Title: Fragile
Author: Proxii Bleu
Spoilers: Season One
Summary: After encountering an old enemy Mal is trapped with only River for help
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Well I originally planned to have a site specifically for FF fics, but the creeps who ran the server decided to cut me loose :( Anyway, enjoy the fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, just write about 'em
Fragile by Proxii Bleu
I
"Simon, she's doing it again." It was River Tam standing in the corner of Serenity's cockpit staring at the back of Wash's head as he skillfully piloted the salvave ship through a maze of asteroids that had once been a large planet. The debris was the result of the war between the Independents and The Alliance, but that was a subject that was best left alone as far as the ship's captain was concerned. In the meantime, one of the latest victims of the Alliance was busy driving the small pilot crazy, even though she was doing nothing bu standing in the corner of the room.
"Is she acting strange?" The question came from River's brother Simon who was trying his hand at fine-tuning the artificial gravity filters in the nearby hallway. Normally, his talents lay in medicine, but that wasn't the chosen profession of the current object of his affection. Although, after the whole incident with that former colleague of Zoe and Mal's Kaylee had been distant lately, impressing her with fixed filters was Simon's attempt at making peace.
"You mean besides staring at me?"
"Yes."
"No, in fact she's acting normal. It's not natural."
"Normal is natural, and it's a sign that River is doing better." Ever since their encounter with Jubal Early, River had been acting more like a seventeen-year-old girl, intead of an escaped inpatient from a government lab. Her sentences had been more coherent, her metaphors were actually starting to make sense, either that or the crew was finally starting to understand the strage code she talked in almost everyday.
"Well normal people don't stare."
"Your mind is like water." Wash turned to look at River who was now sitting on the floor with her eyes tracking his every move.
"Huh?"
"Your mind is like water, it's clear, smooth, cool, and beautiful. I like to swim in it because it tickles, and makes me laugh." Simon lifted his head enough to look at his sister, and Wash in the meantime inched down into his chair. The crew of the small ship had pretty much figured out what had made River so valuable to the Alliance in the first place, the only thing was that it was rather disturbing to have a live telepath aboard a ship. Less and only one that seemed to take regular trips into the minds of everyone present. Currently, Wash didn't like to share.
"Okay, well River sometimes people like to keep their watery minds to themselves, so why not go swim with Zoe?"
"Too clouded, wants to make waters of her own."
"Oookaaayy, Jayne?"
"Too much red."
"Kaylee?"
"Too much Simon." A clang and a half-muttered curse sounded from the hallway. River giggled.
"Simon?"
"Too much Kaylee."
"Book?"
"Secrets, and riddles, and traps that pinch my feet. I'd drown there."
"Inara?"
"Waters are painful, deep, sorrowed. Too turbulent to tread across." Okay that was interesting, even more than what River had said about Book. At any rate, that left only one person.
"Mal?" River shook her head hard, sending her long hair flying about her head in a dark cloud.
"Why, is his mind too turbulent?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"Waters that I cannot enter, or ever cross. His mind is closed to me, unless he wants me to enter." Wash frowned. As far as he knew telepahts could read just about anybody's mind, but for River to unable to see into Mal's that meant that most of the science fiction he had read on the subject wasn't very accurate.
"Why not stay in your mind? You know give everyone some space?"
"I was in my mind for four years Wash," she was lucid for the moment. "I have no intention of dwelling there again anytime soon."
"Well, at any rate not everyone likes having their minds read."
"No more than one likes having theirs cut up like steak." Wash's stomach did a somersault at the thought, and then concentrated on the controls.
"Here, instead of playing in my water, why not try to fly the ship?" River smiled broadly, and skipped over to the large panel where the ship's controls were located. Climbing out of his seat, Wash let River sit down, and showed her what to do.
***
Malcolm Reynolds enjoyed sleep. It was not often that he was able to entertain the luxury, but when he was able, he went for it. Already in the past two weeks he had three good runs, out of debt for once, and even had credits to work with. River was acting more or less normal, Simon wasn't making too much of a boob of himself, Kaylee had been able to fix the air filters on the ship, Book wasn't annoying him with his religion, Inara was content with a client she had picked up on Miriam, and Zoe...well that was why he was now awake. Layely, his first officer had been acting rather strange.
It had all started when they had visited an orphanage on Miriam when they went to drop off Inara. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just a bunch of poor kids in a building, but since they had come back Zoe had been moody, morose, and less than cordial towards her husband. Only last night she had tossed Wash out of their quarters after he had been yet again unable to figure out why she was so unhappy. Mal usually stayed out of Zoe's personal business, but if things didn't turn around soon he was going to step into the middle of their mess and Mal was pretty sure that they wouldn't like that.
Although, he would.
Smiling, Mal turned over onto his side to stretch out when his world went upside down, right-side up, upside down, and finally right-side up again. Cursing like a madman, Mal threw on his pants, grabbed a shirt, and raced up the stairs of his quarters. Barreling down the hall he jumped over Jayne who was lying stunned in the middle of the corridor, mowed down Book who was in the way, and stormed into Serenity's cockpit.
"What the hell is going on here?" At the controls sat River who was grinning wildly at Wash who was pale-faced and clinging to a support beam on the ceiling. "Why is River at the gorram helm?"
"Because I was giving her a piloting lesson?"
"You're letting a crazy girl fly a ship through an asteriod belt, no wait that would make you crazy! What is wrong with you?"
"I was just-"
"I DON'T CARE! ON THIS SHIP THERE IS ONLY ONE PILOT, AND THAT-" yelled Mal pointing at River. "IS NOT IT!"
"I'm not broken!" This time is was River's turn to yell, something that was loud, and surprising enough to catch Mal's attention, and stop Simon in his tracks. "I am not something that is stupid, and useless! I cannot help that I am not the way I was, I will never be the way I was! I just want to be seen like I see you! I want to be seen as real!" With that River ran from the cockpit screaming and crying. Her wails echoing through the ship even from her spot in the corner of her room. Closing his mouth, Mal turned to find Simon, Wash, Zoe, and a rumpled Kaylee glaring at him with sharp expressions on their faces.
"What?"
"Nothing," said Zoe. "I just realized what a jackass looks like."
II
River was beyond upset. No amount of cajoling, peacemaking, or apologizing was able to put her into a better mood. Simon had even tried bribing her with a piece of real chocolate from the box Inara had bought back from her meeting with her client, but not even the prospect of a sweet goody had been enough to coax her out of her room.
Instead she just sat there on her bed drawing strange pictures, and muttering to herself while the world went by outside her door. On the third day of her self-imposed solitude, Jayne wandered by in search of Simon to stitch closed a wound on his hand from where he had cut himself while cleaning a knife when he saw River out of the corner of his eye with a pair of scissors. The last time she had something sharp he earned a nice long scar across his chest. Not taking any precautions, the mercenary ran down the hall, into the medbay, where he almost knocked Simon down.
"What in the 'verse had gotten into you?"
"That ruttin sister of yours has a scissors!"
"What?" Jayne just stared at him.
"I said your sister, has a pair of scissors. You do know what they are don't ya?" Simon dropped the pan he had been holding, and headed straight for River's room. When he got there, the door had been locked. Fearing what she might do, Simon hurled himself against the flimsy screen, in an effort to break it down. Instead, he merely bounced off of it.
"RIVER!" No answer. Simon kicked, hit, and threw himself against the door. "RIVER OPEN THE DOOR! RIVER WHAT MAL SAID ISN'T WORTH KILLING YOURSELF OVER! HE'S A STUPID, SHORT-MINDED MAN WITH A QUESTIONABLE SET OF MORALS...DAMNIT RIVER OPEN THE DOOR!!!" Mal who had been standing in the hallway since the first shout of 'River' watched the doctor batter the door mercilessly.
"Captain?" Zoe had appeared out of her own quarters, and watched the scene until she felt that it was time to put the younger man out of his misery. Mal noticed the look that his officer was giving him, stepped between Simon and the door, and with very little effort easily slid it open. Inside sat River on her bed with a mirror, neatly clipping off the ends of her long hair with the scissors. A little pile of snarled curls lay next to her, what was left of her tresses had been cropped down until they were no longer than her brother's. Mal studied the scene calmly before turning to the medic.
"It appears that your sister's hair has lost the will to live." Zoe snickered as Simon raced into the room, and pulled the scissors out of River's grasp.
"Why are you doing this Mei-Mei?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Because of Mal?"
"No, because of her." River held up a picture form a magizine slip showing a girl with hair cut almost the smae as River's. Letting out a sigh of relief, Simon hugged his sister tight, while carefully tucking the scissors into the back of his pants.
"Oh, River. I thought you were hurting yourself." River pulled back from her brother, and calmly said:
"You are an idiot."
"Why I think that's the first sane thing your sister has said all day." quipped Mal from the doorway. Inara who had been peering around the corner chose this time to interject.
"You know, I can finish straightening up that style for you, so that you'll look just like the girl in the picture."
"Really?" A large smile broke River's face.
"Really." The companion led the girl back to her shuttle, while the rest of the crew meandered off. Simon stepped out into the hallway, only to be stopped by Mal.
"Now, what was all that about me being a stupid, amoral, short-minded man?"
***
"Oh Zoe?" Wash skipped around the corner with the latest pile of mail for the crew downloaded from the Cortex. In it were bills, wanted posters, and one was for Mal citing a prospective job out on Harvest. However, in the mix was a letter to Zoe that was marked 'confidential'. Usually, the couple shared everything, and so naturally Wash was curious about what it contained.
"What?" Zoe was sitting in the mess sipping a cup of coffee, staring at nothing. Wash put the flexi down on the table in fron of her, and waited for her to open it. Zoe took the letter in her hands, read the address, and got up from the table.
"Wait, we're not going to read it together?"
"No, it's private." Wash nearly tripped over hiself as he got up to trail behind his wife.
"Private? Sweetie, I thought we shared everything."
"Some things a woman wants to keep to herself."
"Such as?"
"None of your business." Wash bit down on the inside of his lower lip, and glared at Zoe as she busied about their quarters, picking up odds and ends, while keeping the letter safely next to her. Wash was a very paranoid little man, and right now he was pretty sure that his worst fear had come true - Zoe had found someone else.
"I want to see that letter."
"No."
"Zoe, you know I trust you, but there are times where I can be very immature and insecure. This is one of those times."
"That's your problem."
"Zoe-"
"Look, it's none of your business, so just let it go!"
"If there is something wrong with my wife, it IS my business."
"Fuck you."
"I would, but I cant until I see that letter."
"I said no." While arguing with her husband, Zoe had tossed the flexi onto the bed. Seeing his opportunity, Wash dived for it, and crowed as he zipped to the other side of the room with his prize in hand.
"Ah-ha!" Zoe glared at Wash with a look that could have killed, her legs taking long sharp steps across the floor until she was three feet away from Wash.
"I wouldn't push that button sweetie."
"Oh really," Wash hit the button. "What are you going to do?"
***
"You broke his arm!" Mal stood in the medbay watching as Simon patched up Wash's arm. In the corner stood Zoe with a bemused smile on her face, as Mal ranted at the top of his lungs.
"Have you lost your mind?"
"No sir, my mind is fine."
"Then why is our pilot in medbay?"
"Because she wouldn't let me read a letter that she got from some guy over on Miriam! Come one Zoe, all you have to do is just tell me the truth, was it my immaturity? The dinosaurs? I have to know why you're seeing another guy."
"I'm not seeing someone else."
"Then why break my arm over a crummy letter."
"It's personal."
"SHUT UP!" The room queted down as Mal let out a long sigh. "look we have to be on Harvest in three hours to do a run, and I plan on getting there with a pilot and a first officer capable of acting like adults. Zoe, where is the letter."
"In my quarters."
"I want to see it."
"No."
"No?"
"Yes sir, the answer is no."
"Zoe, I am your commanding officer."
"I know."
"This is mutiny."
"I know."
"So, why not get the letter and we can all be happy, and Wash here can be sure of the fact that you aren't cheating on him."
"Mmm, no."
"Zoe."
"I knew it," Simon sighed as Wash hopped off the bed. "This Ralph Odland guy, he's your lover isn't he? I'll kill him!"
"Wash you're not killing anyone."
"He touched my wife."
"Well naturally he would have," Everyone turned to look at Simon who was putting his supplies away. "The only Ralph Odland I know of on Miriam is an OB/GYN. You know, a 'lady doctor'?" Mal's eyebrows hit his hairline, Wash paled, and Zoe glared at the doctor.
"You mean all of this was over some thing with a doctor? Why not just tell Wash, and shut him up?"
"Because if he read the letter he would have know why I went, and then Inara, Kaylee, Simon, River, Jayne, Book, and you in that order."
"If you wanted a simple pelvic exam-" Zoe threw a wad of gauze at Simon.
"I didn't go for that, I want because I wanted to find out if I could have a baby, and it seems I already have one!"
Wash fainted.
Author: Proxii Bleu
Spoilers: Season One
Summary: After encountering an old enemy Mal is trapped with only River for help
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Well I originally planned to have a site specifically for FF fics, but the creeps who ran the server decided to cut me loose :( Anyway, enjoy the fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, just write about 'em
Fragile by Proxii Bleu
I
"Simon, she's doing it again." It was River Tam standing in the corner of Serenity's cockpit staring at the back of Wash's head as he skillfully piloted the salvave ship through a maze of asteroids that had once been a large planet. The debris was the result of the war between the Independents and The Alliance, but that was a subject that was best left alone as far as the ship's captain was concerned. In the meantime, one of the latest victims of the Alliance was busy driving the small pilot crazy, even though she was doing nothing bu standing in the corner of the room.
"Is she acting strange?" The question came from River's brother Simon who was trying his hand at fine-tuning the artificial gravity filters in the nearby hallway. Normally, his talents lay in medicine, but that wasn't the chosen profession of the current object of his affection. Although, after the whole incident with that former colleague of Zoe and Mal's Kaylee had been distant lately, impressing her with fixed filters was Simon's attempt at making peace.
"You mean besides staring at me?"
"Yes."
"No, in fact she's acting normal. It's not natural."
"Normal is natural, and it's a sign that River is doing better." Ever since their encounter with Jubal Early, River had been acting more like a seventeen-year-old girl, intead of an escaped inpatient from a government lab. Her sentences had been more coherent, her metaphors were actually starting to make sense, either that or the crew was finally starting to understand the strage code she talked in almost everyday.
"Well normal people don't stare."
"Your mind is like water." Wash turned to look at River who was now sitting on the floor with her eyes tracking his every move.
"Huh?"
"Your mind is like water, it's clear, smooth, cool, and beautiful. I like to swim in it because it tickles, and makes me laugh." Simon lifted his head enough to look at his sister, and Wash in the meantime inched down into his chair. The crew of the small ship had pretty much figured out what had made River so valuable to the Alliance in the first place, the only thing was that it was rather disturbing to have a live telepath aboard a ship. Less and only one that seemed to take regular trips into the minds of everyone present. Currently, Wash didn't like to share.
"Okay, well River sometimes people like to keep their watery minds to themselves, so why not go swim with Zoe?"
"Too clouded, wants to make waters of her own."
"Oookaaayy, Jayne?"
"Too much red."
"Kaylee?"
"Too much Simon." A clang and a half-muttered curse sounded from the hallway. River giggled.
"Simon?"
"Too much Kaylee."
"Book?"
"Secrets, and riddles, and traps that pinch my feet. I'd drown there."
"Inara?"
"Waters are painful, deep, sorrowed. Too turbulent to tread across." Okay that was interesting, even more than what River had said about Book. At any rate, that left only one person.
"Mal?" River shook her head hard, sending her long hair flying about her head in a dark cloud.
"Why, is his mind too turbulent?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"Waters that I cannot enter, or ever cross. His mind is closed to me, unless he wants me to enter." Wash frowned. As far as he knew telepahts could read just about anybody's mind, but for River to unable to see into Mal's that meant that most of the science fiction he had read on the subject wasn't very accurate.
"Why not stay in your mind? You know give everyone some space?"
"I was in my mind for four years Wash," she was lucid for the moment. "I have no intention of dwelling there again anytime soon."
"Well, at any rate not everyone likes having their minds read."
"No more than one likes having theirs cut up like steak." Wash's stomach did a somersault at the thought, and then concentrated on the controls.
"Here, instead of playing in my water, why not try to fly the ship?" River smiled broadly, and skipped over to the large panel where the ship's controls were located. Climbing out of his seat, Wash let River sit down, and showed her what to do.
***
Malcolm Reynolds enjoyed sleep. It was not often that he was able to entertain the luxury, but when he was able, he went for it. Already in the past two weeks he had three good runs, out of debt for once, and even had credits to work with. River was acting more or less normal, Simon wasn't making too much of a boob of himself, Kaylee had been able to fix the air filters on the ship, Book wasn't annoying him with his religion, Inara was content with a client she had picked up on Miriam, and Zoe...well that was why he was now awake. Layely, his first officer had been acting rather strange.
It had all started when they had visited an orphanage on Miriam when they went to drop off Inara. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just a bunch of poor kids in a building, but since they had come back Zoe had been moody, morose, and less than cordial towards her husband. Only last night she had tossed Wash out of their quarters after he had been yet again unable to figure out why she was so unhappy. Mal usually stayed out of Zoe's personal business, but if things didn't turn around soon he was going to step into the middle of their mess and Mal was pretty sure that they wouldn't like that.
Although, he would.
Smiling, Mal turned over onto his side to stretch out when his world went upside down, right-side up, upside down, and finally right-side up again. Cursing like a madman, Mal threw on his pants, grabbed a shirt, and raced up the stairs of his quarters. Barreling down the hall he jumped over Jayne who was lying stunned in the middle of the corridor, mowed down Book who was in the way, and stormed into Serenity's cockpit.
"What the hell is going on here?" At the controls sat River who was grinning wildly at Wash who was pale-faced and clinging to a support beam on the ceiling. "Why is River at the gorram helm?"
"Because I was giving her a piloting lesson?"
"You're letting a crazy girl fly a ship through an asteriod belt, no wait that would make you crazy! What is wrong with you?"
"I was just-"
"I DON'T CARE! ON THIS SHIP THERE IS ONLY ONE PILOT, AND THAT-" yelled Mal pointing at River. "IS NOT IT!"
"I'm not broken!" This time is was River's turn to yell, something that was loud, and surprising enough to catch Mal's attention, and stop Simon in his tracks. "I am not something that is stupid, and useless! I cannot help that I am not the way I was, I will never be the way I was! I just want to be seen like I see you! I want to be seen as real!" With that River ran from the cockpit screaming and crying. Her wails echoing through the ship even from her spot in the corner of her room. Closing his mouth, Mal turned to find Simon, Wash, Zoe, and a rumpled Kaylee glaring at him with sharp expressions on their faces.
"What?"
"Nothing," said Zoe. "I just realized what a jackass looks like."
II
River was beyond upset. No amount of cajoling, peacemaking, or apologizing was able to put her into a better mood. Simon had even tried bribing her with a piece of real chocolate from the box Inara had bought back from her meeting with her client, but not even the prospect of a sweet goody had been enough to coax her out of her room.
Instead she just sat there on her bed drawing strange pictures, and muttering to herself while the world went by outside her door. On the third day of her self-imposed solitude, Jayne wandered by in search of Simon to stitch closed a wound on his hand from where he had cut himself while cleaning a knife when he saw River out of the corner of his eye with a pair of scissors. The last time she had something sharp he earned a nice long scar across his chest. Not taking any precautions, the mercenary ran down the hall, into the medbay, where he almost knocked Simon down.
"What in the 'verse had gotten into you?"
"That ruttin sister of yours has a scissors!"
"What?" Jayne just stared at him.
"I said your sister, has a pair of scissors. You do know what they are don't ya?" Simon dropped the pan he had been holding, and headed straight for River's room. When he got there, the door had been locked. Fearing what she might do, Simon hurled himself against the flimsy screen, in an effort to break it down. Instead, he merely bounced off of it.
"RIVER!" No answer. Simon kicked, hit, and threw himself against the door. "RIVER OPEN THE DOOR! RIVER WHAT MAL SAID ISN'T WORTH KILLING YOURSELF OVER! HE'S A STUPID, SHORT-MINDED MAN WITH A QUESTIONABLE SET OF MORALS...DAMNIT RIVER OPEN THE DOOR!!!" Mal who had been standing in the hallway since the first shout of 'River' watched the doctor batter the door mercilessly.
"Captain?" Zoe had appeared out of her own quarters, and watched the scene until she felt that it was time to put the younger man out of his misery. Mal noticed the look that his officer was giving him, stepped between Simon and the door, and with very little effort easily slid it open. Inside sat River on her bed with a mirror, neatly clipping off the ends of her long hair with the scissors. A little pile of snarled curls lay next to her, what was left of her tresses had been cropped down until they were no longer than her brother's. Mal studied the scene calmly before turning to the medic.
"It appears that your sister's hair has lost the will to live." Zoe snickered as Simon raced into the room, and pulled the scissors out of River's grasp.
"Why are you doing this Mei-Mei?"
"Because I wanted to."
"Because of Mal?"
"No, because of her." River held up a picture form a magizine slip showing a girl with hair cut almost the smae as River's. Letting out a sigh of relief, Simon hugged his sister tight, while carefully tucking the scissors into the back of his pants.
"Oh, River. I thought you were hurting yourself." River pulled back from her brother, and calmly said:
"You are an idiot."
"Why I think that's the first sane thing your sister has said all day." quipped Mal from the doorway. Inara who had been peering around the corner chose this time to interject.
"You know, I can finish straightening up that style for you, so that you'll look just like the girl in the picture."
"Really?" A large smile broke River's face.
"Really." The companion led the girl back to her shuttle, while the rest of the crew meandered off. Simon stepped out into the hallway, only to be stopped by Mal.
"Now, what was all that about me being a stupid, amoral, short-minded man?"
***
"Oh Zoe?" Wash skipped around the corner with the latest pile of mail for the crew downloaded from the Cortex. In it were bills, wanted posters, and one was for Mal citing a prospective job out on Harvest. However, in the mix was a letter to Zoe that was marked 'confidential'. Usually, the couple shared everything, and so naturally Wash was curious about what it contained.
"What?" Zoe was sitting in the mess sipping a cup of coffee, staring at nothing. Wash put the flexi down on the table in fron of her, and waited for her to open it. Zoe took the letter in her hands, read the address, and got up from the table.
"Wait, we're not going to read it together?"
"No, it's private." Wash nearly tripped over hiself as he got up to trail behind his wife.
"Private? Sweetie, I thought we shared everything."
"Some things a woman wants to keep to herself."
"Such as?"
"None of your business." Wash bit down on the inside of his lower lip, and glared at Zoe as she busied about their quarters, picking up odds and ends, while keeping the letter safely next to her. Wash was a very paranoid little man, and right now he was pretty sure that his worst fear had come true - Zoe had found someone else.
"I want to see that letter."
"No."
"Zoe, you know I trust you, but there are times where I can be very immature and insecure. This is one of those times."
"That's your problem."
"Zoe-"
"Look, it's none of your business, so just let it go!"
"If there is something wrong with my wife, it IS my business."
"Fuck you."
"I would, but I cant until I see that letter."
"I said no." While arguing with her husband, Zoe had tossed the flexi onto the bed. Seeing his opportunity, Wash dived for it, and crowed as he zipped to the other side of the room with his prize in hand.
"Ah-ha!" Zoe glared at Wash with a look that could have killed, her legs taking long sharp steps across the floor until she was three feet away from Wash.
"I wouldn't push that button sweetie."
"Oh really," Wash hit the button. "What are you going to do?"
***
"You broke his arm!" Mal stood in the medbay watching as Simon patched up Wash's arm. In the corner stood Zoe with a bemused smile on her face, as Mal ranted at the top of his lungs.
"Have you lost your mind?"
"No sir, my mind is fine."
"Then why is our pilot in medbay?"
"Because she wouldn't let me read a letter that she got from some guy over on Miriam! Come one Zoe, all you have to do is just tell me the truth, was it my immaturity? The dinosaurs? I have to know why you're seeing another guy."
"I'm not seeing someone else."
"Then why break my arm over a crummy letter."
"It's personal."
"SHUT UP!" The room queted down as Mal let out a long sigh. "look we have to be on Harvest in three hours to do a run, and I plan on getting there with a pilot and a first officer capable of acting like adults. Zoe, where is the letter."
"In my quarters."
"I want to see it."
"No."
"No?"
"Yes sir, the answer is no."
"Zoe, I am your commanding officer."
"I know."
"This is mutiny."
"I know."
"So, why not get the letter and we can all be happy, and Wash here can be sure of the fact that you aren't cheating on him."
"Mmm, no."
"Zoe."
"I knew it," Simon sighed as Wash hopped off the bed. "This Ralph Odland guy, he's your lover isn't he? I'll kill him!"
"Wash you're not killing anyone."
"He touched my wife."
"Well naturally he would have," Everyone turned to look at Simon who was putting his supplies away. "The only Ralph Odland I know of on Miriam is an OB/GYN. You know, a 'lady doctor'?" Mal's eyebrows hit his hairline, Wash paled, and Zoe glared at the doctor.
"You mean all of this was over some thing with a doctor? Why not just tell Wash, and shut him up?"
"Because if he read the letter he would have know why I went, and then Inara, Kaylee, Simon, River, Jayne, Book, and you in that order."
"If you wanted a simple pelvic exam-" Zoe threw a wad of gauze at Simon.
"I didn't go for that, I want because I wanted to find out if I could have a baby, and it seems I already have one!"
Wash fainted.