A/N: Disney owns the characters and the backdrop. I only own the angst. So
there. Thanks for the reviews, also.
I hate math.
I don't know how this is going to be useful in my future career. To be honest, I don't want a career that uses this stuff anyway. The only thing that I've really learned in the many days and weeks of junior high is what I don't want to do with my life.
Or what I want. Period.
I envy Gordo in that way. In many other ways too. But that one sticks out the most in my mind. The main reason I think he's amazing now and only going to become something greater. He knows what he's going to do with himself, he knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it.
At least I think he does, but he hasn't been himself lately. Not completely anyway.
I blame it on a girl. Some girl he likes, but he assumes she doesn't know he exists.
She must be blind.
Of course, this is just a wild and crazy theory. I have no real proof. I've just been noticing the way he carries himself lately. Shoulders slumped, eyes glued to the floor, and no tolerance for girl talk.
The Parker McKenzie thing really messed him up. Now that I think about it, the Brooke Baker relationship wasn't helpful either. The way I see it, he and Brooke got together so easily that Gordo didn't think twice about how girls saw him. He was confident.
But if one girl can give you confidence, another can take it all back. Leaving you with less than you had sometimes.
He's better now, I think Parker saw the error in her ways. Especially after he showed up with two dates to the dance in question. I'm beaming right now as to how that put her in her place. Although, I'm a little concerned now that she does see what I see in him. Terrified I guess that she may go after him. I can't tell you why I feel that way. Maybe its because I don't want him to get burned again.
But Gordo is still second-guessing himself too much to let that happen anyway. Not about school or his "career path" or anything, he still knows he's unstoppable there. And right now, what's more important than that?
For all his talk about how popularity is unimportant, at least a part of him wants to be noticed. Noticed by somebody in particular. The problem is finding out whom. One of the many things I know I won't be good at in life is private investigator. I'm terrible at bullying information out of anybody.
For instance, I know Miranda has an idea of what's going on with him. I've asked her. She'll smile saying she has a "theory" about who Gordo likes. That's a good start, because at least she also sees he's acting weird and that its also probably about a girl. Where Miranda is not being helpful is giving me a hint as to who this undeserving girl may be. When I press her, she says:
"I dunno Lizzie. I'm worried if I tell you, you'll get too curious and start snooping around. You'll start asking questions. Rumors will start. Then Gordo will just be embarrassed and depressed, instead of just weird. Think about it."
Her exact words.
Sometimes I hate how well she knows me. Of course I would start snooping. But I have only the best of intentions. My stamp of approval, as well as Miranda's, must be gotten by this "dream girl" before anything can happen. I mean, this girl better be pretty amazing to have him acting this withdrawn all the time.
Don't get me wrong, he's still always there. David Gordon is nothing if not totally reliable. But he's not all there. I didn't really think about at first when I noticed he was acting a little off. But I've been missing things about how he used to be.
His carefree attitude.
His untapped ambition.
His . . . eyes.
I know that last part sounds bizarre, but let me just explain.
You know when you talk with someone? I mean really talk with them. Not talking to them. And you reach this understanding, although you don't come out and say that you both understand. Your eyes meet and you just know that the understanding is there.
Lately it seems that he doesn't want me to understand, or to understand himself. We make eye contact so briefly nowadays. He turns them away so fast, as if he's scared or ashamed.
Case and point.
Gordo, out of nowhere laughed at something that just happened, or maybe something he just thought of. Taking this opportunity to make eye contact, I turn in my seat to give him a "what's so funny glance?". I swear he looked me in the eyes just long enough to mouth "It's nothing" before diverting his glance to my forehead or hair or something.
This is so frustrating. Not just the area of the circle, either. Why can't he look at me? Something must be weird with my face or something. I haven't reapplied my lip-gloss in a while. Maybe that's it.
After rummaging through my handbag I finally find it and start applying. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Gordo shifting his attention. Ha. It was the gloss.
But then, when I actually looked over to him after finishing the application, something even stranger was going on.
Gordo wasn't looking at me. He wasn't really looking at anything or anybody. His eyes were wide open, but glossy as if he's thinking about something. Almost daydreaming maybe?
I finally see some life in him when his hands start to shake. A little at first, but more intensely as the moments pass. If he's getting this emotional over the area of a circle, then I really am concerned what's going to happen to him if he falls in love.
Snap!!!
Gordo jumping in his seat, breaking out of his trance.
Miranda yelping from something hitting her neck, probably Gordo's pencil lead. Its fair to say she looks pretty peeved at him right now.
"You get what you don't pay for," he says trying to recover. I would've laughed like some of the people in here, but I noticed that Gordo is sweating like its 400 degrees in here as the little black locks on his forehead are sticking against his skin. How can he be sweating like that when I'm freezing and more warmly dressed than him?
He definitely wasn't thinking about the area of a stupid circle.
Miranda is smiling now, and she knows what's going on.
He was thinking about her.
I'm not liking her too much, whoever this girl is. Gordo is a total wreck and a pencil short because of her. I'm looking for one now. He's taking his time reaching across the aisle for it as I'm offering it, and his hand is still shaking. So much so that he drops the pencil. Miranda is doing a terrible job hiding her amusement.
She doesn't have a theory. She knows who this evil person is. You're so dead, Sanchez.
Someday I'll know who she is and what makes her so great.
Someday I'll know what makes him lose control, in the middle of class, over her.
Someday I'll admit that I'm hoping that "her" . . . is me.
I hate math.
I don't know how this is going to be useful in my future career. To be honest, I don't want a career that uses this stuff anyway. The only thing that I've really learned in the many days and weeks of junior high is what I don't want to do with my life.
Or what I want. Period.
I envy Gordo in that way. In many other ways too. But that one sticks out the most in my mind. The main reason I think he's amazing now and only going to become something greater. He knows what he's going to do with himself, he knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it.
At least I think he does, but he hasn't been himself lately. Not completely anyway.
I blame it on a girl. Some girl he likes, but he assumes she doesn't know he exists.
She must be blind.
Of course, this is just a wild and crazy theory. I have no real proof. I've just been noticing the way he carries himself lately. Shoulders slumped, eyes glued to the floor, and no tolerance for girl talk.
The Parker McKenzie thing really messed him up. Now that I think about it, the Brooke Baker relationship wasn't helpful either. The way I see it, he and Brooke got together so easily that Gordo didn't think twice about how girls saw him. He was confident.
But if one girl can give you confidence, another can take it all back. Leaving you with less than you had sometimes.
He's better now, I think Parker saw the error in her ways. Especially after he showed up with two dates to the dance in question. I'm beaming right now as to how that put her in her place. Although, I'm a little concerned now that she does see what I see in him. Terrified I guess that she may go after him. I can't tell you why I feel that way. Maybe its because I don't want him to get burned again.
But Gordo is still second-guessing himself too much to let that happen anyway. Not about school or his "career path" or anything, he still knows he's unstoppable there. And right now, what's more important than that?
For all his talk about how popularity is unimportant, at least a part of him wants to be noticed. Noticed by somebody in particular. The problem is finding out whom. One of the many things I know I won't be good at in life is private investigator. I'm terrible at bullying information out of anybody.
For instance, I know Miranda has an idea of what's going on with him. I've asked her. She'll smile saying she has a "theory" about who Gordo likes. That's a good start, because at least she also sees he's acting weird and that its also probably about a girl. Where Miranda is not being helpful is giving me a hint as to who this undeserving girl may be. When I press her, she says:
"I dunno Lizzie. I'm worried if I tell you, you'll get too curious and start snooping around. You'll start asking questions. Rumors will start. Then Gordo will just be embarrassed and depressed, instead of just weird. Think about it."
Her exact words.
Sometimes I hate how well she knows me. Of course I would start snooping. But I have only the best of intentions. My stamp of approval, as well as Miranda's, must be gotten by this "dream girl" before anything can happen. I mean, this girl better be pretty amazing to have him acting this withdrawn all the time.
Don't get me wrong, he's still always there. David Gordon is nothing if not totally reliable. But he's not all there. I didn't really think about at first when I noticed he was acting a little off. But I've been missing things about how he used to be.
His carefree attitude.
His untapped ambition.
His . . . eyes.
I know that last part sounds bizarre, but let me just explain.
You know when you talk with someone? I mean really talk with them. Not talking to them. And you reach this understanding, although you don't come out and say that you both understand. Your eyes meet and you just know that the understanding is there.
Lately it seems that he doesn't want me to understand, or to understand himself. We make eye contact so briefly nowadays. He turns them away so fast, as if he's scared or ashamed.
Case and point.
Gordo, out of nowhere laughed at something that just happened, or maybe something he just thought of. Taking this opportunity to make eye contact, I turn in my seat to give him a "what's so funny glance?". I swear he looked me in the eyes just long enough to mouth "It's nothing" before diverting his glance to my forehead or hair or something.
This is so frustrating. Not just the area of the circle, either. Why can't he look at me? Something must be weird with my face or something. I haven't reapplied my lip-gloss in a while. Maybe that's it.
After rummaging through my handbag I finally find it and start applying. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Gordo shifting his attention. Ha. It was the gloss.
But then, when I actually looked over to him after finishing the application, something even stranger was going on.
Gordo wasn't looking at me. He wasn't really looking at anything or anybody. His eyes were wide open, but glossy as if he's thinking about something. Almost daydreaming maybe?
I finally see some life in him when his hands start to shake. A little at first, but more intensely as the moments pass. If he's getting this emotional over the area of a circle, then I really am concerned what's going to happen to him if he falls in love.
Snap!!!
Gordo jumping in his seat, breaking out of his trance.
Miranda yelping from something hitting her neck, probably Gordo's pencil lead. Its fair to say she looks pretty peeved at him right now.
"You get what you don't pay for," he says trying to recover. I would've laughed like some of the people in here, but I noticed that Gordo is sweating like its 400 degrees in here as the little black locks on his forehead are sticking against his skin. How can he be sweating like that when I'm freezing and more warmly dressed than him?
He definitely wasn't thinking about the area of a stupid circle.
Miranda is smiling now, and she knows what's going on.
He was thinking about her.
I'm not liking her too much, whoever this girl is. Gordo is a total wreck and a pencil short because of her. I'm looking for one now. He's taking his time reaching across the aisle for it as I'm offering it, and his hand is still shaking. So much so that he drops the pencil. Miranda is doing a terrible job hiding her amusement.
She doesn't have a theory. She knows who this evil person is. You're so dead, Sanchez.
Someday I'll know who she is and what makes her so great.
Someday I'll know what makes him lose control, in the middle of class, over her.
Someday I'll admit that I'm hoping that "her" . . . is me.