Papa, I Know How to Make Babies!

Alexander honestly missed the days when Mommy was so much more active. To him, it seemed like a thousand years had passed. Before her tummy had grown so huge, Mommy used to play with him all the time. She would twirl and dance with him around the living room, and they would chuck water balloons at each other when it was warm outside.

Mommy reminded him of a mother hen now… If he didn't know any better, he would have thought she was carrying a dozen eggs inside her. Soon they would come out of her and hatch into chicks.

But Mommy wasn't a chicken, was she?

No… Papa told him that Mommy was carrying his little sibling. And in just a few more months, he would be a big brother, with a little brother or sister to take care of.

He didn't know how to feel about that yet.

What was he supposed to do as a big brother? Was he supposed to feed the baby himself? He had seen Papa cook. It didn't look easy.

Was he going to buy clothes for this new baby too? He wasn't sure if he could, because he didn't have Mommy's or Papa's magic cards — the very ones you slide over slots and it would chime and blink 'green'. Where was he supposed to get those cards?

Just thinking about all of it confused him more, and made him unsure. Was he ready to be a big brother yet? Maybe his parents should have asked him first before Mommy decided to put his sibling inside her tummy. How did it even get in there?

As this new train of thought ran through his mind, Alexander ran to the bookshelf (his bookshelf) in the living room, hoping he could find a book that would tell him how brothers and sisters grew inside his mother. He had this really awesome theory he wanted to tell Papa that maybe Mommy lays eggs like a chicken, only she lays the eggs inside her. And instead of chicks hatching, humans come out of the eggs.

That was a discovery!

He should definitely tell Papa. He would be really happy to know how the baby grows and develops inside Mommy. And when he grew up, maybe he could even write a book (like Papa does) about how babies formed inside their mothers.

Abandoning the book about the Mother Hen and her baby chicks, Alexander scratched his head and plopped back down on the rug, thinking maybe he could draw pictures so Papa would have an easier time understanding his genius theory. He could use red and white crayons… or blue ones because everyone knows white crayons don't work on white pages. And—

"Papa!"

Startled, Lelouch hastily placed the tray of food on top of one of the accent tables in the hallway. He had to prepare himself. Because when Alexander was hurtling towards him like that—

"Oof!" The man grunted and righted himself immediately, nearly knocked off balance from the sheer force of his son barreling straight into his legs.

"Papa, papa!" Alexander blubbered excitedly, tugging on his father's trousers, ignoring the steaming plates of food on the silver tray.

"Hm? What is it?"

"I know how to make babies!"

Alexander cheered, and Lelouch paled…

Because what the hell?

Inwardly panicking, the father ran through a list of reading materials he'd cataloged inside the house, trying desperately to remember if there were any, ahem… Adult reading materials lost in the mix. He honestly couldn't come up with anything. As far as he knew, the only books in Alexander's room were picture books about his favorite animals, and…

Did any of those books mention how animals reproduced? His son could have gotten ideas from that.

Oh god, he should have checked every page. God forbid Alexander knew about reproduction at the early age of three.

Was he supposed to do the dreaded 'talk' then? Wasn't it too damn early? He was going to be prepared for this when his children would hit their teenaged years — not when they were three! Why did Alexander have to be so curious and perceptive?

Snapping himself back into reality, Lelouch inhaled deeply and looked at his son eagerly bouncing on the balls of his feet — just bursting to tell his father about his latest discoveries. If Lelouch wasn't so mortified, he would have found his son's genuine innocence wonderful.

"Alexander…" Bending to be at his son's height, Lelouch prepared himself to tell the boy to wait for him to come back from bringing C.C. food so they could talk.

Speaking of C.C., he knew she would just get a kick out of this. The witch that she was… She would leave him to fend for himself, and let him suffer through all the embarrassment of having to explain the process of reproduction to a boy who could barely write his own name on paper.

"Bring food for Mommy?" Alexander grinned. "Let bring Mommy food!" He continued to cheer, before zipping down the hallway into one of the sitting rooms, yelling loudly about how he was going to tell his parents that he knew how to make babies.

Stunned into silence, Lelouch hastily collected himself, gathered up the tray and rushed to where C.C. was waiting for her afternoon snack. He found his son and his wife already there, C.C. struggling to contain Alexander's overflowing energy with words. Still, she was so patient and let her son blabber on about what he had been doing before coming in here.

"— So I wanna tell you I found something!"

"What did you find, my Love?" C.C. flashed a tender smile at her son, who had climbed up on one of the poufs, rocking back and forth. She caught Lelouch setting aside the silver tray on the nearest end table, and she reached for him as well while her other hand was busy stroking the prominent swell of her womb.

"Alexander—" Lelouch started to say, claiming the seat beside C.C., if only to brace himself for the words that would inevitably tumble out of his son's mouth.

"I know how to make babies!" In triumph, Alexander jumped up on his seat with his arms outstretched in celebration — completely oblivious to the varying looks his parents exchanged.

As Lelouch guessed, this piece of information amused C.C., and she was smiling at him in that particular way again. It always confused Lelouch, because he couldn't quite tell if she was laughing at him or she knew something that he didn't. In this case, neither was good. He needed her support, damn it! If he was going to be forced to hold an impromptu and heavily censored sex-ed, then his wife better help him.

Speaking of which, why was C.C. being so calm? Or rather, how was C.C. being so calm?

"Do you now?" C.C. patted the empty spot next to her, encouraging Alexander to come sit beside her and snuggle. And because Alexander was Mommy's boy, he obeyed, even gently patting her baby bump. "Will you tell me and Papa what you know?"

Alexander nodded enthusiastically. Lelouch braced himself for a slew of facts that involved ovaries and sperm cells and zygotes. But the anxiety immediately fell flat when his son started talking about chickens and how they would lay eggs. In characteristic three year-old fashion, Alexander went on to explain that C.C. produced hard white eggs inside her body — simply willing them to exist. Except instead of hatching the eggs outside, she hatched hers inside, hence 'Mommy's big tummy.'

"— Now we wait for baby to jump out. Because eggs hatched already. Oh! And they're not chickens. Humans are inside the eggs." Alexander finished with a proud and self-satisfied grin.

The boy genuinely believed these things and was proud of himself for apparently discovering a largely unknown fact. The critical side of Lelouch resisted spitting out the bald truth about how baby-making was figured out thousands of years ago, and that humans didn't lay eggs inside their bodies. But whatever right? For the most part, Lelouch heaved a sigh of relief — a reaction C.C. noticed and smirked at.

He ignored her, for now. Because thank the gods! All that mattered was that Alexander was not exposed to indecent and inappropriate material. Also, for the time being, Lelouch didn't have to worry about 'the talk'. Not for a decade yet, anyway.

In true C.C. fashion, she applauded her son for coming up with a theory.

"What's a thee-wee?" Alexander blinked up at Lelouch and C.C.

"It is an idea, my Love. An idea that explains things that happen." She replied eloquently, stroking her son's soft ebony locks.

"Oh. Do you think I'm right?"

"You'll find out when you're older." Lelouch smiled. "When that happens, you can tell us again."

This answer seemed to satisfy his son's curiosity, and Alexander nodded with renewed vigor. He adamantly promised he would find out if his ideas were right, and if they were, he'd tell his parents in the future for sure. That way, all three of them would know how the baby came to life inside Mommy. His parents were counting on him to find the answer, and he would.

One day…

Contented with enough discovery and theorizing for one afternoon, Alexander promptly left the room again — probably in search of toys or books. Whatever his son wanted, Lelouch was just relieved that it hadn't gone as bad as he had been bracing for. The childish shrieks and calls slowly faded out into nothing, and Lelouch was rudely brought out of his rumination by an amused snort to his right.

"He scared you, didn't he?" C.C. smirked mischievously, munching on her grilled cheese sandwich with a side of milky mac-and-cheese with grilled chicken on top.

"Concerned, not worried." He immediately rectified.

"Sure." C.C. crooned, sipping on her warm lemon-scented milk tea.

"Did you not care at all?"

"Pornographic materials and media don't exist in this house. Knowing you and your compulsions." She ignored his bristling and merely patted the top of his head. "The only way he would have gotten that right was if he somehow walked in on us two months ago."

"C.C.!"

"And he got it all wrong, so don't worry."

Lelouch refused to answer, still too busy stewing in the warmth igniting his entire face.