Hey everyone!

This is my first fanific ever, so please be gentle. Also keep in mind that English isn't my native language. ^.^;;;

Warnings: Set after OOTP, so spoilers for the end of it will appear! And also warning for SLASH/YAOI. Don't like, don't read!!!

Disclaimers: None of the charas belong to me (obviously cause else Sirius would definitely be alive and well! T_T)

About the story: Basically it's a 'Harry goes back to the past' story. I know it's not very original, but I really like the marauders except Peter, so he might come short in the story - therefore James might become nicer than he really is.

I'm still very upset with the ending with the book, so I guess this is my way of finding a better ending. The first chapter seems a bit slow to me and the first person who read it, said it was depressing (even so I think I did a bad job at getting my emotions into words ~.~) so basically whoever just wants to read about when Harry arrives in the past can skip the first chapter.

Please Read and Review!

Summer holidays in Privet Drive had been calm and without any news about Voldemort so far. To Harry's own surprise the Dursleys really had treated him a lot better ever since he got back from train with them. He didn't have to do anything he didn't want to do and was allowed to watch TV or go out for as long as he wished to. His aunt even asked him if he wanted a piece of cake, when they were drinking tea on Sunday.

One year ago he would have been really glad for this treatment. Sure, he knew that all of it was fake, still it was a rather nice change. Yet this year he couldn't care less about the way they treated him. He also didn't feel like going on. Last year he had tried to watch the news during summer, this year he wasn't interested anymore. Truth to be told, he wasn't interested in anything anymore. His schoolbooks simply lay around, untouched and already dusty and everything else in the room looked the same as it had ever since he first entered the room, everything except his Firebolt - the only thing that he liked to look at. It was the only thing that he had left from his godfather.

As it was, Harry was lying on his bed now, with the Firebolt besides him and looking at it and thinking about how he first met Sirius. Ever since he came back to Privet Drive all he did was think about Sirius. Not that he hadn't thought about Sirius before, but before there were always people around him and he had been distracted. Now that there was nothing else to do the pain he had felt ever since was much more intense.

"Harry" he heard his aunt call him. "We're eating dinner! Please come and eat something as well!" He sighed. He wasn't hungry at all. He hadn't been hungry since the day he returned and hardly ate anything. All the other years they didn't care if he ate something or not at all, this year however they wanted him to eat, and this year he wasn't hungry and sort of starved himself. Harry always was a skinny boy, but now he was even skinnier than before. He also hadn't grown much since last summer, so again he could pass for a fourteen year old, except for almost sixteen. Sighing he sat up and went downstairs.

"There's no need to worry about my well being." He said to his aunt. "I'm telling my friends that I'm alright whenever I write them, and I do write them in time, so no need to worry about them coming here at the moment, unless they want to pick me up." Petunia looked at him and chewed on her tongue like she always did when she wanted to yell at him. "And why aren't you eating? As soon as these… these people will see you, they'll think we didn't give you anything to eat! You want us to get into trouble, don't you?" she finally shrieked. "I'm just not hungry, I'm not trying to get you into trouble and if I wanted you to get into trouble all I had to do was not write or tell them lies now." He answered with a strangely calm voice.

Sighing he sat down and ate a bit before returning to his room. As soon as he entered his room he heard Hedwig hoot. She had brought him another letter. Harry took it and read it. It was from Ron. They'd come and get him next week. Somehow he was looking forward to the reaction from the Dursleys, when he'd tell them that they'd come again to get him.

He laid down again and fell into a fitful sleep, having a dream about that fateful night from one month ago.

The reactions of the Dursleys next morning were just like he imagined them. Aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon were both shocked and wanted aunt Petunia chewed on her tongue again and Dudley squealed and put his hands over his backside, even though there was no wizard around yet, except for Harry.

The rest of the week the Dursleys were more nervous then he had ever seen them. Harry supposed this was partially because of the warning they had gotten from the Order as well as the fault of Mr Weasley who had blown up half of their living room last time he picked Harry up. Harry, as usual, spent most of the time in his room.

Six days later he had packed everything and waited for them to pick him up. Much to his surprise he heard the doorbell ring around six o'clock. "Is it them?" aunt Petunia asked. "I don't know how they'll pick me up this time." Aunt Petunia again chewed on her tongues but got up and opened the door, then gasped loudly. 'Guess it's them.' Harry thought and got to the door as well.

What greeted him was the sight of Mr Weasley and Mrs Weasley in their best Muggle clothes, Tonks again with bright pink hair. Behind them were Professor Lupin and Professor Moody, both dressed in robes. As soon as they noticed Harry's very skinny form an outraged gasp could be heard from Mrs Weasley. Sighing he stopped her from getting into a fight with the Dursleys and said that they indeed did treat him fine. "I'll get my trunk then we can go!" He said and went upstairs with Professor Lupin who had decided to help him.

As they arrived Harry felt an intense gaze on him. He squirmed and turned around to face his former professor again. "This time I already packed everything." Harry said, wanting to break the silence and stop Professor Lupin from staring at him like that. "Uhm… my things are here" he tried again after another minute of silence. Sighing Professor Lupin hugged him and sat down on the bed with him. "I'm sorry." He whispered, not letting go of him. At hearing those words from the best friend of his godfather Harry felt the walls around him crumble and started crying into his shoulder.

Lupin held him close, knowing that Harry kept too much inside and probably had nobody whom he felt like talking too. After Harry had calmed down enough he hexed the trunk and went down with the boy who lived to finally leave the Dursleys.

This time Mr Weasley had organized cars again, so he got to the way to the headquarters was much more comfortable, than the last time. Harry dreaded to go back there. He didn't want to live in the house where Sirius had lived for so long and where one year ago he had spent one month with him. Again tears got into his eyes as he remembered that time. Professor Lupin put an arm around his shoulders, sensing the boy's troubles and hoping to help him a bit. After a while Harry fell asleep. When he woke up next time he was already lying in the room that he had been staying in last time. Sirius' house.

"Harry, you finally woke up!" Hermione whispered and hugged him. "Hey" he whispered back, glad for the interruption of his thoughts.  "Professor Lupin refused to wake you up when you arrived and brought you up here." She told him. "So far not much has happened. Fred and George are now official members of the Order and tell us a lot of things when Mrs Weasley isn't listening." This moment Ron came into the room and Harry found himself hugged once again. "Hey! Good to see you awake, mom was so worried!" he said. Both he and Hermione glanced at his other, a silent agreement not to mention Harry's loss of weight.

"Now that you're awake lets get down and eat something!" he said and pulled Harry up.

A week later he was more or less used to being in Sirius' house again. That of course didn't mean that he liked it. Everything reminded him of his godfather and he had a hard time keeping himself from being too depressed. Ron and Hermione talked a lot with him and all of them had come to a silent agreement not to mention Sirius or his family. Harry was very grateful for them. They were here when he needed someone to talk, but also knew when to leave him alone. The same applied to Professor Lupin and the rest of the Weasleys. Fred and George told them about their newest inventions and gave Harry a lot of things for free. Professor Lupin had decided to stay here till they got back to Hogwarts and

Still Harry spent most of the time alone feeling the wall that had built between him and his friends since the end of the school year more and more. If only Sirius was here, Harry was sure that he would have been able to talk with him about everything like he used to. 'I'd do everything if he just would come back. I'll never ask for anything again, never get into trouble again, if only he'd come back!' Such thoughts occupied him almost nonstop. If he just would get another chance to see him and talk with him. Even if just for an hour or two, he'd do everything for it. He hadn't even told Sirius what he meant to him, a fact that he'd never forgive himself.

The weeks until the school year started passed slowly and Harry retreated more and more, to the point where he didn't come out of his room and refused to let anyone else in. Only Professor Lupin could drag him out then. He assumed that this was because he was the last living friends of his parents and Sirius and that he liked his company because of that. Harry really seemed to like having Remus here and he was the one whom he talked to most of the time. Sometimes they also simply sat in silence without doing anything.

Finally it was the last evening before the new school year started. Remus made Harry promise to eat as much as possible and to tell him whenever there was a problem. The evening itself was nice and the twins were joking around, which ended in Molly screaming at them. Her anger however soon was forgotten when Harry had started to laugh for the first time since they got them from the Dursleys. The sound of his laughter made all of them feel a lot better and Harry seemed happier for the rest of the evening.

Next morning they brought them to the train station and said goodbye. Somehow Remus was glad that they were going back to Hogwarts. Harry would probably have it more difficult to get away from people there and Ron and Hermione had also promised him to help him as much as possible.

The ride to Hogwarts was more or less like any other ride they had had. At first Ron and Hermione were in the prefects' compartment, but later they joined him Ginny, Luna and Neville like they had done the year before.

Malfoy came in once with Crabbe and Goyle and to everyone's surprise Harry hexed them before they could even say a word. Of course Malfoy had wanted to fight back, but at that time Ron and Hermione had their wands out as well. "You'll soon be following your beloved dog!" Malfoy spat at him and before Harry could say anything back Hermione – for the second time in her life – slapped him in his face as hard as she could.

"Too bad you did it before I could." Harry commented rather calmly after Malfoy angrily took off. "Sorry, I couldn't help it." After that encounter the slight tension that had been there ever since they came back from the first prefect meeting vanished and they played exploding Snap and talked till they arrived at Hogwarts.

Harry would have liked to pass the sorting ceremony since he didn't feel hungry and he also didn't want to meet everyone (especially since they all still believed that his godfather was guilty and also alive). Cursing himself for giving his promise to the last marauder he still went there. Luckily the feast was rather nice. The hat sang another song where he reminded them to stick together before sorting the first year students and Dumbledore introduced their new DADA teacher, Professor Chase. The teacher smiled at them and from his first impression the teacher seemed to be okay.

When they finally went to bed Harry wondered whether or not he was glad to be back again.

Ron woke him up on the next morning and they went down to breakfast together. Hermione was already there and they were surprised to see her talking with Professor McGonagall already. Both of them rolled their eyes, wondering what it was this time to make Hermione go to their teacher already. However when they wanted to head over to the Gryffindor table she called them over as well and handed them their time tables and told them what NEWT's classes they could take and that they were also allowed to not take some if they wouldn't need it anymore. Harry was shocked to see that he still would have potions. Professor McGonagall noticed his surprise and smiled slightly. "Yes Mr Potter, you'll still have potions. You didn't get an O, but at least you got an E so I and Professor Dumbledore had a little talk with Snape. Your other classes should be clear." "Thanks Professor." He said and smiled, wondering just how angry Snape would be at him in his first lesson. To his surprise Ron also still had the same classes that he had. He supposed that this also was Dumbledore's doing, so that the three could take all classes together (Hermione of course had had no problems in potions).

They had potions on Tuesday morning and just like Harry had thought Snape was very angry with having to teach him again. He made even more snide remarks than he used to and was more than glad to use every chance to take points from Gryffindor because of Harry. It was one of Harry's worst potion lessons ever.

Afterwards they had History of Magic. Harry wasn't sure why he took NEWTs classes in this subject, since he wasn't interested at all. It had been amusing to see that he still got an A in his OWLs even so he was sure that he had done a very bad job. He and Ron had done rather well in all of their OWLs, so of course no one was as good as Hermione who managed all her OWLs with Outstanding.

His first DADA lesson was on Friday and it seemed like their new Professor was up to Lupin's level. They started out with counter jinxes. Harry, Ron and Hermione already knew some of them already, but the teacher also showed them new ones and Harry was intrigued in trying them out.

The week passed rather fast. They had a lot of work to do from the first day on and all the teachers seemed to think along the same lines, that the students would have to work hard for the NEWTs and that they still had a lot to learn a lot of things. Of course Hermione agreed completely with them and practically forced them to do their homework right away. For once Harry didn't really complain so. He didn't mind what he was doing, as long as it stopped him from thinking about Sirius.

The first weekend came and thanks to Hermione they had time to spend it without having to do any homework. On Sunday they went to the Quidditch pitch for the first time and Harry and Ron flew for a bit, while Hermione watched them with Crookshank.

When they came back in the evening Ron caught Ginny in the boy's dormitory making out with Dean Thomas. Of course he was rather enraged and started yelling while Harry and Hermione were laughing. "You two should be helping me instead of laughing!" "Ron you really should see yourself. Ginny is in her fifth year now and she can take care of herself! You should grow used to the fact, that she is no longer your little baby sister." Hermione told him still laughing hard. "Besides, be glad that it's a friend of yours instead of someone you don't like." "Does this mean I'll have to see my sister regularly making out now? Ron asked grumpily. Ginny giggled "Perhaps." She kissed Dean once more and left before her brother could start yelling again. Ron glared at Dean and warned him to not hurt his little sister. "At least she can't sleep here without me knowing." He said, still rather grumpily.

Next morning Harry got a letter from Professor Lupin.

Dear Harry,

How are you doing so far? Is it okay for you to be back in school? I know that you're not made of glass. Still I'm worried about you. I just wanted to tell you, that you can come to me with your problems, whenever you wish to. I'll be glad to listen to whatever you might want to say. I'm not trying to replace Sirius in your live, but I want you to know that I'll be here for you.

Please say if you need anything!

Remus Lupin

By the time Harry finished the short letter he had tears in his eyes and went back to the dormitory. He missed Remus now that he was back in Hogwarts. Remus was the only living friend of his parents and Sirius and he missed talking with him.

The first lesson they would have had today was Transfiguration and he decided to miss class today. Hermione and Ron knew better than to get him, when he was in such a mood and told Professor McGonagall that he wasn't feeling well. McGonagall gave a sad smile and asked them to tell her, if something happened.

"I wonder what Harry's reaction would be, if he knew that everyone watches out for him like that. This has to be the first time McGonagall ever said something like this. Better not let him know that or he might start yelling again." "It's hard to not be worried about him, unless you are Snape of course." Ron said. "You think we should look for him?" "If you mean me, I'm here already." Harry said from behind them. "I just had to send a letter to Professor Lupin." Hermione chose to not make a comment at this, even so her look said that he'd have better gone to Transfiguration instead of writing a letter.

Harry looked out the next morning for Hedwig, but she didn't come back and he thought that she might still be on her way. Sighing he made his way to the dungeons with Ron and Hermione. He absolutely didn't feel up for potions today, but he couldn't simply miss classes, and Snape would for sure give him more detentions than ever, if he missed and wasn't really ill.

Again the lesson was really bad. Since it was a NEWT class Snape made them do their potion alone this time and seemed to wait for the moment Harry would do something wrong and always made side remarks on how he was the worst student of all of them. Malfoy of course used this chance to make fun of him and to tell him that if he wasn't such a coward his dog wouldn't be dead now. That did it for Harry and he jinxed Malfoy. Malfoy hexed back and soon jinxes were going back and forth, both not caring about Snape who was screaming at them or the students that had backed away and also told them to stop. Suddenly two of their hexes collided and caused Harry's potion to fall down and mix with several ingredients. The potion exploded and a lot of the substance fell on Harry and he couldn't breathe or move anymore. The colors of his body started to change and a bright, cold light enveloped him. He started to panic and tried to get his body to move away from it. The more he tried this, the more his body hurt, almost like when he had been hit with the Cruciatus.

'Is that it?' Harry thought and then smiled. It would be so much easier to simply let go. Life was painful anyway, and perhaps now he could meet Sirius and his parents again. 'Please, if there is a god, let me go and see them.' He could see Hogwarts from outside the castle, but also still saw his classroom and the shocked faces of his classmates and teachers. They seemed to be panicking now. Harry felt himself smile slightly. 'It's going to be okay now. Thanks Ron and Hermione and goodbye. Perhaps we'll meet again one day. Please take care of Professor Lupin! I'll go and meet mum, dad and Sirius now!' These were his last thoughts before he lost consciousness. The light intensified and the ground under his feet vanished. He was outside, flying above the forbidden forest when the light lessened and finally vanished completely. An unconscious body fell towards the earth.

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So… hope to get some opinions on the first chapter! If you see any mistakes, please tell me via e-mail. My e-mail address is: [email protected]