Once upon a time there was a leper, several in fact. And they were all like
"Narg... we're all fleshy and flesh eating and stuff."
And then they striped the flesh off everything in their path (giving a whole new meaning to the word stripper) and Daine was all like "I think I found my true calling!?"
And numair was like "Eww! They're gooey and sticky!"
And daine was all like "Tasty)
And numair was all like "Fear not, daine, I will defeat them to demonstrate my manliness. Oh, damn, you mean I'll have to get up? Well that ain't cool. What if I stain my robe? It's dry clean only!"
And daine was all like "ooooohhh noooooo!"
And so daine's parents saved their butts and brought them into the divine realms and numair was all like 'but wait! I have to go fight a war for prince priggly!"
And jon skipped naked through the divine realms throwing flowers and giving candy to small children.
And daine was all like "isn't indecent exposure a crime or something?"
And jon was like "Live free or die!"
And mithros was like "Yes, unfortunately we have yet to find a way to get rid of him."
And numair was like "Dude, get you're naked and small self away from my chick."
And the brazir were like "dude, you ripping off our lingo, dude!"
And the writer's got shot.
And then Daine had a lovely little reunion with her parents who were sarra and wyldon... we mean wieron... we think
And wyldon was all like "I'm not even in the books yet, how'd you know about that???"
And wieron was all like "nre nre nre. My mommy was a deer.... my daddy got awful lonely."
And daine looked at her tail and said "This explains that at least."
And their reunion was tragically cut short when a tarus propositioned daine.
And daine was all like "Wow, you;'re Horny, like you're a minature, who has horns, so you're horny, get it? Hee he hee he."
And numair was all like "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Don't sniff the chaos vents"
and then daine fell off a cliff and numair got raped by rocks and daine got molested by giant spiders. And numair came back in a jelous fit of rage and heroically killed all the spidrens, except for most of them which daine killed.
Then, with passion blazing in his eyes and his dark hair whipping around him in the wind like tempting serpents he said in a deep and meaningful rasp "Daine, I have crabs."
And daine was all like "Well, that's fine, I have a tail."
And then numair molested her to within an inch of her life.
And then daine fell asleep.
And then jon was like "everyone n this book gets action but me...even the rocks" And he went off and got raped by the peely stripy gooey things.
And he was all like "yay! I finally lost my virginity!"
And the peely stripy gooey thing was like "I am really ralon of malven!"
And jon was like "damnit, I already lost my virginity to you once!"
And daine was like "What does this have to do with me getting laid by some forty year old pedophile who can't get a real girlfriend?"
And varice said "I'm real... at least most of me! Mmmm... botox...."
And then daine and numair had an in-depth talk about their feelings and orzorn licked a cow.
And then then they met some stormwings who were all like "Narrrrrrrg, we smell like poo."
And daine was like "You sure do!"
And numair was like "I do too!"
And myles was like "Go fuck a shoe."
And so they did.
And daine said "Tasty."
And numair was like "naaaarrrrrggggg.... Bondage..... daine, you looked pretty hot stuck in all those spider webs, say, I have some silly string. Why don't you come to my room to... uh... study? You bring the fuzzy handcuffs."
And thayet was all like "It's good that she has such an excellent father figure."
And numair salivated.
And kalasin was like "My daddy runs around naked."
And thayet was like "We don't like to discuss that, dear.:"
And raoul was like "duh."
And then they hitch hike with some stormwings were all like "on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed."
And numair was like "what're you implying?"
And daine said "I think they're saying you have no-"
And the badger was all like "Do I get any mention in this story whatsoever?"
And jon ran naked through the desert saying "support the animal lobby! Free willy!"
And the badger went and breathed on some people. And gave them SARS.
And then daine saw a big shiny wall of death so she walked through it and the darkings were like "hey, they forgot about us too! Can we join the animal lobby? We're animals... well, sorta, we're actually orzorns blood... AIDS...."
And kel was like "I'm being conceived."
And numair molested daine some more and then they went and chilled with some dragons who brought them back to tortall where the immortals were reeking (literally, in the case of the stormwings) havoc. And jon had gotten sunburned where no light has shone before as a result of his reckless frolicking.
And the moral to this story is always wear your sunscreen.
And don't lick cows or you'll get aids.
The end.
Oh, yeah, and daine had some rough lovin' with orzorn and he died as a result. And numair made out with cloud. Oops, we mean daine. Oh well, there's enough cross spiecies in this story as it is, it's not like anyone's going to notice.
And wyldon got raped by a squirrel.
The (real) end.
And then they striped the flesh off everything in their path (giving a whole new meaning to the word stripper) and Daine was all like "I think I found my true calling!?"
And numair was like "Eww! They're gooey and sticky!"
And daine was all like "Tasty)
And numair was all like "Fear not, daine, I will defeat them to demonstrate my manliness. Oh, damn, you mean I'll have to get up? Well that ain't cool. What if I stain my robe? It's dry clean only!"
And daine was all like "ooooohhh noooooo!"
And so daine's parents saved their butts and brought them into the divine realms and numair was all like 'but wait! I have to go fight a war for prince priggly!"
And jon skipped naked through the divine realms throwing flowers and giving candy to small children.
And daine was all like "isn't indecent exposure a crime or something?"
And jon was like "Live free or die!"
And mithros was like "Yes, unfortunately we have yet to find a way to get rid of him."
And numair was like "Dude, get you're naked and small self away from my chick."
And the brazir were like "dude, you ripping off our lingo, dude!"
And the writer's got shot.
And then Daine had a lovely little reunion with her parents who were sarra and wyldon... we mean wieron... we think
And wyldon was all like "I'm not even in the books yet, how'd you know about that???"
And wieron was all like "nre nre nre. My mommy was a deer.... my daddy got awful lonely."
And daine looked at her tail and said "This explains that at least."
And their reunion was tragically cut short when a tarus propositioned daine.
And daine was all like "Wow, you;'re Horny, like you're a minature, who has horns, so you're horny, get it? Hee he hee he."
And numair was all like "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Don't sniff the chaos vents"
and then daine fell off a cliff and numair got raped by rocks and daine got molested by giant spiders. And numair came back in a jelous fit of rage and heroically killed all the spidrens, except for most of them which daine killed.
Then, with passion blazing in his eyes and his dark hair whipping around him in the wind like tempting serpents he said in a deep and meaningful rasp "Daine, I have crabs."
And daine was all like "Well, that's fine, I have a tail."
And then numair molested her to within an inch of her life.
And then daine fell asleep.
And then jon was like "everyone n this book gets action but me...even the rocks" And he went off and got raped by the peely stripy gooey things.
And he was all like "yay! I finally lost my virginity!"
And the peely stripy gooey thing was like "I am really ralon of malven!"
And jon was like "damnit, I already lost my virginity to you once!"
And daine was like "What does this have to do with me getting laid by some forty year old pedophile who can't get a real girlfriend?"
And varice said "I'm real... at least most of me! Mmmm... botox...."
And then daine and numair had an in-depth talk about their feelings and orzorn licked a cow.
And then then they met some stormwings who were all like "Narrrrrrrg, we smell like poo."
And daine was like "You sure do!"
And numair was like "I do too!"
And myles was like "Go fuck a shoe."
And so they did.
And daine said "Tasty."
And numair was like "naaaarrrrrggggg.... Bondage..... daine, you looked pretty hot stuck in all those spider webs, say, I have some silly string. Why don't you come to my room to... uh... study? You bring the fuzzy handcuffs."
And thayet was all like "It's good that she has such an excellent father figure."
And numair salivated.
And kalasin was like "My daddy runs around naked."
And thayet was like "We don't like to discuss that, dear.:"
And raoul was like "duh."
And then they hitch hike with some stormwings were all like "on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed."
And numair was like "what're you implying?"
And daine said "I think they're saying you have no-"
And the badger was all like "Do I get any mention in this story whatsoever?"
And jon ran naked through the desert saying "support the animal lobby! Free willy!"
And the badger went and breathed on some people. And gave them SARS.
And then daine saw a big shiny wall of death so she walked through it and the darkings were like "hey, they forgot about us too! Can we join the animal lobby? We're animals... well, sorta, we're actually orzorns blood... AIDS...."
And kel was like "I'm being conceived."
And numair molested daine some more and then they went and chilled with some dragons who brought them back to tortall where the immortals were reeking (literally, in the case of the stormwings) havoc. And jon had gotten sunburned where no light has shone before as a result of his reckless frolicking.
And the moral to this story is always wear your sunscreen.
And don't lick cows or you'll get aids.
The end.
Oh, yeah, and daine had some rough lovin' with orzorn and he died as a result. And numair made out with cloud. Oops, we mean daine. Oh well, there's enough cross spiecies in this story as it is, it's not like anyone's going to notice.
And wyldon got raped by a squirrel.
The (real) end.