Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Studio Gainax animation, not me. Should they, or anyone affiliated with them, request it, I will remove all traces of this story from the web. Thank you. 

It's not for Everyone

By Random1377

Shinji Ikari did not look up from the novel he was reading as the door to his apartment shut with a bang.  "Rough day wrangling office techs?" he murmured as the apartment's other occupant stormed into the kitchen.  Since it was one of his days off, he was dressed casually in a pair of sweats and a plain white tee shirt.

Asuka Langley Souryu shrugged nonchalantly, leaning over the table to snatch a piece of toast off the young man's plate.  "Same old," she muttered, taking a bite of the bread and chewing it thoughtfully, "just a few more stupid people than usual today… that's all…"

"I see," Shinji nodded, turning the page and reaching blindly for his drink.

Asuka grabbed it before he could get to it and drained half of the glass in one gulp.

"Hungry?" the brown-haired boy asked, his brow drawing down slightly as he finally looked up from his book.

"Famished," the redhead admitted, offering him a sunny smile.  "Make me something?"

Shinji rolled his eyes and laid his book down on the table.  "Sure," he sighed, "what do you want?"

"Anything you're willing to make!" Asuka exclaimed happily, "You know I never complain."

"True…" Shinji admitted, "but it'll have to be quick – Yuki is coming over in a bit."

Asuka made a face.  "Yuki?" she grumped, "I thought you broke up with her…?"

"Well, kinda," Shinji mumbled, reaching into one of the lower cabinets to grab a pan.  "Just thought I'd give it another chance… I really like her, Asuka…"

In the five years they had known one another, Asuka had learned one valuable lesson – don't bother trying to change Shinji's mind.  She knew that he would avert his eyes… mumble that she was probably right… and go ahead and do whatever stupid thing it was he was going to do.  It was how he made his statement, she supposed.  She was quick to tell everyone what she thought, and uncompromising in her principals… he was quiet and soft-spoken, and every bit as uncompromising. In the end, they had the same outlook on life – they just had different ways of reaching their destination.

Which is probably why they got along so well after the Impact.

"You know my standpoint," Asuka said levelly, walking over to where the boy stood and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.  "Thanks for the food… I'm gonna go change while it's cooking."

Shinji looked inexplicably awkward, and nodded, avoiding her eyes.

He's got a secret, Asuka thought, turning for the door, Lord, I hope he's not going to propose to that dipstick…

Shaking her head, the former Second Child started for her room, longing to be free of the office attire she was forced to wear for her job.  It was a good position, she knew, and one that not many nineteen year olds held, but it was still a pain to get all fancied up in a dress when she wanted nothing more than a pair of jeans and a tank-top.

In the four years since Third Impact, things had been rocky for her – for all of the remaining Children, actually.  Many painful truths had been learned after that terrible event, not the least of which was how hard it really was to get by in the real world.  Forget the pain of adapting to genetically designed replacement limbs, or the uncertainty of finding yourself in a new city after having yours blasted into the stratosphere by an N^2 mine – try holding down a steady job, or trying to find real romance when everyone knew who you were.

It certainly made for 'interesting times.'

Opening her door, Asuka commented, "Well… at least Yuki's better than that Yurika girl – cute little thing, but dumb as a box of rocks!"

Stepping into her room, she froze.

"Hi, Asuka…"

Sitting on her bed was a woman her age, her hands folded in her lap and a light blush on her freckled face.  She was dressed in a summery blue button-down shirt, complimented by a brown skirt that Asuka guessed would hit her just over the knees, if she was standing.  Her face was caught between a smile and a look of vague fear – as if she had yet to decide if being there was a good idea or not.

"Hikari…" Asuka whispered, stunned, "it's… been a while…"

Hikari Horaki, Asuka's oldest friend after Shinji, still looked practically the same as when they were in junior high.  She still had the same, pretty face, and still wore her brown hair in pigtails – no matter how hard Asuka had tried to dissuade her.

"Sorry," Hikari said nervously, "I made Ikari promise not to say anything… I wanted to surprise you."

"You've succeeded," the redhead said dazedly.  "What's it been… two years?"

"About, yeah…" Hikari admitted, "Look, I'm… sorry about that… it's just-"

"You don't have to apologize," Asuka cut in smoothly, closing her door.  "I was out of line to insult your boyfriend…" she lowered her voice, grinning faintly as she added, "though I still think he's a boob."

Hikari chuckled weakly, assuring the other girl that all was forgiven.

"So…" Asuka murmured, leaning back against her door, "why are you here?"

"Always right to the point," Hikari replied softly, staring at the floor.  For a long moment, she said nothing, then she raised her eyes and whispered, "I broke up with Touji."

"Good," Asuka retorted immediately, "I always said he was bad for you."  She folded her arms over her breasts, "So what finally made you dump him?  Did he finally get canned from that lame coaching job at the high school, or did you just realize that your bra size and his IQ were equal?"

There was a long, awkward pause.  "That's… kinda why I'm here…" Hikari mumbled.

"Come again?"

"Well," the former class rep said carefully.  "I heard from Karumi that you were… into girls now."  She studied the other girl closely.  "Is that true?  It is, isn't it?"

"Yes," Asuka said immediately, wondering what the correlation was.  "I've never tried to hide it – not since I first figured out that I was that way."

"Isn't it… strange?" Hikari asked uncertainly.  "I mean, you used to always talk about how you wanted to be with Kaji, and then after the Impact you and Shinji were so close for a while."

"Yeah, so?"

"So," Hikari insisted, "don't you wonder if it's not the right thing?  Or feel bad for Shinji's feelings?"

"I don't make apologies for who I am," Asuka said coolly, "if you have a problem with how I live, then why did you c-"

"I don't," Hikari said quickly, "that's not it."

"Then why are you here?"

"I broke up with Touji," Hikari replied, "But I don't know why I did it."

"You're not making sense," Asuka pointed out.

"I know," Hikari said, letting a deep sigh loose.  "But I wanted to ask you how you first realized that you…"

Asuka rolled her eyes as the other woman trailed off.  "How did I decide that I was a lesbian?" she offered.  When Hikari flinched, nodding hastily, the redhead pursed her lips.  "Is that all you're here for?"

Hikari averted her eyes, but did not reply.

"Hmm," Asuka nodded thoughtfully, "so – no… I see."

The former class rep kept her eyes down as the redhead slowly began undressing, removing and throwing her long, red dress carefully over the back of a chair.  She closed her eyes after Asuka's bra sailed through her field of vision, landing neatly in a small hamper full of other delicates.

"I don't want to misunderstand," Asuka told her in a low voice, "especially since you seem to be too embarrassed to ask outright, so I'm going to GUESS that you came here to ask how I became the way I am…"  She paused to pull on a yellow tee shirt and a pair of cutoff shorts before concluding, "And to see if I'll show you what it's like – am I right?"

Hikari nodded, finding herself too embarrassed to speak in light of Asuka's blunt, straightforward analysis.

"It's not for everyone," Asuka told her flatly.  "So I'll tell you what it was like for me the first time, and what it's been like for me since then."  She waited for the girl to open her eyes before adding, "I don't know about being with you, Hikari.  I really don't think it would be a good idea, honestly, and I really don't see why you would want to just because you broke up with that stooge you liked."  She tilted her head to the side in a quizzical pose.  "Why DO you want to sleep with me?" she asked bluntly.

"Because I trust you," Hikari whispered.  "We used to be so close… and I need to be with someone I trust and respect when I do this, or I won't be able to do it."

"Are you sure you should do it at all?" Asuka snorted, sitting on the bed next to the girl and stretching her back.  "Your reasoning seems pretty damn shaky to me, Horaki – so let me feed it back to you, just so you can see how silly you sound, k?"  She took a deep breath.  "You broke up with your boyfriend, you're confused, you don't know why you couldn't make it work – so you come to your old friend's house, the one you know lives 'an alternate lifestyle' to see if you're the same."  She met the other girl's gaze.  "Doesn't that sound kinda stupid?"

"Maybe a little," Hikari admitted, "but I'd still like to try… if you're willing."  She took a deep breath.  "As a personal favor… for an old friend… will you be with me tonight?"

Asuka's lips compressed into a thin line.  "You're pushing it, Hikari," she said softly.  "I don't like feeling like I'm being guilted into something, and I think your reasons for even being here are stupid."  She shrugged slightly.  "I'll tell you about my first kiss, though, then you tell me if you think that sounds like a pleasant experience… and we'll go from there.  How's that?"

"Alright," Hikari said hesitantly.

The idea that Asuka might not say yes had not actually crossed her mind.  Since hearing that the redhead was dating women, Hikari had begun questioning their entire relationship.  Had Asuka always been that way?  What if she had been fantasizing about her after seeing her naked in the locker room?  Her mind whirled with possibilities, and until she told Touji that it was over, she took great pains to avoid the redhead.  But since breaking it off with him, all Hikari could think of was finding out if she, herself, was like Asuka.

"I was at a party," Asuka said calmly, "and I'd had a few.  It was about seven months since I had broken it off with Shinji, and I still didn't know why I had done that.  I was living with him still – hell… I always come back to him, Hikari, no matter what happens I find myself back with Shinji one way or another.  Guess it's kinda familiar, ya know?  It's… comfortable.  So far, neither of us has found anything worth leaving home for, I guess."  She leaned back on her bed, throwing one arm behind her head.  "Anyway, there weren't any good-looking guys around, so I was on the verge of just calling it a night and going home, when a girl I worked with came over to me.  She'd had MORE than a few, and was obviously feeling it."

"Go on," Hikari encouraged, leaning closer as Asuka paused.

The redhead looked unblinkingly into her old friend's eyes.  "She kissed me," she said calmly.  "She was blasted off her ass and reeked of beer, and she came up to me and muttered, 'You look so lonely, Souryu… here, hold this.'"  Asuka rolled her eyes.  "I took her beer – mostly because she almost poured it on me when she put it in my hand – and the next thing I knew, she had her arms around my waist and her tongue in my mouth."

"What did you do?" Hikari asked softly.

"I froze," Asuka snorted, "what did you think?  I'd never been kissed by a girl – I didn't know what to do – so I just stood there, staring in shock."  She shrugged, sitting up and hanging her legs off the edge of the bed.  "When she let me go, she just said, 'There – now you don't look so lonely!' took her beer back, and stumbled back to her boyfriend… who looked just as shocked as I felt."

"So did she break up with him?" the other woman asked curiously.

"Ha!" Asuka laughed.  "Yeah right.  No, she married him about a month later."

"But… why did she kiss you?" Hikari murmured, confused.

"You know something?" the redhead muttered, "I have no idea.  I asked her about it at work the next day… pulled her into my office and everything, but she didn't remember any of it – and was really embarrassed by the whole thing.  Kept apologizing and begging me not to fire her."

"So how come you started dating girls?" the brown-haired girl blurted, feeling rather lost.

Asuka chuckled.  "Don't get it, do you?" she asked, shaking her head.  "I got kissed by another woman, Hikari, and I DIDN'T hate it – do you know how I felt?  I didn't understand.  I liked boys – men – and had never given women more than a passing glance."  Her eyes grew far off and hazy.  "But I didn't hate it," she repeated softly, "so I had to find out what that meant.  I started hanging out with the girls from work more… paying more attention to the way they looked and the way they acted."  She stretched again, concluding, "One thing led to another, and one of the girls I hung out with noticed me looking at her one night and approached me.  We started talking… and then we started quietly dating… and then…"

Hikari nodded as the other girl trailed off.

"But that's just the beginning," Asuka said quietly.  "I don't like hiding who I am – I told you that, and you know me well enough to know it anyway – but that doesn't mean people accept it."  She met Hikari's eyes, making sure she was listening.  "I've been turned away at restaurants, insulted by strangers on the street – even spat on… just because I was holding hands with another girl.  It's not something that people forgive – especially in this day and age, with declining birth rates and paranoia everywhere."

"But… you're happy," Hikari murmured.

"I'm happy because I fight for it," Asuka returned calmly.  "Are you willing to do that?"

Hikari drew in a deep breath, looking Asuka square in the eyes as she replied, "How will I know if I don't try?"  She waited tensely, having no idea what the redhead would do after hearing her barely veiled challenge.

"I never liked your hair this way," Asuka said finally, reaching out and slipping her fingers into Hikari's hair.  "You should let it down.  Like this…"

Hikari swallowed, but offered no resistance as the redhead gently pulled the braided rubberbands from her hair, allowing it to cascade over her shoulders.  Asuka spent a moment slowly running her fingers through Hikari's hair, arranging it over her shoulders until she was happy with the way it looked.

"There…" she murmured gently, "now close your eyes…"

Hikari did as she was told, trembling slightly as Asuka's fingers gently massaged her scalp. 

"Most guys," Asuka whispered, her voice sounding all-encompassing to Hikari's ears, "kiss too hard.  That's just my experience, of course, and they weren't always like that.  Shinji was always really gentle… like this…"

Hikari felt her heart thumping loudly in her chest as Asuka's breath mingled with her own.  She tilted her head back slightly, offering her lips to the other girl with an excited, barely audible whimper.

Asuka kissed her.

Soft.  That was the first thought to enter Hikari's mind as Asuka's lips lightly brushed hers.  NOTHING like Touji… he was gentle, but he still – he always put his arms around me, and pushed his lips on mine really tight… I always KNEW I was kissing him.  She shivered.  But this…

It hardly felt like a kiss – or rather, no kiss Hikari had ever felt.  It was more like applying lipliner with a brush, just a warm, gentle caress on her mouth, and those fingers – those gently stroking fingers in her hair.

"Shinji always treated me like a goddess…" Asuka breathed, moving slowly down to press her lips against Hikari's throat, "he always knew how to treat me, but these little girls he likes to date… they don't know what they've got.  He's the real thing… and they always treat him like garbage…"

"Why…" Hikari shivered as Asuka's tongue tapped lightly against her neck.  "Why… didn't you stay with him… mmm…?" she sighed, feeling Asuka's hands gently easing her head back, exposing more of her throat to the redhead's exploring lips  "You said you broke up with him before… that girl…"

Asuka kissed her way slowly up to Hikari's earlobe, gently grazing it with her teeth.  "It never felt right, Hikari," she whispered, pausing to breath into the other girl's ear, "he touched me… kissed me… made love to me… worshiped me – and he did everything that a man should do to please a woman… but being with him never felt right."

"Why… not…?" Hikari gasped, trembling as Asuka's cheek brushed hers… slowly sliding against her until the redhead's lips were an inch from her own.

"It never felt right," Asuka whispered, giving Hikari another soft kiss, "because I couldn't let go… I couldn't give myself to him – not once in all the time we went out."

The brown-haired girl nodded.  "That… makes sense," she breathed, leaning forward slightly to try and earn another kiss.

Asuka, however, pulled back.  "Hold still," she murmured, kissing Hikari's chin.

Slowly, the redhead began laying a trail of kisses down the former class representative's throat, resting her hands on the back of Hikari's head as she reached the top of her shirt.

"Asuka," Hikari moaned, shivering as she felt the girl's lips and tongue slowly undoing her top button, "that's… so sexy…"

Asuka looked up, smiling faintly.  "Guys use their hands too much," she whispered leaning up to kiss Hikari's chin before moving back down, "and they use them in the wrong places, at the wrong times…"

Hikari hissed in pleasure as she felt another button slip free, and felt Asuka's fingertips running lightly over the back of her neck.  "I like that…" she breathed, tentatively raising her hands and putting them on the other girl's shoulders.

Asuka smiled to herself, unfastening a third, then a fourth button.

Hikari let out an involuntary squeak as Asuka blew a gentle, warm breath through the now-open front of her shirt.  Her own breathing deepened considerably as she felt the redhead lean further down, gently nuzzling her exposed stomach… and inching her shirt further open in the process.  After several moments, she found that her shirt was entirely open in the front – and was even un-tucked – though Asuka's fingers were still stroking her neck.

She was on the verge of voicing her approval of the other girl's skills when she felt Asuka's lips press briefly against her navel.

"A-Asuka!" she gasped, her hands tightening slightly on the redhead's shoulders before relaxing once more.

"Shh…" Asuka whispered, her warm breath tickling Hikari's midsection, "I'll stop if you want…"

"N-no…" Hikari stammered, looking down into her friend's dazzling blue eyes, "I want to keep going… all the way, Asuka – I want to know what it's like…"

Asuka nodded, then rose to a sitting position, embracing Hikari and stroking her back with her palms.  "If you change your mind," she whispered softly, "or get scared, or whatever – just tell me, ok?  I won't be mad… I won't make you leave… and I won't stop being your friend… ok?"

Simple words.  So simple, but so comforting… and such a vivid reminder that Hikari was the one asking for this.  It gave the former class representative a feeling of control, which she liked, but it reminded her that no one was forcing her into this – which, in a way, she did not like.  It would be easier, come the morning, to say, 'Oh, I was vulnerable and weak – she seduced me!'

Hikari nodded, swallowing as Asuka climbed off the bed and walked over to the door, leaning out.  "Hey Shinji?" she heard the redhead say, "I'm just gonna hang out with Hikari and talk for a while, ok?  Think Yuki'll be hungry?"

"I didn't start cooking yet," Shinji's voice replied, sounding guilty, "I was waiting to see if Hikari wanted anything…"

"Thanks, Shinji," Asuka said warmly, "but we're ok…"

"Ok… sorry about that…"

Hikari blushed as Asuka assured Shinji once more that all was well, and closed the door… quietly engaging the lock.  "Will he… think we're doing what, ummm… we're doing?" she asked awkwardly.

Asuka sat back down on the bed, bracing herself on her palms and leaning back to look up at the ceiling.  "I don't think so," she murmured thoughtfully.  "I mean – he knows that I like girls… he'd have to be pretty stupid not to have figured that out after seeing me make out with them, but I can't see him thinking of you like that."

Hikari averted her eyes.  "No," she whispered, "of course not…"

Asuka turned to face the other girl, frowning slightly.

"W-what is it?" Hikari murmured, blushing as her friend knelt on the bed and folded her arms, studying her.

"Close your eyes again…"

Hikari did as she was told, and quietly… they began

**

Hikari came to consciousness slowly, aware of light streaming through the window, the smell of cooking sausage, and the lack of warmth at her side.  Blearily, she sat up, groaning softly as her muscles protested the action, and looked around the room.  It was exactly the same as it was the night before, she decided.  Nothing was surrounded with glowing light, nothing seemed in sharper focus, nothing was angelically beautiful and serene.

It was just a bedroom, and she was just Hikari.

"Asuka?" she murmured, swinging her feet over the edge of the bed and rising unsteadily to a standing position.  She wrapped the sheet around herself, casting about for her clothes, but finding them absent.  She was just about to head to the door and peek out, when it opened and Asuka stepped in, closing it behind herself.

"You're up," the redhead remarked calmly, reaching up to clip an earring to her left earlobe, "Good, I was afraid I'd have to wake you before I went to work."

Hikari looked the other girl over.  She was wearing a tan dress with a black turtleneck under it, a pair of tan high-heels, and black stockings.  A white cross hung from a leather strap around her neck, resting between her breasts like a comfortably reclining sunbather.

"Ummm, yeah," she replied finally, shaking herself and looking up into Asuka's placid blue eyes.  "I can't find my clothes," she blurted lamely.

"They're in the dryer," Asuka answered crisply, walking past Hikari to her dressing table and grabbing a set of keys.  "Probably won't be done for a while," she told the other girl, starting for the door, "so you can wear some of my stuff – we're about the same size, but you'll have to skip the bra.  I'll send your stuff over later, I think I've still got your addre-"

"Asuka," Hikari cut in, confused.  "Why are you doing this?"

Asuka paused.  "Doing what?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

Hikari wet her lips uncertainly.  "Being so cold," she said quietly, "I mean… after last night, and everything, you're just… I don't understand…"

"What were you expecting?" Asuka returned softly.

"I… don't know," Hikari admitted.  "But I thought…"

When she trailed off, Asuka turned back to face her fully.  "A little cuddling?" she asked bluntly.  "A kiss to see you off and a promise that we'll stay in touch this time, hmm?"

"Why are you being mean?" Hikari asked awkwardly.

"Tell me what you thought would happen," Asuka pressed quietly, meeting the other girl's confused stare.  "You said you wanted to know what it was like to be with a woman," she pointed out, "and I showed you."  She lowered her voice.  "Were you expecting that I would tell you I loved you too?" she asked, "Maybe offer to move in with you and be your lover?"

"I don't know," Hikari replied miserably.  "But I didn't think… I mean… I thought you would be nice to me…"

Asuka's expression softened, and she fetched a deep, sad sigh.  "Hikari," she said quietly, "I'm not trying to be mean, but you have to understand, I'm not in a position to be your lover, or to help you find out who you are."  She averted her eyes.  "I showed you what it's like," she whispered, "but it was only because we're friends, and I wanted to help."  She pursed her lips, looking back up into Hikari's eyes.  "But that doesn't mean we're more than that."

"So you took pity on me?" Hikari asked, her lip trembling, "Is that what it comes down to?  You felt sorry for me?"

"Oh don't play the victim," Asuka murmured.  "You came here and begged me to sleep with you – so you could see if there was something 'wrong' with you, am I right?"  When Hikari blushed and looked away, Asuka nodded.  "So who's being unreasonable here?"

"I…" Hikari swallowed, forcing some strength into her voice.  "You're right," she admitted, "I DID want to see if there was something different about me.  I wanted to see if I was the reason it never worked out with Touji, or any of the other boys I tried to go out with – is that so wrong?  To want to find yourself?"

"Not at all," Asuka said firmly, "But don't try and make it more than it is, Hikari."  She lowered her voice, "And for God's sake, don't scream, 'I love you,' just because you think it's what people want to hear – that's the fastest, surest way to get used and manipulated."

Hikari turned a brilliant shade of crimson.

"I guess it's partially my fault," Asuka said levelly.  "I should have kept asking until you knew for sure what you wanted."  She averted her eyes, lowering her voice as she concluded, "I should have kept asking until you realized that you didn't know WHAT you wanted…"

"Asuka," Hikari whispered, "I don't… regret what we did…"

Asuka frowned, but said nothing.

After a moment of quiet, Hikari cleared her throat.  "Well," she murmured, pulling the sheet a little tighter around her body, "no matter what you think about me not knowing what I want… thank you for showing me what it's like."  She offered the redhead a timid smile, blushing as she added, "For what it's worth… I really enjoyed, ummm, being with you."

Asuka nodded briefly.  "I'm glad you liked it," she said honestly, straightening her shirt and turning for the door again.  "Take care of yourself, Horaki."

"You too."

Hikari felt that she should say something more before the other woman left, but could not find the words.  Silently, she dressed herself in a pair of Asuka's panties, jeans, and one of her sweatshirts.  What next, she wondered – that was what she needed to decide.  The previous night was certainly not something she would ever forget, even if she wanted too, but was being with Asuka better… or was it just different?  Casting her eyes around the redhead's immaculate room, she sighed.  There were no answers for her there.  Best to be on her way, back to some place she could think straight, figure things out.

Opening the door, she was greeted by the strong smell of cooking sausage and eggs.  Following her nose, she found herself in the apartment's large kitchen, watching Shinji as he cooked.

Looks like you weren't alone last night, either, she thought, noting a dark spot on the young man's neck.  I'll bet you know what you want, though.

Shinji looked up from the skillet on the stove and offered Hikari a smile.  "Want something to eat?" he offered quietly.

"No thanks," Hikari replied, "I'm just gonna get going.  See you, Ikari."

As she stepped past him, Shinji whispered, "Did she let you look at her?"

Hikari froze.  "What?"

The brown-haired boy continued to look down at the skillet, but his cheeks were deeply red as he murmured, "I'm sorry for asking such a personal question… but I'd really like to know…"

Hikari considered this for a moment.  She did not have to ask how the young man knew what happened the previous night – her throat was still a touch sore from the shouting – but she was reluctant to reveal details of her encounter.  She never considered herself a 'kiss and tell' kind of girl.  Ultimately, however, her curiosity won out.  Shinji must know a great deal about the redhead, considering that he had been her lover at one time, and that he was living with her.

"No, Shinji," she replied slowly, impulsively adding, "did she let you?"

Shinji glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, assessing her for a moment before shrugging.  "Yeah," he answered, stirring the sausages, "but not the first time."

Hikari folded her arms and leaned against the kitchen wall.  "What does that mean, Shinji?" she asked plainly, "You know what we did… you know she didn't let me see her… does that mean she's done with me?  Or that I'm not good enough for her?"

The idea that she might not be good enough felt closest to the truth, but at the same time it was confusing as hell.  Why should she care?  She was not even sure that she would want to live her life for another woman.  Certainly she had enjoyed the sexual contact and closeness Asuka showed her, but was she ready to say, conclusively, that she wanted that lifestyle?

Sex and love, she knew, were two separate things.

"Don't be upset with her," Shinji replied hesitantly, "ok?  Asuka doesn't let anyone close to her, Hikari… it doesn't mean that she doesn't care, it's just that she doesn't know how."  He sighed, turning the burner on the stove off and leaning against the oven door, folding his arms to mirror Hikari's pose.  "Asuka lives visually," he explained carefully, trying his best to convey his thoughts concisely.  "Things she can see are almost more important than things she can touch, does that make sense?  Anyone can touch you in the dark… but true lovers do it with the lights on – that way they can feel that what they're doing is with the person they're with and not some anonymous stranger."  He scrubbed a hand through his hair.  "God, I don't think I'm explaining this very well…" he muttered.  "But if she can see you, and you can't see her, I think it lets her be more uninhibited, you know?  If no one could see, then it would just be anonymous, but since she has that little bit of extra control, it makes her somehow feel more connected, does that make sense? The first time, I thought maybe it was something to do with her new arm and eye, but that's not-"

"Who's that?"

Hikari looked over Shinji's shoulder as a girl fully a head shorter than her stepped into the kitchen, wearing one of Shinji's white shirts… and nothing else.  She stared as the girl walked straight up to the boy and took a kiss from him, pulling his lips to hers possessively and watching Hikari from the corner of her eyes.

"Ummm, this is Hikari," Shinji said awkwardly as the girl practically wrapped herself around his side.  "Hikari, this is Yuki… she's my girlfriend."

Hikari nodded, noting that Yuki's hair was a subtle red, and that her eyes were just a shade lighter blue than Shinji's.  Inclining her head slightly to the girl, Hikari spoke the first words that she thought, instantly regretting it.

"On or off, Shinji?"

Shinji looked as if he had been punched.

"I'm sorry," Hikari said quickly, flushing as she turned for the door.  "See ya."

"Hikari?"

Looking back over her shoulder, the former class rep frowned.  "Yeah?"

Shinji's arm was wrapped around Yuki's shoulder, but his eyes were cast downward, his entire body posture hinting at shame and apology.

"Off."

Hikari blushed.  "Yeah," she whispered.  "Bye, Shinji."

"What was that about?" she heard Yuki asking as she opened the door and stepped out.

"Just an old friend," was Shinji's murmured reply, "reminding me of something…"

The rest of the conversation was lost as Hikari slowly, quietly, closed the door.

The End

Author's Notes: yeah, you know – there's nothing I really feel I need to note here.  I think the text explained everyone's motivations pretty well, and in case it wasn't clear at the end: No, Hikari had not reached any definite conclusions regarding her sexuality.  There are two versions of this story – one containing Asuka and Hikari's night together, and the other… well… not.  :P  This is my first attempt to have two versions of the same story, so I'm not sure how it came out.  I think, maybe, that I integrated the conversation a little too tightly with the sex, so I don't know if motivations came across as well in the R version as the NC-17 version. 

But I guess that's for you to judge.

I'd like to take a minute to thank my pre-readers on this one – doubly so, since they get credit for both versions.  Big thanks to Ryoma and Zoro50.  You guys rule… even if I did bill this as a simple girl/girl sex/fluff piece at first. ^_~

Feedback is always welcome at [email protected]