Warnings: Warped and twisted timeline because somebody warped and twisted (me) touched it, some vagueness (I left it alone 'cause I didn't know how to fix it o.o Use your imagination, folks!), OOCness, nudity, and lots of rampant perversion because somebody perverted wrote this story (also me).

LOOONG AN at the end (if anybody feels like staying around that long), 'cause I know you all wanna get to the final chapter first. :P

And remember: WARPED TWISTED TIMELINE. O_O

The Pole

Ririna Peacecraft waved a well-manicured hand dismissively. "Hiiro-kun, you don't need to call me that. We're friends, aren't we?" she queried, face splitting into a chesire cat smile. She was rather proud of her lo-and-behold entrance. She had been going for stunning and stylish and all in all, overwhelming. Obviously, it had worked, but when he didn't answer, her grin peeled a little around the edges and she tossed him an impatient look. Didn't he know that God was a very busy woman? Gracefully, she cleared her throat.

Hiiro continued to gape stonily, face paralyzed into an expression of abject horror.

"We're friends, aren't we, Hiiro-kun?" she pressed between a clenched smile, eager to lift him out of his state of unconsciousness. She peered closer, almost sure that his face had twitched. She waved her hand in front of his face, snapped her fingers twice, then leaned back on her heels and touched her chin in a thoughtful gesture.

If it was possible, he was ten times hunkier than he had been the last time she had seen him—face to face at least. She had even grown out her hair because he seemed to have developed a taste for long-haired women, much to her deep chagrin. She would have been crazy if she didn't keep tabs on him while she was supervising her holy business up in Heaven. She was Queen of the World and God; the entire world's fate was at her pacifist hands.

She crossed her arms over her chest. He had finally hit puberty and grown tall enough to tower over her. Ririna sighed, cornflower blue eyes dropping to his chest. He had never dressed up around her. Sourly, she cursed Destiny for giving her man to that wench. Maybe she could get back at her by taking advantage of his virtually comatose condition. She was God, afterall.

She reached out her hands, fingers twitching in anticipation, body flushing with the less than virtuous thoughts budding in her head. Her eyes darted back and forth from his motionless face to the shiny silver buckle on his belt. Just a little bit more. . .

Hiiro's spidey senses started to niggle in the back of his mind, jolting him out of his debilitating trance. Something dangerous and evil was steadily advancing his way. He blinked rapidly and convulsed the only way a normal human would to find Ririna in the most inappropriate position. Her offending hands were about a centimeter and a half away from his crotch. He could practically feel his privates shrinking from her close proximity.

Ririna snorted with uneasy laughter and slowly retracted her badly behaved fingers. She primly folded her hands in front of her, struggling to gain back her dignity. She straightened, fighting down the steady burn in her face. She coughed.

"There was a bug on you. I was just getting rid of it," she stated confidently. When his glare did not falter, she sighed loudly. "I'm not a girl anymore, Hiiro. I may be God, but I have needs, too."

He shuddered involuntarily, wishing for his gun. The one time he decided not to bring it was the time he needed it the most. To think, he had almost been stripped of his. . . chastity. . .by some promiscuous deity. He prayed that this was some twisted nightmare and that when he woke up, he would be with Usagi and still find his honor attached.

But prayers went to God and God was Ririna. He almost wept at the thought.

A sense of misery flooded him. Did this mean that he was dead now? How utterly embarrassing. He could see the headlines now -- "Seducing Gone Wrong: Girlfriend Accidentally Kills Gundam Pilot in a Freak Accident."

He slumped gloomily. He would never again see Usagi's bright eyes or her mischievous smile. He would never again touch her silken hair or kiss her cherry lips.

And worst of all, he would never get laid. That put a real damper on his already disagreeable mood. She had been perfectly willing, too.

"Am I dead?" he muttered tersely. He felt dirty under her obscene leer.

"No," Ririna said at last with a begrudging sigh.

"Hn," he grunted, perversely pleased that he was able to keep his voice to a low disinterested bass.

She frowned, shaking her index finger in his face. "Will you never stop doing that?"

He smirked arrogantly. "Usa likes it."

Ririna rolled her grey-blue eyes in abhorrence. "Destiny just had to get in the way. What's so great about her anyways?"

Oh, many things, but Hiiro had since decided that it would be wise to not say anything that could provoke The Almighty.

"She makes me feel things," he responded with a nonchalant shrug. She made him feel bizarre things, things not unlike what Duo had described to him accompanied with pictures from his mature magazine collection.

"Funny, she makes me feel things, too. Namely, homicidal things," she snapped, incensed. She suddenly gasped, apologetically raising a hand to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, Hiiro-kun, I didn't mean that. Usagi-san is a very nice girl." She tried to smile pleasantly at him.

The sickeningly sweet smile was just what it looked like. His stomach heaved and he almost gagged with the exertion. Hiiro shut his eyes tightly and willed up the image of Usagi. Usagi, his wanton little vixen who still somehow managed to be naïve and bewitching at the same time.

"What did you have to say?" he grumbled when he realized that this was not a figment of his imagination.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here like this, right?"

"No."

"Yes, of course you are. It all started when I was a little girl. Well, actually, it started when the universe was nothing and then I had to make the planets. After that, I made people because it was that time of the month and I was depressed and lonely. . ."

Hiiro wilted as she continued to drone on. By the time she was going to be finished, he would be too old and feeble to do anything gratifying with Usagi. That put him back into his foul mood. "Will you get to your point?"

Ririna pursed her lips in annoyance. "Fine. I just wanted to let you know that everyone fitted into a bigger plan. I admit that the bloodshed was. . ." she trailed off with regret. "No one should have had to die." She lowered her head, allowing her honey-wheat bangs to hide her face. "I'm sorry that I'm not quite as perfect as everyone thinks I am." She paused and looked at him, eyes glazing over with wistful memories she had obviously made up. "Which brings me to what I really wanted to say. As much as I love you and you love me, we just weren't meant to be. I have to fulfill my duty in Heaven and on Earth. I know you're disappointed that we won't be able to consummate our undying love," she explained with a remorseful sigh, "but this is just the way things have to be."

Hiiro wasn't sure if he was supposed to laugh or not, so he just glared. Well, more like stared because he was too bewildered to glare effectively. The bloodbath he had participated in had slowly ceased to bother him after he had met Usagi. She had taught him forgiveness. She had made him realize that he could not forgive anyone until he forgave himself first. The past may have been dark, she had said, but they could always look towards a brighter future.

He smiled faintly at the memory, but scowled at Ririna. She had sounded most serious at the end of her speech. Was she some kind of dolt? He would take great pleasure in consummating his "undying love" for her in his own way, but seeing how she was an immortal divinity, a few bullets wouldn't work.

Growling with grumpiness, he glared. Nothing she had said was of any importance, but he had learned one thing: life was short. There was much to be done when he got back, i.e. making sure his little blonde bunny didn't find some willing young man to take care of her needs.

"Hn. Are you finished?"

She shot him a dirty look. "Yes. You may return."

She faded out as colors began bleeding back into the empty white space to the point where he felt as if he was trapped in a melting oil painting. Disoriented, he fought to maintain balance until he was sucked back through the ceiling of the restaurant and into his still body.

He fell back to Earth the very same moment Usagi slammed her hand on his back with a mighty whack. He jerked forward, discharging the marble sized lump into his water glass with a plunk. Hiiro coughed once before he was crushed around the torso by his loudly despairing girlfriend.

"I'm so sorry, Hii-chan!" she wailed into his tear-drenched shirt. He barely heard her because he had lost concentration the moment her breasts had squashed so nicely against his chest.

"It's alright," Hiiro struggled to say while attempting to distance her with as much gentleness as he could muster, but her chest was still glued to his side. He gave up and rubbed her back.

Usagi sniffled. "But. . .but I almost killed you!" she bawled, blowing her nose passionately into her napkin. She blinked at him through bleary eyes. All her hard-thought efforts were gone to waste. She was sure now that he didn't want to sleep with her. Who would want to do the wild monkey dance with someone who had almost killed him? Now she was going to be a moody virgin for the rest of her life. The very thought brought fresh tears to her eyes.

"Usa, Usa-chan, it's okay. I wasn't going to die," he murmured consolingly. He soothingly smeared the cooling tears from her pale face with the pads of his thumbs. He drifted one hand down the silky skin of her neck to rest on her shoulder, liking the way she shivered under his touch. His other hand crooked her chin towards him. Her liquid sapphire eyes trembled. Hiiro let his face fall slack with sweetness. The words he had always struggled to say rolled easily and freely from his mouth. "Usa, I love you."

Too busy wallowing in self-pity, the meaning of his heartfelt words did not quite sink in until almost a full minute later. By that time, Hiiro was looking more and more distressed. Her mouth formed a lovely 'o' of surprise; the raw, naked tenderness in his eyes made her heart swell in a such an immense joy she had never thought possible. Beaded tears slipped elatedly down her slowly flushing cheeks. Usagi took his face in her hands, loving the feel of his soft skin over the hard angles of his face. She lifted her rosebud mouth to his, relishing in a kiss unhindered by doubts or fears.

With eyelashes fluttering in a butterfly's caress over his cheeks, she whispered in the most heart-wrenchingly sweet voice, "I love you, Hii-chan."

The perturbed thoughts were dispelled from his head. They drew together again, mouths exploring, oblivious to some of the envious stares from patrons around them. Slowly and reluctantly, they pulled away and gazed adoringly at each other before Usagi threw her arms around his neck and herself into his lap.

"I'm so, so happy, Hii-chan!" she blissfully cried, crushing him in a hug as she showered him with little kisses all over his face. She wriggled delightedly in his stiff lap. She just didn't know how stiff.

"Usa. . ."

She sighed, almost drunken with euphoria, but a disapproving frown quickly etched its way onto her face. "Hii-chan, I thought you said you weren't going to bring your gun."

". . .I didn't."

Usagi eyed him quizzically, lips set in a pout. "Then what's poking me?" Her hand snaked down his chest, heading for more unspeakable areas.

Before he could grab her slippery hand, she already had his not-so-little friend squeezed almost painfully in her grasp. "Usa—" he gasped in a strangled breath, face contorting into a look between agony and. . .something else.

Usagi squeezed the bulge again, perplexed. No, it didn't really feel like his gun, she mused. His gun was cold and was usually resting against his outer thigh. This object was rather warm and evidently not against his outer thigh. Her mouth suddenly dropped open as realization dawned on her face. She burst into ferocious giggles. "Hii-chan," she said, drawing out his name slowly and purposefully, "I didn't know you were so happy to see me."

Hiiro gritted his teeth. He had forgotten to take into account this minor (major) detail. He was rudely reminded of a time when Duo had made a few lewd suggestions on behalf of his and Usagi's relationship. If Hiiro recalled correctly, the idiot had said 'Wine her, dine her, sixty-nine her' before Wufei had come a hair's width away from cutting off his family jewels.

Maybe it was time to put all the principles and advice he had been fed his entire life to good use. It was time to act on his emotions, and his "emotions" were telling him to do the horizontal mambo.

With her hand still doing less than proper things under their table, he glared down their server. "Check, please."

-----

Three hours, forty-seven minutes, and a sufficient number of "Oooh"s, "Yes, Hii-chan, yes!"s, and "Hn"s later, Usagi sprawled fully satiated over a dozing Hiiro.

She sighed contentedly as she basked in the afterglow of some passionate lovemaking. Life was good. Every single sanity-threatening problem had vanished under Hiiro's talented ministrations. From his hands to his lips to his tongue and to his more unbelievable appendages, he had made sure to touch, kiss, lick, and thrust them all away.

Usagi bit her lip in an attempt to contain her giggles and lifted the sheet away from Hiiro's lower body. She let her gaze linger for a moment, a flush of heat caressing her cheeks as her full and still bruised lips edged into a dirty grin.

Oh yes, he was acceptable. He was even more acceptable than those men she had seen in that magazine Minako had shown her.

She let the sheet slide back into place as he stirred, pasting an angelic smile on her satisfied face. "Morning, silly," she teased with a peck to his nose. He half-smiled indulgently at her before rolling her onto her back.

"Ready for another round?" he murmured between little nips along her neck. Her supple body was pressed so invitingly against his. His hand wound around a silken cord of hair.

"Ready when you are," Usagi voiced huskily, sooty lashes lowered in mock seduction. She rubbed her leg enticingly against his. He made an animalistic sound low in his throat. His enthusiasm was irresistible. It turned her on.

His mouth slanted down again in brutally gentle kisses. Hiiro shifted carefully putting themselves into a more compromising position.

"Wait, Hii-chan," she suddenly whispered, breaking away from his eager lips. She smiled, tracing her fingers delicately along the sharp line of his jaw. His dark eyes were both frigid and heated at the same time. She shivered. "Will you. . .will you grunt for me?"

He paused his hands along her hips before he smirked knowingly. "Hn."

Usagi shut her eyes and moaned. "Again, Hii-chan?"

"Hn."

Her breathing slowed to shallow exhales as she dug her nails into the hard muscles in his broad shoulders. "Again."

"Hn."

She bit her lip, arching. "Oh, God, Hii-chan. . .! One more time!"

"Hn."

"Hii-chan! Harder!"

He complied with an aggressive "hn."

"Ohhh, Hii-chan, that feels so good. Harder, please, harder. . ."

"HN—Usa, I'm not doing anything."

"Yes! Oh, God, yes, Hii-chan!"

And I'll leave it up to your imagination.

AN time! Wuhoo!!

Sushi: My first reviewer! *giggles with perverse delight* Thanks for staying for the fic! And yes, RELENA IS GOD. FEAR HER.

themoonmaiden: I love yoouuu! You reviewed all my fics xD! *bounces around* When I saw your review for Plotless, I was like, wow. O_O and XD from the steaming of your monitor. As for Fear Me, our favorite blonde isn't promiscuous. . . ^^;;; It will be revealed slowly in later chapters. Heh heh heh ^^;; As for this, Usagi putting her special moves on Hiiro. . .I don't think Hiiro really minds, though. ;D Yes, what to do, what to do? Or who to do? ^_~

rouge night: @.@ That's just the way I perceive Usagi, you know? Innocently perverted. :D I always have fun writing about her. . .unless I'm in that dark angsty mood. ^^;; I hope this chapter answers all your questions about Hiiro's sexual tension. Bwahahahaha o.o;;

LA: I've heard her say that a million times in my head. ;D lmao, Usagi is so adorable. I wish I was like her. ;_;

selenesbabygurl: You're so sweet @_@;; Somebody actually loving my fic. ;-; *eyes overflow with happy tears*

Angelight: *head swells from inflation of ego* I'm so unworthy. . . *fails to stop grinning like a madwoman*

Chibi-Lilith: Teehee! You didn't have to worry. As you can see, Hiiro had fun, too. I think he enjoyed himself. Don't you? ^.~

Midnight of Shadows: *embarrassed* hehe ^^;;; It makes me feel better knowing that you laughed. !_! I was starting to doubt the humor in it after I went over the whole story again. ^^()

hay: *BIG FAT GRIN* Sorry, I couldn't resist! You totally inspired the idea! It just makes it so much funnier, don't you think? Relena/Ririna. . .God. *walks away laughing maniacally*

Kae: LOL, sorry again. MWAHAHAHA, I had fun writing about Ririna. *falls to the floor and twitches* I felt bad for Hiiro, too, but the idea was too good to pass up. I hope it didn't scare you too much!

Kasai-chan(Cece: I tried to make this chapter longer! ^__^;; I know, I have such a problem with making long chapters. . . Originally, I was going to make The Pole just a one-parter. ^^;;; *bows* Thanks for reading!

Kawaii Chibi Megami: O.O;; @ being called "Your Highness" No, no, no! x.x;;; That title should be reserved for fabulous authors like yourself! I want to read more "Tremble"! n.n;; You were right in your second guess as to who The Voice was supposed to be. ^^;; I wasn't sure if I should have upped the rating on this. .;; It's not a real hentai piece, lmao. I want to make one. . .one day. . . *looks off into the distance* . I wish there were H/U adult fics at adultfanfiction.net. *sighs*

sailorruss: *blinks tearfully* I'm honored that. . .that. . .I've brought back your love for GW/SM fanfics. I honestly don't know what to say. . . Just. . . thank you. 0.0

LunarPrincess: You have every reason to be confused. x.x;; I was stumped after I submitted it. I was going to put one of your guesses up, but it just wouldn't work out. x.x;; Too much stuff that would be left unexplained. Come to think of it, this last chapter is pretty vague, too. -.-;; Sorry, sorry. I'm glad you found it funny, though! *beams*

Angel Kisses: No pressure @.@!!! heh heh heh, I tried to take my time with this, but the longer it was sitting around, the more erk-ick-blargh-augh!! I was becoming. ^^;;

Liquid Ice: Bwahahahaha! I wonder what ideas were going through your head. ^^;; *nods* It wasn't Duo XD rofl, I couldn't make Duo a big part of this (but I love him just as much). Poor Hiiro. There was nothing else he could do but submit to his "emotions." . I wonder if he used protection. o.O

MiTZ: Hehe, a lot of people have said that it was funny ^^;; I'm actually starting to believe them now. Thank you, thank you!

hello kitty: Aww, thank you, heh heh! I didn't get any flames for this. . .it kind of surprised me. ^^;; I'm happy that you think it's funny!

Clytia: Aiyo! Thankies!! By the way, I was wondering what ever happened to High Energy! One day, it just vanished. T.T I was so sad. I hope you decide to post it up again!

krazy pandi: Lol, yep, that's me, the pervert. I can't help it .;; I'm just so dirty. And this chapter is even dirtier. x__x

Vixen: *____* Thank you. . . *grins* I laughed at the "adulterated" pun. :D!! *sighs* I'm going to miss your fanfics when you finish them. ;___; I really, really, really am. All I can do is wait and read. . . I think I'm going to cry now.

The pressure! *wobbles around and drops like a fly* Thankies sooo much for all the sweet reviews ;_; *bawls* But after I read them, I felt the walls closing in and I was so afraid that this last chapter was going to be a big disappointment to everyone. It disappointed me, and still does.

*sighs wearily then rolls to the floor chortling with glee* On a brighter note, I really have to thank hay, Sushi, Kae, Kawaii Chibi Megami, and LunarPrincess for giving me the Ririna idea. Originally, The Voice was supposed to be someone else (can you guess?), but then I realized that it wouldn't do at all. _ And the reason for her impish eyes was because she was surprising Hiiro, mm-hmm, yep, that's why. *convinces herself and everyone else* So, yes, the Ririna idea just sort of went on a roll from there. I don't remember if Ririna used a suffix for Hiiro, but since I used -kun in chapter two, I just added -kun for the hell of it.

*rubs her eyes* I've been trying to so hard to type up this last chapter, but I find that inspiration comes the swiftest when I'm not in front of my computer. I can finally go back into lurker/reader/reviewer mode. X.x;;;

And for anyone who is offended by my portrayal of Ririna, I'm truly sorry. I actually have no real problem with her. *hides behind Ririna cut-out* I actually admired her when she tried to shoot Lt. Une. That was really brave of her, but that could been easily mistook for a psychological disorder. I mean she actually tries to exacerbate her death when it comes to Hiiro. If GW was a real romance, Hiiro and Ririna would have gotten together in the end. . . You KNOW it's true, as much as you don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it either. I much prefer Usagi with Hiiro ('cause they're just so perfect together! Get it? Perfect? ;D), so thank goodness for GW/SM crossovers, right? O.o