care of yourself. Do not let who you are become lost in all that will happen. Do not become fearful or idle or so compliant to the other's wishes and demands just because you assume they know best. There comes a time when the old guard must retire and the new must arise. If we had only listened to Balanauth…..well, no sense in worrying about that, we did not, not entirely. If you find something, some policy they are debating on, some plan of action and you disagree, let them know. Due to this their impartiality has been decimated."
"And mine has not?" Morwen asked.
"Morwen, you have not yet seen what they have seen and if the Valar are merciful you never will. Their past guides them in this and I fear, yes, I do fear where that past could lead them."
Morwen took in Celebrian's words and went to make a response when Arwen returned and walked out to the balcony, standing behind her mother, "You should come inside, the coolness of the day might get to you."
Celebrian shared a look with Morwen, one full of annoyance and Morwen did her best not to smile.
"Celebrian, I am glad we had this lovely chat. I will come visit you again tomorrow." Morwen stood up and gave her a tight embrace. "I will do all you have asked." She whispered into Celebrian's ear.
Celebrian responded with a heartfelt, "Thank you."
Morwen left the room, glancing back once to see Arwen fussing over her mother.
Imladris, Winter, TA 2509
Glorfindel stood in his chambers trying his utmost best to stretch all of the tension out of his muscles.
He feared it would be a long time before he was not tense and worried and worn out.
Celebrian's announcement today had just made him all the more so.
He did not think, as he had stood witness to Elrond's wedding all those centuries ago, that it would end like this.
Glorfindel looked at the night sky through his balcony and wondered just what the Valar were thinking. If each action had purpose, what was the purpose of this? What where they trying to show? Trying to put into action?
Glorfindel knew Celebrian's attack and her sailing were the catalyst for some action. He just did not know what for and how long it would be before said action occurred.
His musings were cut short at the knock on his door. Glorfindel glanced to the night sky to gauge the time and raised an eyebrow in inquiry as a knock once again sounded.
He made his way over to the bedroom entrance, pulling the door open cautiously and looked out, not seeing anyone.
"Look down, you fool." Eluialeth said.
She really had turned out to be one of the most petite elves Glorfindel had ever met. Erestor always said what Eluialeth lacked in height, she more than made up for in sheer stubbornness.
"Forgive me Eluialeth, it is just quite late and while I was not anticipating any guests, I certainly would never have anticipated you."
"Lovely." She said.
"Is there something you need?" He asked.
"Morwen has been sitting out in the gardens since we all heard the announcement. She keeps saying she will come in soon but she has not. I figured you did not want her out there all night."
"No, that would definitely be a worrisome thing. Thank you, Eluialeth, I will get dressed and go down to her."
Eluialeth gave an approving nod and then went down the hallway to her own chambers.
Glorfindel pulled on the nearest tunic and a pair of house slippers. He closed the door to his chambers and made his way quickly down to the gardens.
Glorfindel spotted her near one of the fountains as she stared up into the sky.
It was not as if he had never seen one of the many brunette elves in both his lives bathed in moonlight and contemplating. They all looked so beautiful in such a setting. Morwen did not look so much beautiful as ethereal, as if she was just a natural part of the nighttime tableau.
"Have you found an answer to your questions?" Glorfindel asked.
"No, have you found one to yours?" She asked.
Glorfindel gave her an inquiring look.
Morwen gestured to some of the balconies, "I saw you."
"You little spy." Glorfindel smirked.
"I did not mean too, and let us be fair, I was staring at the sky in contemplation long before you on this night." Morwen said.
Glorfindel laughed softly, "Indeed." He sat down beside her, pulling her over to him. "So, she has announced she will leave."
"Yes. She told me, long ago. I have been holding the knowledge in for so long."
"We all knew it was coming. We just did not want to believe." Glorfindel said.
"She knew. She knew for such a long time. I just cannot fathom how some are so upset with her. She is choosing to live, to survive, how can that be condemned?" Morwen asked.
Glorfindel shrugged, "They do not understand. And you are certainly not going to find such answers in the night sky."
Morwen copied his gesture, "I could have a sudden burst of inspiration."
"It is not your inspiration we must concern ourselves with, it is the lack of understanding in the others." Glorfindel said.
Morwen nodded as she rested herself against Glorfindel, her body starting to give into the fatigue she had been fighting off for weeks.
"Why are you not resting?" Glorfindel asked as he felt her shoulders sag.
"I could not sleep. I have not been able to sleep for some time."
"Why did you not…." Glorfindel started.
"Elladan and Elrohir are hardly fit company at the moment. I did not see the need to burden them with my own despair." Morwen finished.
"Indeed. I was going to ask why you did not come to see me." Glorfindel said.
Morwen sighed, "I do not know. Perhaps…I felt that if I came to you for comfort this time, I would be cutting all ties with things that had comforted me in the past. Elladan and I used to rely on each other so much to get through our fears and our hard times and now, well, we often go elsewhere."
Glorfindel caressed her cheek, "It is a sad part of growing and of change. But Morwen, you are supposed to seek comfort in me, at least for some things. Elladan will always be there for others, as will Elrohir and Rian." Glorfindel laughed, "And Tirnion by letters."
Morwen also laughed at the thought of her dear Tirnion, "He has sent a letter expressing his sympathies. Thranduil is planning on sending Laeriel and Tholinnas to the Blessed Realms."
"Is he?"
"Yes. He figures he will send them before they can be taken from him. He has wanted to send Tholinnas since he was attacked but he held off. Now…" Morwen trailed off.
"Do you think the attack was deliberate?" Glorfindel asked.
"I think they knew the Lady of the realm and the…at the time….possible intended for the eldest son were in that party. I think they knew if it was attacked that it would cause despair and for us to be consumed by anger and vengeance." Morwen said.
"If they wished to do all of that, they certainly succeeded." Glorfindel said.
"Indeed. So, now you know why I am not able to rest." Morwen said.
Glorfindel stood up, pulling Morwen with him, "You should not let such things worry you."
"Did you just hear yourself?" Morwen's tone expressed her incredulity.
Glorfindel smirked, "Point. I simply mean, if that was their intention it was their intention and you wasting all of your time worrying about whether that was their intention is a waste."
"A waste like the last statement you just made. I believe the word 'intention' is protesting." Morwen murmured.
Glorfindel laughed, "Come now, let us go to bed. I promise you will rest."
"And how do you know that?" Morwen asked.
"I have a very comforting presence." Glorfindel said.
Morwen snorted.
Glorfindel smiled, "I could sing you to sleep. A lullaby. One I used to sing to you when you were little."
"You sang to me when I was a child?" Morwen asked, clearly not believing his claim.
"Oh yes, it was one of the few things that would comfort you. Let the winds of dawn that blow/ Softly round your dreaming head/ Such a day of welcome show."
Morwen laughed, "Well, that is a pleasant lullaby."
Glorfindel laughed as he guided Morwen up the stairs, "I promise you, there is more."
Imladris TA 2510
She had forbid any from accompanying her on the journey save those who were already planning to sail West.
The realm was filled with sadness, the very air seemed to be filled with the knowledge all were in mourning, yet, all was not lost. For within the blackness of current despair, there remained the knowledge of hope. Hope. Something so few appreciate until it is all they have left. Hope remained in the knowledge that if they could survive this, they could survive near on anything to come their way. Hope that in the future, all would be reunited with the Lady of their realm.
Yes, even in mourning, hope was to be found all around Imladris, in the green shoots peaking out from the snow covered ground to the new born colts, to all signs of returning life.
Even Rian was finally allowing herself to speak to Elladan, though that would still be a long and uphill battle.
Glorfindel broke from his musings at the light knock on his door.
Yes, hope still he remained.
Glorfindel made his way to the door.
The End
A/N 1: The poem at top and the line of the "lullaby" Glorfindel sang is from W. H. Auden's lovely poem, Lay Your Sleeping Head, My Love
A/N 2: Now, that is the end of this story, not the whole series.
The next story will be "Mourning Song" (up and complete) followed by "Frost on Glass" (up and complete) these will both be much, much shorter stories in a very long arc called…Legend, Lore, and Lullabies. Two other stories "Arcana" (up and in progress) and "Once I Was" (up on lj and never ending, since it is a group of small ficlety things) are also part of this series.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and let me know they liked the story because honestly, there were times when I just wanted to level the whole thing. Thanks go to Jouri for pointing out my big and little typos, Renna for always being there to bring a smile to my face, Valinor's Twilight for always having something thoughtful to say, RosethornAngel for liking Tirnion, Last Temptation of Homer for appealing to my Catholic Guilt complex and finally getting me to finish this story. (which honestly, if it wasn't for her pokes and the combined pokes of some others, it would still be stranded out there in unfinished WIP land).
And finally: To everyone who read it, enjoyed it, laughed or cried. Thank you for taking the time out and reading my writing. Typos and all.
All the story "extras" i.e. my soundtrack for this monster, inspiration, background sources etc can be found on the lj. And no, this site is still NOT sending me my pm's. :glares: