TITLE: Invisible (1/1)
AUTHOR: Winter
EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]
DISTRIBUTION: FF.net, anyone who wants it -- just let me know where it's going.
SPOILERS: Up until Hikaru passes the pro exams.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Akari dwells on Hikaru, Go, what could have been... and what could still be. (Akari/Kishimoto)
DISCLAIMER: "Hikaru no Go" is owned by people other than me. I make no claims.
FEEDBACK: Would be very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: My first "Hikaru no Go" fic. I happen to like Akari, and I think Hikaru's an idiot for constantly pushing her away, so I wrote this. Do let me know what you think.
INVISIBLE
Akari sighed as she looked forlornly at the darkened upstairs window of the house in front of her. It had become almost a daily ritual, as she walked home from school, to stop in front of the Shindou residence and sneak a peak up at Hikaru's window.
Once again, the room beyond it was dark and quiet, signaling to her that Hikaru was not home.
Of course, she expected that. Hikaru hadn't been in school that day, which meant he was off somewhere playing a match. Where, she didn't know. She supposed she could have found out easily enough--just pick up a copy of Weekly Go and check the schedules--but somehow, she couldn't bring herself to do it. It would almost be like stalking.
Akari snorted derisively. And standing in front of his house every day wasn't?
Shaking her head, she realized that she didn't want to have to read about Hikaru's games in some magazine. She wanted him to tell her himself. Her fingers tightened their grip around the school bag she was holding in front of her, knowing that was almost an impossible wish.
After all, they hadn't talked in weeks.
The last time Hikaru had been in school, he'd barely said two words to her. He hadn't even stopped by the Go Club meeting, though a part of her couldn't blame him for it. There would always be some tension with Mitani, though she tried her best to help the two of them move past it.
Looking back up at the window, Akari reflected on how they had grown so far apart. Hikaru had never admitted to liking to her, not in the way she wanted, but they always spent so much time together that she believed someday, he would return her feelings. In the meantime, they would be buddies. He would tease her, and she would get angry, but at least they were together. Her entire world had revolved around him: wanting to see his beautiful green eyes, wanting to hear his sweet voice, wanting to simply walk next to him as they returned home from school.
But now, Hikaru's world revolved around Go.
She could even pinpoint exactly when it began. The two of them were visiting his grandfather's shed, and Hikaru found an old Go board. The stricken look on his face had startled her, and she had rushed off to get help, not knowing what was wrong.
To this day, she couldn't figure out what it was that knocked Hikaru unconscious, but from then on, he had steadily became immersed in the world of Go. It was like he had been possessed in that shed, or had received some message from God about his destiny.
How she wished that destiny included her, as well.
But there was no room in Hikaru's life for her anymore, and that realization pained her. He had become a pro, had finally set his feet upon the path that would eventually lead him closer to Touya Akira... and further away from her.
Now, all Akari could do was sit back and watch Hikaru from afar. Watch as his entire body filled with determination whenever he talked about his matches. Watch the passion in his eyes whenever he sat before a Go board.
Would it be asking so much, she wondered, to have him look at her like that? Just once? Even for a moment?
Because sometimes, Akari felt like he didn't see her at all.
It was strange. Sometimes, she would catch Hikaru throwing glances over his shoulder after his matches, as if he was looking for someone. And stranger still, sometimes it seemed like he was looking *at* someone.
But it was never her. Even when she had stood right behind him, watching supportively as he first learned Go, he hardly ever registered her presence. He always had been so wrapped up in the game, so intent on the flow of the stones.
She didn't understand it, the fierce devotion that Go evoked. That didn't stop her from trying, of course. She joined the Go Club for Hikaru's sake, to try to begin understanding what it was that captivated him. To her surprise, she caught glimpses of it now and then, when she was in the middle of a particularly good game.
Well, good for her at least.
She reasoned that a part of her confusion came simply from the fact that she was nowhere near the skill level of those who devoted their lives to Go. She never would be, and that alone almost dictated that she could never understand Hikaru's feelings.
As much as she wanted to, as desperately as she tried to...
Go would never be more than an entertaining game to her. But to Hikaru, it was his life. And so she continued playing, holding on to the one connection she had left with him. Maybe someday, that small connection, that minute thing they still had in common, would be enough to bring him back to her, to make him look at her and really, truly *see* her.
Maybe someday, Hikaru would throw a glance over his shoulder after a match, and be looking for *her.*
"Fujisaki-san?" the new voice startled her out of her thoughts, and she turned to see the president of Kaiou's infamous Go Club watching her intently.
"Kishimoto-san," Akari greeted in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
The two had met at a recent Go Club Tournament, after he had remarked on Hikaru's absence. Akari told him about Hikaru joining the Insei, but he looked as if he had expected it. She questioned him about that, and he had revealed the specifics of their earlier run-in.
For a minute, Akari didn't know whether to be grateful on Hikaru's behalf for his advice, or infuriated for herself at his meddling. After all, if this was the man that had sent Hikaru off to the Insei, putting him on that path that caused him to leave her...
Her anger had quickly subsided, however, as she realized that Hikaru would have walked down that path sooner or later. The flow of destiny could not be changed.
And so gratefulness won out, and she smiled at him, thanking him for pushing Hikaru towards his fate. She remarked that the boy always did need a good kick in the you-know-where to get himself started, and to her surprise, Kishimoto had laughed.
It was a pleasant sound.
The two had continued to keep in touch, and, though his stoic personality was a far cry from Hikaru's constant exuberance, Akari found that she liked his company.
"Shindou?" Kishimoto inquired, reading the name engraved on the fence.
Akari blushed, wondering what he must think of her, standing in front of Hikaru's house like this. But the young man did not comment on that, merely stating, "I hear he passed the pro exams."
Nodding, Akari once again felt the bitter mixture of pride and regret burning inside her heart.
"It's amazing, how far he's come in two years," Kishimoto mused. His voice was laced with a sorrow that Akari easily recognized, and she quickly turned to look at him. Shifting his gaze to her, he continued, "Many players don't progress that far in their entire lives."
Akari kept her gaze on him, knowing that he was dwelling on his own failures. She still didn't know why, but he had told her that he used to be an Insei, and that he wasn't good enough to get very far.
Maybe that was why she felt so comfortable with him. Try as she might to understand Hikaru, she simply couldn't. But Kishimoto... he had loved Go, and had been spurned.
That, she understood.
While it was true that one could hardly compare her love for Hikaru to a person's love for Go, the intensity of the emotions could not be denied. They were both feeling as though they had been shut out of something important, as though the world had gone on without them.
It was a lonely feeling, but maybe, just maybe, the two of them would catch up someday...
"Kishimoto-san?" Akari finally worked up the nerve to ask, "Would you like to get something to eat?"
He stared at her for a moment, his dark eyes revealing nothing of what he was thinking. Finally, he smiled slightly and gently pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose. "I'd like that."
Akari flashed him a brilliant smile, then turned to walk back down the street, pausing momentarily as he joined her. She resisted the urge to look back once more at Hikaru's house, knowing that it was high time she stopped looking back.
Because even if she did, Hikaru still would not be there.
All she could do now was look forward, not to what might have been, or even to what should have been, but what *could* be. Would Hikaru realize, in the future, how much he meant to her? Would he return her feelings? And if he didn't, would she ever be able to stop loving him?
At the moment, Akari had no answers to those questions, but she knew that someday, those answers would come. She just had to be patient.
Looking up at the young man walking beside her, she decided that maybe waiting didn't have to be so painful. Kishimoto had been a good friend to her these last few months, and even if the world of Go refused to see him, and even if Hikaru refused to see her, at least they saw each other.
And to Akari, it was enough.
THE END
AUTHOR: Winter
EMAIL ADDRESS: [email protected]
DISTRIBUTION: FF.net, anyone who wants it -- just let me know where it's going.
SPOILERS: Up until Hikaru passes the pro exams.
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Akari dwells on Hikaru, Go, what could have been... and what could still be. (Akari/Kishimoto)
DISCLAIMER: "Hikaru no Go" is owned by people other than me. I make no claims.
FEEDBACK: Would be very much appreciated.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: My first "Hikaru no Go" fic. I happen to like Akari, and I think Hikaru's an idiot for constantly pushing her away, so I wrote this. Do let me know what you think.
INVISIBLE
Akari sighed as she looked forlornly at the darkened upstairs window of the house in front of her. It had become almost a daily ritual, as she walked home from school, to stop in front of the Shindou residence and sneak a peak up at Hikaru's window.
Once again, the room beyond it was dark and quiet, signaling to her that Hikaru was not home.
Of course, she expected that. Hikaru hadn't been in school that day, which meant he was off somewhere playing a match. Where, she didn't know. She supposed she could have found out easily enough--just pick up a copy of Weekly Go and check the schedules--but somehow, she couldn't bring herself to do it. It would almost be like stalking.
Akari snorted derisively. And standing in front of his house every day wasn't?
Shaking her head, she realized that she didn't want to have to read about Hikaru's games in some magazine. She wanted him to tell her himself. Her fingers tightened their grip around the school bag she was holding in front of her, knowing that was almost an impossible wish.
After all, they hadn't talked in weeks.
The last time Hikaru had been in school, he'd barely said two words to her. He hadn't even stopped by the Go Club meeting, though a part of her couldn't blame him for it. There would always be some tension with Mitani, though she tried her best to help the two of them move past it.
Looking back up at the window, Akari reflected on how they had grown so far apart. Hikaru had never admitted to liking to her, not in the way she wanted, but they always spent so much time together that she believed someday, he would return her feelings. In the meantime, they would be buddies. He would tease her, and she would get angry, but at least they were together. Her entire world had revolved around him: wanting to see his beautiful green eyes, wanting to hear his sweet voice, wanting to simply walk next to him as they returned home from school.
But now, Hikaru's world revolved around Go.
She could even pinpoint exactly when it began. The two of them were visiting his grandfather's shed, and Hikaru found an old Go board. The stricken look on his face had startled her, and she had rushed off to get help, not knowing what was wrong.
To this day, she couldn't figure out what it was that knocked Hikaru unconscious, but from then on, he had steadily became immersed in the world of Go. It was like he had been possessed in that shed, or had received some message from God about his destiny.
How she wished that destiny included her, as well.
But there was no room in Hikaru's life for her anymore, and that realization pained her. He had become a pro, had finally set his feet upon the path that would eventually lead him closer to Touya Akira... and further away from her.
Now, all Akari could do was sit back and watch Hikaru from afar. Watch as his entire body filled with determination whenever he talked about his matches. Watch the passion in his eyes whenever he sat before a Go board.
Would it be asking so much, she wondered, to have him look at her like that? Just once? Even for a moment?
Because sometimes, Akari felt like he didn't see her at all.
It was strange. Sometimes, she would catch Hikaru throwing glances over his shoulder after his matches, as if he was looking for someone. And stranger still, sometimes it seemed like he was looking *at* someone.
But it was never her. Even when she had stood right behind him, watching supportively as he first learned Go, he hardly ever registered her presence. He always had been so wrapped up in the game, so intent on the flow of the stones.
She didn't understand it, the fierce devotion that Go evoked. That didn't stop her from trying, of course. She joined the Go Club for Hikaru's sake, to try to begin understanding what it was that captivated him. To her surprise, she caught glimpses of it now and then, when she was in the middle of a particularly good game.
Well, good for her at least.
She reasoned that a part of her confusion came simply from the fact that she was nowhere near the skill level of those who devoted their lives to Go. She never would be, and that alone almost dictated that she could never understand Hikaru's feelings.
As much as she wanted to, as desperately as she tried to...
Go would never be more than an entertaining game to her. But to Hikaru, it was his life. And so she continued playing, holding on to the one connection she had left with him. Maybe someday, that small connection, that minute thing they still had in common, would be enough to bring him back to her, to make him look at her and really, truly *see* her.
Maybe someday, Hikaru would throw a glance over his shoulder after a match, and be looking for *her.*
"Fujisaki-san?" the new voice startled her out of her thoughts, and she turned to see the president of Kaiou's infamous Go Club watching her intently.
"Kishimoto-san," Akari greeted in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
The two had met at a recent Go Club Tournament, after he had remarked on Hikaru's absence. Akari told him about Hikaru joining the Insei, but he looked as if he had expected it. She questioned him about that, and he had revealed the specifics of their earlier run-in.
For a minute, Akari didn't know whether to be grateful on Hikaru's behalf for his advice, or infuriated for herself at his meddling. After all, if this was the man that had sent Hikaru off to the Insei, putting him on that path that caused him to leave her...
Her anger had quickly subsided, however, as she realized that Hikaru would have walked down that path sooner or later. The flow of destiny could not be changed.
And so gratefulness won out, and she smiled at him, thanking him for pushing Hikaru towards his fate. She remarked that the boy always did need a good kick in the you-know-where to get himself started, and to her surprise, Kishimoto had laughed.
It was a pleasant sound.
The two had continued to keep in touch, and, though his stoic personality was a far cry from Hikaru's constant exuberance, Akari found that she liked his company.
"Shindou?" Kishimoto inquired, reading the name engraved on the fence.
Akari blushed, wondering what he must think of her, standing in front of Hikaru's house like this. But the young man did not comment on that, merely stating, "I hear he passed the pro exams."
Nodding, Akari once again felt the bitter mixture of pride and regret burning inside her heart.
"It's amazing, how far he's come in two years," Kishimoto mused. His voice was laced with a sorrow that Akari easily recognized, and she quickly turned to look at him. Shifting his gaze to her, he continued, "Many players don't progress that far in their entire lives."
Akari kept her gaze on him, knowing that he was dwelling on his own failures. She still didn't know why, but he had told her that he used to be an Insei, and that he wasn't good enough to get very far.
Maybe that was why she felt so comfortable with him. Try as she might to understand Hikaru, she simply couldn't. But Kishimoto... he had loved Go, and had been spurned.
That, she understood.
While it was true that one could hardly compare her love for Hikaru to a person's love for Go, the intensity of the emotions could not be denied. They were both feeling as though they had been shut out of something important, as though the world had gone on without them.
It was a lonely feeling, but maybe, just maybe, the two of them would catch up someday...
"Kishimoto-san?" Akari finally worked up the nerve to ask, "Would you like to get something to eat?"
He stared at her for a moment, his dark eyes revealing nothing of what he was thinking. Finally, he smiled slightly and gently pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose. "I'd like that."
Akari flashed him a brilliant smile, then turned to walk back down the street, pausing momentarily as he joined her. She resisted the urge to look back once more at Hikaru's house, knowing that it was high time she stopped looking back.
Because even if she did, Hikaru still would not be there.
All she could do now was look forward, not to what might have been, or even to what should have been, but what *could* be. Would Hikaru realize, in the future, how much he meant to her? Would he return her feelings? And if he didn't, would she ever be able to stop loving him?
At the moment, Akari had no answers to those questions, but she knew that someday, those answers would come. She just had to be patient.
Looking up at the young man walking beside her, she decided that maybe waiting didn't have to be so painful. Kishimoto had been a good friend to her these last few months, and even if the world of Go refused to see him, and even if Hikaru refused to see her, at least they saw each other.
And to Akari, it was enough.
THE END