Title: The bed's trying to eat me!
Author: eMu
Summary: A bunch of people end up in the room of requirement, and it adjusts to fit all of their needs.
Disclaimers: Jo, Chikin, Dragon's Eye, Duckie and Pengwinn
Feedback: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: This ficcie is based on a game I was playing with my co-ficcie writing friends. We were basically role-playing the characters, and the fun situations deserve to go to them, that's why they're in the disclaimers. J So lots of original characters. Don't expect to understand all of the jokes.
'I'm hungry.' Drake Belaqua thought single-mindedly. He paced back and forth down the corridor, trying to remember how to get to the Hogwarts kitchens. He'd heard one of the Weasley twins whisper instructions on how to get there during a Quidditch celebration awhile back, but he'd forgotten completely.
What he really wanted more than anything was a peanut butter twix. Or several pounds of them. He'd gotten a taste for the Muggle candy and craved them almost violently.
He turned and paced the hallway again, when he noticed a door that he could have sworn wasn't there the last time he'd walked by. Impulsive curiosity gripping him before his mind caught up, he grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.
******
'Got-to-go-got-to-go-pee, pee, pee!' Draco Malfoy thought in a broken manner that it was rather amusing how his thoughts became similar to portrayals of dogs when he had to pee. 'Pee, pee, bathroom-bathroom good, pe-e-e-e-e-e-e…'
Draco ran down a corridor and slid to a stop. Filch was standing at the intersection, heading in Draco's direction. He turned around and ran to the other end of the corridor, where Professor McGonagall was walking distractedly, reading a book as she walked. As all students were supposed to be in bed and he'd rather not explain that he had been meeting a friend in Hufflepuff to get high (there were some interesting things being grown in the student greenhouse without professor Sprout's knowledge), he came to another close halt, and turned to find someplace to hide.
Then he saw a door he hadn't noticed before. He quickly darted inside.
*****
Ginny raced down the corridors. The DA had started up again, this time as an approved school activity (thank you Dumbledore) with officers, of which she was one. The officer meetings were held at random hours with no scheduled time, thanks to the Creevey brothers trying to show up at every meeting in their quest to stalk Harry. Ginny wasn't even sure if there was going to be a DA officers meeting, as Hermione had been speaking to her in code about something that morning in the Great Hall, but she couldn't really tell. Dennis had been sitting right next to her and Hermione looked flustered.
She decided it wouldn't hurt to check, so, narrowly avoiding Filch, she walked back and forth the three times before walking into the room of requirement.
*****
Boy was she randy. She couldn't stop thinking about the things Mr. Draven had been saying about Mr. Malfoy. Squeaky couldn't stop the flood of mental images that came whenever the subject of Draco Malfoy was broached to her.
Gone were the days of innocence and naivety for Theodora Ursa Hampshire, better known as Squeaky. Those long-ago days of first year were over. At the age of twelve, she had been utterly twisted by her friends Draven Silver and Lorn Mystique, and she had started lusting after her family's employer's son about the time Draven started mentioning how cute his ';ferrety little arse' was. And boy was it.
She had left the Slytherin common room for the grounds, hoping a short walk might make her feel less randy, but no luck. As she walked down the corridors of the school, she hardly noticed or cared if there were teachers around to catch her out of bed. She was too busy entertaining mental images of Draco in bondage and her with a whip.
*****
Drake peered around the strange room in confusion. For all the years he'd been at Hogwarts, he was quite certain he'd never seen a room like this. "Maybe I found the kitchens." He murmured to himself. But he'd always imagined them looking different, and being closer to the Great Hall.
There were ice-boxes and cabinets positioned at random around the large room. There was also an elaborate table set, with plates of food laid out. A full six course meal sat before him. He was about to help himself to some fish when the door opened up and in came some Slytherin sixth year he vaguely remembered.
He stared at the boy for a minute, trying to figure out if he knew his name, while still bringing the fish to his mouth. Then he bit into a chamber pot.
The clang his teeth made against the metal echoed around the room. He threw the chamber pot down and noted that half his meal had mutated into chamber pots, while half the cabinets and ice boxes had turned into urinals and bathroom stalls. He glared at the other boy. Somehow this was his fault.
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy gaped at the vast array of instruments designed to relieve one's bladder with, and then at the boy he couldn't place ever seeing before (but was vaguely sure was a Gryffinwhore).
He noted that the boy was wearing a dark, flowy cloak with a hood pulled up, obscuring most of his face. He also noted that the hood didn't fall over his head like it would a normal one, instead, there were two bumps on either side, giving the impression that he had horns or something on the top sides of his head.
"Who the fuck are you?" Both teens asked at the same time. And then Draco was hit with the door as Ginny Weasley walked into the room. And suddenly, a third of the culinary and bladder relieving instruments were replaced with DADA tools.
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" Ginny asked in confusion.
"What am I…have you been here before?" Draco asked.
"Can you please explain why I almost ate a chamber po-whoa!" Drake exclaimed, as the table he was sitting at was suddenly transformed into a very large bed with silk sheets and many pillows. The ceiling turned into mirrors and an assortment of whips and lubricants filled the space of what had moments before been an ice-box and a bookshelf. Squeaky had entered the room.
"Oh my." Squeaky said, her well known timid demeanour coming to surface as she observed the occupants of the room. She blushed as her eyes fell on Draco Malfoy, who was now doing an 'I have to pee' jig and staring longingly at one of the urinals.
Drake was prowling about on the bed. He noticed straps at either end of the bed and he was poking them with his finger. One of them reached out and tried to grab him, but he pulled back and hissed at it.
Ginny looked from the pee-jigging Draco, to the salivating as he dug through the cabinets Drake, and then to Squeaky, who was meekly trying to looking anywhere but at the French maid uniform that was lying with the whips. "Squeaky!" Ginny exclaimed in surprise.
"What?" Squeaky asked innocently.
"Everyone in Slytherin must be fucked up if this is what you come up with for the room of requirement! I thought you might be different from the rest!" She waved her hand to indicate Draco. Squeaky shrugged her shoulders.
"I have no idea what you's talking about." Squeaky said innocently.
"Excuse me, but can you all turn around? I really have to go!" Draco begged, motioning to a urinal. Ginny nodded and turned around. Drake was half way into a cabinet, so that wasn't an issue.
Squeaky on the other hand covered her eyes with her hands and then moved her fingers just enough to peek through. She was going to have to taunt Draven about that later…if he'd believe her.
Ginny was about to go off on Squeaky some more about her use for the room of requirement, but then a stack of manga that had appeared with her DA books caught her eye. She grinned. So the room of requirement was thorough enough to pick up on subconscious desires…
She retreated to a corner to read some Fushigi-Yugi, Inu-Yasha and X.
Draco finished his business and sprawled on the bed. He landed in a slightly seductive position on his side with his hair flipping into his face. He didn't seem to notice, nor did he seem to notice Squeaky's reaction.
"Can someone explain what's going on?" Draco asked.
"Hmm?" Drake pulled out of the cabinet, his arms now cradling enough peanut butter twixes to feed a starving third world civilization. His hood had fallen down, revealing that his ears were what had been making the bumps in the hood. He had kitty ears.
"What the fuck?!" Draco exclaimed, staring at him. Drake hissed, and then flopped onto the bed and sulkily ate the twixes.
"My dad's really messed up. Just trust that you would rather not know and leave it." Drake ordered.
"But…but you've got…you've got…" Draco stuttered, trying to suppress the urge to poke the kitty ears.
"I'm part cat. Now leave it alone." Drake said in the same 'do not question me' voice, whilst unwrapping more twixes.
There was a brief pause. "Um…" Draco said, breaking the silence.
"What?" Drake demanded.
"Never mind."
"Ask it. I know you're thinking it."
"No, nothing." Draco denied. There was another silence. "Do you have a tail?"
Drake angrily tugged off his cloak. A rather large tail was swishing back and forth behind him.
"Dude! He's wagging his tail!" Draco exclaimed.
"I'm not a dog! This is an angry gesture!" Drake exclaimed back.
Draco started laughing. Drake picked up a pillow with which to strangle him when the door opened again.
This time the additions to the room consisted of a few bongs and pipes.
"Lorn, you need to stop sneaking off to get high. If they catch you again they'll expel you!"
"Would you quit pestering me Hermione? I just found this room, I'm not going to let it go to waste-what the hell?"
Lorn Mystique and Hermione Granger had entered the room. Hermione's eyes quickly took in the whips, the lube, the French maid uniform, the mirrored ceiling and Draco Malfoy sprawled out on the silk sheeted bed.
"It does work!" She squeaked, about to rush for the bed. Lorn grabbed her arm, cringing at the mental images she was broadcasting and his sensitive psychic mind was picking up. He indicated the other people in the room and shook his head at her.
Author: eMu
Summary: A bunch of people end up in the room of requirement, and it adjusts to fit all of their needs.
Disclaimers: Jo, Chikin, Dragon's Eye, Duckie and Pengwinn
Feedback: [email protected]
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: This ficcie is based on a game I was playing with my co-ficcie writing friends. We were basically role-playing the characters, and the fun situations deserve to go to them, that's why they're in the disclaimers. J So lots of original characters. Don't expect to understand all of the jokes.
'I'm hungry.' Drake Belaqua thought single-mindedly. He paced back and forth down the corridor, trying to remember how to get to the Hogwarts kitchens. He'd heard one of the Weasley twins whisper instructions on how to get there during a Quidditch celebration awhile back, but he'd forgotten completely.
What he really wanted more than anything was a peanut butter twix. Or several pounds of them. He'd gotten a taste for the Muggle candy and craved them almost violently.
He turned and paced the hallway again, when he noticed a door that he could have sworn wasn't there the last time he'd walked by. Impulsive curiosity gripping him before his mind caught up, he grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.
******
'Got-to-go-got-to-go-pee, pee, pee!' Draco Malfoy thought in a broken manner that it was rather amusing how his thoughts became similar to portrayals of dogs when he had to pee. 'Pee, pee, bathroom-bathroom good, pe-e-e-e-e-e-e…'
Draco ran down a corridor and slid to a stop. Filch was standing at the intersection, heading in Draco's direction. He turned around and ran to the other end of the corridor, where Professor McGonagall was walking distractedly, reading a book as she walked. As all students were supposed to be in bed and he'd rather not explain that he had been meeting a friend in Hufflepuff to get high (there were some interesting things being grown in the student greenhouse without professor Sprout's knowledge), he came to another close halt, and turned to find someplace to hide.
Then he saw a door he hadn't noticed before. He quickly darted inside.
*****
Ginny raced down the corridors. The DA had started up again, this time as an approved school activity (thank you Dumbledore) with officers, of which she was one. The officer meetings were held at random hours with no scheduled time, thanks to the Creevey brothers trying to show up at every meeting in their quest to stalk Harry. Ginny wasn't even sure if there was going to be a DA officers meeting, as Hermione had been speaking to her in code about something that morning in the Great Hall, but she couldn't really tell. Dennis had been sitting right next to her and Hermione looked flustered.
She decided it wouldn't hurt to check, so, narrowly avoiding Filch, she walked back and forth the three times before walking into the room of requirement.
*****
Boy was she randy. She couldn't stop thinking about the things Mr. Draven had been saying about Mr. Malfoy. Squeaky couldn't stop the flood of mental images that came whenever the subject of Draco Malfoy was broached to her.
Gone were the days of innocence and naivety for Theodora Ursa Hampshire, better known as Squeaky. Those long-ago days of first year were over. At the age of twelve, she had been utterly twisted by her friends Draven Silver and Lorn Mystique, and she had started lusting after her family's employer's son about the time Draven started mentioning how cute his ';ferrety little arse' was. And boy was it.
She had left the Slytherin common room for the grounds, hoping a short walk might make her feel less randy, but no luck. As she walked down the corridors of the school, she hardly noticed or cared if there were teachers around to catch her out of bed. She was too busy entertaining mental images of Draco in bondage and her with a whip.
*****
Drake peered around the strange room in confusion. For all the years he'd been at Hogwarts, he was quite certain he'd never seen a room like this. "Maybe I found the kitchens." He murmured to himself. But he'd always imagined them looking different, and being closer to the Great Hall.
There were ice-boxes and cabinets positioned at random around the large room. There was also an elaborate table set, with plates of food laid out. A full six course meal sat before him. He was about to help himself to some fish when the door opened up and in came some Slytherin sixth year he vaguely remembered.
He stared at the boy for a minute, trying to figure out if he knew his name, while still bringing the fish to his mouth. Then he bit into a chamber pot.
The clang his teeth made against the metal echoed around the room. He threw the chamber pot down and noted that half his meal had mutated into chamber pots, while half the cabinets and ice boxes had turned into urinals and bathroom stalls. He glared at the other boy. Somehow this was his fault.
Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy gaped at the vast array of instruments designed to relieve one's bladder with, and then at the boy he couldn't place ever seeing before (but was vaguely sure was a Gryffinwhore).
He noted that the boy was wearing a dark, flowy cloak with a hood pulled up, obscuring most of his face. He also noted that the hood didn't fall over his head like it would a normal one, instead, there were two bumps on either side, giving the impression that he had horns or something on the top sides of his head.
"Who the fuck are you?" Both teens asked at the same time. And then Draco was hit with the door as Ginny Weasley walked into the room. And suddenly, a third of the culinary and bladder relieving instruments were replaced with DADA tools.
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" Ginny asked in confusion.
"What am I…have you been here before?" Draco asked.
"Can you please explain why I almost ate a chamber po-whoa!" Drake exclaimed, as the table he was sitting at was suddenly transformed into a very large bed with silk sheets and many pillows. The ceiling turned into mirrors and an assortment of whips and lubricants filled the space of what had moments before been an ice-box and a bookshelf. Squeaky had entered the room.
"Oh my." Squeaky said, her well known timid demeanour coming to surface as she observed the occupants of the room. She blushed as her eyes fell on Draco Malfoy, who was now doing an 'I have to pee' jig and staring longingly at one of the urinals.
Drake was prowling about on the bed. He noticed straps at either end of the bed and he was poking them with his finger. One of them reached out and tried to grab him, but he pulled back and hissed at it.
Ginny looked from the pee-jigging Draco, to the salivating as he dug through the cabinets Drake, and then to Squeaky, who was meekly trying to looking anywhere but at the French maid uniform that was lying with the whips. "Squeaky!" Ginny exclaimed in surprise.
"What?" Squeaky asked innocently.
"Everyone in Slytherin must be fucked up if this is what you come up with for the room of requirement! I thought you might be different from the rest!" She waved her hand to indicate Draco. Squeaky shrugged her shoulders.
"I have no idea what you's talking about." Squeaky said innocently.
"Excuse me, but can you all turn around? I really have to go!" Draco begged, motioning to a urinal. Ginny nodded and turned around. Drake was half way into a cabinet, so that wasn't an issue.
Squeaky on the other hand covered her eyes with her hands and then moved her fingers just enough to peek through. She was going to have to taunt Draven about that later…if he'd believe her.
Ginny was about to go off on Squeaky some more about her use for the room of requirement, but then a stack of manga that had appeared with her DA books caught her eye. She grinned. So the room of requirement was thorough enough to pick up on subconscious desires…
She retreated to a corner to read some Fushigi-Yugi, Inu-Yasha and X.
Draco finished his business and sprawled on the bed. He landed in a slightly seductive position on his side with his hair flipping into his face. He didn't seem to notice, nor did he seem to notice Squeaky's reaction.
"Can someone explain what's going on?" Draco asked.
"Hmm?" Drake pulled out of the cabinet, his arms now cradling enough peanut butter twixes to feed a starving third world civilization. His hood had fallen down, revealing that his ears were what had been making the bumps in the hood. He had kitty ears.
"What the fuck?!" Draco exclaimed, staring at him. Drake hissed, and then flopped onto the bed and sulkily ate the twixes.
"My dad's really messed up. Just trust that you would rather not know and leave it." Drake ordered.
"But…but you've got…you've got…" Draco stuttered, trying to suppress the urge to poke the kitty ears.
"I'm part cat. Now leave it alone." Drake said in the same 'do not question me' voice, whilst unwrapping more twixes.
There was a brief pause. "Um…" Draco said, breaking the silence.
"What?" Drake demanded.
"Never mind."
"Ask it. I know you're thinking it."
"No, nothing." Draco denied. There was another silence. "Do you have a tail?"
Drake angrily tugged off his cloak. A rather large tail was swishing back and forth behind him.
"Dude! He's wagging his tail!" Draco exclaimed.
"I'm not a dog! This is an angry gesture!" Drake exclaimed back.
Draco started laughing. Drake picked up a pillow with which to strangle him when the door opened again.
This time the additions to the room consisted of a few bongs and pipes.
"Lorn, you need to stop sneaking off to get high. If they catch you again they'll expel you!"
"Would you quit pestering me Hermione? I just found this room, I'm not going to let it go to waste-what the hell?"
Lorn Mystique and Hermione Granger had entered the room. Hermione's eyes quickly took in the whips, the lube, the French maid uniform, the mirrored ceiling and Draco Malfoy sprawled out on the silk sheeted bed.
"It does work!" She squeaked, about to rush for the bed. Lorn grabbed her arm, cringing at the mental images she was broadcasting and his sensitive psychic mind was picking up. He indicated the other people in the room and shook his head at her.