Kit was drinking milk straight up.  "I'm giving up on him.  Pass me that other carton of milk… I'm gonna need it."  She mumbled.

*********************************************************

The stage was utterly silent.  For dramatic purposes, the cast was asked to be quiet while as Mastermind's large, flaming crocodile, or perhaps an alligator (Kit often confused the two) went gently gliding around the ceiling and turned a loop-de-loop. The Acolytes looked towards Pyro, who had stopped dancing to stare up at the illusion.

And during the silence, a cell phone started ringing the tune to Bonanza.

"Quiet on set… Quiet… HEY!  Turn your cell phone off!  PIETRO!"  Another scene ruined.  "Cut scene, we'll need to—," However, Kit was cut off by singing, atonally, from the stage.

"Na-nanana nananan nananan na na NA BONANZA!"  St. John began to sing the theme song quietly, progressively getting louder.  This was followed by much galloping and yelling of 'yee-haw'.

"Wait, Evan, keep filming this.  I could always use blackmail."  Kit folded her hands, smirking broadly.

---------------------------------------

Kit was in another good mood.  Why?  Savage dancing scene!  "Cue the amazing dancing Madrox!"  She ordered.  The Acolytes and Jamie took the stage.

Jamie multiplied twice, leaving two duplicates looking down at themselves in amazement.  "Hey! We're all tall!"

"Dude! We don't have to use a chair to get cups anymore!"

"Wow, the floor is a long ways a way now."

"Dance boogy! Dance dance dance!" While Jamie, or a Jamie, had said this, the results weren't what he expected.  Instead of the three boys breaking to a dancing craze, the entire cast of Evolution rushed the stage and broke out into a combination rave/mosh pit.

Kit stared.

Jamie stared.

Roberto looked over at them and shrugged.  "Hey, why should Jamie have all the fun?"

Jamie tugged on Kit's sleeve.  "I think they are mocking me."

"Indeed.  Let's get the really big hose."  Kit muttered.

******************************************************

The crew was on break.  If they didn't go on regularly scheduled breaks, mass destruction (moreso than usual) would occur.  The director was standing on the stage of a scaled-down size of Bayville.  Awww, look, a little mini version of the Brotherhood's boarding house.  She looked to the left.  No one.  She looked to the right.  Empty.  Then a twisted grin spread over her face and she stretched her fingers into 'claws'. 

"RAAARW!  I ARE KITZILLA!"  She hissed, storming around the model of town.  Crunch!  That was burger bomb.  BOOM!  That was the high school.  OUCH!  That was Kit stepping on her own tail.

"You have issues."  Kit whirled around to see the leader of the Acolytes staring at her in abject horror.  Magneto raises one eyebrow at the strange girl.  "Do you see a therapist?"

Kit suddenly looks panicked.  "No!  … Although I didn't check the cupboard.  JAMIE!  Check the cupboard for therapists!"  Jamie pokes his head out of the break room, wielding a frying pan and pulls the door open revealing … cups (bet you were expecting Remy).  "Whew, still safe."  Kit sighs, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.  "You can come out now, Wanda!  False alarm!  No therapists!"

Wanda exits from behind a set of curtains, looking suspiciously around the room.

"St. John!  You too!  No therapists."  Kit announced to the highly noticeable lump in the rug.

Pyro peeked out, stood up, and then brushed himself off, trying to look nonchalant.

Magneto rubbed his forehead under his helmet.  "First my daughter, now my henchmen.  At least I have one normal child."

Fates conspired against Magneto, and then burst out laughing.  At this moment, Pietro came sliding out from his dressing room, and wearing Mystique's costume.  "Why do you hog all of leather?  I want to wear leather!  Even Freddy gets to wear leather!  I'm wearing leather!!"  He shouts.  There is a highly annoyed and mostly homicidal screaming coming from down the hall.

Casting his eyes to the ceiling, Magneto gave a long sigh of self-suffering.  "Is nothing sacred?"

"Uh… P.S., we ran out of towels in the break room, so we used your cape."  Kit added.  "Was that bad?"  It was only when a mass of paperclips and office supplies went flying around the room that the crew fled from the set in pandemonium. 

*******************************************************

                The director's chair had been destroyed by an irate Lance Alvers and Kit was now forced to sit on empty crates.  Why was the chair destroyed?  According to everyone, it was because he had so far been the most ignored character; in reality, the color of the chair really ticked him off.

Kit twisted about, trying not to get splinters in her tail.  "Are the Morlocks ready?  Yes?  Ok, roll scene!"  Forge began recording.

Callisto entered the room, her duster draped over one shoulder. Her feet halted once she saw the 'party' going on in her room. Artie and Leech were clinging to a row of bone plates on Evan's back, each whining and kicking their legs.  Jamie was dancing like a tiny breakdancer around Evan. Another Jamie was holding something rather familiar, but as he spotted her, he hung it from one of the large spikes on Evan's shoulder. A growl worked its way from her throat as she saw what it was Evan was 'wearing', even in the darkness.

A large banner that said 'Eat At Joes'.

"CUT!  … Wardrobe!  Can we find the right prop here?"  Kit shifted again on her uncomfortable perch.  "And a pillow or somethin'?"

---------------------------------------------------

"Is the film rolling?"  Kit was looking carefully at the video equipment.

"Should be," Forge is fiddling with the camera, "but none of the sets are showing on the vid screen."  Static crackled on three different TVs used to view the camera's angle.

"So why isn't the red light blinking?"  Random buttons are pressed, in hopes of getting the fabled 'red-blinky light of information' to start working again.

Forge presses the eject button.  Instead of a tape springing out to greet them, a peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, and Nutella sandwich oozes out.  The white marshmallow fluff has fused with the Nutella,… and the inside of the tape deck.

In absolute horror, Forge pulls the sandwich out and survey's the damage as Kit took it from him.  "Man, Oh man.  That sticky stuff covered everything!  All the ports are jammed with it!  No wonder the camera wasn't rolling, it was trying to record on a sandwich.  This will take about a day for me to fix.  What a burn."  Forge turned to look at the director.

She wasn't holding the sandwich anymore.

Looking about the ground in fear of stepping on the sticky sandwich, Forge warily asked.  "Where did that sandwich go?"

Kit swallowed.  "Hey, PB, Fluff, and Nutella is my fav kinda sammich.  And I don't know who felt the need to hide it there, but I felt the need to eat it."

Forge quickly gathered up the camera and fled.

**********************************************************

(Two weeks, a diet, Two self defense classes and ten cameras later)

Things were going well.  Nothing had exploded, vanished, or caused bodily injuries to others today.  The author should have suspected something…  When Kurt was supposed to dangle by his tail from the light fixture, there was a sudden change in plans.  *WHAM!*  Kurt was now dangling by his head from the floor.

"CUT!  Ok!  Who greased the light fixtures?" Kit grilled the crew.

Mystique pulled Kurt up, clinging to her 'poor injured baby'.  If Kurt were coherent, he probably would have been embarrassed.

"Really, people!  Third time this week Wagner has gotten a concussion!  Does someone need a timeout?" scolded Kit.

--------------------------------------------

"Beast!  You're on set!"  Jamie tugged on Mr. McCoy's arm.  The blue behemoth abandoned his place in the break room and picked up his medical bag.  "No!  It's your part in this scene, remember?  No one has gotten hurt … yet."  Toying with the collar of his shirt, Jamie fidgeted.

                Kit had gotten everyone on his or her marks on time.  There were no complaints either.  How?  She had a supersoaker filled with red paint.  And a homicidal grin on her face.  Hence the reason no one was arguing with her.  Hank began his lines with scolding the boys (which consisted of Jamie, a 'mock-Jamie' *Mystique*, Scott, and Kurt).

"This is the third time! I am out of places to hide snack foods that is still sanitary." Hank sighed. "I can think of only one way to teach you kids a lesson…" Hank suddenly ducked behind the counter.  There was a lengthy pause.  So lengthy, in fact, that Rogue actually made it back with the towels.

"Psst!  Isn't this the sock puppet scene?"  Jamie whispered to Kurt.  Kurt shrugged.

Suddenly Beast popped up.  In disguise.  A disguise of googly eye glasses.  "Ahem…. C is for cookie!  That's good enough for me!"  Hank began to sing.  "C is for COOKIE!  That's good enough for me!  C is for COOKIE, and that's good enough for me, OH!  Cookie!  Cookie!  Cookie starts with C!!!!" … a plate of cookies was lifted up.  "YUM anrg rrrn nnnng."  These cookies were shoved into Beast's mouth, with most of the cookies falling out onto the floor at the great spectacle he made of eating them.

This was probably the worst time for Kit to take a drink of milk, as the 'fountain' effect occurred as Hank sang.

"Was there even a point ta this?"  Rogue asked.

"Zhat Kit finds Cookie Monster hilarious…. And now she needs the Heimlich."  Kurt answered.  Scott nodded.  Indeed Kit did.

********************************************************************

In Kit's fancy director's chair sat someone else.  Someone terrifying.  Someone who should have been tossed into the same Asylum with Wanda and forced to watch really bad 80's cartoons. 

"Hi!"  It was Kit's beta, PantherDragon.

"Good lord, NO!"  Xavier whirled his chair around and floored it to the door.

"Oh come on!  I'm not that bad!"  PantherDragon (or PD as Kit likes to call her), stood up.  "I'm just here until Kit is released from the hospital for drinking… and then choking on bad milk."  Evan took a moment of silence here.  Uh, for the milk.  Shame to see good milk go bad.

"If we could, lets to the mall scene with Pyro doing his thing." Suggested PD.  Everyone blanched.  St. John cheered the fates.  Then everyone put on fire retardant underpants.  The stage was set, the sprinkler system was primed, and filming began.

Then it stopped.

St. John looked irate for some reason, holding his hand over the camera.  "No!  We are doing it all wrong!  Instead of acting through a semi-orwellian concept of biopsychosocial mental philosophy, we should be interpreting this segment for what it is!" 

The room is Dead Silent.  No one even blinks.  Scott loses brain cells just listening to it.

"What… is it… about?"  PantherDragon whispered, her eyes almost glued open in confused shock.  If you look closely, her left eyebrow twitches from the insanity of it all.

"FIRE!"  Johnny screams.  "A towering inferno of DOOM!  Flames eating everything in sight, like people just off a Jenny Craig diet!  Nothing is safe from fire!  Watch me set my pants aflame!"  PantherDragon backed slowly out of the chair, then took cover behind Logan.

Jamie began pushing Wanda forward.  Wanda resisted.  "What are you doing?"  She asked in a tone that would have put frost on John's proverbial flames.

"He's totally nuts.  You've been nuts before.  Please, Wanda, you're our only hope."  Jamie begged.  Wanda stared at the still madly laughing Pyro.  A handful of the actors had managed a hasty retreat in fear of any explosions that may follow St. John's ranting fit.  The other half was standing around watching in a kind of 'train-wreck' morbidity.  "That, or a fire extinguisher."  Jamie added.  At this, Wanda paused. 

"Actually… help me find a fire extinguisher, Squirt.  We're going to fix this."

Going along, Jamie opened a cupboard, pulling out a large red and white fire extinguisher and handing it to Wanda.  But the boy had a question.  "But he hasn't started any fires yet…."

*KA-WHOP*  That would be the sound of a fire extinguisher to the back of the head of a crazy Australian.  St. John took a short nap on the floor.

"It still saved our lives, though."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

With Kit's substitute director still in place, everyone was waiting for the last scene of the day to film.  PantherDragon was scribbling all over Kit's script, adding new parts.  Jamie was reading over her shoulder.

"Ok!  We are ready to film with this new script!  Rogue, Logan, Jamie, you three take the stage.  Scott, you better start running around.  Remy, get in the sound booth.  Tabby, cue a telephone sound effect!"  PD ordered.  Highly motivated to finish filming and then run away very fast, everyone obeyed. 

The phone rang.  Rogue reached over and picked it up.  "'Lo?"  Rogue looked over at Jamie, who watched as his duplicates evicted Scott from Den Island.  Jamie looked like he was having a blast.

"'Lo, peite.  Guess who."  Remy husked over the phone.

"Ah'm guessin' it's not the pizza guy."  Rogue sighed.

"Non,… but Remy could bring ya som'tin' good."  There was almost an audible smirk on the line.

Rogue could hear Logan coming down the hall, and the incredibly brilliant idea struck.  "Can ya hold on fer just a sec, Suga, and then say that 'gain."  She purred.  There was an affirmative sound from the phone.  Rogue quickly stood up and leaned into the hall, her hand pressed firmly over the mouthpiece.

"Hey, Logan.  It's fer ya."  She held the phone up to him.

Taking the phone, Logan put his ear to the receiver and just listened.  Remy began speaking again, "P'rhaps we can go f'some coffee later t'night, chere."

Logan's claws unsheathed and he growled into the phone.  "Cajun!  When I find you, you'll be singing soprano fer the rest of yer life!"  The yelling only got louder and the threats became much more effective.  There was an undistinguishable squeak on the other end of the line and it quickly disconnected.

PantherDragon looked down at the script.  "Wait… that's not what I wrote.  It was meant to be pointless Romy fluff."

A voice spoke from behind PD.  "Yeah, … lucky for me I meddle in everything."  Kit was back.  And she did not looked pleased.  See, Kit is deeply worried by Romy fluff.  Something about her thinking that it will soon take over the world.

"Uh…"  PD stuttered, meekly rubbing the back of her head.  "Boy, you got out of the hospital early.  I would have thought that you, ESCAPE PLAN OMEGA!"  At this, all of Jamie's duplicates broke into the funky chicken.  Mass confusion ensued.  PantherDragon jumped up, ran to the nearest window, and dove out.

THUD!  "ow…"  And just a hint… that wasn't PantherDragon…

Kit leaned out the window.  "Yeah, generally, I try not to land on Warren."  She called to her beta.  "He's got a large team of lawyers, ya know."

**********************************************

With Kit in her reclaimed director's chair, filming began again.  Once again, the scene was set for Magneto's base.  Jamie was getting pretty used to acting in a metal room.

"Action, whenever you are ready."  Kit said meekly.  Why did she say this meekly?  Well, because her pockets are mostly full of change.  If Magneto did his 'magnet' thing, her pants would go flying…

"Sabertooth! Remove the shoes! I want all of these… icky things… clear!" Eric sneered at the word 'icky'. The shoes were picked up, revealing yet more 'icky' beneath them. "Is it… I'm not even speaking of those." A set of rather suspiciously looking magazines, belonging to Remy, were resting under the speedster's shoes. Let's just say… Remy didn't keep the magazines for the articles…

                "Remy object t'dat!"  Gambit shouted, interrupting the scene.  "Remy never seen dose magazines b'fore in his life!"

                "Oh yeah?  Then why did you use a whiteout pen to draw white bangs on all the chicks?"  Pietro zipped in, opening the magazine to a random page to prove his point.

                Remy LaBeau, thief extraordinaire, actually blushed.  "D'blame goes ta too much alcohol."  He muttered.  Off the stage, Rogue began to crack her knuckles.

***********************************************

Kit had fought Evan off for the last gallon of milk.  She had a purpose for this milk.  A greater good.  There would be milk revenge!  BWHAHAHAAA!  "We'll have to be sneaky.  Don't want to be discovered now, do we precious?"  She hovered over the milk, lovingly petting the plastic container.

Jamie was staring at Kit strangely.

Kit stared strangely back.

"Um… shouldn't we be filming?"  Jamie said, offering any kind of distraction to keep the author from going ape-nuts.

Kit cleared her throat and straightened up.  "We probably should, but… I must do something first."  Dark and creepy shadows crept over her face as she grinned.  It was a potentially eeeevil grin, promising revenge and doom.

So, of course, Jamie volunteered.  "Can I help!?"  The small mutant waved his hand in the air.

***

See Kit sneak. 

Sneak Kit, sneak. 

See Kit signal to Jamie in complex hand gestures to put Operation Moo-cow into order while sneaking up behind PantherDragon.

Uh…

"BANZAI!"  Jamie hollered like a sack full o' monkeys as he threw himself at PD.  Sensing danger, much like crocodiles sense Steve Irwin right before he pounces, PantherDragon dodged clumsily to the left.  This left her room to escape, so the beta took the advantage and ran like pants.  Or rather, ran like her pants off (because, personally, I've never seen pants run on their own).

"No!  She's escaping!"  Kit jumped from her hiding placed as dashed after the fleeing girl.  "Drink yer dang milk, ya brittle-boned geek!"  PantherDragon jumped out the window again (this time avoiding landing on Warren) and Kit gave chase, screaming like …like… I dunno… Forge exposed to bunnies or something.

Jamie and his duplicates watched as the director vanished.  They looked at the full gallon of milk that had been left behind in Kit's hurry to catch PantherDragon.  Then the boys broke into chanting 'Drink yer milk!  Drink yer milk!' and danced around the gallon container.

Entering the room, Spyke watched the hoard of Mulitple Man dance around the milk like it was a shrine, commanding the milk to be drank.  Shrugging, Evan stepped in, picked up the milk and drained the whole thing.  The Madrox (insert bunny-triumph sign here) were too busy dancing to realize the milk had been purloined.

"Hey!  He drank the milk!"  Finally, one of the Jamie's noticed.  This was because Evan had failed to wipe the milk mustache from his face.

"Uh-oh.  What do we do now?  Kit has no milk to force upon others!"  A duplicate panicked.

The lead Jamie took the front of the group, putting his hands on his hips in determined triumph.  "There is only one thing we can do… make Evan drink a bottle of strawberry syrup and then tell Kit we have no clue where HER milk got off to!"  Evan looked bodily ill and tried to flee.

We say, 'tried' because after drinking a gallon of milk, nobody is in any condition to do any serious moving; not even a mutant.  Trust me… I've tried…

***************************************************

"This is it!  Last chapter people!  Then we can all go screaming like Ring Wraiths from here."  Kit announced.  There was a very enthused 'yaaah!' at this.  That is, until Kit gave them the news, "And then I can get started on my next X-men fic."  A resounding 'booo' was the answer.

"Get to work or I'll bring back my Beta of DOOM!"  She shouted.  Almost as one, everyone takes their marks and the filming begins.

In a darkened and snowy alley (courtesy of Storm and Bobby), Jamie shivered from the cold.  A garbage can toppled to the crowd's left.  "We …. We've got you covered!"  One of the Jamies squeaked, his voice cracking with fear.  There was another noise, like nails tapping against the wall.  From the dim street light, a very small something crawled out from behind the trash.