I thought it was time for a Tsukasa/Subaru story. Imagine my surprise as I sat down to write a fluffy story but what ended up flowing was a angsty piece instead.

I really feel that Subaru would maybe resent someone who was picked over her for her love's affections but she wouldn't hate 'em. Subaru doesn't have it in her to hate anyone. She's too understanding of pain and human nature.

This one shot is dedicated to Dark Mimiru who has reviewed all of my dot hack stories faithfully and given me some good criticism. Thank you so much!

Read, enjoy and review,

Samanda

Disclaimer: I do not own dot hack or any of its characters.

Discreet Secrets

Subaru's POV

I see both of them up ahead of me. They think their act is impenetrable to everyone else and it is true for people who don't know them well. But I have seen through it and I know that Bear knows the truth but won't say a word.

How could you choose her over me? Please, I want to know why.

She met you first I know. But her brash attitude and rude manners put you off at first. But you were drawn to her from the beginning. Like a moth to a flame.

You say that I helped you realize that you weren't really alone anymore. That there were other people, like Bear and I, to help you out in your time of need.

But where are you right now when I am in need of help?

But even though we were closer during the time right before Aura's awakening and still remain close, she has stolen a part of your trust I once held away from me.

In the past you told me I was your confidante and that we were soul bonded because we understood the other's pain. But now she is your only confidante and you consider me to be a soul sister. Nothing more.

I hurt. And you are the reason I hurt.

My heart aches with the loss of what I no longer have. It cries out silently in pain at the reduced role I now play in your life now that you have Her.

But I will not tell you anything about the way I feel. I will suffer in silence because in my heart I know that you deserve happiness. You have known little and that breaks my heart even more. So don't worry over what I feel if you ever notice. I will make up an excuse over a look or a misspoken word because I cannot find it in my heart to be selfish even though I want to.

I read somewhere once that you can know if your love is true by how unselfish your desire for the other person's happiness. If that is correct then my love must be strong and true because I am willing to undergo a sense of pain whenever I see you together just because I know that you are happy with her.

And in that way I am also happy because you have what you want.

Though you want to keep your relationship with her a discreet secret you still sometimes betray each other will a look or an 'accidental' touch that shows the most observant how you truly feel. So I know and Bear knows. Crim knows and from his long friendship with me he also guesses how I feel about you. No one really knows what BT thinks about your relationship except possibly Crim who stays quiet on that point.

"Subaru?" Mimiru's voice calls me and I snap back to reality with a hard thump.

"Yes?" I say in an even tone.

"We're getting closer to Helba's Gate. Don't fall behind," Bear warned.

"Coming," I move closer to the group that contains my love and his lover.

"Let's go." Crim said coolly.

I prepare to Gate to the new location that Helba sent us as I pray that everything turns out well and everyone returns alive.

I love you, Tsukasa. Be happy with Mimiru.

~Fini~