Disclaimer : See my stuff? Hah, neither do I. One Piece belongs to the weird and wonderful Eiichiro Oda!
A Lesson TaughtMonkey D. Luffy is not your normal, average pirate.
For one thing, he's a rubber man. Rubber from the tip of his hair to the tippy tip of his little toe. And real handy rubber man at that. He could stretch any joints of his body miles away whenever time, and in whatever style he desires. He invented some pretty good ones too. Behold, Luffy's Gomu Gomu no Rocket! Gomu Gomu no Fuusen! Gomu Gomu no Pistol! Gomu Gomu no ... well, others of such with names much smarter than the last. But we'll leave that to another story.
So, by now, you must think he's a pretty clever chap, isn't he? Inventing such mind-blowing techniques; with seriously mind-blowing names I might add; he must be quite a genius, for sure!! Right? Right?!
Erh. Let's not let our minds wander any further.
You might get disappointed.
Anyway! Like I said, Monkey D. Luffy is not your normal, average pirate. Firstly, he's a rubber man. And secondly, he's one of the few – very very few – most stupidest people alive. Sad to say.
Yes, readers. Alas! Alas! Our hero here is the man who put the 'duh' in 'duh-dum', but was never quite recognized for it.
He was actually more recognized for his heroic actions in saving innocent lives and rescuing villages from the controlling madmen. His name was even said to strike terror and ghastly horror in the heart of other buccaneers nowadays. But we won't be focusing on that right now.
Which brings us to the question:
Can Luffy get any smarter?
Only a miracle can teach him a lesson. One who will spank Luffy when he's being naughty. And only a greater miracle can teach him a lesson without getting spanked back. Thank goodness Nami-san here is up for the challenge... our great great miracle of miracles...
**
There goes Nami with her rolls of maps, and Luffy tagging along behind her. Navigator and captain. Doesn't that make a good match? Alas, we're getting way ahead of the story...
Monkey D. Luffy is the stupidest man on the ship (and this was unanimously agreed by everyone). Yet he is the captain, and captains need to have at least an a drop of intellegence! If not, everything could go wrong! Right? Right?
"Right," Nami sat comfortably on her chair and pointed to another for Luffy. "You sit on that one, Luffy. Sit. Good. Now I'm going to lend you some of the knowledge I know on navigating. You're the captain, for God's sake. I was only sick for one day, and suddenly we're in the middle of nowhere. You give out random orders, and I will not tolerate that in days to come. From this day on, you will learn to navigate. You will know when the wind changes, and how it affects on naval. Do you understand a word I'm saying, Luffy?"
Luffy was looking right out the window. Birds immediately came to Nami's mind. Luffy liked birds. He'd watch them all day. But judging by the dreamy look and the drool, she'd guess it was Sanji fishing for dinner. And he was making huge catches.
"Luffy!"
"Huh?" he mumbled, turning way-too-slowly back at her. "Yeah?"
Nami now looked desperate. Desperate to flee. Desperate to punch him squarely on the jaw. The second thought mildly entertained her… but it wasn't enough! "You didn't understand? Not even a word?" she squeaked pitifully. And this was just the start of everything.
Luffy had the impression that he had to make a comment, so he did. "Er.. Nami, what's a 'naval'?"
Something snapped somewhere in Nami's temple. It made no sound. But, oh my, that certainly doesn't sound good..
"Patience, patience..."
"What?"
"No, I was chanting to myself you dim-witted git." Nami snapped at him, "Patience, patience, patience has its own virtue... right. Hhh. Okay, now here's some of the map I made. Now take a good look at it, and tell me what you can tell from it."
Luffy took off his straw hat and stared at the maps thoughtfully, "Hmm." He was getting quite serious at it. Or so, Nami thought.
"Okay," started Luffy, very seriously. "I think this island here looks a lot a like a giant bird. So, to find this island, just follow the giant bird! Right, this is easy. Giant birds are a cinch to find! The squawk too loud and they lose feathers because they're overweight. Nasty beasts." he tossed the map away and went to find another one.
Nami – who was on the verge of smacking him down – started to chant again. Harder. Faster.
"Oh! And this one here looks exactly like Buggy's nose! But if you turn it this way around, it kinda looks like a doughnut... er.. nope, it's Buggy's nose. He might be hiding there and we don't want to meet him, so we'll just throw this one away," he scrunched the map into a ball and tossed it aside.
"No!" Nami squeaked, dumbstruck. Chant Nami chant!
But chanting wasn't good anymore for Nami. Luffy had already ruined two of her most prized maps! So, she snapped.
"IDIOT!!"
Luffy was so shocked he accidentally ripped the last remaining map apart, and this, threw Nami into an even bigger rage.
"You DUMB IDIOT!! YOU RUINED MY MAPS!! ALL OF THE GOOD ONES TOO!!" she yelled, holding Luffy by his neck. "I can't believe anyone could be so STUPID!?"
Luffy of course, doesn't like being reffered as 'stupid'. So he did what a decent man would do. Defend himself. "I am NOT stupid, Nami!!"
"You can't even spell out your own name!"
"Oh, yes I can!" defended Luffy indignantly, slapping her hand away from him. "It's L-U – no, it's R-U – hang on, it's R-O-O – no, wait!"
"You can't even spell out your own name..." Nami repeated, more pointedly. Her anger had ultimately disappeared at this point, strangely enough. Seems like all the stupid misconceptions of Luffy trying to spell his name had somehow – somehow – soothed her. In a way. "Hey, I'm not angry anymore. It's fine. Don't sulk."
"Damn romanizations." swore Luffy, crossing his arms.
Nami couldn't believe she just heard that. "Luffy! You just said 'romanization'! I didn't know you even know the word! You're smart!" she was pretty amazed.
"I am?" Luffy was amazed too. He wasn't easily praised for being smart. "I am!"
"Say it again!" she said in the tone of talking to a one-year-old who had just learned to baby talk.
"Ramu – erh, wait. Roamin – erh, no. Rambo – no, wait! What was it again?"
Nami gave him her I-Can't-Believe-This-Guy-Is-A-Total-Idiot look. She pressed down the murderous urge to really really spank him. "Forget it." she sighed, and unrolled a scroll of paper, "I was wrong to expect great intellegence from you. Now stay away and let me do my work. I have to re-do the maps you ruined, you know.."
No. Oh no! Great miracle Nami! You can't end it here! Challenge! Challenge! You love a challenge!
"On second thought," murmured Nami in a hazy voice. "Why don't you scuttle off to the kitchen and get some hamburgers for me? Sanji said he baked some for me yesterday..."
Yes! Yes! Great miracle Nami, fight!
"Hamburgers?" Luffy suddenly looked interested. And just when he was feeling hungry...
"I'll share."
This certainly perked whatever was left in him. "You will? YAY!" so Luffy jumped ecstatically off his seat and zoomed into the kitchen without further stalling. Now all Nami had to worry was how long it's gonna take for him to return...
[Half a day later..]
Luffy entered the room with much – hang on! He took half a day to get a bunch freakin' hamburgers? Totally? Of course not, I mistyped. A technical error, no doubt. Totally not my fault.
Along, then.
[1 ½ hours later..]
"Yo, Nami." Luffy entered the room with his mouth full and a tray of hamburgers. Not much of them left. "Dis s'all ah coohd foin!"
"Fair enough." Nami didn't even look up from her map. She sure took her job seriously. Unlike some captain she knew. "Just leave it there – and DON'T try to eat my share of the burgers!"
"Uh.. okay." Luffy slipped one very sad-looking hamburger back into the tray. Then he seemed to change his mind and reached back for it. "Oy, Nami. Did you mean what's left of it? Because I didn't count how many I ate on the way here."
A vein throbbed in Nami's temple and her delicate fingers were more than itching to spank him. She began to draw a very bad line on her map that could mislead the entire crew into getting lost, but that's entirely Luffy's fault! He needs spanking. After all, Luffy was being very naughty.
Bad Luffy! Bad Luffy!
"Ah, well – hey! You want help with that map, Nami?" asked Luffy as nicely as possible as he took another mouthful of burger.
"What, and have it mangled beyond recognition? We'd be lost with you."
"That's funny. I thought the term was supposed to be 'we'd be lost without you'." Luffy gobbled down another burger. He reached out for another one, but found his half of the plate was nearly empty. "Hey! Who ate my half of the plate!?"
"You did! And you ate my half without asking, you greedy guts. I'm the one who should be getting angry here." she sulked, tucking her finished map away. "At least one of my job's done."
"Ah. It's OK then!" and he finished off the last eight remaining burgers in a matter of seconds. Maybe less. But who's counting? Definitely not Nami.
"You know, at the rate you're going, people would soon be calling you Monkey D. Lumpy."
Luffy looked slightly scandalized. "I dunno... the way you said it makes me sound scary." he paused. "I kinda like it!"
Nami rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, of course you would."
Just right at that time, Sanji's head came bustling through the door. An enjoyable scent that suspiciously smelled like meringue pie – Nami's favourite! – came through the door with him. She knew at once what Sanji was going to tell her. Damn these interruptions.
"Naaamii-saaan!! I cooked up a batch of – "
"I can't Sanji-kuun, I'm busy. Go away." said Nami, looking apologetically at him. Then she batted her eyelashes and added nicely, "Please?"
Sanji looked quite disappointed with this decision, but nodded, then quietly scooted away. The door closed behind him, taking the scent of the scrumptilicious meringue pie with him... hm-mm.
"You know, I think that was pretty damn mean." said Luffy, scowling at Nami. "He really really likes you, you know. Any bloody idiot can see that. Or didn't you know it?"
"Speak for yourself, dummy." countered Nami.
"I meant it when I said he likes you, though. All he wanted was to give you a little affection."
"Yeah? Well, he can keep his affection for some other girl who can compete with his hair care products. I mean, look at it. His hair is always suspiciously perfect. You can't even see his left eye. Think how many tortured tubes of hair-gel he put into it. Narcisissts aren't my type."
"Oh." Luffy stared thoughtfully at his empty hands. It strangely reeked of burgers. The thought of nibbling through it somehow brought light in his dark, dark mind..
"Hey, Luffy."
Luffy turned and found Nami looking suspiciously at him. Suspiciously. Not good. She continued talking in a purry cat-like voice she often used with Sanji, "What do you know about 'like' and 'affection' anyway?"
Luffy was definitely caught off-guard as he stumbled off his seat and slipped grandly under the table. It clearly wasn't the question he expected. Though really, it wasn't a hard one either. The answer to that one was a cinch! Or so, Luffy thought.
"Well," Luffy started, getting all cheerfully again as he poked his head from under the table. "I know that FOOD is great for liking!"
"You like.. food." said Nami flatly, nodding worriedly. She's starting to think wether her captain here has a case of severe abnormality. See, he likes food. That's a new one. "But.. y-you don't like... women?"
Luffy silenced for a while. The look on Luffy's face made Nami think back about her pre-school days when boys flee from girls screaming 'Cooties!!'.
"Sure, I like women." Luffy answered finally, and Nami sighed. Totally grateful, that the boy was straight after all! "I like men too!" Luffy added, much to her dismay. Urp. She had thought too soon. Now it was her turn to fall off her chair. The horror of the words echoed in her brain;
I like men too.
I like men too.
I like men too.
That meant EVERYBODY on board's in danger of Luffy!! Oh, no. Except Chopper. Chopper's a deer. Unless... argh, don't even think about that!!
"You-like-men-too. WHAT!?" Nami yelled, shocked, and then blacked out for two seconds before gaining immediate conciousness.
"Yeah!" Luffy gave her a big, wide stupid grin. The infamous Luffy trademark. "They're good for friends."
"Oh? OH." Nami said as she struggled to sit down. "Friends, right.. good. I think."
"Like you and me. We're friends, aren't we?" Luffy suddenly leaned terribly closer to her, "I like you."
Nami felt as if the gap in her chest was filled with warm, warm marshmallow. (Why marshmallow? Who the heck wants to know?) The squeaky voice of Luffy suddenly turned manly and very macho, and it pitched tenor in her brain like crazy;
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like – these endless echos are getting ridiculous! Snap it, Nami. Snap it.
*snap*
"Auahu... ouhkay.. where were we? I mean, me? I mean, where was I?" Nami spluttered. The manly voice didn't go right away. But it slowly dissolved into nothingness. Ah, better than not go at all.
"I was just saying that I like you." Luffy said innocently, and Nami made another face. "Why? Is that wrong?"
"It's not!" said Nami, "It's just... you can't just say things like that, Luffy! If another girl heard the same thing she would've taken a serious misunderstanding!"
"Huh? Take a what?" Poor Luffy looked deathly puzzled.
Nami sighed and tapped her captain's shoulder gently. "You've never been in love, have you Captain?"
Love. Love? Luffy screwed his eyebrows. "Love? That's ridiculous. You can't eat that, can you? I don't want to talk about it."
Nami leaned very much closer to him, "You've never been kissed, have you Captain?"
"I said I don't want to talk about that!"
"You've never had s– " Nami never had the chance to say the 'S'-word (whatever it was – it even might be 'swimming lessons'!) since Luffy gagged her mouth with his own.
It was a quick one – about five seconds, really. Well, if you think about it, it might also be around five minutes. And that, for Nami, was her first. Yes, it was her first. Hey, what did you think? She'd been in Arlong's grasps since she was ten! It wasn't like Arlong and his men had enough guts to give her first kiss with their fishy lips!
As for Luffy? Well, he's not exactly a babe magnet. Have a safe guess.
"There," said Luffy, grinning from ear to ear. "I kissed you."
"You KISSED ME? I never asked you to, you SON OF A – " this time, she cut it off herself, and kissed him. And THAT one continued long. Hell, it was long. It went on, and on, and on, and on...
[Twenty minutes later]
... and on, and on, and on, and on, and – ooh! They're finished!
"Now.." Nami whispered between kisses. "Have you learned your lesson, Luffy...?"
"I sure did," Luffy whispered back. "L-U-F-F-Y..."
Nami blinked. "Great. Now you know how to spell your name. Nice job doing it."
"Thanks, Nami." and he kissed her again.
Oh well, Nami thought as she threw Luffy's straw hat across the room like a frisbee, idiots are way better when in love.
End!
Yay. My first OP fic. Thanks for reading! I did my best to give you guys a boost of romantic comedy, and I hope I did it well. Please tell me how I did; feedbacks, comments, mild flames, and just-checking kind of reviews are always welcome! Thanks. =*