Warning: Things of extremely sexual nature between two men ensues. Beware.
Chapter
V: Dom Dori Rei (As Long as the Sinner is Sent to Die)
When the transporter finally arrived at the appointed destination it was the middle of the night. Most of the passengers aboard had been nearly thrown out of their sleeping cots by the abrupt stop, the standing officers toppling one after another like dominos. Rei, having been in a state of almost-sleep, had just enough time to grab a hold of the arm support on the side of his sleeping compartment when the entire transporter jerked forward.
He hissed a curse under his breath, heaving himself out of the opening and jumping down to the floor. Others less fortunate than him were groggily hefting themselves off the ground where they had fallen, muttering profanities.
"You wouldn't mind helping me, would you?"
Rei turned to regard Oliver, who had spoken. He stifled a chuckle at seeing the dirty-blond practically dangling halfway from his cot and went over to help.
"They could have prepared us more, those damn bastards!" Takao muttered darkly from where he was buried under several layers of blankets and limbs on the floor. "Somebody should tell them that there's precious cargo aboard!"
Rei snorted and reached out his hand to help out his friend. "You couldn't possibly be implying that you're that precious cargo, would you Takao?" He asked with a teasing grin. It felt easier to express such emotions, though there was still an uncomfortable pang inside when he did.
Takao playfully punched at the air when he was finally upright, trying fruitlessly to aim for Rei's arm. "What else could it be?" He retorted haughtily. "I am the best there ever was, naturally!"
Maxie came up to them then, grinning goofily. He rolled his eyes at the blue-haired boy's statement. "Just don't let the commanding officers catch you saying that, you know how big their egos are!" He chuckled lightly, scratching at the back of his head. "Which reminds me, we better hurry up. I can hear the slave-drives coming closer and closer."
Takao groaned miserably, bending down to clutch at one of the fallen blankets. He murmured something to the extent of suffering too much abuse than his poor little self could handle and shuffled down the aisle of cots after his blond friend, to where the lavatories and the storage compartments were located.
Rei watched his companions grow smaller and smaller as they moved farther away from him. He let his grin melt off his face. It was no use having it on when there was nobody to show it off to. What was the point of acting cheerful when he was not, in fact. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tore lightly at his fringe, tugging at the hair as if trying to wake up — except that he was already awake and the pain was too dull to be felt.
All around him, his companions were busily bustling to and fro, hissing when they stumbled on a discarded item or bumped into someone else. It was also no use brooding on things that were beyond his ability to change.
He hefted himself back onto his bunk, and dug in the corner where he hid his bag, stuffing the few of his possessions inside. They'd gone through this routine before: get up and ready to leave in less than half an hour or have their respective Commanders descend on them like vultures with punishment. He smirked at the thought.
It seemed frighteningly ironical, how they were moved from place to place in very short time spans but remained always in the same group. Apparently, it was dangerous to get too attached to one place but that didn't apply to people, in a twisted sort of way that didn't make much sense. They fought to protect the nation, yet it was their fellow comrades that they were attached to.
Rei shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. As of late, the topic had been popping up in his head more and more often. He supposed it was because he was so close to the war front. Back in the slums, even back in the Academy, the war did not seem real. It was almost like the conflict and the rest of the world were separate entities, knowing of each other's existence through meagre communication. He remembered hearing news of things from telescreens or the gossipmongers on the streets. The image of war that was painted was not as serious as it actually was.
Now, he could almost feel the earth pulsate with the tension, hear the gunshots. It was frightening and exciting at the same time.
Takao and Max came shuffling back again, both wearing comical grins. They seemed almost grown up now. Somewhere inside of him, a pang went off, painful and pleasant all at once. He'd first seen them small and wide-eyed, had witnessed them spread out and become stronger, and now all too suddenly they weren't the little kids he'd met at first. For a moment he was reminded of his other family – when had he started thinking of this ragtag group as his family? – and something sharp twisted in his gut. He had not thought of them in so long, their faces were so distant now, as if the memory was trying to collapse in on itself.
He wondered where Lai and others were at this moment. He knew that they had the common sense to stay off trouble, but there were always other things that could destroy a person. Despite the distance between them and the time that has gone by, Rei still felt responsible for their welfare. ‛I hope that my death will bring them happiness,' he thought ruefully.
"Rei, bud, you just missed the funniest thing in the world!" Takao exclaimed, bracing against a nearby bunk. "You know the short kid from the second division? The one with a boulder for a nose and hair the colour of puke? Well, he was so scared, he pissed all over himself and when the other Commanders came for check-up, he started bawling his eyes out! Imagine that! Whining like a baby because he was scared of getting off!"
Takao's chortles rocked his slighter body even as he reached for his cot, a few guttural snickers and snorts escaping past his lips. Max grinned in answer, his amusement less obvious. It wasn't really funny to begin with, but Rei supposed it would seem that way if nerves were strung to their fullest. Everybody was feeling the uneasiness, like an onset of a sickness.
"Poor boy!" Added the blond, pulling on his uniform jacket. "I don't know what's worse: embarrassing yourself like that in front of the Commanders or dying!"
Takao threw his head back, guffawing bashfully. "I'd say death would be the lesser of the two evils!" He stated. "At least then he'd get to keep his balls!"
Maxie joined him in merriment, as did Rei. Their laughter ricocheted off the metal walls and the tension seemed to abate slowly, draining out of his system.
Everybody seemed to have found a way to get rid of the stress and by the time they were massed together on the path outside, there was a sort of giddiness. Several men had to be disciplined on the spot for causing minor brawls, others were laughing over the silliest things. Rei once again donned a cloak of haughtiness, cocking his head to the side when observing the others.
It was a long wait until all the cadets were sorted out to their proper squads, there being almost two hundred aboard the transporter. By the time it was their turn to get off and Rei finally laid eyes on Kai, his nonchalant demeanour was waning. As he passed by his Commander, Rei's jaw muscles involuntarily clenched, eyes darting to the darkness just outside the open portal. He did not want to acknowledge Kai because that would also mean admitting his discomfort with the man.
At the moment, Rei's nerves were too taught for him to give much thought over what had transpired earlier between them – not that he didn't think about it, if the past week of sleeplessness was any indication. He concentrated completely on what lie ahead of him, ignoring the searing garnet glare following after him.
The youth's feet felt all too heavy when he stepped off the transporter, his heart and lungs dropping down into his feet. Others around him stumbled and stared at the alien surroundings.
"All of you, hurry up!" Kai barked out sharply.
Rei glanced at him, too distracted to notice the impulsive gesture. The awe-inspiring hideousness of the landscape did not seem to affect Kai in the slightest. As an angry after thought, Rei wondered whether anything at all fazed the him.
Ahead of them, other teams were following their respective leaders to the compound. The transporter's engines were beginning to fire up with a thunderous noise, already preparing for departure.
"It's like the only thing that matters is that we get here, what happens after is rat poo!" Muttered a dark-haired man that Rei didn't come to like very much.
"It's no time for gossip, Styne!" Their Commander growled lowly.
A few grumbled curses were sent Kai's way but he was either oblivious or ignored them completely. Despite the sourness of the situation, they hefted their bags off the ground and prepared to set off.
Less than two minutes into their trek, the sky suddenly lit up, a white-hot firework blossoming overhead.
Rei looked up, his eyes stinging from the brightness but unable to look away. Dimly, he heard Kai – he'd never mistake that voice – yell for something but at the moment his heart pulsated so fast and loud that it seemed to drown out all other noise. He was aware of the ground shaking beneath him and then falling to his knees. The brunet ignored his stinging palms and knees, the flesh torn on the grating earth, and tried to get back up again. He barely managed to stumble a few steps when he was thrown back to the ground, a heavy weight on his legs.
Rei cursed under his breath, still partially blinded, and pushed at the weight to try and dislodge it. There was a sort of numbness inside of him, a visceral sensation gnawing on his innards and there was also fear. Without even consciously realizing it, concern for his teammates sprouted and it left Rei almost breathless. He tugged on his legs, pushing at the weight all the while.
"Let go!" He screamed but not registered having done so.
In his head there was an incessant buzzing, jarring just behind his eyes and temples. Everything was just so loud; his own breath and heartbeat, the shouts – it was deafening and dizzying. He tried to wiggle himself into an upright position, but his entire body was pushed into the ground, the weight seeming to grow heavier and heavier with every minute.
Just when everything seemed to become white-hot and unbearable, all noise stopped and Rei instantly thought that this was more painful than the deafening roar of the explosion. After a while of just lying there and struggling not to move or breathe, hands pulled at him. He tried to wrestle, disorientation and confusion making his head feel thick, but the steely grip on his arms was too tight.
He felt himself yell for something but he couldn't remember having thought of doing so. Everything was such a blur; hands brushing at his hair and face, prodding his body in places. The return of sound was almost like the onset of a huge storm. For a moment there was the endless fear that he'd been captured and was on his way to the torture compounds, but that didn't add up because he'd thought it would hurt more.
Rei winced, a spasm shooting through his lower abdomen. He blinked a couple of times, remembering that he had closed his eyes at some point. After the brightness of whatever-it-was, the sudden darkness was unbearable. 1
"...there will be a nasty bruise just here." Rei heard when the buzzing receded somewhat; a finger was pocked at his side again, the ache returning.
He tried to say something, but his throat closed in on itself, a sort of gargled moan making through. Immediately, a water container was thrust into his hands and, when he couldn't comprehend what to do with it, brought to his lips. Rei took greedy gulps of the offered drink, not caring that little rivulets were running down his chin.
The same hands pulled him up again. "We have to get going." Was the coolly spoken statement.
The tone in the other's voice jeered some gear inside Rei's head. Understanding crashed on him hard and fast. With a little unwanted gasp he realized from the little light that was available that Kai was the one touching him and that others were stirring around him.
He pulled away with a hiss, rubbing at the side of his torso. "Oh fuckers with holy sticks! What in Hell was that?" He demanded, trying to decide if he was furious or scared out of his wits.
Kai shrugged coolly, rising to his feet. "That, was a minor Sweeper Bomb," he informed them all, silencing everything else with his deep, booming voice. He seemed completely composed, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and he could just continue on his jolly way. Rei growled quietly but otherwise said nothing. "They fly overhead, targeting various facilities, and then explode in a cloud-like way. Unless you want to lose your limbs, it'd be wise to stay low, or run."
Murmurs rose after his statement but he didn't seem to notice. Kai hefted his discarded bag over his shoulder, beginning to move away. Rei noticed the think trickle of blood just above his jawbone and instantly his stomach knotted. But Kai appeared to be completely oblivious, his cool persona reinforced back in place. This, if anything, made Rei angry. He'd settle for anything from Kai – be it pain or verbal humiliation – but he did not like being on the receiving end of a cold shoulder.
"Can't you even consider the welfare of your own teammates for once?" Rei demanded before he even realized it.
Kai halted in his progress, his back already turned. He shrugged one shoulder (the other harboured a series of nasty bruises, not that he'd tell) and said, "The explosions were far enough not to cause lethal damage. They'll survive."
And he walked away, his back straight, not looking back to see if the rest followed. Rei rose to his feet as well, wincing at the ache in his side. The brunet allowed himself another moment to fume before his anger, which as of late came in bouts and disappeared as quickly as they had developed. He bent down to help one of his teammates off the ground.
The boy, for he looked no older than his early teens, like most of the men on his team, was clearly frightened out of his wits. Rei smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner and patter the boy on the back.
"It's all right," he said as a whisper, so just the two of them would hear; he didn't the boy to suffer humiliation.
The kid nodded in acknowledgment but his eyes were still round and moist from shock. "I... I've never... God..." he stammered unintelligibly though it seemed to say a lot.
Rei gave him another soothing pat on the back and moved on to find his two friends. The team was shaken but still in one piece when they set off after their Commander, who was no more than a dark silhouette against even darker sky. It was comforting to have someone Rei considered family close by, but even that comfort was minimal. Max kept on glancing behind and all around him, his hands jerking ever so slightly. Takao, who he'd thought would brush the entire episode as a joke, was unusually quiet, shuffling his feet with precise sluggishness.
'Just as well,' he thought, 'then I'll be strong for the rest of them.'
Before long, the city rose as if from the shadows. A silent, terrifying gasp passed though the assembled. Rei felt his breath catch painfully in his throat. If he had thought that the slums of Sector 5 were Hell, the word just got a new definition.
Rei had never seen anything like it. Delhi, it had been said, was once a great capital, with spiring towers and domed structures, marvels of art and architecture. Now it was a spectre of what it used to be. Great, tall pillars stood along the horizon, blinking ominous red lights, as if in warning. Whereas New Asia was aglow from artificial light, the only thing that provided any illumination to this city were a few giant headlights.
But it was the ground level that was truly horrifying. As he followed the rest of the squad through the city, he was struck with a sort of raw disgust.
The buildings stood crumbling at his feet, huge chunks of rock standing as if in guard to something momentously hideous. Whole structures were hollow, empty dark maws looking out to the desecrated streets. The stench was terrible as well; it was as if the sewage that ran underneath the earth had sprouted and drenched the entire city. Signs of human decay were everywhere. Corpses formed mounds, like miniature mountains, in the shadows of ruined buildings. Fires were lit up in garbage pails and along the sidewalks. Electricity poles had crashed into homes, sparks still dancing from where the cables were torn.
Rei's foot caught on a stone and he kicked it away from him, realizing too late that it was actually a piece of mangled bone.
No one dared to say anything, nothing really needed to be said.
A dry, scratchy wind picked up, tugging at their hair and biting painfully at their faces. It sounded as if the entire town moaned as the breeze passed through it's broken structure. Only the rats stirred.
And so like this, faces stained with dust and blood, tired and frightened nearly out of their wits, they trotted through the streets after their leader, to where none knew.
Kai swore under his breath and closed off the Comm. Link. A million and one obscenities rushed to his head but he brushed them aside, instead flicking away a few locks from his eyes, as if by doing so he could also get rid of his frustration. Not that it made a difference; his hair had the perennial 'just out of bed' look. And, just like his hair, the problem just returned with a doubled effort.
He knew it would not be wise to leave the Academy without consulting Voltaire first; not that he needed to – he already knew what his grandfather was going to say. Now Hiwatari Senior was royally furious, sending Boris after his errant heir.
Kai swore again, much less vehemently and pushed away from the small study desk he managed to set up in his room (yet again, his surname alone was enough to warranty him a private cabin, tiny as it was). He had enough problems in his cup, adding more would spill the entire thing and he wasn't sure he could handle the consequences. He could tell that his men were nervous from such close proximity to real combat, Boris would doubtlessly do everything in his power to bring Kai down, and Rei... well, Rei deserved another category altogether.
The youth checked his watch, noting that he had an appointment of sorts in fifteen minutes. Four men from the enemy side had been captured and top four Commanders, him being one of them, were to report for interrogation.
"Way to go Kon," he murmured to himself, as he had a tendency to do as of late and zipped up his vest; "I allow you freedom and you screw everything up."
The tension between them was now too much for the Kai to ignore, like an ever-present shroud. He feared that perhaps he had been doomed from the first moment he met the feisty raven-haired man and that he had somehow, unwittingly, sped up his own demise. Kai wasn't the type of person that sought to rectify a problem whence one arose, opting instead for it to be resolved with time. In this case, however, it was more than he could bear. He wanted to talk to Rei, to just see him. What he would do or say he did not know yet and the uncertainty was unnerving.
Things between the two of them had changed so much and so rapidly that it left him almost breathless. He could not remember when exactly those things started to change and that lack of hindsight made it seem as if they had always been that way. Kai felt as if he was dancing dangerously close to fire; if he took one more step he would be burned, and he didn't have time for that. On the other hand, he so badly wanted to take that step. Now, Rei was as solid to him as his own being – Rei was there, incessant, constant and powerfully real – and that was something he had not felt for another person since his childhood. He loathed to admit it, but he came to need the brunet desperately.
He ran a hasty hand through his hair once again, forcefully steering his thoughts to something he knew how to handle. With one last look about the room, Kai exited and headed down a harshly empty hallway to the appointed room.
The military base was a humongous underground compound that reminded him more or less of rats' nest. Corridors and hallways veered off every-which way, long rows of doors on either side. Other than the mess hall and the exercise rooms there were no forms of entertainment. Everything seemed unforgiving and cold, barren metallic walls and austere light; Kai supposed that was done so it looked as little as possible like home. And he also had to note that the base contained the largest amount of females he had seen gathered in one place at one time.
The females were very peculiar things, he decided then. The only ones he'd met before were those that occasionally came to the Academy and the maid that took care of him when he was a child. These creatures seemed completely different. They painted strange things on their faces and wore considerably less clothing than the soldiers, which Kai could not figure out the reason to; wouldn't they get cold? Weirder still was the way some men would disappear and then return hours later all but strutting. Prostitution wasn't an unknown thing to him; he would have to be blind to not notice it in the streets at home but back there it had not seemed out of the ordinary.
He found himself irrationally irritated and he scowled at the air. Bombshells were dropping above, hundreds of wounded were sent in on a daily basis; there shouldn't have been time to develop any kind of relationship. The women seemed like a foreign element in his territory. But, maybe, some of his vehemence was because of the amount of women that seemed to flounce around Rei. That, however, was ridiculous, he told himself.
Kai shrugged off the irritation that was once again beginning to settle in his stomach. The quiet thud-thud of his standard military boots sounded awfully loud in the emptiness of the hallway and he found himself wondering why no one else was about. He turned a corner then the next, ending up in front of a grey automatic door, much like the rest. Looking at it, you would not have imagined hat all kinds of torture were exercised behind that door; Kai didn't.
After the standard procedure, the door opened and he walked in with a stiffness that had been drilled into him since infancy. The sudden darkness in the room seemed a horrendous contrast to the harsh brightness in the corridor behind him. He stepped in further and the door closed quietly, sealing him away in an entirely different world.
The two guards posted on each side of the door, whom he had not noticed until that moment, nodded silently to him and then withdrew to their shadowed corners. Kai could barely see and he wondered at that; what was the point in keeping a prisoner in the dark? Two computer panels with faintly glowing touch keys were ahead of him, barely illuminating the chair that stood more or less in the middle of the room. Another officer stood in front of the panel, stoic and rigid from what Kai could discern.
The Commander strode over to lean against the second console. His eye almost flashed in the darkness as he nodded his consent to the officer. Appropriate keys were pressed and then a jarring light flared over the chair in the middle; Kai and the other three occupants of the room remained unseen, blackened out.
The chair, now visible, was an ordinary-looking piece of furniture; dull in colour, as if in league with the rest of the motive. Draped over the chair was a mass of coiled cloth, drooping off to one side. Kai knitted his brows and turned to give a sideway glare to the man at the consol, who remained immobile (for which he should have received an award, given how fatal Kai's glares were). It was then that Kai came to the sinking and sickening realization that the rags were not rags at all, but actually the man he had been called in to interrogate.
The atmosphere remained lethal in the room, nothing moved, no noise was made save for the breathing and the quiet whirr of the computer. A pungent smell had settled in the air. Kai could not identify it but it seemed awfully familiar. Kai made a coughing sound deep in his throat; he was not in the mood to wait idly, and if truth were told, he had no idea how to proceed.
The clump of cloth shifted. A sharp edge Kai identified as the elbow stuck out from under the rags. The rest of the man followed. What was revealed – for it was hard giving the man a name, an actual identification as human – froze the Kai's insides wholly.
The man's flesh sagged around the eyes, drooping hideously in flaps over high, protruding cheekbones. His lips were swollen and chapped, pieces of cracked flesh flaking off. Kai could see dirt and blood clogging the many wrinkles and folds. His eyes sunk deep into the sockets, the sloped, hairless forehead and the sharp shadows made the man seem skeletal. The skin was almost like another layer of clothing, he had lost so much weight. Kai had to bite down the bile rising to his throat.
He blinked owlishly at Kai, the motion sluggish from drugs and too much light. Again, Kai had to fight the urge to vomit.
"Do you know why you are here?" Kai asked after a long, stuffy pause. He rolled the words on his tongue, testing them against the grainy silence. (The language was multinational, so there was no chance of the man not understanding him.)
At first he didn't think the man heard him, remaining slumped against the chair. Then Kai heard it, rather than saw, as the man's shoulders lifted and then dropped down again. The only other sound was the fabric grating roughly against skin. The motion was repeated again and again, subtle at first then rising to a maniacal pace. The laughter came then, slow and guttural, as if there was too much blood clogging the throat and it was tying to escape. Involuntarily, the tiny hairs on the back of Kai's neck stood up, electrified.
"Do you know why you are here?" The man asked in return. It was hard to distinguish from in-between the man's brusque voice and the slur that could have been caused by missing teeth. There was an amused, deranged note and it was all Kai could do not to imagine a matching smile.
"You have been captured by the enemy side." Saying it, the Kai felt silly, as if he had been discussing what he had for breakfast that morning with another no-face; awfully fake and pretentious.
The man laughed harder and there seemed to be a painful quality to the sound, like there wasn't enough of the man so his voice made up the rest.
"Have ya ever killed anyone, boy?" The man quarried instead, lifting his hollowed eyes to look at Kai.
The Commander stayed silent, fending off the gaze across the two of them as if it was a deadly weapon. If he was a man of lesser will, he might have submitted into fright.
"Aa. Thought so." His lips twitched in an imitation of a smirk, the bruised flesh tearing to form new cuts, revealing rust-coloured teeth. "Funny how they send boys who've never ever seen a real battle to fight a war, huh?" He seemed to know something of what Kai was thinking because he added, "That's right, we have the same thin' on our side, too."
Kai ignored the implications. "What were your objectives? What area is going to be targeted next?" He knew it was futile to ask; the man didn't seem to be in the right state of mind, but he could not change the protocol.
Just as he predicted, the man fired his own series of questions. "So, why are you here? In the army, I mean? Is it glory? Something ya young people find fun and attractive? For the hell of it?" His voice became small and raspy at the end, tentative as if he was testing how far he could stretch his chances in front of Kai. The look he sent the youth's way from under the shadows of his hollowed eye sockets was soulless though there was dark humour in what he said.
Kai shifted his feet, crossing one over the other, simply to appear nonplussed.
The prisoner – for that was what he was and Kai was a fool if he believed otherwise – laughed throatily, brokenly. "I tell ya one thing, and ya better listen 'cause it's the single most important thing ya will ever need if ya want to stick in this profession for long: Forget everything you've been taught. War's nothin' like that. Animals, barbarous swine. That's all ya get. You kill or live. Can ya deal with that, boy?"
The response that came from Kai was mechanical, a standard reply he'd been told to give: "I have to."
The man laughed again, harder this time but the sound was hollow and sent little chills down Kai's back. The man's shoulders shook, the gesture and his soiled rags seeming to swallow him whole. When he spoke again, his words came out slowly, as if laughing had put too much of a strain on him, as if had sucked the last of his energy dry.
"Ya never expect things to turn out that way, that's why it hits ya under the belt so hard. Ya think that everythin' will turn out sparkling, ya expect to go in and come back later with a trophy and a head as a souvenir!" He then croaked something incomprehensible but it sounded suspiciously like a sob. "I tells ya, it ain't nothing like that. Nothing like it at all..." He choked on air and drew quiet.
Kai stood watching him, not daring to move or even breathe. He was paralysed on the spot and he didn't understand why. Something was nagging at him, but it was too hard to determine what and that was a frightening sensation to Kai, who always liked to know everything. Looking at this prisoner, he was reminded of that drunkard he had met almost a month prior and his grandfather when his mother had died when he was five. It was a strange feeling to be looking at his sworn enemy and instead seeing familiar people.
The man's unintelligible mumbles took shape and soon Kai could discern what he was saying. "...An' ya don't realize it because you're too stupid and blind and young to know the difference that you have been indoctrinated from the day you were born. I didn't know, no one does. I just went along, signed the papers, completed the training, given a plasma rifle and sent out into the battlefield. Ya've been a soldier for most of yer life, haven't ya, boy?"
Kai nodded and his stomach twisted.
"Do ya know how this war started?"
The Commander shook his head slowly. His insides seemed to shrink and then jolt harshly. Irritably, he thought he knew what the man was getting at.
"Neither do I. No one knows anymore; it's just something done. Funny, isn't it?" He asked sardonically. "I've never been told what the war was about. I was told to shoot anybody who had a gun to my temple, even my best friend. And I would have done it!" He wailed the last statement then dropped his head so his chin almost connected with his collar. Soft whimpers could be heard from him and when his first tears fell onto the fabric, Kai thought it was deafening.
He turned away. In part he was disgusted at such a show of weakness; in part he was disgusted at himself. Here was a man, filthy, starved and halfway deranged, tortured and sobbing and Kai could not tell the difference between him and a beggar on the street, or an old war hero. Without even realizing it, Kai wondered whether he, too, could be this man sitting across from him sometime in the future. Frighteningly, he could. Were their positions reversed and he was the one sitting in that chair, he would be just like this man, broken and void. Given the choice, he would kill the person dearest to him simply because he was told that it was the right thing and he would believe it, too.
Somehow, seeing the man reminded Kai of himself; as if a copy of him was taken, breathed life into and then let out into the world. The difference was that his mimic was dead everywhere except on the outside. And he was not, he repeated adamantly to himself, he could not; he was feeling this now and that meant something. Kai could feel, he was alive.
His back stiff, Kai extricated himself from the computer panel and walked toward the exit. He ignored the officer's bemused stare he knew trailed after his retreating back and he glared at the two guards before him.
"There is no need to interrogate him further," he said in a quietly, deeply. He hoped that the turmoil he felt would not be betrayed in his demeanour. "Clearly, the wretch has no information to give."
The door opened before him and when he stepped out into the corridor, the harshness of it was even sharper then before he entered. Silently, Kai walked back to his chambers, his jaw set hard and his fists clenched at his sides. He might have failed his mission and would receive severe consequences for that but he had learned one thing and it struck him hard, deep enough to shake the core of his entire being: There were no enemies, no good or bad, everyone was equal.
Rei plopped down beside his friends and comrades in the mess hall after another gruelling day of pointless training and exercises. He thought he had escaped it when the entire division was relocated but things couldn't be farther from the truth. The days seems to go even slower, as if in accordance with what was to come and Rei found an unpleasant uneasiness settling in his stomach. In almost a week that he has spent there, he could count the times he'd seen his Commander on one hand. He should have been grateful for the respite, he reminded himself. Despite that, however, he discovered that more and more often his thoughts returned to the grey-haired Iceman, like a cycle that always ended and began with Kai.
"Excuse me?" Rei heard right next to his ear and turned to regard a big-chested blonde that somehow slithered close to him without him noticing. Probably because he was too distracted with thoughts of Kai, he opined demurely. "May I sit here?" She gestured to the tiny spot next to him on the bench.
There was a moment of hesitation on Rei's part. Absent-mindedly he noted that the entire table seemed to suspend all activity in expectation. He thought of how small the space was and how the girl's cleavage seemed to almost pop out of her shirt, and then an unbidden image of Kai invaded his head. He was shocked to find himself wondering what Kai would think if he saw him sitting with the blonde, and Rei was even more surprised at himself for hoping that the reaction would be negative. If he were to delve deeper in the matter, he would realize that he wanted Kai to feel jealous, as if he had been replaced.
Meanwhile this internal battle was raging on, Rei grinned widely and plastically at the girl as he knew was expected of him and moved just a fraction to allow her some more room. That done, the entire table released the single, collective breath they had held unknowingly.
The blonde girl, who might have mentioned her name at one point or another but which the youth did not bother to catch, smiled hugely in return – a gesture that seemed frog-like to Rei – and sat pompously next to him. The raven-haired man tried to ignore how threateningly close she was but that became harder to do when her hand accidentally brushed his thigh and then refused to leave it. Despite the sexual overtones, Rei couldn't help but feel slightly repulsed. She didn't even know him.
An alien presence in such close proximity to him reminded him once again of Kai. How would Kai's hands feel on his thigh instead of the girl's? Would Kai actually dare to do something like that; would he let him? Another image came to mind: his own hands, on naked flesh and moving lower. Kai had nice hands, he remarked a while ago; he'd bet it would feel even nicer if they were doing that. He could almost feel the feather-like touches along his abdomen and inner thigh and it was a struggle not to groan. He had been getting similar images for good portion of an entire month and they were becoming very difficult to suppress and ignore. The uncomfortable tightening of his trousers was also difficult to ignore.
Unfortunately for him, the girl also noticed this and smiled in a very feline manner. Her hand travelled higher, closer to the vicinity of his inner thigh and his manhood. Rei hissed lowly and narrowed his eyes dangerously at her. He hurriedly removed her hands and turned to angrily scrutinize the food-mush. All the while he fiercely tried to will his erection to go away. The brunet could feel the girl regarding him venomously. Thankfully, the rest of the table did not seem to notice the small exchange and continued with easygoing chatter.
"Hey, Rei?"
The youth turned to look questioningly at Enrique, who had spoken. "Yea?"
"You wouldn't happen to know when the Commander is leaving, would you?" The lime-haired boy asked. Rei almost bit his tongue at the mention of the source of his current problem.
He frowned and knit his brows together. Had he missed something? "No," he replied slowly. "Did something happen with the Icecube?" His voice shook too much for his liking.
The man to his right turned to regard him with a weird look. "Didn't you hear? Hiwatari's going back to the Academy."
Johnny smirked and added with a sneer, "He didn't want to risk his lily-livered ass so he got his almighty granddaddy to pull him back. That bastard; I knew he wasn't to be trusted."
At this point, Rei was completely frozen. His insides glazed over and for a moment the air filling his lungs was razor-sharp. He could barely comprehend what was being said, though he saw lips moving and jumbled sounds coming out. He couldn't even form coherent thoughts. 'What?' Repeated in his head but he didn't know what it was referring to and he was just too shocked to answer.
When his head grew a little clearer Rei just caught on to the last of what Maxie was saying. "I thought you'd know something so important, Rei."
That was when rage the brunet had not though himself capable of possessing flared up. The accumulation of more than a month's worth of angst was brought to a boiling point. "Why should I know anything about him?" He asked tersely. As an after thought, he added, "It's not like it matters to me."
The blond shrugged, unwittingly shrinking back from the deadly vibes Rei was unconsciously emitting. "I just thought that you two were really good friends, is all. You... just seem to fit in so well together..."
Kenny spoke up from beside the petite blond. "We've all gone through so much together, it's gong to be tough without the Commander."
Rei remained silent. Under the table, his fists were clenched tightly enough to leave crescent moon imprints on his palms. A million colourful obscenities came to his lips but he didn't trust himself to utter them. His anger died to a simmer. Instead, he could feel something breaking within him as his friends talked almost mournfully. He was filled with a sense of loss and disappointment when at the same time he stubbornly reminded himself that he was supposed to be furious.
Takao smirked for show and said in a cool manner, "At least we wouldn't have to put up with that tyrant's bitching anymore."
Half-hearted laughter followed his statement. That seemed to be the straw that did it and Rei was pushing himself away from the bench without even thinking. Dimly, he was aware of his friends calling after him but he dismissed them with a shrug and a nonchalant wave. Though there was a plausible excuse planted firmly on his lips, the words weighed a tonne and didn't seem to want to leave. Everything seemed too fast, a whirlwind of sounds and colours and too confusing for him to distinguish one from the other. He was dizzy and his heart hurt but at the same time the world was at its clearest. It was as if all light had been turned off but for one and the one led him on a straight path he wasn't sure he wanted to follow.
One thing stood at the end of that path: Kai. He knew that that meant a confrontation and that brought a sinking feeling to his stomach.
In a way, it was his own damn fault. Rei had set things in motion with that one little jest, that one little verbal spar. He should have known. He was an idiot and he should have realized earlier that feelings were not meant to be messed with. He should have known that it was too dangerous. He should have stopped; shouldn't have ever started. But Kai was there and so cold, so perfectly frozen and untouchable. Rei only wanted to see him crumble, he didn't want to be included in the mixture. He should have sucked in his pride and ego and dick and ran away far, far away.
And what did he do? He decided to keep on being an idiot and face Kai head on with everything he had. He blamed himself for finding his leader to be so much more complex than the frozen little soldier-boy he first deemed him to be. How could he have expected Kai to have a heart as red and warm as his somewhere under all that crystal and ice? Was it wrong of him to feel such heat and so much emotion for anther person? Was he wrong for wanting it to be returned?
It had been only natural for Kai to retaliate; it did not surprise Rei that he did. He should have defined a clear line between jokes and his personal feelings. He should have prevented himself from wanting more of this man that somehow managed to get under his skin. He should have realized that he was in dangerous territory when all that he thought of was Kai.
Frustrated and ready to scream, Rei tugged at the ends of his hair. He wanted to express so much in that instant, to simply admit it to himself, but it was scary to even think about it. He bit the inside of his cheek when a little stymied whimper escaped.
That was when he finally noticed that he had unintentionally come to Kai's quarters. He had, of course, known where said chamber as, having wandered there on a few occasions. But the irony that his feet would automatically bring him to that particular door, like a beggar asking for patronage, was painfully obvious. It was almost enough to make him turn back. Before that thought could enact itself, however, he was pressing the digital button on the wall panel.
For an instant after realizing what he had done, Rei's first instinct was to run; he wasn't prepared for this, the frantic thought occurred. It fled from his head just as fast as the door zoomed noiselessly open and Kai stood looking out at him.
Time froze as they stared each other down. Something was met, connected, shattered and then made anew. A wordless agreement was exchanged between them, and even though neither of them could understand what was being said, the impact of it was visceral and gut wrenching. Blood rushed through the veins, pumping into heart and head. Time began to move again.
Kai stood in his doorway, newly out of a shower, evident by his wet hair. His pristine t-shirt was damp around the shoulders and just below his ribcage. Rei noted with a shiver that the triangles were missing on light-toned cheeks. This brought him to remember once remarking that Kai was more handsome this way; it was now more apparent than ever before and he ground his teeth to prevent from showing any kind of a reaction.
There was something indescribable on his face mixed with amusement, which was only identifiable by the glint in his eyes. Rei suddenly remembered that he was furious and heat rushed to his neck and ears.
Kai quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at the brunet on his doorstep, silently willing for him to go away and at the same time hoping he'd stay.
He watched as Rei regarded him darkly. He could see the emotions warring inside those honey-coloured eyes but he couldn't even fathom what the other was thinking. The brunet didn't say anything for a long moment, as if waiting for an appropriate moment to raise his voice.
"Is there anything you want, Rei?" Using the name at this particular time and given the recent happenings between the two of them felt awkward. Kai felt like an adolescent.
Slow colour crept into Rei's cheeks and he narrowed his eyes. He seemed to be trying to smoulder everything with that glare. Kai smirked inwardly at his fruitless effort. It seemed as if some of his internal amusement was mirrored on his face because Rei knitted his brows and pursed his mouth.
"Why?" He declared accusatively and pushed his way past Kai into the chamber.
The man flinched at the other's tone while his back was turned and moved to follow Rei. The door swished noiselessly close behind them but neither noticed.
"Care to elaborate?" He responded, stopping and leaning on the computer panel.
Rei was pacing in-between his bed and the tiny study desk, where a small artificial light sat. "Why?" He repeated and Kai wondered whether something had happened to screw with the normally composed youth's internal dialogue.
Kai didn't say anything, choosing to wait out the storm he could feel approaching.
"There are people depending on you, you know that?" The question was an unexpected one and Kai flinched form the ferocity of it. Rei paused his pacing and turned his head just to the side, considering something. "I didn't think a cold bastard like you could ever be a model. But no. Those boys – did you hear that; boys! – out there look up to you. They think you're the greatest soldier that ever lived!"
Rei sharply turned to face Kai. His eyes were dark and steely but instinctually Kai knew that he was feeling anything but calm and collected. There was heat in those eyes, a passion he's come to both loathe and adore. Something inside him stirred at the look. His fingers twitched to cling to something, but to what?
Rei laughed hoarsely, throwing his head to the side to enunciate the fake emotion. "And you know what? I thought so too!" His voice was high pitched, as if he was trying to grab onto something he couldn't quite handle. "I thought you were like one of those great historic generals; always knowing what to do, always having the respect of everyone. Always the best." Rei chuckled dryly and shook his head.
There was pain in Rei's voice now and that instantaneously alarmed Kai. For a second he wondered whether the brunet had lost his mind, as some men did before going to battle.
He went on sardonically. "Imagine my surprise when I found out that you'd be returning to your grandfather back in the Academy." Kai shrunk back at this, appalled, but Rei didn't seem to notice. "Then you really are a cold blooded killer. I really thought you were more..."
Rei's voice quietened down to a whisper at his last sentence and Kai had to move in closer to hear. Pain was clearly displayed on the other's face and it hurt him in an echo effect. The space between them was small enough for him to able to extend his arm and lay it on Rei' shoulder.
The raven-haired youth flinched back, as if scorched, and moved away from Kai as much as the restricted space allowed. The pain on his face had been replaced with anger.
"How could you?" Rei spat out and the gesture made him seem even more beautiful. "How could you just leave them there? You think it won't matter? War is not a joking business, not something you can dismiss or give a cold shoulder to, Kai. It is not about wanting to be free or to protect your people, it is about bloodshed and how many people you can kill the fastest."
By this point, Kai was thoroughly confused. His brows drew together. He was intent on setting Rei straight but just when he opened his mouth to speak the brunet continued.
"Your men, your friends will be dying out there, for you, because of people like you who have no idea how much it hurts to lose someone they care bout! You can't just leave them, Kai!" His voice was a painful pitch, desperate and holding too much emotion than Kai was used to.
Something was now pulsing urgently inside Kai's chest but he couldn't – wouldn't – give it a name. He wanted to see that hurt erased from Rei's face. He wanted to hold and soothe him, which was totally illogical because Kai simply did not do anything of the sort. But the sensation was powerful enough to send a furious heat to run along his skin. For the first time he noticed that his palms were sweaty and he tried wiping them off on his trousers.
"Rei —"
"Oh, just shove it!" Rei snarled and his eyes were pinched tight, purposely blocking Kai from sight. "You don't care about anything! You're the mighty Kai, and nothing ever gets by you, does it! You know everything, so you want to conquer life itself! Well, I've got news for you: fuck off!"
His expression was wild and raw. Raven hair escaped from their protective hold and fell haphazardly around flushed cheeks. His lips were red, which Kai suspected was from biting them too hard. The heat along Kai's skin travelled throughout his body, concentrating into a point just below his navel. He shivered and stepped closer to the other.
"Rei..." He breathed rather than said out loud, attempting to halt the brunet's raging spiel.
Rei was having none of it. He shrugged away Kai's reaching hands, batting them away from him when the other tried to reach again."Don't tell me it's not worth it! Don't tell me they are not worth dying for!" His voice was hoarse and he was struggling not to shake. 'That I am not worth it,' rang in his head. "You've — "
Kai laid a firm grip on the other's shoulders, peering intently into his eyes and willing his gaze to be returned. "Rei, you—"
Rei hissed and struggled to break away but Kai's hold was too strong and his emotional outburst had taken a fair bit of his energy. "You can't just quit because things got a little hard. You can't! I won't let you —"
"Rei."
Kai cupped the brunet's face, trying to tilt the head so Rei could look at him.
"Don't touch me! I told you to never touch me!"
Rei fought against the squall of emotions warring inside him. He didn't know what to do anymore. Things had gone out of hand and he was simply left floundering for a way to escape. A myriad of thoughts swam in his heads, one notion overcrowding on the next. Nothing made sense anymore. He shouldn't have said anything, shouldn't have reacted at all. But he did and he couldn't take that back.
All the while, he tried to parry off Kai's dark gaze. His eyes felt scorching on his skin and it wasn't until that moment that he noticed that he was perspiring profusely and his head felt unusually light. A strangled half-sob, half-chortle made it out of his closed throat. He was aware of the calluses on Kai's palms and the roughness against his flushed face brought a sense of stability to him.
It felt as if from a thousand miles away that he heard Kai speak his name.
"Rei. Look. At. Me." Every word was accentuated with a light jerk.
Almost against his will, his eyes lifted. Rei could barely see for a moment and he wondered why his eyelids felt like sandpaper. When he could make out Kai's dark eyes in the dimness, they seemed larger than usual and a shade richer and deeper than he thought possible. The room was threateningly hot and his senses swam deliriously.
Kai's eyes pierced through his soul, drawing his sight and entire being until the only thing Rei knew was the uncomfortable space between him and Kai.
"Listen to me, Rei. I am not going to leave you. Especially not now." Kai stated and his voice was raw and guttural. There was sincerity in Kai's words that left no room for questioning. Instantly, he knew that he'd been wrong. The pang of shame left a stinging imprint.
Rei did not point out that Kai had said "you" instead of "team." Somehow that made a monumental difference. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. "The guys said that you were going back to the Academy."
Kai chuckled but the sound came out as a low rumble deep in his throat that caused Rei to involuntarily close his eyes and inhale sharply. "I thought you had more faith in me than that," he murmured. Kai's warm breath on his face made him shiver.
Rei didn't dare to open his eyes. His voice quivered just slightly when he said, "You've never let me trust you." His nerves jumped anxiously and an electric-like thrill ran down his entire body. A familiar but not at all welcome heat concentrated in his groin.
"I've always believed in you." Kai murmured all too close to Rei's ear. The brunet swallowed again and pretended that he didn't notice the ticklish sensation along his jaw.
"Liar," Rei fired back, but even as he said it his resolve was cracking. He doubted he truly believed himself but acknowledging would mean admitting to Kai that he was wrong.
"I never lie." Even as he said it, Kai's lips were flittering along his jaw, nothing more than ghosting whispers.
A sound that was neither a sigh nor a whimper left Rei's lips. He could feel his entire body reacting to the simple ministrations even as he was trying hard to steel himself against it. It was like a magic touch. Little tingles ran along his skin, down his spine to settle in more southern regions.
It was a struggle to think coherently, and it was even more difficult to form words. So it was mostly out of instinct that the question managed to escape."What are you doing?"
Kai paused, his lips hovering just on the corner of Rei's mouth. The moment stilled between them. Both could feel their hearts pounding in their ears, the blood rushing and the rise and falls of their chests. Rei had taken the second to wonder what exactly had happened and to gain some reign on the flood of sensation, which was futile. Kai, on the other hand, wondered whether he had made a mistake in interpreting the signs.
Rei's eyes were half-lidded, his mouth parted in a silent plea. He was not trying to flee, he was not pulling away. In fact, his desire was as obvious as Kai's own. Relief and anxiousness mixed with lust to form one gut-wrenching sensation. Kai leaned in to kiss Rei fully and roughly on the lips.
Alarm bells went off in Rei's head, and that, if nothing else, made him put a hand on the other's chest and push lightly. "It's wrong, Kai," he breathed, sounding less sure of himself even as he said it. He dared to look at Kai, like a moth getting its first tentative taste of fire.
"Do you want this? Do you want me to stop?" Kai asked and his voice was deep and velvety. The drumming of Rei's heart and the pulsing emotion within his entire being was too much. He asked himself whether he wanted it and immediately his core screamed 'yes!'. Yes, he had wanted it, craved it, for nearly as long as they'd known each other and it was futile to ignore.
He moved his hand from Kai's chest to twine it around his neck. His other hand he rested on the man's cheek, brushing his thumb against the hot flesh. "No, God, no. Never stop. Do anything you want. Kill me. Just don't stop." He whispered and leaned into the few inches that separated them.
When their lips met, it was an awkward meshing of mouths and emotions. It was forceful enough to leave bruises but neither cared because at that moment it was the epiphany of their entire lives. Their bodies crashed together, as did their mouths and souls. Rei's tongue darted between his lips, clumsily asking permission to enter. Kai's own shy tongue met his somewhere inside his mouth. The brunet leaned into Kai, his nails digging into the other's shoulders. He pushed his tongue further, deeper, seeking the hotness inside. He sucked on Kai's bottom lip and Kai moaned in answer. A thrill went down Rei's spine and he pressed himself closer to Kai, as if wanting to melt into one being.
Kai thrust his own tongue against Rei's, pushing to the side and into his mouth. Rei pushed back, wanting to dominate the situation. Their tongues vied for supremacy, but somehow it felt that the real battle was on a metaphysical level that they did not know existed. It was a struggle as old as time itself, expressed in its purest and most powerful way. Neither wanted to part, clutching to lips and clothes as if trying to hold onto to a sweet dream, only breaking apart for breath.
Kai's mouth travelled to the other's jaw, his kiss-moistened lips tentatively brushing fluttering kisses to Rei's right ear. The brunet threw his head back and bit his lip, stifling the pleasurable moan. 'Where did Kai learn how to do this so well?' the thought flitted and was gone just as quickly when Kai's lips closed over his earlobe. This time, he did let the moan escape, allowing it to rumble deeply in his throat before releasing it mixed with Kai's name.
Kai sucked on the tender flesh. His body tingled from the guttural sound of his name and a pressing though not at all uncomfortable heat concentrated in his manhood. Rei shifted his head to the side, allowing Kai better access to his ear and neck. Rei's hands slithered to the other's nape, where his fingers tangled in Kai's hair, pulling him closer. By this action, their bodies ground together. The tension in Kai's groin increased and e hand to press his face into the curve of Rei's shoulder to muffle his groan. When a shudder passed through Rei in response, Kai felt it with his whole body and that caused its own pleasurable reaction.
His lips still hovering over Rei's shoulder, Kai inhaled his scent. It was poignant, reminiscent of strength and hard labour and very distinct masculinity. Distantly, he wondered if he minded Rei being a man, which made things between them that much more difficult. No, a voice told him, it didn't matter what gender the brunet was just as long as it was Rei and with him at that moment.
Kai grinned against the heated flesh of Rei's shoulder and trailed kisses up to his jaw and then back to those wanton, luscious lips. Rei responded fully and eagerly, as if kissing equated air and there wasn't enough of it. He hummed deep in his throat and then smiled against Kai's lips at his more vigorous response.
Kai's hands sought the muscular curve of Rei's waist, tugging the hem of his shirt from his pants. He ran his hands up and down Rei's spine, pleased when little goose pimples rose on the flushed skin, like waves upon the first onslaught of a storm. Rei arched his back, leaving Kai's mouth to trail hurried kisses along his jaw and nape, stopping at the point where his shoulder met his neck. Almost shyly, he licked the tender flesh there, then closed his mouth over the skin and sucked on it. One of his hands, adventurous and audacious, travelled down Kai's length to squeeze his buttocks.
"God," Kai moaned, his voice catching on the vowel and elongating it so that is sounded like one long, ardent plea.
Rei whimpered into Kai's skin when his hands left his naked back to fondle with the buttons on his front. Everything was a flurry of kisses and caresses. Hands groped hungry, mouths sought each other and their breathes seemed to synchronize to one, pleasurable inhale. There was something overwhelming building up inside of them and the sensation was both enticing and painful.
Kai's hands fumbled with the buttons of Rei's shirt and he cussed several times under his breath. It was the epitome of everything wicked and cruel that normal plastic buttons would not fit through their respective holes properly. Delirious in his haste, he swore to seek revenge on the person that invented those ridiculous things in the fist place. They should have known, those stupid bastards, that one day Hiwatari Kai would need to free the other youth from his shirt as fast as possible and that buttons would not help to speed up the process.
All the while these rampaging thoughts flitted inside Kai's head, his lips were virtually everywhere: in Rei's hair, along his throat, and meshing with his mouth. Rei's hands tangled in Kai's hair, digging into his scalp when Kai nibbled on his ear again.
Once Rei was free from his restrictive shirt, Kai pulled away. For a long moment, he looked at Rei, flushed and exposed to his scrutiny. The other youth stood tall, the gaze he returned to Kai unwavering and sure. It was as if Kai was memorizing every detail of Rei before he'd gone too far, also allowing this opening for Rei to leave if he wanted. It seemed like a thousand years later that Kai actually moved. He reached his hand across the two of them, a space that was both infinite and all too fleeting. Tentatively, timidly, he touched Rei's naked flesh with the tips of his fingers, as if afraid of using too much force, lest everything shatter.
To Kai, his own hand against Rei's darker skin seemed foreign, belonging to someone else. He trailed his fingers over the small dips in-between Rei's ribs, as if claiming the territory his. He allowed himself a furtive glance at Rei's face, then returned to observe the path of his fingers. Rei's skin was silky soft and hot under his fingertips. Almost bashfully, as if by accident, his hand grazed over one aroused, dusty-rose nipple. A low whimper escaped Rei's lips even as goose bumps rose along his abdomen; Kai's penis stiffened in agreement.
Once satisfied with his inspection, Kai pushed the rest of Rei's shirt off his shoulders and leaned in. He dropped little kisses along Rei's collarbone, letting his lips trail a heated path.
"I've wanted to touch you like this for so long," he breathed against the other's skin in-between butterfly kisses.
Rei's arms wound tightly around Kai's neck, pressing his head closer to him. "I've always wanted you to touch me. That's why I picked so many fights with you. Anything would do; as long as you were close." He replied, occasionally interrupted by muted moans and sighs.
It seemed like they had unintentionally gravitated toward the bed, steered by some visceral force. Rei's knees buckled when they met the hard edge of the bed. Boneless, almost, his rear hit the mattress. Kai followed him, kneeling on the bed in front of him. He dipped his head low, skimming his lips along Rei's throat and lower, tracing feather-like kisses across his chest. The raven-haired youth threw his head back in response, arching his back and neck to allow Kai more access.
It was like a passionate dance between equally strong opponents. One moved closer and the other withdrew only to join later in a more sensual pose.
Rei leaned his entire body backward, propping himself on his hands. That was when he encountered the clip that held his hair into a rope. Thinking that the thing was unnecessary and would get in the way later he started unclasping it.
Kai noticed his action and moved back to observe him. Clearly, it was a struggle for Rei to unfasten the thing and remain propped up at the same time. Without even thinking about it, he reached for Rei's fumbling hand, taking the clip and subsequently the entire rope of hair from him.
"Let me do it."
Though Rei never allowed anyone to touch his hair, for that was the ultimate crime, letting Kai do this was a testament of what was between them. Kai holding his hair like that seemed the most sacred thing in the world, private and intimate for just the two of them.
Kai's hands moved expertly and leisurely to untie the dark mass. And when the entire ebony mane was free, he allowed him to run his hands through it. Rei purred in response, closing his eyes to enjoy the sensation.
Kai sat back, watching as the reflection of the dim light was caught in the raven hair and made to dance. The sheer darkness of it was overwhelmingly breathtaking, swallowing his hand in its silkiness. Rei's face was an open expression, his pleasure evident by his parted lips and the loose line of his jaw. Tempted, Kai leaned in for a chaste kiss. Before Rei could respond, however, he withdrew. Rei creased his brows and opened his eyes to look inquisitively at Kai.
The man didn't seem to notice. He visually trailed his hands as they ghosted across Rei's chest, over his nipples and navel. He paused when his hands reached the sharp line of navy-coloured trousers, into which faint dark hairs disappeared. Touching the fabric over the groin confirmed that Rei, indeed, wanted this as much as he did. A lingering fear still huddled in a dark corner of Kai's psyche. He didn't know where to proceed from there, once he took that step, but something inside of him stated that he'd know and that he'd better not quit now. He also feared to look into Rei's eyes, uncertain of what he'd find there.
Almost of their own free will, his hands moved to undo to belt and then the zipper holding the trousers in place. The entire action seemed too slow, the anticipation and anxiousness building up his arousal, which was a different matter entirely. The wait was excruciating and it was a struggle to not just rip off the garment. But the wait was also revering, like the want to savour a sweet that he could have for that time only.
It seemed that almost a millennia later Rei was free from all confining clothing. Kai's breath hitched in his lungs and throat, his heart halting in his chest. He made a half-hearted motion to stand, managing only to prop himself on one leg.
He had no words to describe what he saw and the only thing he cloud do at the moment was stare; all thought fled from his head. Rei's skin was rosy from the shy flush. A fine sheen of sweat coated his entire body, edified by the faint glow from the lamp. Well-defined muscles rose and fell with each breath. His nipples were hard, begging. Hair tangled around his entire body, accentuating the natural colour of Rei's skin. Faint, dark hair trailed from just above his navel lower, where they curled at the groin. Rei's penis stood erect, quivering slightly with tension and need.
Rei would have had to be blind not to notice Kai's look. It wasn't a cold regard, or territorial; it was almost revering and tender. Rei felt very much self-conscious. He was completely exposed, mot just physically but inside out; core and dogma and soul. He was pointedly aware of his hard and aching cock. A modest blush spread along his face and ears. He tried to cover his manhood from those piercing eyes, but Kai stopped him abruptly, grasping his hand.
"God, Rei, you're beautiful." Was Kai's ardent reply.
When the other youth's mouth crashed with his own, Rei could taste the lust and the fervour on his tongue, red-hued and scathing ambrosia. He rolled his eyes behind his eyelids and pressed himself into the kiss, wanting to transfer those little heated tingles that covered his body to Kai.
The sensations flooding him, the stars that swam in his vision, the taste and the aching, building force was a combination enough to push all thought out of Rei's head. He ran his hands clumsily over Kai's sides, pulling at the shirt, desperate to get to the hot flesh that awkward cloth concealed. All he could process was that he wanted more, like the moth that had been smitten by the flame. It was threatening to suck him into oblivion, into its heat, but he didn't care because he was near delirium and he was caught beyond the point of return.
Anxiously, he tugged at the hem of Kai's t-shirt, ripping the clothing from sheer force, and at the same time trying to nearly swallow Kai into himself. Rei felt oddly cheated. He was naked and bare for Kai to touch and taste, but the same favour was not returned to him. He wanted to see Kai, to make sure that he was just as eager as he was. Rei growled deeply in his throat and then felt Kai shivered response as it reverberated down his body.
Sometime later, his senses blurred by feel and want to notice exactly when, Kai's clothes joined his on the floor. Neither could turn back now. Rei thought that Kai was the most divine person that he'd ever met. His body almost glowed from its natural pallor and from the mechanic light. He was breathtaking and ethereal, yet so startling tangible that it almost hurt.
When they met in the middle, light skin touching tanned, the small space between them was eternity and death and fear and every emotion both had experienced – all freed in that moment. Rei wanted to know that body as well as his own, wanted to study it, devote to it and rule over it as if it was his to do so with. He abandoned Kai's lips in favour of his nape, running his tongue along the jugular veins, sucking teasingly where the Kai's neck curved into his shoulder. His lips grazed reverently, teasingly over the hollow between the other's pectorals, lingering long enough to leave a sanguine mark on the pale flesh.
Kai, taking a more comfortable position being supported by the end of the bed, moaned and arched his back. Rei could feel the man's muscles tensing as one sneaky hand slipped down the curves to settle just on the inside of his thigh, not near to anything vital but close enough to that thick heat that dwelled just between Kai's legs. The raven-haired youth smiled against the other's skin, letting a low chuckle escape his lips before taking one hard, rose-coloured nipple in his mouth. He tongued the bud, biting on it lightly and then grinned when he heard Kai's hiss.
Almost forcefully, Kai forced Rei to come to his level. When he kissed him, Kai could taste himself on Rei's lips and tongue and that awakened a different kind of sensation inside of him. It went beyond the sex and the passion. It was a slow, numbing and overwhelming feeling, spreading from his heart and onward. It signified their wholeness, their true selves beyond the soldiers they played.
They'd shifted positions and Kai leaned over the other, looking down at him and watching Rei wreathe beneath him in pleasure. There was a sort of perverse smugness in that, but Kai dismissed it quickly and planted a kiss atop Rei's nose. Instinctually, he knew that neither of them could hold on much longer, and if they did, odds stated that they'd lose their sanity. And he also knew that there would be pain, even great pain and it hurt him to think that he would be the one causing it.
It was too late to turn back, but neither thought that an option and what happened next was hazy. It was intense and it was primal on a level that neither of them could understand but was so wholesomely present and rooted so far into their systems that they knew it as well as each other in that moment.
When Kai entered the other youth, there was much overwhelming sensation. It hurt a lot, too, but the pain was bittersweet and Rei welcomed it, clung to it. It was momentous and it was slowly crescendoing to something even greater but he did not know what it was. So he clutched that one grasp of ecstasy almost as hard as he held on to Kai, as if it was his last.
All through the night, they made love. It was slow and leisurely, fast-paced and wild at the same time. It was like the coupling of two halves of a one – a soul. It was beautiful and passionate; they both cried out each other's names when they came, one following the other. After, they held each other tightly while their bodies rocked with still-lingering convulsions. It was long before Kai pulled himself out of Rei's warm body, and even then they did not part. There lingered some fear that should either of them let go, that would make the entire thing less real and it was too much of a beautiful thing to ever be allowed to slip through the fingers like sand.
When they kissed again, it was not with the overwhelming power and sensation of their previous kisses. It was the joining and confirmation of seemingly a lifetime of frustration, anger and pent-up emotion. It was powerful and at the moment it seemed to define their entire beings, like neither of them had lived until that instant.
Hours later, when their previous activity was no more than a distant remnant, like glass that had been moulded into globes by the saltiness of the sea was just a relic of the original shards, they lay in each other's arms. A slow weariness engraved itself into even their souls but neither could sleep. The prospect of sleep itself was terrifying. And so they held onto each other, feeding off the dying heat and glow as if it sustained them.
The moment was deep and sacred. Even their breaths, which no longer sounded individual but, rather, as belonging to one entity, contained some soft of divinity that only new lovers seem to possess. That moment was enchanted and maybe even magical, if either of them cared to believe in magic.
Yet there remained something. A lingering, swelling fear and pain that slowly grew. Both felt it and it was as palpable and impending as their deed had been surreal. Neither dared to voice this fear that festered inside, gnawing and feeding off the marrow that their entire beings were moulded from. It was best to ignore, to bask in the remaining afterglow, in the heat of each other's bodies and the pungent odour of sex – because acknowledging it would mean something far worse than they could face.
Rei lay in the crook of Kai's shoulder and neck, his cheek pressed against the steady beat of his heart. With one of his hands, he traced invisible patterns on the man's chest, just above where his heart drummed strongly inside. With his other hand, he grasped onto Kai's, which squeezed his in return just as tightly.
"Things weren't always like this, you know?"
Kai's voice penetrated the silence. Rei pinched his eyes tight for a second then opened them just as he exhaled. He was hoping that the comfortable quiet would last for longer.
Although Kai's statement was very ambiguous, he knew what he meant nonetheless and that forged a knot inside his bowels.
"Really?" He asked in reply, his voice tiny around the word.
It was a long, dreadful instant before Kai answered. "Yes. A long time ago – a millennia, two, three, maybe more – the world was constantly at war. One of the greatest armies in the world consisted of men that were..." his voice shook slightly on the word before he made himself utter it "... homosexuals. The lovers would be put side by side so that they would fight alongside their beloved. It was a great strategy because those men would protect their partners with almost in-human strength, until their very last breaths. And after the battle, the emperors and state governors would build monuments to honour those men."
The silence stretched, warily. Rei thought absent-mindedly that it was the largest and perhaps the most sincere speech Kai had ever given. He hated the grave air that settled between them. "You're not joking about that, are you?" He asked to fill the void and because suddenly it was very important to hear Kai's response.
"Hn."
The brunet swallowed bitterly.
A long while later, maybe even hours later, he spoke up again. "... Hey, Kai?"
He could feel the man shifting slightly and he could almost see the inquisitive quirk of his brow. When Kai grunted in answer, it seemed to resound throughout his whole body.
"... Do you suppose our world could ever be like that?" Rei's throat closed over the words and when he managed to get them out, they left a stale taste in his mouth.
For a long time he waited for Kai to say something. There was nothing. He almost allowed himself to believe that he had fallen asleep. But Kai's breathing pattern was too harsh to be that of sleep and he simply knew, instinctually, that Kai was awake and heard him and was unable to answer.
A dull ache settled inside Rei and he bit the inside of his cheek. He pressed his nose into Kai's skin, taking in his smell as if it was the traitorous nectar of the gods. Kai, his own insides twisting anxiously, wrapped his free arm around Rei's shoulder and pressed a whispering kiss into his forehead.
Just then, the digital ding sounded and the door to the chamber swished open. Both panicked. The only way to get inside the room from the outside was to have a high security code, and few people on the entire base knew it. Harsh light from the hallway poured in, sharp and jarring. Fearing the worst, Kai pressed Rei's head deeper into the crook of his shoulder, attempting to hide him in the shadows.
A second later, Boris walked in with Tale in toe, like the dutiful dog that he was. They were engaged in muted conversation, exchanging scathing glares. Adrenaline rushed through Kai and for an instant he thought Rei and he might have a chance. He tried to pull the flimsy bed sheet over Rei. But before he could finish that, Boris' sharp beady eyes turned on him.
"Where were you when I arrived?" He barked and Tala smirked at what he thought was Kai's frightened expression. "I buzzed your room nearly ten times and you didn't answer. What was so important that you could not..."
And that was when he noticed the odd-shaped lump next to Kai and his glare changed into a smirk. Kai held his breath and hoped that the other two would mistake Rei's long hair for that of a woman's.
A skulking grin curved along Tala's lips. In quick steps, he strode over to the bed and its two occupants.
"My, my, what do we have here?" He said melodiously, stretching the words to make them sound more malicious than they were. "Kai, you sly dog you, why didn't you tell anybody that you were having a lady friend over?" His grin grew predatory as he took hold of the sheet's edge. "I'm sure some of the other guys wouldn't mind sharing her with you. I know I wouldn't." He chuckled and in that gesture Kai heard an incredible thirst and hunger, one which almost made him shrink back into the bed.
With one abrupt motion, Tala pulled off the sheet. Both Kai and Rei's breaths caught in their throats, struggling before dying. The grin on the redhead's face lingered for only a couple of seconds before it was replaced with a grotesque sneer.
Everything froze.
The person both Tala and Boris saw next to Kai was muscular, lean and longhaired. And very definitely male.
'Oh, shit,' thought Kai and consequently the same sentiment ran through Rei.
Men were strictly forbidden to have any kind of homosexual activity together. The punishment for homosexual activity was...
(...continua...)
1 Bombs that explode too close have been known to cause short-term deafening. It's like ringing in your ears and nothing else.
Re-reading the... amorous excursions of our heros, I almost did not believe I wrote this. It may come as a surprise to some, but the full version of the lemon, which can no longer be found, was even more graphic. I apologize for any corrupted minds this story might have caused.