Disclaimer: Sadly, do not own Gundam Wing. Even more sadly, do not own Duo. Lawsuits will be krispy-fried by Deathscythe.

A/N: A bizarre idea my friend and I came up with while rollerblading. *scratches back of head* Please don't ask… ^_^V

Heero and the Telemarketer

Riiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

"He~llo!" Duo cheerfully answered the phone. He listened for a moment, blinked a few times, then interrupted the person on the other end. "Just a minute." Hurriedly covering the mouthpiece, he thrust the phone at Heero, whom was working on his laptop at the small table. Even holed up in their small hideaway as they were, Wing's pilot still felt it was necessary to be glued to his screen. He blinked as the phone was thrust at him.

"You take the call. I'll be out waxing Deathscythe!" Dropping the phone like a hot potato into Heero's unsuspecting hand, the braided pilot made tracks for the doorway and freedom. Heero watched him go, then raised the phone to his ear.

"What?" he demanded gruffly.

The voice at the other end was male, and sounded absurdly cheerful. Large doses of caffeine were suspect. "Hello! I'm calling to know if you would be interested in purchasing a set of customer-satisfaction-guaranteed mint-condition federally approved cosmetic supplies! For the low price of fifty dollars, you can be the lucky owner of not one, but two cases of accessories that can make you look twenty years younger!"

Heero interrupted. "If I looked twenty years younger, I wouldn't be alive. Who is this? What government are you working for? Are you a spy for OZ?"

The man on the other end faltered. "What?"

"How did you get this number?" demanded Heero, glancing around the insides of the bunker. Was the place bugged?…he'd looked over it earlier, but could he have missed something?…

"You know, we just have a list that we dial numbers from. I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"And I don't know why you would think I would want to buy makeup," answered Heero at his icy-coolest.

"Well…" The man trailed off. "Look, I'm just doing my job!"

"So you are an OZ spy!"

"Yes? No! Look, do you want to buy our product or not?" pleaded the frazzled caller.

"Omae o korosu."

click

Duo poked his head back in cautiously, to see Heero rapidly packing up his things. "Hey, hey, what's going on?"

"They found us. Somehow they got this number, and now they know we're here."

"Heero, Heero!" laughed Duo. "There are some things about the world that you still need to know about!" He slung an arm over the other boy' shoulder, and ignoring the glare he got, steered him over to the threadbare couch, pushing Heero into a sitting position, then flopping down next to him. The couch gave an ominous groan and sank a few inches.

"Haven't you ever heard of telemarketers?"

A/N: See that button down there? It's blueish. Square. You would make me very happy if you clicked it. Won't you please? ^_^