AN: Just to fulfil my promise to all my dear readers! I will go straight to the alternative endings that I had been thinking of first (but which I subsequently decided against) and then answer the questions that I have received/clarify certain points of the story that was raised!
1st Alternative Ending:
Everything is the same right until the graveyard scene. Tsukushi kneels in front of Rui's grave and confesses her feelings for him and he listens to her silently, hidden from her sight … …
"Rui … …" her soft whisper was almost a sigh as her fingertips caressed the smooth surface of the marble. "I miss you." There was a long pause and her voice was trembling when she finally spoke again. "I don't know if I can go on without you. The mere thought of existing without you terrifies me … …" She inhaled shakily. "But I know you would want me to be strong. I promised myself that I would continue to live on for your sake and for our friends … …" Her slim shoulders started shaking as her words were interrupted by sobs.
"… so hard … it's so hard … … let me cry tonight … … cry my heart out … … then I will be brave … … again … … just like you … … always hiding your pain … … let me be weak now … … then I'll be strong … … like you … …" The shadowy figure remained as still as a statue as the heart-wrenching sobs shattered the silence of the night. The only visible movement was a muscle twitching in the otherwise granite-like face as the jaw tightened and rapidly whitening knuckles as pale fingers dug mercilessly into soft flesh.
"Tsukushi," a familiar deep voice rang into the night a few minutes after the sobs had ebbed.
"Tsukasa," her voice was bone-weary.
"It's time to go." There was a strange tenderness in the voice. A tall dark man dressed in a suit bent down and gently helped the woman to her feet, sliding his arms around her waist to support her when she swayed a little.
"I'm fine now," she said as she gently disengaged herself from his embrace.
"Damn it woman, you don't have to pretend to be brave all the time!" Their voices gradually drifted out of hearing range. The stiff figure finally relaxed. After a few moments, he emerged from his hiding place and walked to the middle of the clearing. There was no sign of surprise on the pale features lit by the dim moonlight when another dark figure appeared soon after.
"Stein, we have to go." Rui nodded mechanically at the other agent as he followed him through the woods to another clearing where a jet plane was waiting. He closed his eyes after putting on his seatbelt, not wanting to be disturbed by any well meaning comments by his companion.
"Goodbye, my love." His mind whispered when they were finally airborne. "I wish you every happiness with Tsukasa. It is all for the best." He felt an unfamiliar wetness on his cheeks … …
Years later, a lonely elderly man but one of the best brains in the organization was given a new pupil to train. To the professor's (Rui's) shock, a teenager – a male version of Tsukushi – appears in front of him … …
2nd Alternative Ending:
(Really tempted to have this ending, but I thought it was a bit too "unfair" to be so mean to Rui!)
Everything is the same right until the graveyard scene. Rui isn't there this time because Tsukushi was meant to be watched by her friends. She succeeds in killing herself in front of Rui's grave … …
"Quite the modern Romeo and Juliet ending, isn't it? Except that heroin was probably not so popular then." She chuckled wryly as she held out her left arm, ready to inject the lethal dosage into a vein. She felt a pinprick as the needle slid smoothly under her skin. Glass shattered when the empty syringe was dropped from her nerveless fingers.
"Not too long now," she murmured as she sat down on the tombstone, her face stoic as she waited patiently for the drug to kick in. She started shivering minutes later as her teeth chattered. The paralysis slowly crept in and it was taking more and more of an effort to simply breathe. A faint smile touched her trembling lips as the world gradually faded out … …
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*A few hours later in a lab*
"Stein, there's something we need to tell you … …" Rui glanced at J. A familiar feeling of dread came over him when he saw the grim expression on J's face. The world stopped spinning when J tried his best to break the news to him gently. For the first time in his life, he broke down and wept in front of J like a baby … …
Basically, no one realised that Tsukushi never really recovered from the attack either. She appeared to be strong because she had Rui to focus on and this allowed her to shelf what happened to her. Without Rui, she simply broke down.
Ending 1: Days later, Rui committed suicide. His body was found hanging from the heater in a bathroom.
Ending 2: As the worst form of punishment, Rui forced himself to continue living the rest of his live alone – a broken old man.
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Okay, now to answer some questions:
1) Was Rui pretending for years?
No, he was actually suffering from severe post-traumatic stress syndrome for the first couple of years. He gradually recovered to the extent that he became aware of what was happening around him, but he was still so depressed that he refused to emerge from his own little world … …
2) Why did he agree to J's plan? And why did he have to pretend to kill himself?
He realised that his behaviour – hiding behind his shell – was causing grief to his friends and family, and also he believed that he was a burden to them. Especially with regards to Tsukushi. He did not want her to continue to wait on him and wait for him as he knew he had serious issues and did not know if he would fully recover or remain a mental case always. He felt at least with the organization he would be contributing somewhat by doing the only thing that he did best. And it was probably the life that was most suitable for him.
He had to "die" because his cover was blown and there was no telling how far the news had already spread. So in line with most witness protection-type programs, the only way to protect him from rival countries was for him to die and obtain a new identity.
3) Why did Tsukushi have to die? And was she selfish?
Otherwise people may be suspicious about her sudden disappearance and start linking it to the fact that Rui may not be dead.
Yes, to a certain extent she was selfish. However, in addition to her feelings for him, taking care of him had been the best therapy session for her and she needed it to continue the "therapy" to survive. They had become dependent on each other and needed each other to live.
Author's Note: I realised that some of you found the ending sad? Actually, I thought it was one of the happiest endings that I have ever written! Sorry, I guess I find it difficult to imagine that they would live happily ever after. It's hard after such a traumatic experience, not to say leaving their friends, families and effectively identities behind. I think this is probably the most fairy tale like ending that is still believable. Don't you agree ;)?
My most sincere thanks to all my wonderful readers. Thanks for coming along for the ride! I hope you enjoyed the story half as much as I did your comments! Special thanks to my reviewers (in alphabetical order), especially those "regulars" who have encouraged and motivated me continuously with your kind and generous comments – you know who you are! Love you guys!
Angel72, angel310, Angel-Xing, ayasaa
Blackcat, blue, Buzz
Celebra, Chi5, chris37, cm, crybaby, cuppajava
Dark Phoenix, Drina
emptiness-sky
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GreenCookie
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Nana-chan
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plagiarist, Piglet, Pure Innocence, Purple.
Ravenfire623, Reius Devirix
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the frustrated writer, ToinKs, trevtrev, twilightstarz
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*~Vean~*, vic~vic~vic
xin2005
*Yan*, Yuei, Yumez
zro