Disclaimer: Usagi, Mamoru, and Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon belong to Takeuchi Naoko. No money is being made off this fic.
Author's Notes: For those of you who have read the available parts of my Eva fanfic series
"From all Corners they Cried", yes, I did borrow an idea from that for this. Just so you know,
in case it seems somewhat familiar. What can I say, I thought the idea worked just as well for
Mamoru-san as Asuka. I did this revised version of the original story for my advanced creative writing class this semester. I hope the changes have only improved it. I can be reached at
either [email protected] or [email protected].
The Translucent Corridor
Version 2.0
by Dave Ziegler
The sun was shining, of that much he was certain. The light sparkled off the still morning wet grass, creating a momentary starscape against a backdrop of green. The sky withheld all its clouds today, much like every other, and let the potent rays bathe the entire hillside. He could tell from the wide smiles of everyone outside that the warmth they were feeling was unparalleled, indescribable.
He wanted to feel that too.
Chiba Mamoru pulled the flat of his palm away from the tunnel wall, allowing himself one further moment to gaze through its crystalline surface before dropping to the rough floor in agitation. It was there, right in front of him, and he was incapable of just reaching out and grabbing hold of it. The walls of the tunnel were too thick, too firmly entrenched in the earth beneath him. Mamoru knew that this had been going on too long for him to break free now.
"Cold in here, isn't it, Mamoru-san?"
"I know," he responded, not even bothering to turn round and face the source of the voice that lilted over his shoulder. Mamoru knew perfectly well who it would be. Usagi came to him every day, peering deeper and deeper into him with those luminescent blue eyes of hers. If he had originally thought that forever being a scant two feet from that glorious sun had been torture, then Mamoru knew better now. It was far worse to have this gentle, petrarchan beauty stand before him day after day and rip into his soul with questions he did not wish to answer.
"Do you plan on doing anything about it?" Mamoru heard her ask.
Do anything about it? He snorted derisively. Didn't Usagi realize that it was far too late for him to simply stand up and break free? Besides, there were certain things, powerful things, that held him firmly to this spot.
"No," he simply stated, and continued to stare out the tunnel at the blazing sun.
Her shoes crunched a few times on the loose pebbles that scattered the floor's surface, and suddenly Mamoru felt Usagi's warm breath slide across his cheek. "So, you actually prefer misery?" she whispered, the words slipping in his ear and falling directly toward his heart.
"NO!" Mamoru spun about and sprang to his feet, looming largely over the small blonde girl before him. "I do not want this, Usagi!" His voice rose in anger and he gestured wildly at the jagged yet clear mass that made up his prison. "This, THIS, is nothing! It's bleak, barren, and cold. How could you possibly think that I would prefer this?"
Usagi smiled slightly at the man, then calmly reached up and brushed some unruly black locks from in front of his flashing eyes. "I assumed, Mamoru-san, that since you seem so determined to do nothing to free yourself, that you preferred being here. Is that not right?"
Mamoru turned quickly away from her inquiring eyes, unwilling to face the innocence and compassion they held, and let the anger seep from his body. "No, Usagi, that's not right at all. I truly do not want to be here, but I can't escape either."
"Why?"
It was a simple question, but one loaded with such power that Mamoru feared it, and could not help but recoil from it. He knew that if he let it, that one word could smash through all the locked doors he continually labored to bury. Silence was the preferable choice here, and silence it would be.
Of course, Mamoru should have realized that refusing to speak would not daunt Usagi in the least. She could be as stubborn as she was lovely, and often matched himself in refusing to concede an inch.
Usagi seized his shoulder and spun Mamoru about, surprising him with the strength she possessed in such a small body. "Why," she began, pinning him with two intense blue eyes, "can you not make any effort to free yourself from this? What could possibly be holding you here?"
"I...." Mamoru tried to speak, but faltered, unable to actually utter the words.
"Tell me. Please."
Usagi's hand slipped from Mamoru's shoulder to his neck, her grip still firm yet surprisingly soft. On that single patch of flesh, where hers touched his, Mamoru felt a sudden burst of heat. It was such a stark contrast to everything else around him that he actually shivered, imagining that the sensation had wrapped around the rest of his body as well. And then her eyes, he could see it in her eyes now too: the warm glow of the sun.
"Why, Mamoru-san?" Usagi urged.
Mamoru broke.
"This is where I deserve to be," he said, voice low and defeated.
"You what?" Mamoru felt Usagi recoil in shock. Her hand slipped from his neck, and she stumbled backward, eyes wide with incomprehension and horror. The last traces of warmth evaporated from his skin, leaving only the cold.
"How could you possibly deserve to be here? It's masochistic."
"But true," Mamoru countered. "I do not belong in the world you reside in, Usagi. I have nothing to offer it." Mamoru watched, momentarily confused, as Usagi's face wavered through several contortions before she finally broke out giggling. He regarded this child of a woman with a questioning gaze, while she clutched at her stomach, heaving with laughter.
"You," Usagi gasped, still trying to catch her breath, "have nothing to offer? What happened to the brilliant and arrogant college student that takes so much pleasure in teasing me about my terrible grades? Of the two of us here, I'd say I am the one who's going to make a lot less difference in the world to come."
"The academics, Usagi, they're not important. You will make a difference because of your heart. It may not span the world, it may not make the news, but your love will make a very large difference in the lives of the people around you. You must be blind if you can't see it in the way you've brought your friends, those four utterly different girls, together."
Usagi paused for a moment, watching Mamoru intently. "And you won't be able to do this as well?"
He shook his head, a condescending half smile playing at his lips. "No, I can't. Not even to the lesser degree that most other people love."
"Nonsense," Usagi snapped, folding her arms and nodding her head firmly. "Everyone can love."
"Not me."
"Why? What makes you different from the rest of us?"
She was attacking him again with those eyes, rooting him to the spot and cajoling the truth from his lips whether he liked it or not. Mamoru slumped to the floor, unable to resist. "My parents, Usagi. They make the difference. When I was young, about six years old, my parents and I were in a car crash. They died and I survived. But only after having sustained enough head trauma that I possess not a single memory before waking up in a hospital bed the next day. The doctors even had to tell me my name.
"Once I was marked as well again, I was shuffled off to an orphanage. They're terrible places, Usagi, full of callous workers with broken dreams and children who would just as soon beat you for your portion of dinner as you would say 'hello.' Well, at least mine was," Mamoru admitted.
"I had two things that sustained me while I was there: my roses and my studies. You see, Usagi, there was a small rose bush out behind the main building of the orphanage. I found it while hiding one day, and eventually learnt to take care of it. I used to lose myself in the deep red blossoms, for they were fresh, beautiful, and alive. I could imagine that the secret bush was left there by some benevolent fairy or magical princess that had seen and taken pity on me.
"Then there was school. It was a place, I quickly realized, that could be my life preserver. So, I dedicated myself to that work, studying and excelling, because it gave me something by which to hold myself up with. If I was able to get the grades, then I could at least say I was better than the rest of them, and know that I would leave one day to succeed where the others would not. And that knowledge did help to keep me afloat.
"When I turned eighteen, I was given full control of the remains of my parents' estate, and left the orphanage to live by myself. I was glad to be free of the place, free of the weight the constant ducking and hiding placed on my soul. By then, though, it was far too late whether I thought I had escaped or not. By then, I had already been finding myself here for years."
Mamoru picked his head up and watched Usagi keenly, searching for a reaction. The girl's eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and her mouth was pressed into a thin line. Betraying some of her emotion, though, were the delicate fingers that seemed to be dancing a constant nervous waltz around one another. Finally, the moments of silence ended as Usagi let her eyes slowly fall open, and the girl produced a quiet sigh.
She took a step forward and knelt in front of him. "Mamoru," she began, "I'm sorry about what happened to you." And she truly was too, he could feel it emanating from her. This wasn't just the usual and entirely automated condolences he had received from the few others who knew about his past. "But," she continued, "you must realize that others have had difficult and often traumatic lives too, and they have managed to continue living like the rest of the world. You mentioned my unlikely friends before. Well, take Mako-chan, for example. Her parents both died in a jet crash over the ocean when she was younger than you were. Makoto was bounced from foster home to foster home, never really finding a place that fit her. But look at her now, Mamoru-san. She's grabbed her life again, finding in each of her friends here a new family. She's let herself love again, why can't you?"
Mamoru thrust a fist into the tunnel's floor, his knuckles skidding across the loose rock and debris. "Don't you understand, Usagi? Makoto can still remember! She didn't lose that part of herself that let's her know what it feels like to be loved and love back! I have nothing, Usagi! I'm cold in all the wrong places, and that scares me half to death! What if I have children one day? I would have nothing to give them, no basis from my childhood on which to start. I would be condemning them to a horrible life before they were even born."
Mamoru threw his hands into the air. "Hell, why am I even bothering to think about children? No woman would bother with someone like me, not once they saw what was inside."
Before he was able to finish though, Usagi had him by the neck again and forced his eyes to hers. Those two blue orbs burned intensely, and Mamoru felt the sudden urge to pull away and hide, but could not move himself to. Usagi's lips were moving closer to his own, then parted. "Liar," they whispered, and Mamoru suddenly found himself falling backward, released from her grip.
"Stand up," she ordered.
"What?" Mamoru managed to ask, still reeling slightly from the intense heat Usagi's proximity had generated.
"Get up." Each word was enunciated in such a commanding tone that Mamoru sprung to his feet despite himself. "Now," she said, grabbing his hand, "follow me."
Usagi pulled Mamoru down the corridor for a good distance, every couple of seconds glancing through the wall to the world outside. Her pace quickened when a dark mass in the usually translucent corridor appeared, casting a slightly oblong shadow upon the floor. She pulled to a quick stop in front of that section of wall, and forced Mamoru face to face with the mass.
It was Motoki. The one man Mamoru had ever considered a friend, and he was encased within the wall, his hands and arms locked in place before him like he was trying to shove his way through.
"You see," Usagi said, "you've already started to let people in. You might not actively realize it, but you are just as capable of loving again as Mako-chan."
Mamoru stepped away from the wall, his head wheeling back and forth. "No, Usagi, you've got it wrong. I trust Motoki, that's the basis of our friendship. I don't love him."
"Really?" Usagi grabbed him and hauled Mamoru another few steps down the corridor. "Then what about this?" Her finger lay against the surface of the wall, pointing a straight line through its depths. About a quarter of the way through the crystalline formation was another body.
"It's just Reika," Mamoru stammered, "Motoki's girlfriend. She's usually with him when he comes to visit, and she might be in a few of my classes. She is more an acquaintance than anything."
"Look, Mamoru-san," Usagi instructed him. "Look at all the other people who are outside the wall, at its surface. Look at them: your fellow college students, some of your professors, I can even see some of my friends out there."
"Yeah," Mamoru scoffed. "They're out there. They've always been out there, mocking my deficiencies and gloating over their beautiful sun."
"No," she firmly countered. "They are waiting for you, Mamoru. They are waiting for their chance to be let in. Motoki and Reika slipped in without you realizing it, but the rest are hoping that you will decide to open the doors, making it easier for them."
"I can't!" Mamoru berated her, spinning away from the scene.
"It's not that you can't," Usagi contended, ducking back in front of him. "It's that you're afraid to." She threw her fist into the wall, causing a slight thud to quietly echo through the tunnel. "You did not just find yourself here, Mamoru, you built the place! And I understand that it helped you to survive early on, but it is time to let go of this childish fear that haunts you. You're not with doctors anymore, you're not in the orphanage, and, as much as it might hurt you to admit this, just because your parents died does not mean that everyone who loves you will. So, tear these walls down, Mamoru-san! I, of all people, know that you have the power to do it."
Mamoru's head was spinning, everything Usagi said cutting deeper and deeper into him. Truths that he thought long ago forgotten or buried swirled through his mind, free and unbound. Then her last words snapped him back to clarity.
"What do you mean, you of all people should know?"
Mamoru thought he saw her faintly blush, but dismissed it and followed her now extended arm to the wall behind them. If seeing Motoki had surprised him, then Mamoru was shocked dumb at the sight that presented itself now. He stumbled quickly to the wall, eyes slack and wide.
Usagi was inside.
And not just inside, Usagi was practically through the tunnel wall. Mamoru thought she couldn't have been more than an inch away from being completely inside. He pressed his palm to the wall's surface and was surprised to find it reverberating with heat. Perhaps, most surprising off all, was the clear path this Usagi seemed to have cut through the crystal. Unlike both Reika and Motoki, she didn't seem as if she had fought her way in and through.
"What's going on?" Mamoru asked, confusion doing a two-step across his consciousness.
"You should know very well, Mamoru-san," Usagi said, stepping up to the wall with him. "You made the path for her, letting her step through unencumbered. But there is still that last little bit that cannot be broken through by your unconscious. To finally start destroying your barriers, you must make an active decision. Only then will you have the power necessary."
"How was this possible?" he stuttered, turning back to the girl who stood next to him.
"What do you feel when you touch the wall? What do you feel when you are near her?"
Mamoru paused for only the barest of moments, then with unequivocal confidence said, "Warmth. I feel warm. God, it's...." His voice lapsed into silence, and Usagi smiled.
"Then know now what it feels like, Mamoru-san. Know that you have the ability, have always had it, and have been letting it work. Don't be afraid, don't deny it, and do not hide. She cannot just come and rescue you from it all, Mamoru, you must first open the door for her."
"Open the door," Mamoru murmured. He pulled his hand away from the wall and looked around the tunnel, for the first time really understanding the nature of the cold he felt, and knew that he could change it. His hand fell back against the wall and he could feel the tendrils of warmth racing through his finger tips and into the rest of his body.
"Open the door," he said again, this time his voice more firm. Mamoru stood before the imprisoned Usagi, cocked his fist, and let it fly....
* * *
"I'm going to be so late!" Tsukino Usagi ran full tilt down the streets of Juuban, one hand desperately clutching her bag and lunch, the other forced ahead of her in attempt to clear a path for her mad dash to school. Of course, as fate would usually have it, there was one person who could never quite make it out of her way in time during these sprints.
Crack!
Usagi fell backward, a great swelling pain forming in her temples. "Ow," she complained, bringing her fingers to bear on the offending part of her head. Then reality clawed its way back into her mind, and Usagi launched herself to her feet, bowing profusely. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you coming, are you all right?" she hurried.
"No problem, Odango Atama. I'm getting rather used to being run down by you."
Usagi's voice faltered mid-apology, and she glanced up from her bow to see Chiba Mamoru sitting prostrate on the pavement. A small frown formed on her face. Of course, it would be him. Usagi readied herself for another bout of insult hurling, but faltered yet again when she realized that Mamoru's vicious nickname for her hadn't contained the usual smug contempt he always pronounced it with.
"Here, Usagi," Mamoru said, getting up and handing her the bag and lunch she had lost in the collision. Usagi dumbly accepted the proffered items, and watched as he walked past her and said, "Until next time, then, Odango."
She still stood there when he had long since departed, mouth agape and mind not quite making all the connections it should have. Chiba Mamoru had been nice to her. Chiba Mamoru, the always arrogant, self assured, snide, and insufferable college jerk, had not said two cruel words to her! The smallest of smiles pulled at her lips. It felt nice.
Then Usagi glanced at her watch. "Now, I actually am late!" She turned about and pelted down the street, thoughts of a kindly Mamoru tucked away for another time.
* * *
The crystal around Usagi shattered, the pieces falling like so many teardrops to the floor. Mamoru swept forward, catching the rapidly falling girl and gently lowering her down, her head cradled upon his knees.
"Usagi?" he breathed, unsure of what to do next. This was new and exciting, terrifying and heart stopping.
She turned her face towards his and graced Mamoru with a brilliant smile. He wasn't sure, but he thought she had mouthed 'thank you' before turning her head back away and lifting an arm toward the new tunnel that bored through the crystalline wall. At her command, the sunlight surged into the newly carved passageway, cutting fast through the thickness, and finally exploding into the corridor.
Mamoru threw his arm up in a desperate attempt to shield his eyes from the unimaginably radiant light. He could feel it wash over and through him, and push the cold from the tunnel like the slightest layer of dust.
When he finally opened his eyes again, the Usagi who had laid upon his lap was gone, and the normally clear walls of the crystal tunnel were fogged and distorted by thousands of tiny fissures that ran as far as Mamoru could see.
"How do you feel?"
Mamoru spun about and faced the other Usagi, the one that had been with him the entire time. The one who had shown him all this. "Where is she?" he asked.
"Usagi knows your heart now, Mamoru-san, and she will never leave. What comes of this new knowledge, the realization of your emotions, is entirely up to you. I cannot guarantee you anything, for as you know life is only inconstant, but just look at what you have done with this one simple move." Usagi's arm arced to encompass the entire wall, and Mamoru followed her gesture, taking note of the now fragile looking thing he once thought of as a prison. "This," she continued, "is the beginning for you, Mamoru. You have opened the door, you have felt the sunlight when you thought you could not and never would. Take care to follow this to completion, and not stumble back amidst those ancient specters, no matter what happens."
Usagi leaned slowly forward and planted a delicate kiss on Mamoru's forehead. "Take your time, but bring the rest of this corridor to the ground. Open all the rest of the doors available to you."
"I'll try," Mamoru stuttered, watching as his savior pulled away from him.
"You know now what you are capable of," Usagi said. "That should be enough for me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, Mamoru-san."
Before Mamoru could say anything further, the small blonde girl simply melted away, fading into the air. He stared for a few moments at where she had stood, then ran his eyes over the fractured wall, and then the 'door' through which the other Usagi had passed into the corridor. And Mamoru smiled. For the first time, in a very long time, Mamoru simply smiled.
While he might not ever completely understand what had happened here, Mamoru was certain of one thing: the sun was shining, and he could dance in its warmth.
[The End]
Author's Notes: For those of you who have read the available parts of my Eva fanfic series
"From all Corners they Cried", yes, I did borrow an idea from that for this. Just so you know,
in case it seems somewhat familiar. What can I say, I thought the idea worked just as well for
Mamoru-san as Asuka. I did this revised version of the original story for my advanced creative writing class this semester. I hope the changes have only improved it. I can be reached at
either [email protected] or [email protected].
The Translucent Corridor
Version 2.0
by Dave Ziegler
The sun was shining, of that much he was certain. The light sparkled off the still morning wet grass, creating a momentary starscape against a backdrop of green. The sky withheld all its clouds today, much like every other, and let the potent rays bathe the entire hillside. He could tell from the wide smiles of everyone outside that the warmth they were feeling was unparalleled, indescribable.
He wanted to feel that too.
Chiba Mamoru pulled the flat of his palm away from the tunnel wall, allowing himself one further moment to gaze through its crystalline surface before dropping to the rough floor in agitation. It was there, right in front of him, and he was incapable of just reaching out and grabbing hold of it. The walls of the tunnel were too thick, too firmly entrenched in the earth beneath him. Mamoru knew that this had been going on too long for him to break free now.
"Cold in here, isn't it, Mamoru-san?"
"I know," he responded, not even bothering to turn round and face the source of the voice that lilted over his shoulder. Mamoru knew perfectly well who it would be. Usagi came to him every day, peering deeper and deeper into him with those luminescent blue eyes of hers. If he had originally thought that forever being a scant two feet from that glorious sun had been torture, then Mamoru knew better now. It was far worse to have this gentle, petrarchan beauty stand before him day after day and rip into his soul with questions he did not wish to answer.
"Do you plan on doing anything about it?" Mamoru heard her ask.
Do anything about it? He snorted derisively. Didn't Usagi realize that it was far too late for him to simply stand up and break free? Besides, there were certain things, powerful things, that held him firmly to this spot.
"No," he simply stated, and continued to stare out the tunnel at the blazing sun.
Her shoes crunched a few times on the loose pebbles that scattered the floor's surface, and suddenly Mamoru felt Usagi's warm breath slide across his cheek. "So, you actually prefer misery?" she whispered, the words slipping in his ear and falling directly toward his heart.
"NO!" Mamoru spun about and sprang to his feet, looming largely over the small blonde girl before him. "I do not want this, Usagi!" His voice rose in anger and he gestured wildly at the jagged yet clear mass that made up his prison. "This, THIS, is nothing! It's bleak, barren, and cold. How could you possibly think that I would prefer this?"
Usagi smiled slightly at the man, then calmly reached up and brushed some unruly black locks from in front of his flashing eyes. "I assumed, Mamoru-san, that since you seem so determined to do nothing to free yourself, that you preferred being here. Is that not right?"
Mamoru turned quickly away from her inquiring eyes, unwilling to face the innocence and compassion they held, and let the anger seep from his body. "No, Usagi, that's not right at all. I truly do not want to be here, but I can't escape either."
"Why?"
It was a simple question, but one loaded with such power that Mamoru feared it, and could not help but recoil from it. He knew that if he let it, that one word could smash through all the locked doors he continually labored to bury. Silence was the preferable choice here, and silence it would be.
Of course, Mamoru should have realized that refusing to speak would not daunt Usagi in the least. She could be as stubborn as she was lovely, and often matched himself in refusing to concede an inch.
Usagi seized his shoulder and spun Mamoru about, surprising him with the strength she possessed in such a small body. "Why," she began, pinning him with two intense blue eyes, "can you not make any effort to free yourself from this? What could possibly be holding you here?"
"I...." Mamoru tried to speak, but faltered, unable to actually utter the words.
"Tell me. Please."
Usagi's hand slipped from Mamoru's shoulder to his neck, her grip still firm yet surprisingly soft. On that single patch of flesh, where hers touched his, Mamoru felt a sudden burst of heat. It was such a stark contrast to everything else around him that he actually shivered, imagining that the sensation had wrapped around the rest of his body as well. And then her eyes, he could see it in her eyes now too: the warm glow of the sun.
"Why, Mamoru-san?" Usagi urged.
Mamoru broke.
"This is where I deserve to be," he said, voice low and defeated.
"You what?" Mamoru felt Usagi recoil in shock. Her hand slipped from his neck, and she stumbled backward, eyes wide with incomprehension and horror. The last traces of warmth evaporated from his skin, leaving only the cold.
"How could you possibly deserve to be here? It's masochistic."
"But true," Mamoru countered. "I do not belong in the world you reside in, Usagi. I have nothing to offer it." Mamoru watched, momentarily confused, as Usagi's face wavered through several contortions before she finally broke out giggling. He regarded this child of a woman with a questioning gaze, while she clutched at her stomach, heaving with laughter.
"You," Usagi gasped, still trying to catch her breath, "have nothing to offer? What happened to the brilliant and arrogant college student that takes so much pleasure in teasing me about my terrible grades? Of the two of us here, I'd say I am the one who's going to make a lot less difference in the world to come."
"The academics, Usagi, they're not important. You will make a difference because of your heart. It may not span the world, it may not make the news, but your love will make a very large difference in the lives of the people around you. You must be blind if you can't see it in the way you've brought your friends, those four utterly different girls, together."
Usagi paused for a moment, watching Mamoru intently. "And you won't be able to do this as well?"
He shook his head, a condescending half smile playing at his lips. "No, I can't. Not even to the lesser degree that most other people love."
"Nonsense," Usagi snapped, folding her arms and nodding her head firmly. "Everyone can love."
"Not me."
"Why? What makes you different from the rest of us?"
She was attacking him again with those eyes, rooting him to the spot and cajoling the truth from his lips whether he liked it or not. Mamoru slumped to the floor, unable to resist. "My parents, Usagi. They make the difference. When I was young, about six years old, my parents and I were in a car crash. They died and I survived. But only after having sustained enough head trauma that I possess not a single memory before waking up in a hospital bed the next day. The doctors even had to tell me my name.
"Once I was marked as well again, I was shuffled off to an orphanage. They're terrible places, Usagi, full of callous workers with broken dreams and children who would just as soon beat you for your portion of dinner as you would say 'hello.' Well, at least mine was," Mamoru admitted.
"I had two things that sustained me while I was there: my roses and my studies. You see, Usagi, there was a small rose bush out behind the main building of the orphanage. I found it while hiding one day, and eventually learnt to take care of it. I used to lose myself in the deep red blossoms, for they were fresh, beautiful, and alive. I could imagine that the secret bush was left there by some benevolent fairy or magical princess that had seen and taken pity on me.
"Then there was school. It was a place, I quickly realized, that could be my life preserver. So, I dedicated myself to that work, studying and excelling, because it gave me something by which to hold myself up with. If I was able to get the grades, then I could at least say I was better than the rest of them, and know that I would leave one day to succeed where the others would not. And that knowledge did help to keep me afloat.
"When I turned eighteen, I was given full control of the remains of my parents' estate, and left the orphanage to live by myself. I was glad to be free of the place, free of the weight the constant ducking and hiding placed on my soul. By then, though, it was far too late whether I thought I had escaped or not. By then, I had already been finding myself here for years."
Mamoru picked his head up and watched Usagi keenly, searching for a reaction. The girl's eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and her mouth was pressed into a thin line. Betraying some of her emotion, though, were the delicate fingers that seemed to be dancing a constant nervous waltz around one another. Finally, the moments of silence ended as Usagi let her eyes slowly fall open, and the girl produced a quiet sigh.
She took a step forward and knelt in front of him. "Mamoru," she began, "I'm sorry about what happened to you." And she truly was too, he could feel it emanating from her. This wasn't just the usual and entirely automated condolences he had received from the few others who knew about his past. "But," she continued, "you must realize that others have had difficult and often traumatic lives too, and they have managed to continue living like the rest of the world. You mentioned my unlikely friends before. Well, take Mako-chan, for example. Her parents both died in a jet crash over the ocean when she was younger than you were. Makoto was bounced from foster home to foster home, never really finding a place that fit her. But look at her now, Mamoru-san. She's grabbed her life again, finding in each of her friends here a new family. She's let herself love again, why can't you?"
Mamoru thrust a fist into the tunnel's floor, his knuckles skidding across the loose rock and debris. "Don't you understand, Usagi? Makoto can still remember! She didn't lose that part of herself that let's her know what it feels like to be loved and love back! I have nothing, Usagi! I'm cold in all the wrong places, and that scares me half to death! What if I have children one day? I would have nothing to give them, no basis from my childhood on which to start. I would be condemning them to a horrible life before they were even born."
Mamoru threw his hands into the air. "Hell, why am I even bothering to think about children? No woman would bother with someone like me, not once they saw what was inside."
Before he was able to finish though, Usagi had him by the neck again and forced his eyes to hers. Those two blue orbs burned intensely, and Mamoru felt the sudden urge to pull away and hide, but could not move himself to. Usagi's lips were moving closer to his own, then parted. "Liar," they whispered, and Mamoru suddenly found himself falling backward, released from her grip.
"Stand up," she ordered.
"What?" Mamoru managed to ask, still reeling slightly from the intense heat Usagi's proximity had generated.
"Get up." Each word was enunciated in such a commanding tone that Mamoru sprung to his feet despite himself. "Now," she said, grabbing his hand, "follow me."
Usagi pulled Mamoru down the corridor for a good distance, every couple of seconds glancing through the wall to the world outside. Her pace quickened when a dark mass in the usually translucent corridor appeared, casting a slightly oblong shadow upon the floor. She pulled to a quick stop in front of that section of wall, and forced Mamoru face to face with the mass.
It was Motoki. The one man Mamoru had ever considered a friend, and he was encased within the wall, his hands and arms locked in place before him like he was trying to shove his way through.
"You see," Usagi said, "you've already started to let people in. You might not actively realize it, but you are just as capable of loving again as Mako-chan."
Mamoru stepped away from the wall, his head wheeling back and forth. "No, Usagi, you've got it wrong. I trust Motoki, that's the basis of our friendship. I don't love him."
"Really?" Usagi grabbed him and hauled Mamoru another few steps down the corridor. "Then what about this?" Her finger lay against the surface of the wall, pointing a straight line through its depths. About a quarter of the way through the crystalline formation was another body.
"It's just Reika," Mamoru stammered, "Motoki's girlfriend. She's usually with him when he comes to visit, and she might be in a few of my classes. She is more an acquaintance than anything."
"Look, Mamoru-san," Usagi instructed him. "Look at all the other people who are outside the wall, at its surface. Look at them: your fellow college students, some of your professors, I can even see some of my friends out there."
"Yeah," Mamoru scoffed. "They're out there. They've always been out there, mocking my deficiencies and gloating over their beautiful sun."
"No," she firmly countered. "They are waiting for you, Mamoru. They are waiting for their chance to be let in. Motoki and Reika slipped in without you realizing it, but the rest are hoping that you will decide to open the doors, making it easier for them."
"I can't!" Mamoru berated her, spinning away from the scene.
"It's not that you can't," Usagi contended, ducking back in front of him. "It's that you're afraid to." She threw her fist into the wall, causing a slight thud to quietly echo through the tunnel. "You did not just find yourself here, Mamoru, you built the place! And I understand that it helped you to survive early on, but it is time to let go of this childish fear that haunts you. You're not with doctors anymore, you're not in the orphanage, and, as much as it might hurt you to admit this, just because your parents died does not mean that everyone who loves you will. So, tear these walls down, Mamoru-san! I, of all people, know that you have the power to do it."
Mamoru's head was spinning, everything Usagi said cutting deeper and deeper into him. Truths that he thought long ago forgotten or buried swirled through his mind, free and unbound. Then her last words snapped him back to clarity.
"What do you mean, you of all people should know?"
Mamoru thought he saw her faintly blush, but dismissed it and followed her now extended arm to the wall behind them. If seeing Motoki had surprised him, then Mamoru was shocked dumb at the sight that presented itself now. He stumbled quickly to the wall, eyes slack and wide.
Usagi was inside.
And not just inside, Usagi was practically through the tunnel wall. Mamoru thought she couldn't have been more than an inch away from being completely inside. He pressed his palm to the wall's surface and was surprised to find it reverberating with heat. Perhaps, most surprising off all, was the clear path this Usagi seemed to have cut through the crystal. Unlike both Reika and Motoki, she didn't seem as if she had fought her way in and through.
"What's going on?" Mamoru asked, confusion doing a two-step across his consciousness.
"You should know very well, Mamoru-san," Usagi said, stepping up to the wall with him. "You made the path for her, letting her step through unencumbered. But there is still that last little bit that cannot be broken through by your unconscious. To finally start destroying your barriers, you must make an active decision. Only then will you have the power necessary."
"How was this possible?" he stuttered, turning back to the girl who stood next to him.
"What do you feel when you touch the wall? What do you feel when you are near her?"
Mamoru paused for only the barest of moments, then with unequivocal confidence said, "Warmth. I feel warm. God, it's...." His voice lapsed into silence, and Usagi smiled.
"Then know now what it feels like, Mamoru-san. Know that you have the ability, have always had it, and have been letting it work. Don't be afraid, don't deny it, and do not hide. She cannot just come and rescue you from it all, Mamoru, you must first open the door for her."
"Open the door," Mamoru murmured. He pulled his hand away from the wall and looked around the tunnel, for the first time really understanding the nature of the cold he felt, and knew that he could change it. His hand fell back against the wall and he could feel the tendrils of warmth racing through his finger tips and into the rest of his body.
"Open the door," he said again, this time his voice more firm. Mamoru stood before the imprisoned Usagi, cocked his fist, and let it fly....
* * *
"I'm going to be so late!" Tsukino Usagi ran full tilt down the streets of Juuban, one hand desperately clutching her bag and lunch, the other forced ahead of her in attempt to clear a path for her mad dash to school. Of course, as fate would usually have it, there was one person who could never quite make it out of her way in time during these sprints.
Crack!
Usagi fell backward, a great swelling pain forming in her temples. "Ow," she complained, bringing her fingers to bear on the offending part of her head. Then reality clawed its way back into her mind, and Usagi launched herself to her feet, bowing profusely. "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you coming, are you all right?" she hurried.
"No problem, Odango Atama. I'm getting rather used to being run down by you."
Usagi's voice faltered mid-apology, and she glanced up from her bow to see Chiba Mamoru sitting prostrate on the pavement. A small frown formed on her face. Of course, it would be him. Usagi readied herself for another bout of insult hurling, but faltered yet again when she realized that Mamoru's vicious nickname for her hadn't contained the usual smug contempt he always pronounced it with.
"Here, Usagi," Mamoru said, getting up and handing her the bag and lunch she had lost in the collision. Usagi dumbly accepted the proffered items, and watched as he walked past her and said, "Until next time, then, Odango."
She still stood there when he had long since departed, mouth agape and mind not quite making all the connections it should have. Chiba Mamoru had been nice to her. Chiba Mamoru, the always arrogant, self assured, snide, and insufferable college jerk, had not said two cruel words to her! The smallest of smiles pulled at her lips. It felt nice.
Then Usagi glanced at her watch. "Now, I actually am late!" She turned about and pelted down the street, thoughts of a kindly Mamoru tucked away for another time.
* * *
The crystal around Usagi shattered, the pieces falling like so many teardrops to the floor. Mamoru swept forward, catching the rapidly falling girl and gently lowering her down, her head cradled upon his knees.
"Usagi?" he breathed, unsure of what to do next. This was new and exciting, terrifying and heart stopping.
She turned her face towards his and graced Mamoru with a brilliant smile. He wasn't sure, but he thought she had mouthed 'thank you' before turning her head back away and lifting an arm toward the new tunnel that bored through the crystalline wall. At her command, the sunlight surged into the newly carved passageway, cutting fast through the thickness, and finally exploding into the corridor.
Mamoru threw his arm up in a desperate attempt to shield his eyes from the unimaginably radiant light. He could feel it wash over and through him, and push the cold from the tunnel like the slightest layer of dust.
When he finally opened his eyes again, the Usagi who had laid upon his lap was gone, and the normally clear walls of the crystal tunnel were fogged and distorted by thousands of tiny fissures that ran as far as Mamoru could see.
"How do you feel?"
Mamoru spun about and faced the other Usagi, the one that had been with him the entire time. The one who had shown him all this. "Where is she?" he asked.
"Usagi knows your heart now, Mamoru-san, and she will never leave. What comes of this new knowledge, the realization of your emotions, is entirely up to you. I cannot guarantee you anything, for as you know life is only inconstant, but just look at what you have done with this one simple move." Usagi's arm arced to encompass the entire wall, and Mamoru followed her gesture, taking note of the now fragile looking thing he once thought of as a prison. "This," she continued, "is the beginning for you, Mamoru. You have opened the door, you have felt the sunlight when you thought you could not and never would. Take care to follow this to completion, and not stumble back amidst those ancient specters, no matter what happens."
Usagi leaned slowly forward and planted a delicate kiss on Mamoru's forehead. "Take your time, but bring the rest of this corridor to the ground. Open all the rest of the doors available to you."
"I'll try," Mamoru stuttered, watching as his savior pulled away from him.
"You know now what you are capable of," Usagi said. "That should be enough for me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, Mamoru-san."
Before Mamoru could say anything further, the small blonde girl simply melted away, fading into the air. He stared for a few moments at where she had stood, then ran his eyes over the fractured wall, and then the 'door' through which the other Usagi had passed into the corridor. And Mamoru smiled. For the first time, in a very long time, Mamoru simply smiled.
While he might not ever completely understand what had happened here, Mamoru was certain of one thing: the sun was shining, and he could dance in its warmth.
[The End]